5.6月份 作文散户 互改作文cracking ibt essay! 小组lingyao1第四次作业

lingyao1UID: 2467525

It is better forchildren to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agreeor disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.* ?$ ]% `0 Q0 ?, L9 f8 y


In this era of rapid social change leadingto increasing life complexity. Both positive and negative effort among personin whether it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in abig city.


Does it is worse for boys and girls to growup in a big city than in the countryside? There are main two groups holdingopposite ideas. The one group always believes that the big city could offer to childrenhigher quality educational studying environment than studying in countryside.Because that the larger city living a huge and intensive people, which needmore and more quantity of school to satisfy all of children’s education. But, becauseof fewer quantity of people, in the countryside, was limited for have chance tobuild higher quality school.

  

Furthermore, the big city could also offerto children diversity medical environment. In contemporary society, childrenare easy to get different sick, just like stomach cancer, sick of heart and soon. Therefore, only in the big city's hospital can have ability for curingthese sick.


However, different people have differentopinions. The other group states an opposite opinion that children living inthe countryside better than in the big city. Firstly, with the global greenhouse effect, there have the worst natural condition in the big city. Forinstance, the huge carbon gases were release from every car, and more treeswere cut by citizen. At any rate, to living in the countryside, children will breathethe fresh air, enjoying the beautiful sight, forgetting the studying stress andetc. All of these things can not be obtained in the big city.

In conclusion, without the well educationthat we could lose the best opportunity of working, without the well medicalcuring that our life could be shorter. Thus, in my opinion, the big city is thebest place for children to living.

melody106UID: 2559573

In this era of rapid social change leading to increasing life complexity.（这句结构不完整，没有主语，可以把of去掉） Both positive and negative effort（s） among person in whether it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city.（hard to understand）
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Does it is （does助动词和is系动词怎么同时出现啦，改为 Is it）worse for boys and girls to grow up in a big city than in the countryside? There are main two （main换two后面）groups holding opposite ideas（这句逻辑有点问题，正反观点必定由两方持有，前面用main不合适，可改为:People hold opposite ideas toward this problem.）. The one group always believes that the big city could offer to(to去掉) children higher quality educational studying environment（educational和studying 重复，用education/study environment） than studying in countryside. Because that the larger city living a huge and intensive people(这句句子成分不对，city是地点应做介词的宾语，怎么放到主语位置上了，可用there be句型修改), which need more and more（用一个more就可以了，more and more表示一种趋势） quantity of school to satisfy all of children’s education. But, because of fewer quantity of people, in the countryside, was limited for have chance to build higher quality school.

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Furthermore, the big city could also offer to children diversity （医疗环境不能用多样来形容，可用advanced, better）medical environment. In contemporary society, children are easy to get different sick(s), just like(such as) stomach cancer, sick of heart and so on. Therefore, only in the big city's hospital can have ability for curing these sick.

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However, different people have different opinions (段首把该段的中心明确表示出来，这句写的有点含糊). The other group states an opposite opinion that children living in the countryside better than in the big city. Firstly, with the global greenhouse effect, there have the worst （worse，因只有两者比较，不能用最高级）natural condition in the big city. For instance, the huge carbon gases （gas单数）were release from every car, and more trees were cut by citizen. At any rate（On the contrary）, to living in the countryside, children will breathe the fresh air, enjoying the beautiful sight, forgetting the studying stress and etc. All of these things can not be obtained（改为happen，obtain表示通过努力而获得） in the big city.  （本段本来用了firstly,但没有对应的其他观点，结构没有照顾到）
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In conclusion, without the well education that we could lose the best opportunity of working（work）, without the well medical curing that our life could be shorter. Thus, in my opinion, the big city is the best place for children to living.（前面两段分析了住农村和城市的优势，但并没有比较到底住哪里更好些，所以最后的观点有点突兀）
建议多读、背范文，从基本的句型开始掌握，再慢慢学习整篇文章的结构。

lingyao1UID: 2467525

2# melody106

鞠躬～  谢谢指导，的确我写的太模糊仓促，论点不好语言单一，（写的太着急了 :P）

无比感谢，马上开始总结修改！！！