08的作文修改小铺子

gcggzlUID: 2401710

Do you agree or disagree?
Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

Have you ever seen that a young adult who has just strided into society adle away their leisure time? It has become common phenomenon in that they have never got chances into fields directly related to edification of human soul. Subjects such as art, music, and drama are preliminary for children to learn during their pursuit of education on accout that creativity triggered by such disciplines paves the way to success and potential interests would be dug out, although students should not spend all their time on such subjects..

Capability of creativeness and innovation would be given rise by learning such lessons, which guarantees future self-achievement. In the education system of the United States, courses directly related to mental development of students are always given priority. Not only does an qualified secondary student have to gain enough credits on accedamic studies, but one also has to expose themselves into the mansion of arts. Why? It is because power of coming up with brilliant ideas, bringing new light to development of the whole nation. That is why American universities are constantly regarded as a factory producing talents whom the rapid development and improvement of different fields depend on. No wonder quite numbers of Nobel Prize winner are graduated from first-class universities in America. It is obvious that subjects like art, music, and drama should be placed great attention, otherwise a country would lose the engine of creating a more promising future.

In addition, students would own more interests enriching their leisure time. In art classes, students would obtain opportunities to have a good knowledge of art history and comprehension of  life experience of art giants, which open a door for them to appreciate renowned works. During the time of music lessons, teenagers could gain chances to taste the master pieces of music, which enables them to expose themselves into the mansion of symphonies, sonatas, and chamber music. After lectures related to dramas, young adults are able to taste the happiness and thrill of acting some characters, which digs out the potential interests of performance. Consequently, attending such classes would edify children’s soul, illuminating their pastimes.

Albeit, there should be a limit of time for children spending on such lessons. As is known to all, learning accedmic knowledge, laying a solid foundation to their future careers, should ranks first on the list of taskes that students should perform. Distributing more time on arts could distract students time from preparing for the entrance examination for universities. Accordingly, it should be acknowledged that fundemental lessons ought to be concentrated by students, with accompany of relaxation from artististic disciplines.

In a nutshell, it is essential for children to learn subjects such as art, music, and drama. However, they should still keep in mind that their job is to conquer the knowledge of accedmic lessons so that they have to draw a line between the twl sorts of lessons.

gaolingno1UID: 2670463

26. It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.   Word Count: 505
Building a new movie theater is of utmost exciting thing, and it is also essential to choose best place. There may be one or two disadvantages that building a new movie theater in my community; however, i believe that there are far more advantages.
In the first place, there may be one or two disadvantages of building a cinema in my community. Some people may claim that the new cinema break up the peace of our community, since once the movie opened, there must be more people come here to watch movie, relax themselves or just have a drink with friends, these activities may lead to the community noisier than before. It really can disrupt their life to some extent. Moreover, people come here may drive their private car or take taxi, this may result in the pollution of air; the harmful gases may be exhausted, and will be harmful for the people indirectly. Therefore, some people in my community claim that we should not let the new movie built in our neighborhood in order to maintain the present situation-- quite, relax and health life.
Even though there may be one or two drawbacks in building this movie theater in my neighborhood, the advantages overweight them. First of all, from personal perspective, the new movie theater can make our life easy. Since it is really convenient for us to relax ourselves, after a whole day work, we need to find a way to release our pressure, watching a movie maybe is the best choice. In addition, a good communication between the whole community can make the atmosphere harmonious, and the movie theatre is a place where people can exchange ideas and talk to each other. The movie theater can provide such a place to help people make friends there; people can have a good communication there, which may release the pressure relationship between neighbors. As a result, building a movie theatre is really of great importance.
Moreover, build a new movie theater in our community can promote development of economics. Since along with the opening of the movie theater, the government may have much more tax than before, and then the government can use this sum of money to build some basic facilities for community, which may improve our life standard. Also, the movie theater can provide some work position for local people, that is to say, it can help the government to solve the problems about unemployment. Thus, building a movie theater in our community can solve some problems related to the economics.
To sum up, although there are some minor disadvantages that building a new movie theater in our community, the advantages are (is) obvious. Just like what I have mentioned above, a movie theater can provide a place for people to communicate and relax; it also can promote the local economics, which may improve the people's life standards indirectly. As the result, I maintain that we should build a new movie theater in my community, since it is really a worthy thing.

gaovenivvUID: 2617157

151. What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

In my country, where many kinds of animals live, when talking about the most important animal, the answer is always Panda. The answer is even unassailable.

