0910G【Try Best】第一小组 argument238 by heliapple

heliappleUID: 2621347

第一篇argument,还未形成自己的风格，有抄袭范文的嫌疑似乎，赶快改善哦

238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to
help students with their resumès and interviewing skills."

耗时　３ｈ+ ；　　字数　６６２
It seems the argument is reasonable, but some fatal mistakes are found in the line of reasoning. By comparing Mira Vista College, which 70% of its graduates found jobs and 50% of them were working in areas related with their majors after graduation last year, with Green Mountain College, which offers more business courses and has more career counselors and therefore 90% of its graduates found satisfied jobs in the job market, the suggestion of the president of Mira Vista College that providing more business courses and hiring more career counselors sounds reasonable.

However, the president forgets to consider the alternative reasons for the relatively lower employment percentage. One of these is that the quality of graduates contributes a lot when looking for a job. Are their graduates well qualified as those of Green Mountain College? If the answer is no, then Mira Vista College should to take measures as soon as possible to improve the teaching quality of its instructors, to incite its students pursue truth and knowledge in their major field, to encourage and help them find internships in the practical field outside of college, as well as to improve its mechanical plant, libraries, facilities etc. This way would be the right one to enhance the students’ competitiveness rather than offering more business courses.

The other one is that maybe the overall ranking of Mira Vista College is far behind that of the Green Mountain College, and there is no way to change this in a short time. Therefore, the comparison making by Mira Vista’s president doesn’t have any sense. Perhaps 70% employment is already the best performance it ever has and is much higher than that of the other colleges ranking similar. Even if they both enjoy equally reputation, it could be possible that they are oriented in different fields. Such as Green Mountain College is famous in its MBA program in business school and Mira Vista College actually is a medical school. If this is true, by following the president’s suggestion, will a student majored in Biomedical with poor GPA and lab experience be more competitive in job market after taking several business courses? I am afraid not.

Moreover, even both of them are focused on the same discipline, they might differ in the size of student population, the number of faculties and programs etc. It is entirely possible that the ratio of career counselor to students is higher in Mira Vista than in Green Mountain. Whereas the total number of career counselor is smaller in Mira Vista, if MV is a small college while GM is a big one. The same is true for the number of business courses to be offered. Following my line of reasoning, MV provides fewer programs than that of GM, but number of courses are given in each program is more than that of GM. There would be no sense taking the president’s advice to hire more career counselor as well as provide more business courses in order to increase employment rate.  
   
In addition, the president fails to realize that the digital data upon which his reasoning is built does not mean anything. The reported 70% might be not the real portion of its overall graduates who have been successfully found jobs. It is entirely possible that not everyone informed placement office after they got jobs. Thus, the 70% of employment is not meaningful and couldn’t serve as an evidence to support the president’s suggestion. Moreover, 50% of the graduates did not work in major related areas doesn’t indicate they were refused by the suitable job positions, maybe they changed their mind to do something else or continued their study in graduate school.

Overall, the president fails to grab the underlying gist of this phenomenon. To offer better and meaningful suggestions, the president needs to analyze the reason why its graduates are not as popular as that of the GM. And then provide rational suggestion based on comparison and further analysis.

yjwn1987UID: 2495078

It seems the argument is reasonable, but some fatal mistakes are found in the line of reasoning. By comparing Mira Vista College, which 70% of its graduates found jobs and 50% of them were working in areas related with their majors after graduation last year, with Green Mountain College, which offers more business courses and has more career counselors and therefore 90% of its graduates found satisfied jobs in the job market, the suggestion of the president of Mira Vista College that providing more business courses and hiring more career counselors sounds reasonable. (我不知道argument的开头可不可以这么写，好像还没读到过，这个拿到小组里和大家一起讨论下吧？)

第二段：就业率不高的原因到底是什么？学生质量？如果是的话，谈怎样提高学生质量

However, the president forgets to consider the alternative reasons for the relatively lower employment percentage. One of these is that the quality of graduates contributes a lot when looking for a job. Are their graduates well qualified as those of Green Mountain College? If the answer is no, then Mira Vista College should to take measures as soon as possible to improve the teaching quality of its instructors, to incite its students pursue truth and knowledge in their major field, to encourage and help them find internships in the practical field outside of college, as well as to improve its mechanical plant（confused.如果是工业园区应该是industrial park）, libraries, facilities etc. This way would be the right one to enhance the students’ competitiveness rather than offering more business courses.


第三段：ＭＶ和GM 这两所学校到底有没有可比性？从学校排名，偏重课目等来谈

The other one is that maybe the overall ranking of Mira Vista College is far behind that of the Green Mountain College, and there is no way to change this in a short time. Therefore, the comparison making（made） by Mira Vista’s president doesn’t have any sense. Perhaps 70% employment is already the best performance it ever has and is much higher than that of the other colleges ranking similar. Even if they both enjoy equally reputation, it could be possible that they are oriented in different fields. Such as Green Mountain College is famous in its MBA program in business school and Mira Vista College actually is a medical school. If this is true, by following the president’s suggestion, will a student majored in Biomedical with poor GPA and lab experience be more competitive in job market after taking several business courses? I am afraid not.(这段也是我在自己文章里想表达的，和你的一比差远了，拿出小本学习ing)

第四段：仍然讲可比性问题，即使两个学校排名相当，偏重课目相当，但是规模还是有大小之分的，所以仍旧无法从ｃｏｕｎｓｅｌｏｒ及课程数量的绝对数量上来比较
Moreover, even both of them are focused on the same discipline, they might differ in the size of student population, the number of faculties and programs etc. It is entirely possible that the ratio of career counselor to students is higher in Mira Vista than in Green Mountain. Whereas the total number of career counselor is smaller in Mira Vista, if MV is a small college while GM is a big one. The same is true for the number of business courses to be offered.（confused） Following my line of reasoning, MV provides fewer programs than that of GM, but number of courses are given in each program is more than that of GM. There would be no sense taking the president’s advice to hire more career counselor as well as provide more business courses in order to increase employment rate.  



第五段，再讨论70%,90%,50%这些数字问题，提出自己的看法，认为不可信，不能说明问题。  
In addition, the president fails to realize that the digital data upon which his reasoning is built does not mean anything. The reported 70% might be not the real portion of its overall graduates who have been successfully found jobs. It is entirely possible that not everyone informed placement office after they got jobs. Thus, the 70% of employment is not meaningful and couldn’t serve as an evidence to support the president’s suggestion. Moreover, 50% of the graduates did not work in major related areas doesn’t indicate they were refused by the suitable job positions, maybe they changed their mind to do something else or continued their study in graduate school.(这个理由真好。。。)

Overall, the president fails to grab the underlying gist of this phenomenon. To offer better and meaningful suggestions, the president needs to analyze the reason why its graduates are not as popular as that of the GM. （我觉得这个president分析了，他的结论就是没开那些课没请顾问）And then provide rational suggestion based on comparison and further analysis.

我觉得第五段和第二段换一下会更好，看第二段的时候感觉有点像issue,毕竟argument是以攻击错误为主的。个人看法，有待商榷。整体逻辑清晰考虑全面语言到位。学习学习~~

nlhustUID: 2404239

修改的文章见附件:)