0910AW SPECTACULAR之【同主题写作】第六期ISSUE221 ROW abi-gail

abi-gailUID: 2624616

TOPIC: ISSUE221 - "The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history."

The break down of the illusion of significant differences between the past and today is indeed important, yet it accomplishes merely a disparate explanatory process. Despite the fundamental status of this process, we should benefit more from predicting into the future and improving our lives, with the control over the prediction.


At many times, history study focuses on the identical parts of human society, which shed light on our current life. The flow of human history is incessantly pondering on unanimous issues like love, conflict, and peace. Stripping off the inconsistent protuberance, we may always find the shared root of our human family veiled behind these issues---a constant struggle against internal motivations and external challenges. To illustrate, we find the shadow of tyranny so familiar today in those aggressive countries that we may easily find its counterpart in the war six decades ago. Meanwhile, the call for peace and love has prevailed ever since we came into being, and it would never die down. In a macro scope, history studies reveal more similarities than differences, and it is precisely by using these points we are able determine which way to follow.

Rather than being content with the explicit explanation of human similarities, we should drag ourselves from piles of documents and ponder on our contemporary life and take measures to constitute a better future. Knowing the names of the similarities is far from enough, wisely using it should be our pursuit. It is insane to arbitrate that any study could be of great value if it is useless. We benefit chiefly on the process of practicing the good methods available, and warily avoid the problematic part. The tragedy of Rwanda genocide unveils the conflicts between different tribal groups, yet it is the acknowledgement of mutual understanding and collaboration against such crime that really brings the boon. With the awareness of such issues, we should find ways to control it, either promote or prohibit, and place better bedrock for the future.

Apart from excavating the similarities, those anomaly parts should not be ignored. Our society is undeniably more complex today, with more dimensions to life and the trends of pluralism. We are confronted with a bewildering amount of choices and issues yet to be resolved. From global politics to our dinner table, we always see new things happening everyday. We are not supposed to continue traditional diplomacy like unilateralism when we are in an age of collaboration. Likewise, old ways of understanding can never successfully shoulder the task of today. By then, if we still rely on the angle of finding similarities to solve the problem, the result would be counterproductive to our original will. We may even go further when we look into the creativity in the veil of differences. Although they may seemingly be judged as idiosyncratic, it is often these parts that fill up the margin. Genetic mechanism, once regarded as fringe study, now inspire the field of medicine, psychology, even industry. It is in this phase of studying discrete intervals, we may bring great change to our life.

In sum, we should never indulge ourselves with merely a map of similarities throughout human history, the gold mine lies in the practice of cleverly using the map and build a better future. What's more, we shall never overlook the new challenges on us, but actively study it and beat them down.

蘅芜雪UID: 2646650

The break down of the illusion of significant differences between the past and today is indeed important, yet it accomplishes merely a disparate explanatory process. Despite the fundamental status of this process, we should benefit more from predicting into the future and improving our lives, with the control over the prediction.开头很好


At many times, history study focuses on the identical parts of human society, which shed light on our current life. The flow of human history is incessantly pondering on unanimous issues like love, conflict, and peace. Stripping off the inconsistent protuberance, we may always find the shared root of our human family veiled behind these issues---a constant struggle against internal motivations and external challenges. To illustrate, we find the shadow of tyranny so familiar today in those aggressive countries that we may easily find its counterpart in the war six decades ago. Meanwhile, the call for peace and love has prevailed ever since we came into being, and it would never die down. In a macro scope, history studies reveal more similarities than differences, and it is precisely by using these points we are able determine which way to follow. 这一段后面论述的似乎与你本段开头的“主题句”没什么关系。

Rather than being content with the explicit explanation of human similarities, we should drag ourselves from piles of documents and ponder on our contemporary life and take measures to constitute a better future. Knowing the names of the similarities is far from enough, wisely using it should be our pursuit. It is insane to arbitrate that any study could be of great value if it is useless. We benefit chiefly on the process of practicing the good methods available, and warily avoid the problematic part. The tragedy of Rwanda genocide unveils the conflicts between different tribal groups, yet it is the acknowledgement of mutual understanding and collaboration against such crime that really brings the boon. With the awareness of such issues, we should find ways to control it, either promote or prohibit, and place better bedrock for the future.

