0910AW 同主题写作第7期 ARGU101 by Ga-ROW SUNNY

zhy871029UID: 2497340

ARGUMENT101 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.

"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."

The president in this memo made a recommendation that Wheat-O cereal should add soy protein in company's product, which based on a survey result says that taking soybean will lower cholesterol levels, will appeal the customer which in turn will increase company's profit and protect the health of their customers. It seems the president gave a strong recommendation, however several logic flaws occured in his argument.

Firstly, the president make a wrong relationship between soy protein and low cholesterol levels. According to the description of the study, it is soybeans deters the increase cholesterol levels, however there is no evidence said that soy protein leads to this outcome. The components in a soybean is complex, before further investigation, we could believe there may have other substances in soybean have the effect of reducing cholesterol levels.

Secondly, even granted that soy protein did have effect in reducing cholesterol levels, it remains a question whether current product would be compatible with the protein. An embarass situation may occur that once you add new protein into current product, old functions which is also appeal to customer disappears. If the function is core function of the product, then it is better not take this action. Even worse, the newly added protein combined with original substances may yield toxic ones which will injure the health of the customers.

Eventually, the cost of the protein should be also taken into consideration. A popular product is determined by its function and its price. A product which has a good function however have a high price, the market is generally limited and the profit may not be high in most cases.  So to keep a competive price, it require the cost of feching this raw material is low. In this memo, the president doesn't offer any information about how much the protein cost which is dubious.

To sum up, to strengthen the argument, the president should make a research about the effective material in soybean which leads to low cholesterol levels and a compatibility test between the effective material and current product should be conductted. Finally, to make a popular and profitable product, the price for getting the new material should be considered.

(2009-6-27 16:27:58)

hdxhzUID: 2656940

The president in this memo made a recommendation that Wheat-O cereal should add soy protein in company's product, which based on a survey result says that taking soybean will lower cholesterol levels, will （and thus）appeal the customer which in turn（return） will increase company's profit and protect the health of their customers. It seems the president gave a strong recommendation,（呵呵，个人不是很喜欢用这些句子） however several logic flaws occured in his argument.

Firstly, the president make a wrong relationship（make？） between soy protein and low cholesterol levels. According to the description of the study, it is soybeans deters the increase cholesterol levels, however there is no evidence said that soy protein leads to this outcome. The components in a soybean is complex, before further investigation, we could believe there may have other substances in soybean have the effect of reducing cholesterol levels. （句子中间连词一下，不然一个句子就两个主语了）

Secondly, even granted（学习ing~） that soy protein did have effect in reducing cholesterol levels, （好让步）it remains a question whether current product would be compatible with the protein. An embarass situation may occur that once you add new protein into current product, old functions which is also appeal to customer disappears. If the function is core function of the product, then it is better not take this action. Even worse, the newly added protein combined with original substances may yield toxic ones which will injure the health of the customers.可行性论证

Eventually, the cost of the protein should be also taken into consideration. A popular product is determined by its function and its price. A product which has a good function however have a high price, the market is generally limited and the profit may not be high in most cases.  So to keep a competive price, it require the cost of feching this raw material is low. In this memo, the president doesn't offer any information about how much the protein cost which is dubious（这个句子是不是可以润色一下，有点儿头重脚轻）.

To sum up, to strengthen the argument, the president should make a research about the effective material in soybean which leads to low cholesterol levels and a compatibility test between the effective material and current product should be conductted. Finally, to make a popular and profitable product, the price for getting the new material should be considered.
另外，我认为还有一个问题是值得指出的。文章说了两个好处：盈利，健康。那么是不是低胆固醇就是健康呢？会不会有其他的副作用呢？

1# zhy871029

nancy090909UID: 2530697

The president in this memo made a recommendation that Wheat-O cerealshould add soy protein in company's product （好像是说推出新产品而不是单纯地加）, which based on a surveyresult says (saying/stating/claiming感觉say不是很formal) that taking soybean will lower cholesterol levels, willappeal the customer which in turn will increase company's profit andprotect the health of their customers. （这里语法有点问题，will appeal的主语成了recommendation） It seems (that) the president gave astrong recommendation, however several logic flaws occured in hisargument.

Firstly, the president make (makes，应该是build relationship吧) a wrong relationship between soy proteinand low cholesterol levels. According to the description of the study,it is soybeans deters (that deter) the increase (in) cholesterol levels （觉得deter the increase跟decrease还是有区别的）,（这里断句应该比较好）however there isno evidence said (saying，但say不太正式，indicating也许好一点） that soy protein leads to this outcome. The componentsin a soybean is (are) complex, （建议断句） before further investigation, we could believethere may have other substances in soybean (that) have the effect of reducingcholesterol levels.

Secondly, even granted that soy protein did (does) have effect in reducingcholesterol levels, it remains a question whether current product wouldbe compatible with the protein. An embarass (embarassing) situation may occur thatonce you add new protein into current product, old functions which isalso appeal (also appeal) to customer disappears (disapear). （这句话建议分成两句，不一定非要用这么长的句子）If the function is core function ofthe product, then it is better not take this action. Even worse, thenewly added protein combined with original substances may yield toxicones which will injure the health of the customers.

这里，你上面这段的论述的假设前提是，这公司不会在产品上市之前进行试验。但按常理来讲，如果真的要开发这个产品，公司一定会测试在上市之前测试他的功能的

Eventually （我不确定eventually是不是有这个意思） , the cost of the protein （大概这个不应该算作是protein的cost，而是这个产品的cost） should be also taken intoconsideration. A popular product is determined by its function and itsprice. A product which has a good function however have (has) a high price,the market is generally limited and the profit may not be high in mostcases (我觉得profit不需要高，有就行了...).  So to keep a competive price, it require (requires) the cost of fechingthis raw material is (to be) low. In this memo, the president doesn't offer anyinformation about how much the protein cost which is dubious.

这里我忽然有了个疑问，因为其实这只是一个memo而非正式的proposal，我们是否真的一定要挑战它给出的信息是否完整这一点呢？


To sum up, to strengthen the argument, the president should make aresearch about the effective material in soybean which leads to lowcholesterol levels and a compatibility test between the effectivematerial and current product should be conductted. Finally, to make apopular and profitable product, the price for getting
the new materialshould be considered.

========
Sunny的开头结尾什么的都不错（我就有点茫然对这个）
但遣词造句跟我一样，需要再加强一下~
另外注意一下细节的语法错误，写的时候仔细一点就好
有哪些逻辑错误可以参考参考其他人的，比如他们都说到的低胆固醇是不是就一定表示健康这个（我也需要做这个XD