cracking ibt essay! 小组写作组 chineselady(翠花)的 第17次作业

chineseladyUID: 2403976

Do you agree or not that the extended family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and antes) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Extended family played a significant role in the past decades. At that time, people living together needed to take care of each other more conveniently; especially the economic system and transportation were not available for those to work outside. The distinct aspect of facilities made people lived in a large family, but in modern society, the tendency of extended family is not as important as before. This passage will discuss it with more details.

The developed areas with better economy could bring there more people from their families. At present, many young people prefer to move out of their towns to chase for dreams. There are several reasons: better working conditions, serious competition and gain different culture and life. Thus, to live with parents and grandparents may become history. Even some of people might go abroad for higher education or doing research. For instance, one of my friends who came from a deep mountain area studied in metropolitan. After receiving a degree, he got a good pay job in a famous company in city. So he geographically separated from his relatives. His family due to living in small town longer time did not have desire to move out. Even though they did, may have culture shock under the distinctive habits.

On the other hand, it is hard to make the same agreement in extended families. Grandparents with their hobbies and minds from past decades have scarcely followed the social tendency. Grandchildren may prefer to go shopping from online store but the advanced people will not think it is safe enough. And young people would like to wear unique clothes to show their characteristics. Several ear holes, tattoo and hip-pop style could be welcomed among next generations. The different information from different decades cannot make people think and do in the similar way. Thus, extended family will not be important and adopted in the future, reasoning is they may not like each other’s life style. That will not result in harmony for any families.

In conclusion, with those details and example, living together with relatives will not exist gradually. Under the advanced economy and developed society, people would choose to live in a new way instead of extended family.

honey67UID: 2645316

Excuse me , i don;t know what is going on here? Because both of you and Rainbowtea wrote exactly the same thing .I was shocked when i first see your essay after making comments with hers. And still, i am waiting for my team member to give me some advice on my essay.

honey67UID: 2645316

Extended family played a significant role in the past decades. At that time, people living together and took care of each other more conveniently; , (comma would be better )especially the economic system and transportation were not available for those to work outside. The distinct (distinctive)aspect of facilities made people lived(it has to be make sb. To do st. I think , or if you have more certain reason to use this.But I know you want to indicate that it is happened in the past.However, I think past for of make has already told us it is something happened before. ) in a large family, but in modern society, the tendency of extended family is not as important as before. This passage will discuss it with more details.
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The developed areas with advanced economy could attract more people from their families. At present, many young people prefer to move out of their towns to chase for dreams. There are several reasons: better working conditions, serious competition and gain different culture and life. Thus, to live with parents and grandparents may become history. Even some people might go abroad for higher education or doing research. For instance, one of my friends who came from a deep(can also use “remote”) mountain area studied in metropolitan areas. After receiving a degree, he got a good-pay job in a famous company in city. So he geographically separated from his relatives. His family due to living in small town longer time would not have desire to move out. Even though they did, culture shock may occur under the distinctive habits.
(This is a good point, I also have mentioned this reason, but seems I didn't express it more thoroughly and completely, I personally think this is a nice paragraph) G6 @. l. O. ]) P0 H; z" {

On the other hand,(Since you have started this paragraph with on the other hand, do you think for the integrity of the whole passage, we should find out on the one hand in the previous paragraph?) it is hard to make the same agreement in extended families nowadays. Grandparents with their hobbies and minds from past decades have scarcely followed the social tendency. Grandchildren may prefer to go shopping from online store but the senior will not think it is safe enough. And young people would like to wear bizarre dress to show their characteristics. Get several ear-piercing, tattoo and hip-pop style could be welcomed among next generations. The different information from different decades cannot make people think and do in the similar way. In this case, extended family will not be important and their opinion will not be adopted in the future, the reason is they may not like each other’s life style. That will not result in harmony for any families.2 a3 W, ]! V0 [) d' P3 f* @% i

In conclusion, with those details and example(examples), living together with relatives will not exist gradually. (Hmm..is this has to be the point you are trying to enhance? Or do you think we should point out the improtance of the extendied family?You have your reason , but we could share.)Under the advanced economy and developed society, people would choose to live in a new way instead of extended family.  

Comment: I should say that this article is really nice ,i can see that you have a very good writing basis and ability.Your examples are fine and your vocabulary is ample ,i mean you could clearly state your mind with the proper words.This is something I need to learn from you. The best thing is your idea is so clear ,though except for some tiny points we may show difference .Overal, if the total score for the essay is 6, I would say you could at least get 5.

chineseladyUID: 2403976

写的一样还有这事??!! 我去看看....亲的修改谢谢了. 如果将改的MARK下下就更..容易..看呢..:loveliness:

此款披肩仅15元

crystal_shenUID: 158842

开头一段最后一句 This passage will discuss it with more details. 楼主是说本段讨论还是下文讨论？
如果是下文，那么这么说可能更顺：This will be discussed with more details in the following paragraphs.

最后一段结尾，In conclusion, with those details and example, living together with relatives will not exist gradually.
not exist是个绝对的绝迹的状态，使用渐渐的来修饰有点怪, 而且说慢慢绝迹有点太绝对，是减少，不是绝迹。建议这么说：
In conclusion, with details and examples discussed above, living together with relatives will get less popular gradually.

chineseladyUID: 2403976

对, 我的意思是下文. 谢谢了. 那个不存在听起来是严重些. 应该换词的. 我想请教下, 打算作文考25分你看我该怎么准备呢, 在这个基础上? 上次考了20分. 5# crystal_shen dui

crystal_shenUID: 158842

对, 我的意思是下文. 谢谢了. 那个不存在听起来是严重些. 应该换词的. 我想请教下, 打算作文考25分你看我该怎么准备呢, 在这个基础上? 上次考了20分. 5# crystal_shen  dui
chineselady 发表于 2009-6-20 12:17

就这篇文来看，词语和句子结构的变化和复杂度还是不错的，只是小心点，有时过了也不好，用的词要有把握。
还是那个观点，开头和结尾的句子一定小心，尤其是总领／结性的，承上启下的，阅卷人读的很快，这些却是最抓眼球的部分，多看看例文的开头结尾段落，包括主流的新闻网站的小文章的开头结尾段落，学习模仿下人家。
你做的总体还是不错的，加油～

chineseladyUID: 2403976

嗯....好的谢谢!!!:)