【INTO THE FIRE】 Issue7 by snail8843

snail8843UID: 2516929

Issue7
The video camera provides such anaccurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has becomea more important form of documentation than written records.

Video camerasauthentically havesome advantages written records lack. Video cameras have positively changed ourlife in some aspects. Some movies recorded by a video camera enrich our life.For example, the movie Titanic thatmaybe the most popular movie presents us an impressive love story. In someaspects, such as spatial events and experiences, video records are usually moreaccurate and wonderful than written records. We can not enjoy Olympic Games,World Cup, Formula one or U.S. Open without video cameras. In one word, videocameras provide us a splendid world and make our life more colorful thanbefore.

Although a video camera has its merit, it has some flaws. Firstly, thereare some cases that a video camera can not record appropriately. Informationsuch as statistical or quantitative information is difficult to recordusing a video camera. Secondly, thevideo may seem to be more convincing than written documents; however, thetechnique of digital management has confused us. For example, it is possiblethat Tampering the video by computer technology. So, sometimes the videorecorded by a video camera is unconvincing and misleads us. Finally, a videocamera is much expensive than written papers for lots of people, video camerasare not used as frequently as written records.

There are some importantadvantages of written records that video camera have not in some aspects. Firstly，writtenrecords can provide insight into the mind. For example, literary works can better documentthe mind and thought of a person. Also mores and religion of a society can be comprehensivelyreflected by written records. Secondly，documentsalso play roles in the areas of laws and manifestation of business process. Thelaws of a society can not be recorded by a video camera. It is apparently ineffectivethat a lawyer need to watch a video concerned with laws for referring to aclause. Also human history can be recorded comprehensively by written recordsbut a video camera. Finally, sometimes written record is more effective than avideo camera. Provided that you are having a class, it is hard to image thatyou record the process from the beginning to end. If so, you need cost the sametime to review the lesson, and you can not record inspiration that you get fromthe teacher in the class. In this situation, it is better to use written papersto document the context and thoughts from the teacher. In short, all theseaspects increase the value of written records in our contemporary life. It isapparently that a video fail to record them properly.

In conclusion, both videocameras and written records have their merits. The video cameras can provide a livelierworld to us and make our life joyful. The written records can record somethingthat video cameras can not record in areas of mind of a person and so on. It isnot proper to say which is better and one can be replaced by another. They playan important role in the areas in which they are skilled. These two media canbuilt upon another. If we can use them properly, these tow media can result ina multimedia life to our modern life.

qtangtangsUID: 2630008

蓝色：好
红色：拼写或语法错误
绿色：自己的观点


开头没有给出自己的观点。我看到第三段才反应过来原来楼主是要两边说。我觉得应该先在开头给出自己的观点才对。
Video cameras authentically have some advantages (加个while会不会好些)written records lack. Video cameras have positively changed our life in some aspects. Some movies recorded by a video camera enrich our life. For example, the movie Titanic that may be the most popular movie presents us an impressive love story. In some aspects(这个in some aspects我不是很理解，是在movie下继续展开吗？还是另外一个优点？如果是继续展开的话，那次段的论据就只有一点了，若是另一个优点，那么这里in some aspects就该换了), such as spatial events and experiences, video records are usually more accurate and wonderful than written records. We can not enjoy Olympic Games, World Cup, Formula one or U.S. Open without video cameras. In one word, video cameras provide us a splendid world and make our life more colorful than before.

Although a video camera has its merit, it has some flaws. Firstly, there are some cases that a video camera can not record appropriately. Information such as statistical or quantitative information is difficult to record using a video camera. Secondly, the video may seem to be more convincing than written documents; however, the technique of digital management has confused us. For example, it is possible that Tampering(?) the video by computer technology.(example太简短了.. 感觉没有什么power去论证你的观点) So, sometimes the video recorded by a video camera is unconvincing and misleads us. Finally, a video camera is much expensive than written papers for lots of people, video cameras are not used as frequently as written records.

There are some important advantages of written records that video camera have not in some aspects. Firstly，written records can provide insight into the mind.(written records 可以提供洞察的思想？是这样理解吗？感觉有点不通..) For example, literary works can better document the mind and thought of a person. Also mores and religion of a society can be comprehensively reflected by written records. Secondly，documents also play roles in the areas of laws and manifestation of business process. The laws of a society can not be recorded by a video camera. It is apparently ineffective that a lawyer need to watch a video concerned with laws for referring to a clause. Also human history can be recorded comprehensively by written records but a video camera(?). Finally, sometimes written record is more effective than a video camera. Provided that you are having a class, it is hard to image that you record the process from the beginning to (the) end. If so, you need cost(改spend, cost的主语一般是sth) the same time to review(reviewing) the lesson, and you can not record inspiration that you get from the teacher in the class. In this situation, it is better to use written papers to document the context and thoughts from the teacher. In short, all these aspects increase the value of written records in our contemporary life. It is apparently that a video fail to record them properly.

In conclusion, both video cameras and written records have their merits. The video cameras can provide a livelier world to us and make our life joyful. The written records can record something that video cameras can not record in areas of mind of a person and so on. It is not proper to say which is better and one can be replaced by another. They play an important role in the areas in which they are skilled. These two media can built upon another. If we can use them properly, these tow media can result in a multimedia life to our modern life.(可以让结尾再升华些～～)

这篇文章论证的很全面，而且也没什么语法错误。
但是我觉得这个文章有一个很大的毛病就是没有做出more的比较。楼主是想说两个都重要，但这也是个比较。文中应该要体现出be of same importance才对。文章只是分别指出了v的优点、缺点；和w的优点、缺点。但是却没有把他们做比较！我也是看追星剑特训才发现的。是chapter1.2吧还是1.3
楼主在文中对每个优缺点都提出了很多的小点，但是v的优缺点中的小点虽然多，但用来支撑的论据却很没有力量，或者是没有。我觉得这样可能不太好。与其点多，不如写个一两点然后充分展开，这样更有力道。