Apart from excavating the similarities, those anomaly parts should not be ignored. Our society is undeniably more complex today, with more dimensions to life and the trends of pluralism. We are confronted with a bewildering amount of choices and issues yet to be resolved. From global politics to our dinner table, we always see new things happening everyday. We are not supposed to continue traditional diplomacy like unilateralism when we are in an age of collaboration. Likewise, old ways of understanding can never successfully shoulder the task of today. By then, if we still rely on the angle of finding similarities to solve the problem, the result would be counterproductive to our original will. We may even go further when we look into the creativity in the veil of differences. Although they may seemingly be judged as idiosyncratic, it is often these parts that fill up the margin. Genetic mechanism, once regarded as fringe study, now inspire the field of medicine, psychology, even industry. It is in this phase of studying discrete intervals, we may bring great change to our life.

In sum, we should never indulge ourselves with merely a map of similarities throughout human history, the gold mine lies in the practice of cleverly using the map and build a better future. What's more, we shall never overlook the new challenges on us, but actively study it and beat them down.
不错的文~

预言UID: 2625991

The break down of the illusion of significant differences between the past and today is indeed important, yet it accomplishes merely a disparate explanatory process. Despite the fundamental status of this process, we should benefit more from predicting into the future and improving our lives, with the control over the prediction.


At many times, history study focuses on the identical parts of human society, which shed light on our current life. The flow of human history is incessantly pondering on unanimous issues like love, conflict, and peace. Stripping off the inconsistent protuberance, we may always find the shared root of our human family veiled behind these issues---a constant struggle against internal motivations and external challenges. To illustrate, we find the shadow of tyranny so familiar today in those aggressive countries that we may easily find its counterpart in the war six decades ago. Meanwhile, the call for peace and love has prevailed ever since we came into being, and it would never die down. In a macro scope, history studies reveal more similarities than differences, and it is precisely by using these points we are able determine which way to follow.

Rather than being content with the explicit explanation of human similarities, we should drag ourselves from piles of documents and ponder on our contemporary life and take measures to constitute a better future. Knowing the names of the similarities is far from enough, wisely using it should be our pursuit. It is insane to arbitrate that any study could be of great value if it is useless. We benefit chiefly on the process of practicing the good methods available, and warily avoid the problematic part. The tragedy of Rwanda genocide unveils the conflicts between different tribal groups, yet it is the acknowledgement of mutual understanding and collaboration against such crime that really brings the boon. With the awareness of such issues, we should find ways to control it, either promote or prohibit, and place better bedrock for the future.

Apart from excavating the similarities, those anomaly parts should not be ignored. Our society is undeniably more complex today, with more dimensions to life and the trends of pluralism. We are confronted with a bewildering amount of choices and issues yet to be resolved. From global politics to our dinner table, we always see new things happening everyday. We are not supposed to continue traditional diplomacy like unilateralism when we are in an age of collaboration. Likewise, old ways of understanding can never successfully shoulder the task of today. By then, if we still rely on the angle of finding similarities to solve the problem, the result would be counterproductive to our original will. We may even go further when we look into the creativity in the veil of differences. Although they may seemingly be judged as idiosyncratic, it is often these parts that fill up the margin. Genetic mechanism, once regarded as fringe study, now inspire the field of medicine, psychology, even industry. It is in this phase of studying discrete intervals, we may bring great change to our life.

