0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第六期 ISSUE157

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

People have long debated on the nature of observation, objective or subjective? Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective while their dissidents would claim that the process of observing these beings are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. As far as I am concerned, observation is not purely objective or subjective but a combination of these two aspects.

Observation is, firstly, based on objective beings. Without these beings of objective existence, people could not observe. If someone throws up some creatures or phenomena in some science fiction or movie, those have nothing with observation but with imagination or illusion. Just as without the moon and stars, we are unlikely to observe the universe and explore in the field of astrology.

Observation is an outcome of subjective process and itself is subjective as a process or action. For instance, a scientist observe a chemical change in his lab, he is apt to add his personal understandings, experience and theory to explain the cause and effect of the change. Although his aim is to acquire a scientific discovery as objectively as possible, his brain can not be merely a computer or processed machine, anyhow.

In this sense, some significant or striking achievements may not convincing or creditable due to its partial subjectivity; however, it is not the end. There is no absolute objectivity or subjectivity; but it should be noted that it is absolute that people pursue the extreme of objectivity and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, for one thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust, and for another thing, those crusaders and veterans make consecutive efforts to get closer to extreme objectivity.

As a matter of fact, the truth mentioned in the above paragraph does not only refer to those marvelous contributions but also may involve some tiny aspects in this world, like a simple English word. Take the name of an Australian animal—kangaroo, for instance, which was said to be originated from its local aboriginals. It is a lovely tale that a white man asked one indigenous person what that was when pointing to the animal and then got the answer “Kangaroo”. The name of this animal “Kangaroo” has spread over this territory and all over the world but actually “Kangaroo” means “I don’t know” in aboriginal language. The subjective expression of this objective living being became objective since all people around the world call it “Kangaroo” and no one intends to correct this into its previous name called by indigenous people.

It should be emphasized that observers’ expectations or desires may influence the objectivity of their observations, but those subjectivity should not comprise intentional distortion or vicious misguide. Similarly, those recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration; some of them who are not satisfied with and brave enough to challenge those should be encouraged and supported to observe along the spiral truth path.

CsGREUID: 2646186

People have long debated on the nature of observation, objective or subjective?第一句貌似不是问句啊。。 Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective while their dissidents would claim that the process of observing these beings are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. As far as I am concerned, observation is not purely objective or subjective but a combination of these two aspects.挺中庸的第一段。

Observation is, firstly, based on objective beings. Without these beings of objective existence, people could not observe. If someone throws up some creatures or phenomena in some science fiction or movie, those have nothing with observation but with imagination or illusion. Just as without the moon and stars, we are unlikely to observe the universe and explore in the field of astrology.没有解释objective beings到底为啥。只是给出两个例子，还说的很模糊。

Observation is an outcome of subjective process and itself is subjective as a process or action. For instance, a scientist observe a chemical change in his lab, he is apt to add his personal understandings, experience and theory to explain the cause and effect of the change. Although his aim is to acquire a scientific discovery as objectively as possible, his brain can not be merely a computer or processed machine, anyhow.和上一段怎么联系起来的？过度不自然。同样的这段也是只给了一句主题然后很长个例子，而且那个例子还不是很有概括性。。

In this sense, some significant or striking achievements对应的应该用例子支持一下就好了~ may not convincing or creditable due to its partial subjectivity; however, it is not the end. There is no absolute objectivity or subjectivity这句话很突兀啊，why？; but it should be noted that it is absolute that people pursue the extreme of objectivity and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, for one thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust, and for another thing, those crusaders and veterans make consecutive efforts to get closer to extreme objectivity. 很漂亮，但是总觉得缺乏例子不是很让人信服。

As a matter of fact, the truth mentioned in the above paragraph does not only refer to those marvelous contributions but also may involve some tiny aspects in this world, like a simple English word. Take the name of an Australian animal—kangaroo, for instance, which was said to be originated from its local aboriginals. It is a lovely tale that a white man asked one indigenous person what that was when pointing to the animal and then got the answer “Kangaroo”. The name of this animal “Kangaroo” has spread over this territory and all over the world but actually “Kangaroo” means “I don’t know” in aboriginal language. The subjective expression of this objective living being became objective since all people around the world call it “Kangaroo” and no one intends to correct this into its previous name called by indigenous people.这个例子不是很搭调吧。。个人觉得。。这个例子是文化差异而引起的。。。跟主客观貌似没什么联系啊。。

It should be emphasized that observers’ expectations or desires may influence the objectivity of their observations, but those subjectivity should not comprise intentional distortion or vicious misguide. Similarly, those recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration; some of them who are not satisfied with and brave enough to challenge those should be encouraged and supported to observe along the spiral truth path.

