0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by 【galloper】A31小培

xiang427UID: 2649178

Over the past century, people who come from different countries communicate more and more. English has became the primary languages in the international affairs, and a increasing number of people can speak it. On the other hand, less and less people can speak lesser-known languages that belong to their ethnologies. Therefore, government has a duty of protecting these languages from extinct.

With the development of international trade, English has became the primary languages that people communicate with others. A survey shows that almost half of people live in the world can speak English. There may have two reasons for this phenomenon. To begin with, over three hundred years, English culture always is the most dominant one. Many countries' local languages have been replaced by English, such as America, Canada and most Pacific countries. Another reason is that English is easily been mastered. Some people may argue that their indigenous languages are easier than English, however, they fail to convince us. A great number of studies have offered us the fact that English is the most popular one for those who want to learn a second language. For example, in my country, Russia is the most significant second Language thirty years ago. But, English have took the place of Russia quickly when our country participate the international trades more and more.

A decreasing number of people speak lesser-known languages. It is true that more and more students decide to choose course that teach them lesser-known languages. However, people who hold this opinion overlook the fact that only a small number of students studying a certain one, although the sum of students are great. We have to admit that there is a trend that people are reluctant to speak their local languages. Man ethnology, which live primary in the northeast parts of our country, are faced of a serious crisis that young people are more likely to speak Chinese which is our country's official language. Because of young people discover that master Chinese is an advantage and can help them find a good job in big cities easier.

Government should take some efforts to preserve these lesser-known languages. Some people may say that this work is difficult for the reason that it contains some complex issues, such as we should save which one and the cost is high. It is true that many languages are in danger and protecting all of them will be a heavy burden to our government. But, it is worthwhile to do so, because they are essential parts of traditional cultures and can offer an access for us to understand our own culture better. In addition, every individual should join the activities of preserving the endangered languages.

In sum, we ought to recognize the importance of lesser-known languages to us, even though only a few of people can speak. They are the indispensable parts of conventional culture. So, government and individuals should make maximum contribute to protect endangered languages.

.C.C.UID: 2645494

■语法
■逻辑
■整个段落



Over the past century, people who come(who come删，我觉得两个不太高级的词还不如没有) from different countries communicate more and more(more and more what?我怎么觉得句子没写完呢). English has became（传说这种事实用一般现在时就行） the primary languages（language） in the international affairs, and an increasing number of people can speak it. On the other hand, less and less people can speak lesser-known languages that belong to their ethnologies. (和前面的一句合并下吧，which an increasing number of people can speak, while lesser-known languages are used less and less.)Therefore(为什么就therefore了？前面没写小语种的重要，怎么突然就因此要保护了？) , government has a duty of protecting these languages from being extinct.  （开头有点多，我觉得对英语的论证完全可以放到后面去说，而且你第二段又提到英语用的越来越多，重复。）

With the development of international trade（我觉得用communicate更好，现在不仅仅是交易啊） , English has became（同前，一般现在时） the primary languages that people communicate with others. A survey shows that almost half of people live in the world （world-wide survey? live in the world让我觉得另外一种情况是ET……）can speak English. There may have two reasons for this phenomenon. To begin with, over three hundred years, English culture always is the most dominant one. Many countries' local languages have been replaced by English, such as America, Canada and most Pacific countries. Another reason is that English is easily been mastered. Some people may argue that their indigenous languages are easier than English, however, they fail to convince us. （为什么要论证英语用的越来越多？这篇你最多可以论述英语的广泛使用，但是绝对不需要你去讨论reason啊） A great number of studies have offered us the fact that English is the most popular one for those who want to learn a second language. For example, in my country, Russia is the most significant second Language thirty years ago. But, English have took the place of Russia quickly when our country participate the international trades more and more. （额，好神秘的不说自己的country,直接说china不可以么？我觉得你在反复论证为什么英语重要啊……） （这段不多说了，还是那个问题，我觉得只要介绍下现在全球语言的使用情况就行。）

A decreasing number of people speak lesser-known languages. It is true that more and more students decide to choose course that teach them lesser-known languages. (为什么句首写了越来越少，但是你马上紧接着就写越来越多学生学习小语种？？) However, people who hold this opinion overlook the fact that only a small number of students studying a certain one, although the sum of students are great(great for what?这句感觉是说学生很棒……) . We have to admit that there is a trend that people are reluctant to speak their local languages. （不是吧，我就不承认，我不想学外语啊，但是为了出国没办法啊~）Man ethnology（刚刚前面我忘了说了，这边你又写了，这个用在人种学上比较多吧，不太表示民族的意思啊） , which live primary in the northeast parts of our country, are faced of a serious crisis that young people are more likely to speak Chinese which is our（咳，你是给外国人看的啊，写our干嘛，写my就够了） country's official language. （我个人理解是，只要是中国的语言都是Chinese，包括少数民族语言） Because of young people discover that master Chinese is an advantage and can help them find a good job in big cities easier. （论证没展开，而且我也不太明白你这段主要想论证什么问题，用同种语言的重要？？貌似也不是，句首和后面的没太大关系。）