In sum, we should never indulge ourselves with merely a map of similarities throughout human history, the gold mine lies in the practice of cleverly using the map and build a better future. What's more, we shall never overlook the new challenges on us, but actively study it and beat them down.
(我对改ISSUE不较惧怕，因为本来我的I就写的不好啦，看完你的文章，感觉整体的提纲感觉还是挺还的，而且开头和结尾都比较爱哦精练，但举例较少，加上例子，你的文章会更加饱满

预言UID: 2625991

那个顺便把你的A也粘上吧，因为你那篇A的帖子不知道为啥回复不了了啊，我尽力改了，改的不好还请原谅～
我认为这篇A比较值得攻击的顺序和应该是：（当然是后来看了好些文章才发现的哈～）

         大豆制品里的大豆蛋白不应定能够降低胆固醇，所以加了大豆蛋白的燕麦片不一定能够降低胆固醇-----就算可以，降低胆固醇不一定是健康的表现，就不一定能够吸引关注健康的消费者，所以不能促进消费者的健康----就算可以，Weighing the pros and cons，公司也不一定能make profit

       下面就是做出的修改，如果有不同的意见希望能多交流啊～

The author concluded that by fortifying soy protein in the Wheat-O cereal, their product will be more appealing to the customers and the vista of increasing profits and improving health of customers are promising. Although he drew a survey which indicated the possible correlation between soy bean abortions and the cholesterol descent, his reasoning ailed to bridge the gap between the premise and the conclusion.

By fortifying the soy protein into their cereal, the product does not necessarily gain an increased sale. (这一句很具有结论的感觉，我觉得应该向后放，在这里给感觉读的有点儿怪）.First, it is possible that though soy beans do have an impact on the ecreasing cholesterol level, soy protein alone can not accomplish that task. It could also be other unknown minerals（这个词的意思有点儿局限吧，也有可能是有机物啊）in soy beans that actually play the main role. Second, there remains a possibility that though the protein has such magical effect, the sales are not greatly promoted as he wished. This product is merely an ancillary method, but never a remedy like drugs.（文中没有提到product是remedy的意思啊） Customers suffered from cholesterol problems may rather take drugs than buying his products. It is entirely possible the other ingredients in the cereal are not suitable for the patients, such as fat and sugar. Again, those customers who do not have cholesterol problems but concerned about their health may not buy this product. They may be more worried about their constitution and the possible influenza, cholesterol concerns are just beyond their choice.

Furthermore, there lies a problem in its feasibility and the proposed improvement of customers. Since the writer only presents an idea with no concrete evidence for its feasibility, we doubt whether it may turn out to be a reverie. It is likely that his protein fortification process calls for additional appliances, which is incompatible with his former ones. A huge sum of money is needed, and workers need certain time to get accomplished. Still, there may already be such products in the markets, and their techniques, as well as marketing are more mature. Will Wheat-O cereal be competitive enough to grab their market? What's more, though fortified with effective soy protein, the actual effect of the soy protein in the cereal is not guaranteed. The fortifying process may largely deactivate the protein and its effect is diminished. And for customers without such problems, his product is seemingly of little help. Those targeted customers with cholesterol problems, as I have mentioned, will again choose more direct and promising measure like taking drugs.（这里说的可行性，还加入了产品的可行性与成本研发的意见，但感觉论据有些散乱，比如说如果提到了cost a huge sum of money,那就需要提到cost and gain,很自然就应该是去攻击wheat-o能否make profit这个问题，所以关于feasibility的问题应该需要具体化一些。

Last but not least, the survey he cited is problematic. The researchers merely compare people who ate soy beans with those who didn’t have soy bean products. To reveal the truth more accurately, we at least need adjunctive groups like people who only ate soy bean products and people who ate soy beans and soy bean products. Otherwise, it is dubious whether soy bean products is worthy of investing.（这段其实我本来也写了，你说的那篇关于三无survey的帖子我也好好看了一下，但是那篇帖子了举的例子都是很明显带着survey内容，而且是由于survey说明了题目的结论，而这篇文章只是利用survey说明一个事实，应该不是需要去攻击的内容。）

In sum, the president should make a more thorough investigation of the market and reevaluate the project with more concrete and convincing evidence before he jump into his conclusion. Or else, the project may bring deficit rather than revenue.（结尾很精练，但没有对上文做总结，有点儿虎头蛇尾。我认为可以稍微加强一些）