Argument65 =so what=小组第四次作业 by linyan821230

linyan821230UID: 2638813

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 427
TIME: 00:55:10
DATE: 2009-6-13 12:52:24

linyan821230UID: 2638813

The president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking many of varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses for two reasons. One is that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin last year, with the other is a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However, there is no cogent evidence to support the arguer's conclusion.

Firstly, the fact that the five best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses happened only in the newest store, which could not represent the whole area of the country. From the data the arguer provides, the only conclusion is that many people in the city or town, where the newest store is, may have a similar taste and like domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin more that other brands of cheeses. It is not reasonable to assume other stores have the same condition. Moreover, there should be numerous kinds of brands of cheeses from many states in the United States. It is possible that
the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin have a particular flavor which attracts people to buy it, with the cheeses from other states are common. The popularity of cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin doesn't equal with the popularity of all of the domestic cheeses, which should be paid attention by the president. In addition, the data for last year means nothing unless the data for years before last year is also taken into account. In order to show there is really a tendency for people to choose domestic cheeses, advanced investigation and information collection are needed.

Secondly, the arguer provides a survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine as evidence to show there is an increasing preference for domestic cheeses. However, the survey has been taken among it subscribers. There is no information about the subscribers, including the number, sex, age ranges and careers of the subscribers. If most of the subscribers are in one age-range, such as 20-30, it could not be an effective evidence to show the increasing preference for domestic cheeses in the country.

In conclusion, the best-selling of domestic cheeses in the newest store could not represent all the stores sales throughout the USA. The survey by the subscribers of Cheeses of the World is not effective to represent all the consumers in USA. It is advisable for the president of the chain of cheese stores to do more investigation before he/she makes the decision.

mqi07UID: 2521740

The president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking many of varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses for two reasons. One is that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin last year, with（应该是while吧） the other is a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However, there is no cogent evidence to support the arguer's conclusion. （开头挺好 挺简洁）

Firstly, the fact that the five best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses happened only in the newest store, which could not represent the whole area of the country. From the data the arguer provides, the only conclusion is that many people in the city or town, where the newest store is, may have a similar taste and like domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin more that other brands of cheeses. It is not reasonable to assume other stores have the same condition. Moreover, there should be numerous kinds of brands of cheeses from many states in the United States. It is possible that the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin have a particular flavor which attracts people to buy it, with(while) the cheeses from other states are common. The popularity of cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin doesn't(不缩写) equal with the popularity of all of the domestic cheeses, which should be paid attention by the president. In addition, the data for（of 或about 更好吧） last year means nothing unless the data for years before last year is also taken into account. In order to show there is really a tendency for people to choose domestic cheeses, advanced investigation and information collection are needed. （这段的层次有点乱，建议再改一下）

Secondly, the arguer provides a survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine as evidence to show there is an increasing preference for domestic cheeses. However, the survey has been taken among it subscribers. There is no information about the subscribers, including the number, sex, age ranges and careers of the subscribers. If most of the subscribers are in one age-range, such as 20-30, it could not be an effective evidence to show the increasing preference for domestic cheeses in the country.（这段展开的不够 因为你前面提到了好几个因素 但你举例子批驳只涉及range 个人觉得再把前面那几个都稍微具体说说，或者再说survey的别的不足，能更有力批驳survey）

In conclusion, the best-selling of domestic cheeses in the newest store could not represent all the stores sales throughout the USA. The survey by the subscribers（？conducted among应该没有歧义） of Cheeses of the World is not effective to represent all the consumers in USA. It is advisable for the president of the chain of cheese stores to do more investigation before he/she makes the decision.

55分钟内我是写不到这个水平的 所以先向你学习
但第一段的前两个分论点似乎是一回事 不应该分开写
有机会讨论一下 因为没看到提纲 就没弄明白

xwloveUID: 2481588

修改ing
The president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking many of varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses for two reasons. One is that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin last year, with the other is a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However, there is no cogent evidence to support the arguer's conclusion.

Firstly, the fact that the five best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses happened only in the newest store, which could not represent the whole area of the country. From the data the arguer provides, the only conclusion is that（分论点1） many people in the city or town, where the newest store is, may have a similar taste and like domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin more that other brands of cheeses. It is not reasonable to assume other stores have the same condition. Moreover, there should be numerous kinds of brands of cheeses from many states in the United States.（分论点2） It is possible that
the cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin have a particular flavor which attracts people to buy it, with the cheeses from other states are common（这句没看懂）. The popularity of cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin doesn't equal with the popularity of all of the domestic cheeses, which should be paid attention by the president. In addition, the data for last year means nothing （分论点3）unless the data for years before last year is also taken into account. In order to show there is really a tendency for people to choose domestic cheeses, advanced investigation and information collection are needed. （分论点都是围绕本段TS展开的吗？）

Secondly, the arguer provides a survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine as evidence to show there is an increasing preference for domestic cheeses. However, the survey has been taken among it subscribers. There is no information about the subscribers, including the number, sex, age ranges and careers of the subscribers. If most of the subscribers are in one age-range, such as 20-30, it could not be an effective evidence to show the increasing preference for domestic cheeses in the country.

In conclusion, the best-selling of domestic cheeses in the newest store could not represent all the stores sales throughout the USA. The survey by the subscribers of Cheeses of the World is not effective to represent all the consumers in USA. It is advisable for the president of the chain of cheese stores to do more investigation before he/she makes the decision.

来晚了，只能叹，楼上改得太仔细！楼上的一针见血。