craking ibt essay写作小组 Judyhe的第十七次作业

judyheUID: 2613440

Do you agree or not that the extended family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

NO.
Reasons:
the smaller size of family
the stress from the outside world
the convenience of new technology


Extended family include family members as grandparents, cousins, uncles who seems to be a little far from us in fresh and blood. Some people argue that the more enclosed living space, long distance, extended family are much further away from our daily life, and eventually decrease the importance between them and ourselves. I, however, tend to state that extended family is in no way less important to us, if we do not feel much closer than ever before.
Firstly, because of the smaller size of the “family tree” and affection for relatives without need to be divided into several accounts, we may feel larger amount of intimacy from the older ones. For example, in our country, a grandmother may have 36 grandsons and grand-daughters from her 6 sons or daughter, but nowadays, she might just have 2 grandsons or grand-daughter from her 2 sons, so these 2 grandsons are all subjects her love would be poured into. My ante who has a boy child take me as her own daughter, though we live far way from each other, she always remember to buy something to me as she buy things for her own child, and I love her almost as my mother.
Furthermore, as the competition from workplace, school prevailing, family and extended family are their beloved ones to whom they can seek protection and comfort, the sense of belonging inside their bodies would be a medicine for the loneliness the quick living pace bring to them. I always turn to my grandmother for understanding and love when I feel sad.
Additionally, more convenient transportation and communication tools make the contact between extended families be more frequently than in old times. Cousins can talk about what happens in their school through Internet, and people can drive a car to visit his grandfather.
To conclude, because of the smaller size of family, the stress from the outside world, the convenience of new technology, extended family can assuredly be close to us forever.

hyacinthUID: 2184492

Extended family include family members as grandparents, cousins, uncles who seems to be a little far from us in fresh and blood. Some people argue that the more enclosed living space, long distance, extended family are much further away from our daily life, (-> the further away extended family are from our daily life) and eventually decrease the importance between them and ourselves (-> just cut it out. it is redundant).  I, however, tend to state that extended family is in no way less important to us, if we do not feel much closer than ever before. (sounds to me ... there is no "if " relationship between the two sentence)

Firstly, because of the smaller size of the “family tree” and affection for relatives without need to be divided into several accounts, we may feel larger amount of intimacy from the older ones.  (-> re-write the sentence... i m not sure if i get it) For example, in our country, a grandmother may have 36 grandsons and grand-daughters from her 6 sons or daughter, but nowadays, she might just have 2 grandsons or grand-daughter from her 2 sons, so these 2 grandsons are all subjects (^ that) her love would be poured into. My ante who has a boy child (usually a boy is a child...so...delete it...dont need that...) take (-> treats.  it's not that you cant use 'take ' here, but you might want to show the rater you have a decent vocabulary and know how to use them ) me as her own daughter, ( -> "." use peorid at the end of a sentence) though we live far way from each other, she always remember to buy something to me as (-> when) she buy (buys) things for her own child, and I love her almost as my mother.

Furthermore, as the competition from workplace, (-> change the comma into "and") school prevailing, family and extended family are their beloved ones to whom they can seek protection and comfort, (-> .) The sense of belonging inside their bodies would be a medicine for the loneliness the quick living pace bring to them.(???? you might want to check this sentence...i dont get it at all ... >_<)  I always turn to my grandmother for understanding and love when I feel sad.

Additionally, more convenient transportation and communication tools make the contact between extended families be more frequently than (^ that... you cant compare the contact to the old times) in old times. Cousins can talk about what happens in their school through Internet, and people can drive a car to visit his grandfather. (add something related to your argument at the end of each paragraoh so that the reader will not feel that your idea just simply comes into a halt.   )

To conclude, because of the smaller size of family, the stress from the outside world, the convenience of new technology, extended family can assuredly be close to us forever.  (too short and hasty for a good conlusion.as a result, your essay looks like a person with a big head and small body)


it's really smart of you to have an outline before you start your essay. keep it up~~ : ))
your language is not bad and you might want to work on some usage, punctuation and occasionally grammar.
last but not least, try to have a longer conclusion.

judyheUID: 2613440

十分感谢hyacinth~~我会继续努力的~~~~~拜谢过

judyheUID: 2613440

修改稿：
Extended family include family members as grandparents, cousins, uncles who seems to be a little far from us in fresh and blood. Some people argue that the more enclosed living space, longer distance than before, the further away extended family are from our daily life and the less they seem important to us.  I, however, tend to state that extended family is in no way less important to us, if we do not feel much closer than ever before.