No one could deny the importance of panda to my country, especially for foreigners. Compared with all other animals, Panda is the only symbol that can represent the country, one kind of animal that is seen as "National Treasure ". It is common to see the news that China send panda to other countries  or cities as presents, when panda plays as ambassador that can promote the relationship between countries, bringing about peace and love all over the world.

On the other hand, panda itself is one kind of scarce animal that is on the brink of extinction and also live only in China, restricted itself in very small areas. Also, scientists have already predicted that, in recent survey, the number of panda can be reduced to less than 1000 in ten years. More importantly, common sense informs us that there is no chance that we could see panda any more, like dinosaur except in museums, if it were extinct. No one would rather see that moment happen.  What can we do? We have to take care of Panda and make no effort to protect it from danger of extinction. At least, we must stop destroying their living conditions.

China is a country that has a long long history. The existence of panda in such a long period with scant change is a miracle according to Darwin’s evolutionism (The theory of evolution). In fact, panda has already been accepted as an old friend who can remind us of our history. Chinese people especially love them and cannot stand their lost. Because of this friendship, the relationship between panda and people has already transcended the normal one. And hence, the importance of panda to China can hardly be overrated.

In short, panda is the most important animal in my country. We love panda truly from our deep heart and cannot help but love them.

Word Count: 339

capricUID: 2331822

08MM。。小铺开到多久。。我小心的问一下。。。

jiang08UID: 2391146

能否帮我看看我这篇文章
题目Do you agree or disagree? There are times when lying is acceptable.
正文：
Have you ever seen that a person tells （seen a person telling）a white lie to make someone else happy? It has become a common phenomenon in that such lies do not leave a bad impact. I believe that under some circumstances lying is absolutely proper on account that a white lie avoids some unexpected consequences and lying is also reasonable to keep a good relationship, although mostly lies are not appropriate.

（这里加个 To begin with 之类的词组比较好）Telling white lies may prohibit unexpected consequences. Such lies are often common when encountered health affairs （when health issues are involved）. This year my grandmother is unexpectedly diagnosed that she is infected with liver cancer which is still in a stage that can be cured. To avoid the possibility that my grandma falls into the belief that she is near the end of her life and lose her confidence to fight against the diseases, all the relatives in my family agree that we should tell her old diseases haunting her again instead of the truth. As a result, she, without any fear, cooperates with the doctors perfectly and finally regains her good health condition. (这编的有点扯了，09年才过了7个月不到，老人家就从确症到完全康复了？)  If she were exposed to the fact, she would (我觉得语气用may更好一些) not have the courage to earn the victory. Consequently, when lies can enable a person to regain vitality and life back, they are fully acceptable.

Moreover, lying is also reasonable when showing（注意showing的主语，谁？lying？） faith in the relationship. In terms of friendship, in order to keep secrets for friends, lies should be employed, since friendship is constructed on the basis of trust, which is why friends are prone to share secrets. Revealing the secrets is equalized to the betray （betrayal） of friends. When it comes to （affairs of 多余） company, employees have to keep all their secrets of products within the office building and under the depth of heart （deep in heart）, otherwise the lies (哪里提到谎言了？前面说的是公司机密) would not only negatively influence the competition and function of the firm in markets but also eliminate the colleagues' future(s)  （缺opportunity）to work in the same field. Thus, in such situations, white lies are completely suitable to represent the loyalty to certain relations. 这两个例子都缺一个论证的环节，就是秘密和white lie之间的关系。最好说一下，比如在公司这件事情上，员工被外人问起公司情况，就需要讲white lie ，是对公司忠诚的一种手段。

Albeit, in others conditions, lies should be utterly inhibited. People are educated to be honest on a majority of incidence confronted in life from the early ages. Honesty should be the first and most significant belief that a person should strictly follow throughout their life, otherwise they be ultimately eliminated by the whole society.

