0910G 同主题写作第7期 Argument101 WDI小组 By carolfox

carolfoxUID: 2237839

101. The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.

"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."

flews：
1.质疑胆固醇级别与健康关系，以及大豆蛋白与胆固醇关系
2.质疑即使添加大豆蛋白可以降低胆固醇，但不一定会提高销量
3.质疑不一定利润提高

In this memo, the president of a food company makes a suggestion to increase the company profits. He thinks his company can increase sales by  fortifying Wheat-O(WO) cereal with soy protein, just because people will have lower cholesterol levels by eating more soybeans shown in a recent study. However, there is no sufficient evidence to prove his decision.
To begin with, the president uses a study as the theory basis, which illustrates eating more soybeans can efficiently reduce the cholesterol level. Due to this study, he wants to add soy protein in WO cereal. There are two points which worth to make further discussion. First, it is unclear that which level is the cholesterol level falled to. In common sence, having a higher cholesterol level is bad for human beings' health. But, the cholesterol is also a necessary subject in people's body. The study claims that eating soybeans can reduce the cholesterol level, but  it dosen't mention whether the level will make the people in risk. If cholesterol level were lower than normal degree, people would swoom. Second, even though eating soybeans is safe, there is no evidence to support that soy protein is the effectual subject, which reduces the cholesterol level. In fact, there are ten of thousands kinds of subjects in soybeans, and each of those can possibly reduce the cholesterol level. It is no clear relation between soy protein and cholesterol level given by the study, therefore, the conclusion of study can not be the theory basis of the president's decision.
Moreover, the president considers that because the WO cereal added soy protein has more benefit for human beings' health, the sales of it will increase. Nevertheless, this thought is too absurd to come true. Whether the saleroom of a food is good is interrelated three conditions: the taste, the price and if it is healthy. While, when a consumer choose food of a kind, the first thing which he considers is taste. On the contrary, whether the food is benefitial to health is not so important in modern life, Because there are many methods to strenghten our body. As a result, it is not certainly that the sales of WO cereal will increase.
Furthermore, the president mentions the method, adding soy protein in WO cereal, will increase the profits of company. It seems reasonable that the sales increasing means the profits increasing. However, this viewpoint has a big problem. The profit is interrelated with the cost, the sell price and the sales. Adding soy protein stands for increasing cost. And the cost will influence the price, the price affects to sales. So nobady can promise that this method will certainly increase the profits of company.
In sum, the president's suggestion is an arbitrary decision. The study that he mentions is not a sufficient theory basis, and it lacks more investigation about cereal market. To solve this problem, the company must know claerly about the relation between soy protein and the cholester level, and do several survey to know the requirement of consumer, moreover, using the data to calculate the best way to increase the profits of the company.

snail8843UID: 2516929

1# carolfox

To begin with, the president uses a study as the theory basis, which illustrates eating more soybeans can efficiently reduce the cholesterol level. Due to this study, he wants to add soy protein in WO cereal. There are two points which (are)worth to make further discussion. First, it is unclear that which level is（do） the cholesterol level falled （fell） to. In common sence(sense), having a higher cholesterol level is bad for human beings' health. But, the cholesterol is also a necessary subject in people's body. The study claims that eating soybeans can reduce the cholesterol level, but it dosen't mention whether the level will make the people in risk. If cholesterol level were lower than normal degree, people would swoom（啥单词？）. Second, even though eating soybeans is safe(这个让步违反常识，大豆肯定是安全的…), there is no evidence to support that soy protein is the effectual subject, which reduces the cholesterol level. In fact, there are ten of （of去掉）thousands（去掉s） kinds of subjects in soybeans, and each of those can possibly reduce the cholesterol level. It is no clear relation between soy protein and cholesterol level given by the study, therefore, the conclusion of study can not be the theory basis of the president's decision.
觉得这段论述说大豆可能使人胆固醇低于正常水平这个错误不大好，因为大豆对人体有益无害是个常识。可以攻击胆固醇的降低未必是大豆引起。

Moreover, the president considers that because the WO cereal added soy protein has more benefit for human beings' health, the sales of it will increase. Nevertheless, this thought is too absurd to come true. Whether the saleroom of a food is good is interrelated three conditions: the taste, the price and if it is healthy. While（为什么是转折关系）, when a consumer choose(chooses) food of a kind, the first thing which he considers is taste(为什么是口味第一位，这是你的猜测，容易给人以攻击理由). On the contrary, whether the food is benefitial to health is not so important in modern life（这也是你的猜测，而且和后面的because明显不构成因果关系）, Because there are many methods to strenghten our body. As a result, it is not certainly that the sales of WO cereal will increase.
逻辑错误时对的，但反驳的时候明显又给予阅读者攻击你的逻辑错误。

Furthermore, the president mentions the method, adding soy protein in WO cereal, will increase the profits of company. It seems reasonable that the sales increasing means the profits increasing. However, this viewpoint has a big problem. The profit is interrelated with the cost, the sell price and the sales. Adding soy protein stands for increasing cost. And the cost will influence the price, the price affects to sales. So nobady can promise that this method will certainly increase the profits of company.

In sum, the president's suggestion is an arbitrary decision. The study that he mentions is not a sufficient theory basis, and it lacks more investigation about cereal market. To solve this problem, the company must know claerly about the relation between soy protein and the cholester level, and do several survey to know the requirement of consumer, moreover, using the data to calculate(计算方法？应该是通过数据分析从而得到最好的提高利润的方法) the best way to increase the profits of the company.
总结:逻辑错误找的不错，但攻击的时候不够恰当，如第一个和第二个；

有拼写错误，后边的错误没有改，建议放在word里面先改好再上传到gter吧

字数偏多，估计考试的时候来不及写550字的argument，论证过程适当缩减下吧。

加油！