0910AW 同主题写作第四期 Issue 144 by "大洋彼岸之风"_Virtual_Pro

Virtual_ProUID: 2560768

I agree with the speaker's statement insofar that the artist gives society something of lasting value by creating art works that will reveal the ideas or impulses of society. However, the critics also give society something of lasting value, although that is always achieved in different way. Without critics, many great art works would not be revealed to the public because of their precedence of the present social ideas or other reasons.

Artist is the original driving force of the progress of art. Their creative thinking and the advanced ideas contained in their works could enlighten the public on the ideology or other field and lead to the liberation of humanities. Most people take the Renaissance as the beginning of modern civilization. The artists in that period, including Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Rafael and so on, created lots of great works that not only influenced the present people, but also be passed generation by generation and still give current society esthetic and thinking values. The painting Mona Lisa was paint in the 16th century by Da Vinci and now is on the wall in the Louvre in Paris, France. During centuries, the ambiguity of the sitter’s expression, monumentality of the half-figure composition, and the subtle modeling of forms and atmospheric illusionism has fascinated numerous people to study the painting. Absolutely, the lasting value of the famous painting should mostly be attributed to the great artist, Da Vinci.

However, to emphasize the significance of artists in giving the society lasting values does not means that we should overlook the critics' contributions in the same process. Because of the difficulties in evaluating the true value and revealing of the depth connotation of art works, there were many artist that had create valuable works but could not make the public be aware of that. Concerning this case, a vivid example comes to my mind immediately. Vincent Van Gogh nowadays is as famous as the great artist Leonardo Da Vinci. However, he could sell only one painting through his whole life, and the buyer is his brother who bought the painting more because of the sympathy than the appreciation of it. Therefore the nowadays famous artist died in great poverty. Thanks to the critics who found out the great value of Van Gogh’s paintings, these great works could be passed to modern society and give the durative values to the public. Although we do not know the names of the critics, we could not eliminate their contribution. There are many cases similar to the Van Gogh one that have demonstrated the great importance of critics.

By carefully considering the progress of the art works effecting on the society, we could conclude that the progress could be divided into two parts. One is the creation of the works, and the other one is the acceptance of the public. While the artists mainly work in the first part, the critics always play key roles in the second one. An old saying said that life does not lack beauty; it lacks the eyes to discover the beauty. Therefore, we can conclude that both the artists and the critics give some lasting value to society.

自己感觉文字写得太生硬了，缺乏活力。可能词汇和句式使用上都有问题。
多多拍砖，谢谢~

DidoyUID: 2181213

好文哪，观点清晰，结构清晰，每一句话都紧扣观点。哈哈~~以下乃小人拙见

I agree with the speaker's statement insofar that the artist gives society something of lasting value by creating art works that will reveal the ideas or impulses of society. However, the critics also give society something of lasting value, although that is always achieved in different way. Without critics, many great art works would not be revealed to the public because of their precedence of the present social ideas or other reasons. 这里最后一句话，their precedence of the present social ideas or other reasons，感觉指向性太明确了一点，因为艺术家的作品没有被发现或者没有被重视不一定是因为它的超前性，感觉你在后文也没有再提到超前性这个特点，所以感觉只要意思差不多，把这层意思写得相对general一点会比较好吧~~

Artist is the original driving force of the progress of art. Their creative thinking and the advanced ideas contained in their works could enlighten the public on the ideology or other field and lead to the liberation of humanities. Most people take the Renaissance as the beginning of modern civilization. The artists in that period, including Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Rafael and so on, created lots of great works that not only influenced the present people, but also be passed generation by generation and still give current society esthetic and thinking values. The painting Mona Lisa was paint in the 16th century by Da Vinci and now is on the wall in the Louvre in Paris, France. During centuries, the ambiguity of the sitter’s expression, monumentality of the half-figure composition, and the subtle modeling of forms and atmospheric illusionism has fascinated numerous people to study the painting. Absolutely, the lasting value of the famous painting should mostly be attributed to the great artist, Da Vinci. 感觉知识好渊博啊~~这段文字很好的肯定了艺术家的贡献。