In a nutshell, lying is proper in some situation, whereas in most cases ordinary person have to be honest.
dogshout 发表于 2009-7-22 22:55

affairs 的用法再复习下，另外用ing格的动词在从句里的时候注意其支配主语要和句子的主要主语一致
其他没什么问题，论证很流畅

jiang08UID: 2391146

没有Jiang在~作文感觉退步的说~谢谢啦   不会的啦，MM自己坚持写就好！
Is television bad for children?
  With the help of mass media, people get more and more access to the outside world. While at the same time, the issue of whether these inventions have brought postive or negative effects to people, especially young generations, raises serious controversy. Some people may consider television as a beneficial innovation, for it indeed releases parents and provides large amount of informantion to children, but as far as I’m concerned, television has more negative impacts on children and my reasons are as follows.
   First of all, children have received much false information from TV which is bad for their development. Because of the comparatively loose policy of the contents of TV programs, children are exposed to a large amout of violent and sexual alluring contents that cause great negative influence on them. For example, boys who always watch the scenery of fights or quarrels are more tend to perform aggressive behavior toward others, and girls who are so attracted in the romantic plots of TV series will often imagine themselves as the main characters that they can’t get out of the illusion. Once these mistaken information are ingrained in chidren’s mind, it would be hard for parents to transmitt the accurate view to their children. 这段第一句稍微总结的有点偏，这些是improper information, not false info.
   In the second place, parents always find it more difficult to communicate with their children if the kids watch so （too）much TV. It’s obviously （obvious） that children （will多余了） can’t help but indulge in the television if they form a（the） habit of watching TV every day. So, it’s not hard to imagine that young children run directly to home after school just for their favourite cartoons or TV series. Whenever parents want to talk with their sons or daughters about the things happen（ing） in （the多余） school, they would receive no reply since their children are focusing on variouos shows. If this situation keeps going on, parents may force their children to stop watching TV, resulting in damage to parents-children relationship.
In addition, TV itself is a harmful devise to children’s health. Young people who watch TV for a long time are easier to get myopic eyes and gain weight. That’s why chidren who spend 3-4 hours watching TV get the nickname as Couch Potato. Moreover, the invisible radiowaves given out from TV are destructing children’s health without noticing （注意主语是电波，应该是without being noticed）.
Admittely, TV has brough some benefits to children. Scientific documentaries and latest news provide useful knowledge to children and may even stimulate their interests in study. But since the disadvantages outweighs its advantages, we can safely draw the conclusion that TV is bad for children.
walala 发表于 2009-7-22 12:47

LZ要有信心哇，明明写的很好了，呵呵
只要坚持计时练习就好了，加油

jiang08UID: 2391146

刚写的 请斑斑 过目

families and work 希望下次把题目写完整哦
429
Career and families are both important factors in our lives, but which one is more important in our modern society? Some people hold a point that working at job is more important than being with families, however, I totally disagree with this view. Families are  unique to me, （缺连词，或者逗号改句号） they help me when I  hesitate or trapped by troubles, and they would never leave me no matter rich or poor.

When I'm living with my families （单数）, the problems of the work and the  pressure caused by competition are totally get off （是想表达忘记烦恼的意思？建议：..... the peer pressure from work completely disappears）. My only feel is relax and warm （注意这里feel 和relax是动词，需要名词话）. At home,  enjoying the time with families is my dream （dream太过宏大，用wish之类的好些） and I think it must be many other people's dream. Although I have to work from Monday to Friday, and the job limits my time, it is （does）not mean the career is more important than the families. I would like to improve the quality of our lives and create more beautiful future through （by） working hard at this period. The job is the process and the families is the destination. 通常分论点在每段的第一句说比较好，但是这里放在结尾启下也不错