怎么说啊。。觉得整篇文章很割裂的感觉= =
每段独立的看起来都还可以，但是放到一起基本就找不到文章的中心了。。而且感觉论述停留在表面认识上。。body的124都是一句说理大段例子，body12例子不具概括性，body3的说理很强如果辅以例子势必闪光，但是body4意义是不错，但是那个例子也太牵强了吧= =  （于是导致了我 揣测楼主body3到底是哪里来 的想法）。作为结尾段的最后一段冒出来了很多之前没有出现的ideas。。太突然了。。

总的来说。LZ的语言功底很好哇~但是这个思维的深度（这个可能是表达限制了。。额。。）和表达的连贯性还欠缺。加油~

（评的不好，见谅啊，都是按我自己对AW的理解评的。。有啥不对的咱再商量吧。。）

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

别客气 说的挺中肯的 这是第一篇我的草作 谢谢你 相信我们努力都会进步的！办公室吵 可能思想上连贯性不足 辛苦你了 锤锤：） 2# CsGRE

CsGREUID: 2646186

加油加油~~
看看有啥问题再商量吧~~一起进步~~

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

加油加油~~
看看有啥问题再商量吧~~一起进步~~
CsGRE 发表于 2009-6-12 23:29

偶今天争取按老师的意思把它再改改 感谢你的指导

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

我回改你了咯~  MS有点犀利，请见谅~

People have long debated on the nature of observation, objective or subjective? Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective while their dissidents would claim that the process of observing these beings are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. As far as I am concerned, observation is not purely objective or subjective but a combination of these two aspects.

Observation is, firstly, based on objective beings. Without these beings of objective existence, people could not observe. If someone throws up some creatures or phenomena in some science fiction or movie, those have nothing with observation but with imagination or illusion.(这一句话要改一改，很中国式、而且表达也存在问题，建议修改一下) Just as without the moon and stars, we are unlikely to observe the universe and explore in the field of astrology.

Observation is an outcome of subjective process and itself is subjective as a process or action. For instance, a scientist observe a chemical change in his lab, he is apt to add his personal understandings, experience and theory to explain the cause and effect of the change. Although his aim is to acquire a scientific discovery as objectively as possible, his brain can not be merely a computer or processed machine, anyhow.
（看了这两段，我建议你应该先定义一下什么是observation，这样你的论证才能有支点，毕竟第一部分和第二部分给人的感觉是独立且对立的，也建议作者把两段和成一段来概述一下人们observe的具体过程是怎样的，这样会好些，个人意见啦~）

In this sense, some significant or striking achievements may not be convincing or creditable due to its partial subjectivity; however, it is not the end. There is no absolute objectivity or subjectivity; but it should be noted that it is absolute that people pursue the extreme of objectivity and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, for one thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust, and for another thing, those crusaders and veterans (不是很明白作者的这个比喻用语要指什么) make consecutive efforts to get closer to extreme objectivity. （这一段缺乏例子的支撑，虽然我明白你的表达）

As a matter of fact, the truth（什么truth呢？是说观测是主管还是客观吗？如果是这样建议改成answer） mentioned in the above paragraph does not only refer to those marvelous contributions but also may involve some tiny aspects in this world, like a simple English word. Take the name of an Australian animal—kangaroo, for instance, which was said to be originated from its local aboriginals. It is a lovely tale that a white man asked one indigenous person what that was when pointing to the animal and then got the answer “Kangaroo”. The name of this animal “Kangaroo” has spread over this territory and all over the world but actually “Kangaroo” means “I don’t know” in aboriginal language. The subjective expression of this objective living being became objective since all people around the world call it “Kangaroo” and no one intends to correct this into its previous name called by indigenous people.（这个例子MS和主观和客观没有什么关系吧、、、而且也和你所说的evolution也看不出有什么关系。普遍接受并不代表客观~）

It should be emphasized that observers’ expectations or desires may influence the objectivity of their observations, but those subjectivity should not comprise intentional distortion or vicious misguide（这一观点没有展开分析、从上面的文章也推导不出来，所以不建议放在结尾）. Similarly, those recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration; some of them who are not satisfied with and brave enough to challenge those should be encouraged and supported to observe along the spiral truth path.

