0910G 同主题写作第五期 Argument65 WDI小组 By xydeng

xydengUID: 2472724

0910G 同主题写作第五期 Argument65 WDI小组 By xydeng
第一次考的时候只在考试前写过一篇A，三个月后重拾A，发现写起来还是挺纠结的，花了两个小时，因为没有限时，字数比较多，大家狠拍吧。
65. The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."


The speaker argues that in order to improve profit of the chain of cheese stores, they should stop stocking many of varieties of imported cheese and focus mainly on domestic cheeses. To support his suggestion, the president of the chain of cheese stores provides the evidence that at the newest store the domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin are the five best-selling cheeses. In addition, he or she cites that a recent survey by Cheese of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. And another piece of evidence presented to support the argument is that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. This argument seems somewhat convincing at first glance; however, careful security of this argument reveals that there are several fallacies.

In the first place, an essential assumption is that the last year’s report is accurate and indicates that domestic cheeses are more popular than imported cheeses. However, the speaker provides no sufficient evidence to support this crucial assumption. Firstly, this report just uncovers the case of last year, which cannot guarantee that people’s inclination of consuming domestic cheeses this year or in the following years. Secondly, this report merely records the situation of the newest store, which cannot represent all the stores’ cases. Maybe in other stores of the rest regions, people would prefer imported cheeses to domestic cheeses. Thirdly, the report just shows us consumer's strong inclination of choosing one particular style cheeses from Wisconsin. The sales success of this particular cheese absolutely can not ensure the potential success of selling other styles of Wisconsin cheeses nor the cheeses produced by other states. All in all, unless the speaker provides more information and evidence about consumers’ preference in all stores of all regions, it cannot

In the next place, the recent survey cited by the author is problematic. First of all, the arguer does not provide the information about the magazine—Cheeses of the World and how the survey is conducted. It is not guaranteed that the statistics obtained by the magazine is reliable and accurate. Lacking more information about the original amount of people who prefer domestic cheeses and the concrete amount of the increasing preference for domestic cheeses, it is impossible to assess that domestic cheeses dominate a majority of market share. And the survey is conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine which the arguer supplies no information about, may makes the results open to doubt. Whether the survey reflects the reality is uncertain. In addition, the survey just shows us the opinions of its subscribers which are not representative of the preference of overall population. It is very likely that other persons who are not the subscribers of the magazine and have not involved in the survey would prefer imported cheeses to domestic cheeses. Also, the arguer does not supply the concrete number of subscribers who participate in the survey, how many people respond and where the participators come from. It is highly possible that the participators are all those consumers who originally prefer to domestic cheeses all the time. It cannot represent the situation of all the residents. And another possibility is that the persons participating in the survey are from the same region, which is not representative of the situation of the entire country. Without ruling out these and other alternative possibilities, the arguer cannot recommend that domestic cheeses are preferred nationwide and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses is profitable.

Last but not least, the speaker assumes that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that it is necessarily the case, and the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is not provided the information about the respective expense of stocking domestic cheeses and imported cheeses. It is irrational to recommend that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Additionally, many elements besides stocking affect the expenses of the company, such as, transport, the rent of storefronts. So it is not ensured that merely by limiting inventory the company can reduce expenses.

To sum up, this argument mentioned above is not as sound as the arguer expects. To strengthen the argument, he or she should provide more clear and sufficient evidence to substantiate that domestic cheeses are preferred in all the stores of the company, limiting inventory can reduce expense and stocking and selling domestic cheeses will improve profit.

lucarlUID: 2616426

今天太晚了，4点还要起来测量实习，明天再来改~

呵呵

lucarlUID: 2616426

我改的也很纠结，有问题咱们明晚讨论一下。


The speaker argues that in order to improve profit of the chain of cheese stores, they should stop stocking many of varieties of imported cheese and focus mainly on domestic cheeses. To support his suggestion, the president of the chain of cheese stores provides the evidence that at the newest store the domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin are the five best-selling cheeses. In addition, he or she cites that a recent survey by Cheese of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. And another piece of evidence presented to support the argument is that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. This argument seems somewhat convincing at first glance; however, careful security of this argument reveals that there are several fallacies.