Firstly, with the shrinking size of the “family tree”, the affection we feel for relatives need not to be divided into several portions, thus we may feel larger amount of intimacy from them.  For example, in our country, a grandmother may have 36 grandsons and grand-daughters from her 6 sons or daughter, but nowadays, she might just have 2 grandsons or grand-daughter from her 2 sons, so these 2 grandsons are all subjects that her love would be poured into. My ante who has only a boy treats me as her own daughter, though we live far way from each other, she always remember to buy something to me when she buys things for her own child, and I do not expect such a deep love from her if she has several children of her own like a woman in the past will have.

Furthermore, as the competition from workplace, school prevailing, family and extended family are those to whom people can seek protection and comfort. Nowadays, people are exposed to more loneliness resulted from the increasing working stress and the quick living pace, the sense of belonging to family inside their bodies would bring a huge relief and happiness.  I always turn to my grandmother for understanding and love when I feel sad, my cousins and I are good friends who shares gain and pain whenever possible.

Additionally, more convenient transportation and communication tools make the contact between extended families more frequent than that in old times. We can show, feel our importance to each other even though we are separated apart nowadays, but before, people can not benefit a lot from distance. For instance, cousins can talk about what happens in their school through Internet, and people can drive a car to visit his grandfather in one day. While dating back, what extended family members can do when they live far way from each other?

To conclude, because of the smaller size of family, the stress from the outside world, the convenience of new technology, extended family can assuredly be close to us forever. To what extent we drifted apart physically, we still convey importance, help and love physically.
较劲脑汁……意识到自己的作文确实需要恶补了~~~~~

FFtserAphUID: 2641938

Extendedfamily include family members as grandparents, cousins, uncles whoseems to be a little far from us in fresh and blood. Some people arguethat the more enclosed living space, longer distance than before, the further away extended family are from our daily life and the less they seem important to us.  I,however, tend to state that extended family is in no way less importantto us, if we do not feel much closer than ever before.' {+ B9 }. F3 Q$ H
1 |5 d: y; ]: O
Firstly,with the shrinking size of the “family tree”, the affection we feel forrelatives need not to be divided into several portions, thus we mayfeel larger amount of intimacy from them.  Forexample, in our country, a grandmother may have 36 grandsons andgrand-daughters from her 6 sons or daughter (a grandmother may have 36 grandchildren from her 6 kids 长句or短句？which one will you choose?), but nowadays, she mightjust have 2 grandsons or grand-daughter from her 2 sons, so these 2grandsons are all subjects that her love would be poured into. My ante who has only a boy treats me as her own daughter, though we live far way from each other, she always remember to buy something to me when she buys thingsfor her own child, and I do not expect such a deep love from her if shehas several children of her own like a woman in the past will have (will have -> had). % V' l$ x1 y4 V& J
2 B" ?1 x" G% W: S
Furthermore, as the competition from workplace, school prevailing, family and extended family are those to whom (to whom -> from where) people can seek protection and comfort. Nowadays, people are exposed to more loneliness resulted from the increasing working stress and the quick living pace, the sense of belonging to family inside their bodies would bring a huge relief and happiness.  Ialways turn to my grandmother for understanding and love when I feelsad, my cousins and I are good friends who shares gain and painwhenever possible.  F9 G! H7 g$ @5 T6 w8 N

1 T0 ~& W$ y9 ~0 P; S1 dAdditionally,more convenient transportation and communication tools make the contactbetween extended families more frequent than that in old times. Wecan show, feel our importance to each other even though we areseparated apart nowadays, but before, people can not benefit a lot fromdistance. (后半句是说：过去人们不能从“距离”受益。感觉不是很贴切。可以考虑：but before, it is difficult for aparted family members to show each other their solicitude or love ) For instance, cousins can talkabout what happens in their school through Internet, and people candrive a car to visit his grandfather in one day. While dating back,what extended family members can do when they live far way from eachother? ( @" r6 j0 I$ I3 I- c
/ G9 r2 S/ W  K! ^& g: i* N) Y
To conclude,because of the smaller size of family, the stress from the outsideworld, the convenience of new technology, extended family can assuredlybe close to us forever. To what extent we drifted apart physically, we still convey importance, help and love physically.（这句中的两个physically我看得有些迷糊）

我是按照我的理解来提意见的，如果有曲解的地方，请无视。
写得不错，继续加油。∩_∩

PS：
实在是不好意思
以为是在下次交作业之前改完
之前不知道期限是交作业后第二天
斑竹已经给改过一次了，我就在你的第二稿上修改的
再次道歉

judyheUID: 2613440

王gg 这么客气的~~~~~~很感谢啦