基本上作者的问题在于逻辑~
作者的观点放的比较开，同时也有点散~
但是最核心的可能是作者没有对观测下一个很明确的定义，所以导致后来的论证接不上~
建议可以用中文写好提纲、然后可以一起探讨一下~
从偶的观点看的话，观测既包含主观又包含客观是站得住脚的，要记忆一次观测肯定需要大脑首先进行主观分析，严格的区分这两个过程开来是没有意义的~

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

People have long debated on the nature of observation, objective or subjective? Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective while their dissidents would claim that the process of observing these beings are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. As far as I am concerned, observation is not purely objective or subjective but a combination of these two aspects.

Observation is, firstly, based on objective beings. Without these beings of objective existence, people could not observe. If someone throws up some creatures or phenomena in some science fiction or movie, those have nothing with observation but with imagination or illusion.(这一句话要改一改，很中国式、而且表达也存在问题，建议修改一下) Just as without the moon and stars, we are unlikely to observe the universe and explore in the field of astrology.

Observation is an outcome of subjective process and itself is subjective as a process or action. For instance, a scientist observe a chemical change in his lab, he is apt to add his personal understandings, experience and theory to explain the cause and effect of the change. Although his aim is to acquire a scientific discovery as objectively as possible, his brain can not be merely a computer or processed machine, anyhow.
（看了这两段，我建议你应该先定义一下什么是observation，这样你的论证才能有支点，毕竟第一部分和第二部分给人的感觉是独立且对立的，也建议作者把两段和成一段来概述一下人们observe的具体过程是怎样的，这样会好些，个人意见啦~）

In this sense, some significant or striking achievements may not be convincing or creditable due to its partial subjectivity; however, it is not the end. There is no absolute objectivity or subjectivity; but it should be noted that it is absolute that people pursue the extreme of objectivity and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, for one thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust, and for another thing, those crusaders and veterans (不是很明白作者的这个比喻用语要指什么) make consecutive efforts to get closer to extreme objectivity. （这一段缺乏例子的支撑，虽然我明白你的表达）

As a matter of fact, the truth（什么truth呢？是说观测是主管还是客观吗？如果是这样建议改成answer） mentioned in the above paragraph does not only refer to those marvelous contributions but also may involve some tiny aspects in this world, like a simple English word. Take the name of an Australian animal—kangaroo, for instance, which was said to be originated from its local aboriginals. It is a lovely tale that a white man asked one indigenous person what that was when pointing to the animal and then got the answer “Kangaroo”. The name of this animal “Kangaroo” has spread over this territory and all over the world but actually “Kangaroo” means “I don’t know” in aboriginal language. The subjective expression of this objective living being became objective since all people around the world call it “Kangaroo” and no one intends to correct this into its previous name called by indigenous people.（这个例子MS和主观和客观没有什么关系吧、、、而且也和你所说的evolution也看不出有什么关系。普遍接受并不代表客观~）

It should be emphasized that observers’ expectations or desires may influence the objectivity of their observations, but those subjectivity should not comprise intentional distortion or vicious misguide（这一观点没有展开分析、从上面的文章也推导不出来，所以不建议放在结尾）. Similarly, those recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration; some of them who are not satisfied with and brave enough to challenge those should be encouraged and supported to observe along the spiral truth path.

基本上作者的问题在于逻辑~
作者的观点放的比较开，同时也有点散~
但是最核心的可能是作者没有对观测下一个很明确的定义，所以导致后来的论证接不上~
建议可以用中文写好提纲、然后可以一起探讨一下~
从鄙人的观点看的话，观测既包含主观又包含客观是站得住脚的，要记忆一次观测肯定需要大脑首先进行主观分析，严格的区分这两个过程开来是没有意义的~

Neptune2010UID: 2626044

不好意思贴了两次、、网络出了点故障~

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

8# Neptune2010 太感谢你了　我很喜欢你写的文章．．．

cixitomUID: 2610506

语言很棒啊~~~在学习中 感觉比我强大好多啊~~~

cixitomUID: 2610506

各段的衔接 以及各段之间的逻辑联系（并列 还是 递进。。。）没到位啊~~~还有最后一段有点拔太高了 怎么看怎么感觉与上文没什么联系~~~不过语言还是很好的哦~~~我要多学习~~呵呵~~~

qtangtangsUID: 2630008

People have long debated on the nature of observation, objective or subjective? Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective while their dissidents would claim that the process of observing these beings are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. As far as I am concerned, observation is not purely objective or subjective but a combination of these two aspects.
(文章的TS句最好不要出现第一人称)

Observation is, firstly, based on objective beings. Without these beings of objective existence, people could not observe. If someone throws up some creatures or phenomena in some science fiction or movie, those have nothing with observation but with imagination or illusion. Just as without the moon and stars, we are unlikely to observe the universe and explore in the field of astrology.