In the first place, an essential assumption is that the last year’s report is accurate and indicates that domestic cheeses are more popular than imported cheeses. However, the speaker provides no sufficient evidence to support this crucial assumption. Firstly, this report just uncovers the case of last year, which cannot guarantee that people’s inclination of consuming domestic cheeses this year or in the following years. Secondly, this report merely records the situation of the newest store, which cannot represent all the stores’ cases. Maybe in other stores of the rest(other) regions, people would prefer imported cheeses to domestic cheeses. Thirdly, the report just shows us consumer's strong inclination of choosing one particular style cheeses from Wisconsin. The sales success（successful sales/selling of… 这样表达更清晰一点，这句话我反复读才读懂~） of this particular cheese absolutely can not ensure the potential success of selling other styles of Wisconsin cheeses nor the cheeses produced by other states. All in all, unless the speaker provides more information and evidence about consumers’ preference in all stores of all regions, it cannot这里是什么意思？



总的来说，三个攻击点罗列的很清晰。
对于前两点，我觉得应该换一下顺序。newest应该是题中最明显的错误了，所以应该
先攻击它。Major flaw嘛。
另外第三点，可能是你对这道题的理解有偏差。你将所有的cheeses分做了other states’ 和 from Wisconsin两种，然后Wisconsin又分为cheddar和other kinds。其实from Wisconsin不是主要错误，它只是给你一个信息，强调这是一种奶酪，即cheddar cheeses from W。而应该将other domestic cheeses (apart from cheddar cheeses) 和 imported cheeses上，以说明作者考虑不周全。

In the next place, the recent survey cited by the author is problematic. First of all, the arguer does not provide the information about the magazine—Cheeses of the World and how the survey is conducted. It is not guaranteed that the statistics obtained by the magazine is reliable and accurate. Lacking more information about the original amount of people who prefer domestic cheeses and the concrete amount of the increasing preference for domestic cheeses, it is impossible to assess that domestic cheeses dominate a majority of market share. And the survey is conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine which the arguer supplies no information about, may makes the results open to doubt.这句话出现了两个谓语，改~ Whether the survey reflects the reality is uncertain. In addition, the survey just shows us the opinions of its subscribers which are not representative of the preference of overall population. It is very likely that other persons who are not the subscribers of the magazine
and have not involved in the survey
这个从句其实很重复，读者看到other就能知道后面这一大堆would prefer imported cheeses to domestic cheeses. Also, the arguer does not supply the concrete number of subscribers who participate in the survey, how many people 重复respond and where the participators come from.
It is highly possible that the participators are all those consumers who originally prefer to domestic cheeses all the time. It cannot represent the situation of all the residents. And another possibility is that the persons participating in the survey are from the same region, which is not representative of the situation of the entire country. Without ruling out these and other alternative possibilities, 这句话，要么就再指出几处其他可能性（比如杂志受贿报道不实），要么就不要写the arguer cannot recommend that domestic cheeses are preferred nationwide and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses is profitable.


这一段写的非常乱！
主要存在问题：
1、反复说车轱辘话，一句话中重复，段前部分和段后部分重复。看蓝色标记。
2、看褐色的句子。每个句子前面有诸如First, in addition, also 之类的关键词，读者看到它们，会觉得你要说你的分论点了。可是，前两个，完全是一个意思。后两个也是一样：“调查只给出订阅者的意见，它们不能代表全部。”
“作者没有给出参与调查人数，以及他们来自哪里。”

总的来说，要明确攻击点：
Its subscribers不能代表people across U.S. 攻击到位就好了。
比如：这个杂志只调查了他们的订户，如果这个杂志做的很大，全国范围，他的订户还有可能代表全国的情况。如果是一个小杂志社，那么他的subscribers肯定不能代表全国人民了。

Last but not least, the speaker assumes that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that it is necessarily the case, and the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is not provided the information about the respective expense of stocking domestic cheeses and imported cheeses. It is irrational to recommend that the company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Additionally, many elements besides stocking affect the expenses of the company, such as, transport, the rent of storefronts. So it is not ensured that merely by limiting inventory the company can reduce expenses.


最后一段逻辑很清楚！赞

To sum up, this argument mentioned above is not as sound as the arguer expects. To strengthen the argument, he or she should provide more clear and sufficient evidence to substantiate that domestic cheeses are preferred in all the stores of the company, limiting inventory can reduce expense and stocking and selling domestic cheeses will improve profit.

xydengUID: 2472724

3# lucarl
thanks a lot