0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第三期ARGUMENT242 by xdjtf

xdjtfUID：2615699

  The recommendation given by the author seems at first glance resonable. The author draws the conclusion based on this reasoning: first, the Groven which has adopted the hornor code to prevent the cheating among college and university students receives fewer reports about cheating; the survey of Groveton honor council indicates the application of the honor code lowers the possibility of cheating. However, as far as i am concerned, this inference is doubtful and problematic.

In the first place, after the honor code substitutes the traditional system in the Groven, the reported cheating case reduces in the first year and even substantially five years later; notwithstanding, the author misinterprets the relation between the correlation and cause-effect relation, that is, there are numerous other facotors exerting impact on whether the students will choose to cheat. For instance, during the past five years, the academic exam may become easier to pass and thus there is no need for students to cheat.


In the second place, it is also questionable to conclude the honor code is effective solely in light of the data based on the reported cheating case, in other words, it is not convicing enough to evaluate the degree of cheating according to how many cases have been reported. Perhaps after the hornor code is in place, these students who are most probable to cheat negotiate with each other to cheat collaboratively and therefore there will be decreasing number of cheating case to be reported.


Finally, for other institutions, the feedback from the students in Groven does not necessarily imply the necessity of choosing the honor code, that is, the reponse of the students in Groven does not represent their counterparts in other colleges and universities and hence does not substantiate that it will serve useful purpose. Perhaps to adopt the honor code would not alter their counterparts’ angel of viewing the cheating or even, on the contrary, they would cheat more without the teachers' monitoring.

In sum, the situation revealed by the author is informative and the suggestion given may be, to some extent, helpful. However, the conclusion reached is hasty and cursory, to buttress the argument, the author needs to pinpoint the causal relationship between the evidences listed and the conclusion, otherwise,
giving an immature recommendation may be misleading.

kkjj2008UID：2653462

The recommendation given by the author seems at first glance reasonable. The author draws the conclusion based on this reasoning（两个现象，而不是一个推理吧？）: first, the Groven which has adopted the hornor code to prevent the cheating among college and university students receives fewer reports about cheating(歧义fewer than other universities?); the survey of Groveton honor council indicates the application of the honor code lowers the possibility of cheating. However, as far as i am concerned, this inference is doubtful and problematic.

In the first place, after the honor code substitutes the traditional system in the Groven, the reported cheating case reduces in the first year and even substantially five years later; notwithstanding, the author misinterprets the relation between the correlation and cause-effect relation, that is, there are numerous other facotors exerting impact on whether the students will choose to cheat. For instance, during the past five years, the academic exam may become easier to pass and thus there is no need for students to cheat.
前面的复述和分析太过长，最后的举例再加一点，亦说明numerous

In the second place, it is also questionable to conclude the honor code is effective solely in light of the data based on the reported cheating cases, in other words, it is not convincing enough to evaluate the degree of cheating according to how many cases have been reported（只要后面那个解释就可以了嘎）. Perhaps after the hornor code is in place, these students who are most probable to cheat negotiate with each other to cheat collaboratively (解释得太详细了俄)and therefore there will be decreasing number of cheating case to be reported.最后一句最好分开说，作为一个总结，和一个喘气的机会。


Finally, for other institutions, the feedback from the students in Groven does not necessarily imply the necessity of choosing the honor code, that is, the response of the students in Groven does not represent their counterparts in other colleges and universities and hence does not substantiate that it will serve useful purpose. Perhaps to adopt the honor code would not alter their counterparts’ angleel of viewing the cheating or even, on the contrary,(选一个程度介词比较好让老外理解) they would cheat more without the teachers' monitoring.

In sum, the situation revealed by the author is informative and the suggestion given may be, to some extent, helpful. However, the conclusion reached is hasty and cursory, to buttress the argument, the author needs to pinpoint the causal relationship between the evidences listed and the conclusion, otherwise,
giving an immature recommendation may be misleading.


Problematic，questionable，很符合中国人的思维，建议换写词，如untenable, dubious等
此外，作者喜用逗号，因为这样可以节约时间么。但是这样会让阅卷老师看不明白的。
貌似用了三次句子解释，可以换一下语气，比如进一步说明等。
论证的反面思考可以沿展开来，每段可以多一些反面例子，显得更有层次感。
最后一段的模板选得不错。
加油。