Observation is an outcome of subjective process and itself is subjective as a process or action. For instance, a scientist observe a chemical change in his lab, he is apt to add his personal understandings, experience and theory to explain the cause and effect of the change. Although his aim is to acquire a scientific discovery as objectively as possible, his brain can not be merely a computer or processed machine, anyhow.

In this sense, some significant or striking achievements may not convincing or creditable due to its partial subjectivity; however, it is not the end(啥意思?我没看懂这句话..怎么就转到下面去了呢??). There is no absolute objectivity or subjectivity; but it should be noted that it is absolute that people pursue the extreme of objectivity and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, for one thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust, and for another thing, those crusaders and veterans make consecutive efforts to get closer to extreme objectivity.

As a matter of fact, the truth mentioned in the above paragraph does not only refer to those marvelous contributions but also may involve some tiny aspects in this world, like a simple English word. Take the name of an Australian animal—kangaroo, for instance, which was said to be originated from its local aboriginals. It is a lovely tale that a white man asked one indigenous person what that was when pointing to the animal and then got the answer “Kangaroo”. The name of this animal “Kangaroo” has spread over this territory and all over the world but actually “Kangaroo” means “I don’t know” in aboriginal language. The subjective expression of this objective living being became objective since all people around the world call it “Kangaroo” and no one intends to correct this into its previous name called by indigenous people.

It should be emphasized that observers’ expectations or desires may influence the objectivity of their observations, but those subjectivity should not comprise intentional distortion or vicious misguide. Similarly, those recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration; some of them who are not satisfied with and brave enough to challenge those should be encouraged and supported to observe along the spiral truth path.

原谅我吧..
我真的看不出啥问题来..

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

The nature of observation has long been a topic of heated debate in the field of philosophy. Some arguers hold the belief of Objectivism that all beings are objective including human’s existence and their actions, while their dissidents claim that the process of observing are subjective thus the production of this action is subjective. Before embarking on discussing its nature, I should give a definition of observation, that is, a process of noticing and the result of the noticing action. This term consists of two dimensions, process in which observers are involved and result which is given by observers, consequently, observation is inseparable with observers. Thus, the innate subjectivity of observers must have an unavoidable influence on observation as both a process and the outcome.

Observation is certainly subjective in terms of observers and observation recognizers. Without observers, objective existences are meaningless. For instance, if tomatoes had not been noticed in the Medieval, doubted then and finally popularized as an eatable juicy fruit, they would still be buried in obscurity and wildness. The observation and categorization of tomatoes as eatable and juicy are of course interwoven with observers’ cognitive schema in which what sort of food can be eaten and what trait is called juicy. Besides the result, the process itself is also a subjective one where observers consciously or unconsciously infuse their speculations, deductions and others, all of which belong to mental activities and hence are subjective. This is equally true of accepting observations, for recipients are not expected to receive observations without personal digestion and integration, while the latter refer to their subjective mechanics in their cognitive system

Observation is also objective based on two aspects. For one thing, people never cease their pursuit of the ultimate objectivity with their value of scientific truth and this pursuit is like a spiral evolution. It is along this evolution that, those crusaders and pioneers make consecutive efforts to desert the previous premature observations and get closer to the ultimate goal. Consider seaweed, for instance. Decades ago, seaweeds were observed as plants because they did not have legs or stomachs which animals have. However, after further observation and research, one fourth of them should be classified as animals and animals do not necessarily have legs and stomachs. This case verifies that the spiral development and the ultimate goal objectively exist, which are undeniable. For the other thing, some hypotheses or facts can get growing common recognition and increasing public trust in this process of pursuit. Those observations become objective and authoretivies and few people tend to challenge them. Like tomatoes, no one nowadays still suspect its characteristics as eatable and juicy.

It should be emphasized that it is meaningless to categorize observation as subjective or objective as it stands, since it is a combination of these two sides. Holders of objectivism or subjectivism on the issue of observation fail to see its whole portrait. Instead, at the meantime of admitting its subjectivity, we should never stop our steps toward the ultimate objectivity, only by which we can achieve more mature and scientific observations for later generations and society.

wildrose800331UID: 2602131

用心改了一下 不知道是否好些了