6,7月份 cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组lingyao1的第十七次作业

lingyao1UID: 2467525

Do you agree or not that the extended family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In this era of rapid social change leading to life complexity and psychological displacement, especially in conception of family, both positive and negative thinking in turning to a dramatically controversy that whether extended family becomes less crucial nowadays than it was in the past. However, its sounds like a little ridiculous. I always believe that the family is a precious treasure in one’s whole life whatever extended or direct family.

To the very basic first, the family member not only means his or her parents, but also including the other people who obtains same blood relationship with his or her parents, such grandparents, cousins, uncles, antes and so on. They are playing an essential role in building family. The big family is consisted by many smaller families. And therefore he or she is connected depending on his or her intensive blood relationships. For apparent instance, I am my father’s son, and also is grandson to my father’s father, so grandfather and I have very intensive relationship. Nevertheless, every family member keeps equally important relationship to each other, although this relationship is easy to confusion. In a word, according to blood relationship, no matter extended or non-extended family, they have the same important effect on each other.

But some people usually discuss an issue that the extended family is not important to common people, because the most of people are loosing their energy and affection on the nearest the people, even including family. They hold opinion that with the rapid development of society and life pace, the pressure which comes from living and studying has controlled person’s thinking, he or she did not have enough time and energy to considering their around persons, even including his or her children.
Gradually and eventually, it is easy to conclude that overlooking their extended family becoming so common.

Admittedly, with recently public survey indicates that the most of people would like to spend much time for stay with their family, including grandparents, uncle, antes, although sometimes they had to forget them in working day. All in all, the research result figures out that the hard working lead to people more pleasure to focus on their family, especially extended family. Because it could let them feeling the parents love and relax themselves.

Moreover, for my experiencing example, I love my grandparents and the other extended family the same as I loving my father and mother. We usually make a reunion in the weekend, and have a delicious table-dinner at the night. There full of happy atmosphere around the table, and we singing and dancing after dinner. It always increasing the affection among the every person, and let us to release the trouble and more love each other. In conclusion, there is no phenomenon showing that the extended family is becoming less important than before.

wangxinfeiUID: 2633557

MIn this era of rapid social change leading to life complexity and psychological displacement, especially in conception of family, both positive and negative thinking in turning to a dramatically controversy that whether extended family becomes less crucial nowadays than it was in the past. However, its sounds like a little ridiculous. I always believe that the family is a precious treasure in one’s whole life whatever extended or direct family.(第一段最好有直接切题表达观点的句子，最后一句是对家庭的看法，不是很切合"家庭地位是否发生变化"这个主题)

the very basic first, the family member not only means his or her parents, but also including the other people who obtains same blood relationship with his or her parents, such grandparents, cousins, uncles, antes and so on. They are playing an essential role in building family. The big family is consisted by many smaller families. And therefore he or she is connected depending on his or her intensive blood relationships. For apparent instance, I am my father’s son, and also is grandson to my father’s father, so grandfather and I have very intensive relationship. Nevertheless, every family member keeps equally important relationship to each other, although this relationship is easy to confusion. In a word, according to blood relationship, no matter extended or non-extended family, they have the same important effect on each other

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But some people usually discuss an issue that the extended family is not important to common people, because the most of people are loosing their energy and affection on the nearest the people, even including family. They hold opinion that with the rapid development of society and life pace, the pressure which comes from living and studying has controlled person’s thinking, he or she did not have enough time and energy to considering their around persons, even including his or her children.- d" ]) Z( P2 t$ S
Gradually and eventually, it is easy to conclude that overlooking their extended family becoming so common.

Admittedly, with recently public survey indicates that the most of people would like to spend much time for staying with their family, including grandparents, uncle, antes, although sometimes they had to forget them in working day. All in all, the research result figures out that the hard working lead to people more pleasure to focus on their family, especially extended family. Because it could let them feeling the parents‘ love and relax themselves.1 a6 n6 V1 `3 O* U$ u

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Moreover, for my experiencing example, I love my grandparents and the other extended family the same as I loving my father and mother. We usually make a reunion in the weekend, and have a delicious table-dinner at the night. There full of happy atmosphere around the table, and we singing and dancing after dinner. It always increasing the affection among the every person, and let us to release the trouble and more love each other. In conclusion, there is no phenomenon showing that the extended family is becoming less important than before
感觉我跟楼主的审题不一样:L