However, to emphasize the significance of artists in giving the society lasting values does not means that we should overlook the critics' contributions in the same process. Because of the difficulties in evaluating the true value and revealing of the depth connotation of art works, there were many artist that had create valuable works but could not make the public be aware of that. Concerning this case, a vivid example comes to my mind immediately. Vincent Van Gogh nowadays is as famous as the great artist Leonardo Da Vinci. However, he could sell only one painting through his whole life, and the buyer is his brother who bought the painting more because of the sympathy than the appreciation of it. （感觉这里累赘了一些，凡高只卖出一幅画可以一句话说以下，我觉得重点不是他把话卖给了谁，只要说他卖不出去是因为没被“伯乐”发现即可。不过，如果你觉得这句话可以加强没碰到伯乐的可怜的艺术家的语气倒也是可以的。） Therefore the nowadays famous artist died in great poverty （这句话感觉太绝对了些，不过也有助于论证的）. Thanks to the critics who found out the great value of Van Gogh’s paintings, these great works could be passed to modern society and give the durative values to the public. （我看下来，整段的笔墨应该着重就是在这一句话吧，可以把这句话扩充一下？横过来竖过来的说两遍？）Although we do not know the names of the critics, we could not eliminate their contribution. There are many cases similar to the Van Gogh one that have demonstrated the great importance of critics. 恩，这个例子举得也很好。

By carefully considering the progress of the art works effecting on the society, we could conclude that the progress could be divided into two parts. One is the creation of the works, and the other one is the acceptance of the public. While the artists mainly work in the first part, the critics always play key roles in the second one. An old saying said that life does not lack beauty; it lacks the eyes to discover the beauty. （这句点睛之笔太恰到好处了！）Therefore, we can conclude that both the artists and the critics give some lasting value to society.

很幸运看你的文章，思路很清晰工整，是我应该学的。谢谢！如果对我的建议有什么想法，我会再回来看这个贴的。我们可以交流~~ ：）

Virtual_ProUID: 2560768

很谢谢你的夸奖，虽然我觉得我的作文有点担不起。回头去看了北美范文的这一篇ISSUE，发现作者的用词和句法都比我高出太多太多。
作为一个工科的学生，艺术类作文无疑是最难的，所以这篇文章前前后后花了我将近3个小时，在wikipedia, google等地方找资料，后期还进行了修改。结果还是不太满意。
你的点评都很到位，第一段的最后一句确实有问题，应该与后文更紧密的结合，至于梵高的例子，多一句话也没什么大不了的，后来的那个地方，确实应该加强，补充论述一句比较好。此外，如果能有一些词句方面的点评就更好了，但我也知道这很难，不勉强。
虽然不是自己期望的那样流畅的作文，但是如果最后的作文能写成这个样子，我也就满意了，现在的问题是怎么样在45分钟内完成这些事情，还有一个月，我要继续努力。

DidoyUID: 2181213

恩，词句方面我不是很敢评，可能在出国以前我还有点这个意识，现在已经不行了，平时写文章什么的比较少注意用词和用句，久而久之养成习惯，反倒是写中文的文章我要多读一遍看看词句了，偶对英文词句的敏感性和判断力大大下降~~好像进入了一个很奇怪的模糊期，不知道算是怎么回事 ORZ
不过我想说的是，从这篇文章来看，我不觉得你的用词用句有大问题。我也念过我们这儿一些国际学生的文章，完全不按照英文思维的有很多，有时我甚至需要逐字翻译才能念明白，而你的文章完全不需要我adapt anything to understand，所以我感觉你不用很担心啦。
我的问题可能正好和你相反，限时对我不是大问题，但是我的思路不是很工整清晰，有时是跳跃式的，下定论或者证明什么的逻辑没有你这么严密，感觉自己噼里啪啦噼里啪啦的就敲上去了，也没有多想一想。
你真的写得不错啦，现在离考试还有一段时间，速度慢慢会上去的啦：）
话说我也要加油去，我这个月底就考了~~