Argument173 [=galloper=组] BY B11宋

songluleicsuUID: 2605045

173 The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."

The author recommends that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such storiess on their magazine covers. To bolster his recommendation, the author points out that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international stories on their front covers, their competitors have decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, and the cost of reporting on international news is increasing. However, the writer’s argument is based on insufficient evidence and therefore unconvincing as it stands.

In the first place, the author attributes the poor-selling of the magazines to that they are featured with international news stories on their front covers, but the author fails to provide enough evidence to support this view of him. Maybe the poor-selling of these magazines was because they failed to provide the most important international news that most people were interested in; Or the international news provided by these magazines failed to provide enough information compared with other magazines; it could also be that these kind of magazines are too expensive, so people would rather read news through the newspaper or internet; the poor-selling of these magazines may not due to their international news but to other kind of news which are not provided as good as international news. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, the author could not convince me that the poor-selling of the magazines is because that they provided too much international news.

In the second place, the author argues that their competitiors have signigicantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, so they should also decrease their international news. However, the author rules out no information about whether their competitors’ sale of magazine increased or decreased after they reduce the international news. If the sale of magazine decreased sharply after they reduce the international news, the author’s recommendation would be very unconvicable. Besides, even if their competitors’ sale of magazines indeed increased after they reduce their international news, the author still fails to point out whether the number of international news provided by their competitiors are still much more than them. So it is possible that the number of news on their competitors’ magazines is still more than them even after they decreased. In short, the author can not defend the recommended course of action on the basis of what their competitors did without considering their own conditions.

Thirdly, the author points out that the cost of maintaining their brueaus to report on international news is increasing. However, he fails to provide information about whether the cost of other type of news is increasing or not. If the cost of other type of news is also increasing much more quickly, the author’s suggestion would be unreasonable. Besides, if the increased price of these magazines can compensate for the increase of the cost of obtaining international news, the author should reconsider his recommendation.

In conclusion, the argument is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions which renders it dubious to stand. In order to prove his recommendation, the author should provide evidence that displaying international news on their magazine covers indeed decrease their sale; their competitors could gain more profit by providing less international news than them; the increased cost of reporting international news surpassed the profit brought by it.

DavidleezbUID: 2595815

The author recommends that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such storiess on their magazine covers. To bolster his recommendation, the author points out that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international stories on their front covers, their competitors have decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, and the cost of reporting on international news is increasing. However, the writer’s argument is based on insufficient evidence and therefore unconvincing as it stands.

In the first place, the author attributes the poor-selling of the magazines to that they are featured with international news stories on their front covers, but the author fails to provide enough evidence to support this view of him. Maybe the poor-selling of these magazines was because they failed to provide the most important international news that most people were interested in; Or the international news provided by these magazines failed to provide enough information compared with other magazines; it could also be that these kind of magazines are too expensive, so people would rather read news through the newspaper or internet; the poor-selling of these magazines may not due to their international news but to other kind of news which are not provided as good as international news. Without ruling out these alternative reasons, the author could not convince me that the poor-selling of the magazines is because that they provided too much international news.
这段很好，写出了许多影响selling的情况，有具体分析而且合情合理


In the second place, the author argues that their competitiors have signigicantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, so they should also decrease their international news. However, the author rules out no information about whether their competitors’ sale of magazine increased or decreased after they reduce the international news. If the sale of magazine decreased sharply after they reduce the international news, the author’s recommendation would be very unconvicable. Besides, even if their competitors’ sale of magazines indeed increased after they reduce their international news, the author still fails to point out whether the number of international news provided by their competitiors are still much more than them.（其实这里可以在说得直白一点，即，即使competitor们减少了国际新闻的数量但有可能总量还是比Newsbeat国际新闻总量多，这样直接让读者明白what you want to say，不易引起误解） So it is possible that the number of news on their competitors’ magazines is still more than them even after they decreased. In short, the author can not defend the recommended course of action on the basis of what their competitors did without considering their own conditions.

Thirdly, the author points out that the cost of maintaining their brueaus to report on international news is increasing. However, he fails to provide information about whether the cost of other type of news is increasing or not. If the cost of other type of news is also increasing much more quickly, the author’s suggestion would be unreasonable. Besides, if the increased price of these magazines can compensate for the increase of the cost of obtaining international news, the author should reconsider his recommendation.