第二段写大家庭组成，第三段写社会上一些人的消极看法，第四段反驳，第五段写自己的经验，这样写是阐述说明，不是传统的总论点-分论点的形式，这样写对段落之间的逻辑、语句的衔接性要求更高了，最好是慎重选择，估计考官都是千篇一律的认为总-分式，没写好，就很容易觉得你扣题不紧了:dizzy:

语法方面我感觉很多句子是缺谓语的，但又不确定，自己的语法也很弱，正在积极补:D 可以讨论的

lingyao1UID: 2467525

2# wangxinfei

总分模式是最普及型结构，因为看了很多官方范文，他们的结构基本已经拿捏自如了，所以想在练习的时候多尝试尝试，这方法用在gre作文写作很有帮助，虽然错误会多一些，但你写作的思维方式马上就拓宽了，这点你在gre精华区有很多抛开模板和固有思路的经验贴。

第一段我已经直截了当的说“ridiculous”了，最后一段也表明态度了，中间段的那些不按套路出牌也是变向的肯定自己的想法，所以我就抱着试试看的态度写几次。

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

In this era of rapid social change （leading to life complexity and psychological displacement, especiallyin conception of family这部分全部都是change的从句么？感觉这句话不怎么通顺啊，LZ再检查检查）, both positive and negative thinking in turningto（是谓语么？） a dramatically controversy that whether extended family becomes lesscrucial nowadays than it was in the past. However, its（it） sounds like(去掉like) alittle ridiculous. I always believe that the family is a precioustreasure in one’s whole life whatever extended or direct family.9 V; U; E6 s+ q! I: }

To the very basic first, the family member not only means his or herparents, but also including the other people who obtains same bloodrelationship with his or her（ones） parents, such grandparents, cousins,uncles, antes and so on. They are playing an essential role in buildingfamily. The big family is consisted by many smaller families. Andtherefore he or she is connected depending on his or her intensiveblood relationships. For apparent instance, I am my father’s son, andalso is grandson to my father’s father, so grandfather and I have veryintensive relationship. Nevertheless, every family member keeps equallyimportant relationship to each other, although this relationship iseasy to confusion. In a word, according to blood relationship, nomatter extended or non-extended family, they have the same importanteffect on each other.（本段作者花了大量的笔墨来描述家庭成员间的关系，我觉得有些不妥，也没有必要，应该把有限的时间与精力花在讲extend family的重要性，语言表述基本没有什么问题）

Butsome people usually discuss an issue that the extended family is notimportant to common people, because the most of people are loosingtheir energy and affection on the nearest the people, even includingfamily. They hold opinion that with the rapid development of societyand life pace, the pressure which comes from living and studying hascontrolled person’s thinking, he or she did not have enough time andenergy to considering their around persons, even including his or herchildren., s& b4 C3 L+ F5 X. B0 Y7 `
Gradually and eventually, it is easy to conclude that overlooking their extended family becoming so common.（此段作者以but打头，一般按照老美的思维方式，他会认为but后面才是你想说的内容，作者有些本末倒置的感觉，可以讲以上两段结合起来，顺序反过来，同时删减上一段的内容）2 A- b# j3 O3 v

Admittedly（admittedly,用在此处不合适，一般来说后面跟的是反对内容，作者后面是肯定）,with(去掉 改成a recent) recently public survey indicates that the most of people wouldlike to spend much time for stay with their family(少了主语), includinggrandparents, uncle, antes, although sometimes they had to（不得不忘记？） forget themin working day. All in all, the research result figures out that thehard working lead to people more pleasure to focus on their family,especially extended family. Because it could let them feeling theparents love and relax themselves.（这个结论有些牵强，你的原因明显不充分嘛，可以多补充一些内容，比如更深层的剖析一下，人们为什么越来越依靠family了啊，压力，同事啊 什么的）  ^% y; b. a$ U! H, ]
  Moreover,for my experiencing example, I love my grandparents and the otherextended family the same as I loving my father and mother. We usuallymake a reunion in the weekend, and have a delicious table-dinner at thenight. There full of happy atmosphere around the table, and we singingand dancing after dinner. It always increasing the affection among theevery person, and let us to release the trouble and more love eachother. In conclusion, there is no phenomenon showing that the extendedfamily is becoming less important than before. （最后一段作者写的很精彩，例子用的很到位，这是你的出彩点，可惜有些晚了）

作者的表述能力还是充分肯定的，但是我读你的文章有些奇怪，你的那几个连接词，真是的，单独拿出来个个都很好，联系你的文章思路，感觉就很别扭，一家之言，希望作者可以自习看看。加油！

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

作者回头拍我的作文啊
90#