Government should take some efforts to preserve these lesser-known languages. Some people may say that this work is difficult for the reason that it contains some complex issues, such as we should save which one and the cost is high. It is true that many languages are in danger and protecting all of them will be a heavy burden to our government. But, it is worthwhile to do so, because they are essential parts of traditional cultures and can offer an access for us to understand our own culture better. In addition, every individual should join the activities of preserving the endangered languages.（这段相比别的我最喜欢了）

In sum, we ought to recognize the importance of lesser-known languages to us, even though only a few of people can speak. They are the indispensable parts of conventional culture. So, government and individuals should make maximum contribute to protect endangered languages.

1.有的句子很弱，and a increasing number of people can speak it...
2.句式太简单。
3.词义有的时候会乱用啊~以后注意下
4.弱弱的觉得，很多的句子信息量不大，有的句子其实一个短语就可以搞定的……不过我自己写也会这样~
5.你的作文很有Argument的味道，就是论证很散，很容易找到逻辑错误~~
6.作文例子有点少吧，觉得很多空话，然后没有一个好的例子佐证…………
7.最主要的，我又看了遍，觉得整篇文章你关注的是英语之类的大语言，你没有论证小语种的重要性，这样更不用提去论证为什么要保护小语种了……整篇的逻辑，额，我觉得你可以重新写一遍。

snail8843UID: 2516929

1# xiang427

我搞了好多次，还是没法把word里边改好的带颜色的字体原色的粘贴过来，作者看到了觉得不舒服的话和我要word吧...不知道咋回事...sorry


Over the past century, people who come from different countries communicate more and more（more and more 是adj）. English has became（become） the primary languages in the international affairs, and a increasing number of people (who)can speak it. On the other hand, less and less people can speak lesser-known languages that belong to their ethnologies. Therefore, government has a duty of protecting these languages from extinct（from后面一般加doing）.
With the development of international trade, English has became the primary languages that people communicate with others（这个that引导定语从句么？不对的）. A survey shows that almost half of people live(living) in the world can speak English. There may have two reasons for this phenomenon(这句是你这段的TS，建议把位置提前点). To begin with, over three hundred years, English culture always is the most dominant one. Many countries' local languages have been replaced by English, such as America, Canada and most Pacific countries. Another reason is that English is easily been mastered.（对这个原因的论证不充分） Some people may argue that their indigenous languages are easier than English, however, they fail to convince us（这句子太argument了）. A great number of studies have offered us the fact that English is the most popular one for those who want to learn a second language. For example, in my country, Russia is the most significant second Language thirty years ago. But（However）, English have took(taken) the place of Russia quickly when our country participate(s) the international trades more and more.
A decreasing number of people speak lesser-known languages(这句子看着很别扭，而且看不到这个段落的主题句是什么？). It is true that more and more students decide to choose course that teach them lesser-known languages. However, people who hold this opinion overlook the fact that only a small number of students studying a certain one, although the sum of students are great.(这句是也arguement) We have to admit that there is a trend that people are reluctant to speak their local languages. Man ethnology, which live primary in the northeast parts of our country, are faced of a serious crisis that young people are more likely to speak Chinese which is our country's official language.(这是个fact么？汉语还是官方而且使用频繁的语言啊) Because of young people discover that master Chinese is an advantage and can help them find a good job in big cities easier. (这段的TS我没有找到，给人感觉结构不清晰)
Government should take some efforts to preserve these lesser-known languages. Some people may say that this work is difficult for the reason that it contains some complex issues, such as we should save which one and the cost is high. It is true that many languages are in danger and protecting all of them will be a heavy burden to our government. But, it is worthwhile to do so, because they are essential parts of traditional cultures and can offer an access for us to understand our own culture better. In addition, every individual should join the activities of preserving the endangered languages.(应该保护的说服力不强，论据不充分)
In sum, we ought to recognize the importance of lesser-known languages to us, even though only a few of people can speak（it）. They are the indispensable parts of conventional culture. So, government and individuals should make maximum contribute（contribution？） to protect endangered languages.

总结：
1：有些句子有语法错误，特别是你的定语从句有很大的问题
2：逻辑架构不大清晰,而且不大合理：你的是：原因—>事实-à应该保护。感觉安排的不大合理，而且最后二个的说服力有些欠缺
3：每段的主题句最好开头就给出来