In conclusion, the argument is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions which renders it dubious to stand. In order to prove his recommendation, the author should provide evidence that displaying international news on their magazine covers indeed decrease their sale; their competitors could gain more profit by providing less international news than them; the increased cost of reporting international news surpassed the profit brought by it.

整体来说，写的很好，就是在分析每个逻辑错误时都只是说作者没提供足够的证据和信息，这显得表达上过于单调，比如第二段，就可以说减少新闻数量与提高销量并无因果关系等等，同样的，在其他语言表达上最好也能富于变化，这就更好了。

songluleicsuUID: 2605045

:)谢谢批改~~~

lucarlUID: 2616426

开头先来说一件事：
同学你写完后有没有检查拼写？全文至少有5+处，没算重复的。每段都有。我很欣赏你考虑问题的全面，但是看完这么长的一篇不少拼写错误的argument实在很考验我的耐心，写完后自己检查拼写也是尊敬别人，谢谢。


The author recommends that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. To bolster his recommendation, the author points out that the poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international stories on their front covers, their competitors have decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, and the cost of reporting on international news is increasing. However, the writer’s argument is based on insufficient evidence and therefore unconvincing as it stands.

In the first place, the author attributes (这里我想到一个词impute) the poor-selling of the magazines to that they are featured with international news stories on their front covers, but the author fails to provide enough evidence to support this view of him这里是不是该用his？. Maybe the poor-selling of these magazines was because they failed to provide the most important international news that most people were interested in;
这个理由太假了，杂志社就算抄也会抄最热点问题的，岂会专找冷门？Or the international news provided by these magazines failed to provide enough information compared with other magazines; it could also be that these kind of magazines are too expensive, so people would rather read news through the newspaper or internet;(这个例子很好，其实还可以分成两个，一个是该杂志的售价，另一个就是当地人的阅读习惯，而且分开来表达更简单, The editor should consider the reading custom and whether the price is reasonable.) the poor-selling of these magazines may not due to their international news but to other kind of news which are not provided as good as international news. Without ruling out these alternative reasons直接用alternatives, the author could not convince me（要谦虚- -，怎么convince me 呢？convince others哈。） that the poor-selling of the magazines is because that they provided too much international news.


这一段想了好多可能因素，我汗自己一个。

In the second place, the author argues that their competitors have significantly 程度过分了吧- -decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news, so they should also decrease their international news. However, the author rules out no information about whether their competitors’ sale of magazine increased or decreased after they reduce the international news. If the sale of magazine decreased sharply after they reduce the international news, the author’s recommendation would be very inconvincible. Besides, even if their competitors’ sale of magazines indeed increased after they reduce their international news, the author still fails to point out whether the number of international news provided by their competitors are still much more than them. So it is possible that the number of news on their competitors’ magazines is still more than them even after they decreased.这两句太长太混乱了，我连读两遍才看明白。想法很好，不过换换表达吧。其实短句简洁有力，而其富有节奏感，用来说这种问题最好不过了。长句可以用在开头叙述argument作者观点和结尾总结自己观点时，我认为。 In short, the author can not defend the recommended course of action on the basis of what their competitors did without considering their own conditions.


这一段写的好。

Thirdly, the author points out that the cost of maintaining their bureaus to report on international news is increasing. However, he fails to provide information about whether the cost of other type of news is increasing or not. If the cost of other type of news is also increasing much more quickly, the author’s suggestion would be unreasonable. Besides, if the increased price of these magazines can compensate for the increase of the cost of obtaining international news, the author should reconsider his recommendation.

这一段逻辑不通，海外部专门管international news，这跟其他新闻有什么关系？即使其他新闻能够提升销量，也不能作为海外部光消耗不产出的理由。

In conclusion, the argument is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions which renders it dubious to stand. In order to prove his recommendation, the author should provide evidence that displaying international news on their magazine covers indeed decrease their sale; their competitors could gain more profit by providing less international news than them; the increased cost of reporting international news surpassed the profit brought by it.

总的来说，你的思考很详细，考虑问题很到位。赞~

songluleicsuUID: 2605045

十分感谢lucarl同学给我提出了这么多建议。。。
关于拼写问题实在不好意思（我确实还是检查过的:L）