[5.6月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 lsr91的 第4次作业]

lsr91UID: 2540702

第四次作业： It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.
(说明：这次作文体面是题库185的第20题， 请大家先在群共享里面下载《Toefl Independent Writing》 这个软件，然后选择第20题，在规定时间30分钟内完成。 下次会公布相应范文！）
请于下周三（4月29日）晚22：00前提交作文链接~~



My answer:
With the world's financial developing, cities and villages more and more combined. There is no obvious difference between them. On the contrary, the contact between them is being built faster and faster. The education of villages would not be lower than cities'. But the luxury of cities would make people distracted. So if I was a parent, I'd rather study in countryside than in cities.



Countrysides' quite make people easy to study. I don't think people can concentrate on study when he/she in a noise atmosphere. Comparatively speaking(这个短语可能不地道), countrysides is quiter than cities. Without the din of cities, people could do their best on study, they could absorb knowledge when they totally dip in study. Even though countrysides' chances of communication could less than cities', but I believe with Internet, everything can changed.

C
ountrysides' relatively difficult material conditions make people easy to adapt social difficult conditions. In general, the condition of countrysides would not better than cities'. So that is a great circumstance to let people do everything on their own. It can experience their purpose of lives, at the same time, it can experience their ability of lives. Most famous people can not forget their experienced childhoods cause they bring them many things and keep them remember how hard the success got.



Countrysides' clean air make people easy to relax themselves and develop thinking. Although countrysides are developing faster and faster, with groups of trees and less vehicle, when surrounded by the clean air, people can completely relax themselves in countrysides. Maybe they can open their ideas with clean air when they meet a stagnancy of thinking, a difficult trouble and so on. In addition, most of scientists and famous people grew up in countrysides. I don't deny it would be a rule of famous people.



The life of countryside can give people more than what they get from books, the experience of countryside can gift people what they cannot get from other place, the memory of countryside can power strong spirit on people.


谢谢批改的同学！

zhuyongchaochaoUID: 2616114

My answer:
- i3 |+ r3 a, }With the world's financial developing, cities and villages more and more combined. There is no obvious difference between them. On the contrary, the contact between them is being built faster and faster. The education of villages would not be lower than cities'. But the luxury of cities would make people distracted. So if I was a parent, I'd rather study in countryside than in cities. 7 g% }' K* Z; d) ]9 `

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; m' a, l4 x6 T+ cCountrysides' quite (atmosphere，没得主语) makes people easily to study. I don't think( believe,相信） people can concentrate on study ing when he/she is in a noise( noisy) atmosphere. Comparatively speaking(这个短语可能不地道), countrysides is quiter than cities. Without the din of cities, people could do their best on study, they could absorb knowledge when they totally dip in study. Even though countrysides' chances of communication could less than cities', but I believe with the help of Internet, everything can changed. + ?$ K# Y4 y4 c- ^
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观点宣明，例子具体，句式变换丰富。
语法错误太多，一个句子的主语谓语宾语一定要搞清楚。小词错误多，做完后一定抽时间检查！
ountrysides' relatively difficult material conditions make people easy to adapt social difficult conditions. （The poor material in countryside maks people treasure life and easily adapt to social difficult conditons 论点很好 )  In general, the condition of countrysides would not be better than cities'. So that is a great circumstance to let people do everything on their own. It can experience their purpose of lives, at the same time, it can experience their ability of lives. （ 主语不应该是形式主语it，改为The children) ,Most famous people can( never,语气更强） not forget their experienced childhoods cause they（ it ,逻辑主语是前面的child） bring them many things and keep them remember how hard the success got. / \& k6 U: z, W3 ~+ ^' s9 r （Many famous people have a wonderful childrenhood and experienced the things that will mark in their heart. The precious experience also will remind them what the success will cost. 最好后面举几个例子，有哪些名人，更有说服力

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Countrysides' clean air make people easy to relax themselves and （better to form their own thoughts. 发展develop思想不准确） develop thinking. Although countrysides are developing faster and faster, with groups of trees and less vehicle, when surrounded by the clean（fresh) air, people can completely relax themselves in countrysides. Maybe they can open their ideas with clean air when they meet a stagnancy of thinking, a difficult trouble and so on.  (Some creative ideas will strike them then meet a stagnancy thinkingor a tough trouble and so on.) In addition, most of scientists and famous people grew up in countrysides. I don't deny it would be a rule of famous people. / _! c. R4 J7 E! s: U1 w
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The life of countryside can give people more than what they can get from books, the experience of countryside can gift people what they cannot get from other place, the memory of countryside can power strong spirit on people.

文章的论点清晰，不错。词汇量大，短语运用丰富。
年级小小能做到这样子，不错了。
最好文末添加总结。
缺点是语法不扎实，有些表述累赘。
相信继续多写多练，会有很大提升空间的。


PS：小弟弟的小诗一首写得真好,嚯嚯

rong0816UID: 2612194

With the world's financial developing, cities and villages more and more combined. There is no obvious difference between them. On the contrary, the contact between them is being built faster and faster. The education of villages would not be lower than cities'. But the luxury of cities would make people distracted. So if I was a parent, I'd rather study in countryside than in cities.（这句在说什么呢？parents应该对raise children，children对study。还是我没有理解？？）

Countrysides'（countryside’s它不可数） quite（quiet） makes people easy to study. I don't think people can concentrate on study when he/she is(从句的谓语) in a noise(noisy) atmosphere. Comparatively speaking(这个短语可能不地道)(想说“相对而言”吧，这是对的，还可以用relatively speaking), countrysides(countryside) is quiter(quieter) than cities. Without the din of cities, people could do their best on study, they could absorb knowledge when they totally dip(不能用dip，dip指真正意义的浸，抽象意义的可以用immerse) in study. Even though countryside’s chances of communication could less than cities', (这句看的怪怪的，这样试试：even though there are less chances to communicate with others in the countryside,) but(去掉，前头用了even though/although,后面就不要再讲but了) I believe with Internet, everything can changed(change).

Countrysides'（countryside’s） relatively difficult material conditions make people easy to adapt social difficult conditions. In general, the conditions of countryside would not better than cities'. So that is a great circumstance to let people do everything on(by) their own. It can experience their purpose of lives, at the same time, it can experience their ability of lives. Most famous people can not forget their experienced childhoods because they bring them many things and keep them remember how hard the success got.

Countrysides'（countryside’s） clean air make people easy to relax themselves and develop thinking. Although countrysides are(countryside is) developing faster and faster, with groups of trees and less vehicle, when surrounded by the clean air, people can completely relax themselves in countryside. Maybe they can open their ideas with clean air when they meet a stagnancy of thinking, a difficult trouble and so on. In addition, most of scientists and famous people grew up in countryside. I don't deny it would be a rule of famous people.

The life of countryside can give people more than what they get from books, the experience of countryside can gift people what they cannot get from other place, the memory of countryside can power strong spirit on people.(再加一句总说会更好)

同意smile的看法。