Moreover, I could receive many useful advices and suggestions from my parents and other families （family members, family是一个抽象的集合概念）because they （are the persons who 多余） understand me most. For instance, when I was in college, I （缺am）always worried about my future like other adolescents. At that period（time）, I waste（d） amount of times （a large amount of time）only (on多余) imaging（imagining） （the pictures of 多余) future or dreaming I could achieve more than I had paid（付出？endeavored比较好，pay太具体）. My parents had recognized my abnormal activities and talked to the psychologist about my situations. And then they gave the professional suggestion to me, those （改which）are the crucial suggestions to help me overcoming the problems and passing（going） through the hard time. This circumstance directly proved that families could give us effective advices in time and they also influence us. 这段论证的是family有什么好处，不是family为什么比career重要

In addition, families would never ever leave you. No matter rich or poor, our families are the best supporters without need us to payback （asking for payback）. In our modern society, people use to judge (are used to judging) a people with (by) the educational status, the property you have or your position. If you fall（fail？） in your work and become poverty（poor）, many people will leave you, at that time, only the families bolster you (这里要么重新开始一句，要么by providing...) they provide money, room, and the most important（ly，） kindness. All of these could help you （to多余） handle the problems and make great achievement. 同理，这一段需要说一下在不离不弃这个case下工作和家庭的不同。可以说说工作很难有长期保障，而家庭是如何的从一而终。

To sum up, based on the discussion mentioned above, it is doubtless （缺that） families are the most important wealth to everyone, families are（又两个动词share一个句子了） the unique things around work （around做何解？） which could not be replaced by any other people or objects（anything else）.
jlmjacky 发表于 2009-7-23 00:32

几个常见问题：一个句子用逗号隔开，两个半句都有谓语；名词和形容词词的词性要区分开
另外就是这类2选1的题目，参考下我另一个帖子里的内容吧：

这里说一下针对2选1类型题目的论证方法。在论证的时候要抓住A和B的区别来写。举例：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to have one or two close friends than to have a large number of casual acquaintances. 假设知音=A，点头之交=B。如果我们赞成A，那么接着讨论几个赞成的理由：可以和A说知心话（这是B做不到的）；如果写反方，那么和B交往可以看到很多不同人的丰富的生活，处世态度（A做不到这点）。抓住这个走基本就不会很偏了

jiang08UID: 2391146

Do you agree or disagree?
Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education.

Have you ever seen that a young adult who has just strided into society adle away their leisure time? It has become common phenomenon in that they have never got chances into fields directly related to edification of human soul （确定？never语气太强烈；又，原来这个开头是模板啊。。。汗）. Subjects such as art, music, and drama are preliminary（为什么是初步的?essential之类的可能更好点？） for children （to learn during their pursuit of education 多余） on accout that creativity triggered by such disciplines paves the way to success and potential interests would be dug out, although students should not spend all their time on such subjects..

建议加个firstly之类的 Capability of creativeness and innovation would be given rise by learning （taking）such lessons, which guarantees future self-achievement （how？个人建议把这句拿掉）. In the education system of the United States, courses directly related to mental development of students are always given priority. Not only does an （a） qualified secondary student have to gain enough credits on accedamic studies, but one also has to expose themselves （前后数量不平衡） into the mansion of arts. Why? （It is多余） because （缺of the）power of coming up with brilliant ideas, （逗号改and）bringing new light to development of the whole nation. That is why American universities are constantly regarded as a factory producing talents whom the rapid development and improvement of different fields depend on. No wonder quite numbers of Nobel Prize winner are graduated from first-class universities in America. 这两句赞扬美国大学，但是和艺术课程有什么关系？别的国家都不上艺术课？你要写得应该是上艺术课怎么会激发原创力（虽然这是看似很直接的东西但是必须写出来），而不是说美国大学怎么好  It is obvious that subjects like art, music, and drama should be placed great attention, otherwise a country would lose the engine of creating a more promising future. 这句就是之前的重复，累赘了

In addition, students would own more interests （do you mean "develop more hobbies"?） enriching their leisure time. In art classes, students would obtain opportunities to have a good knowledge of art history and comprehension of  life experience of art giants, which open a door for them to appreciate renowned works. During （the time of 多余) music lessons, teenagers could gain chances to taste the master pieces of music, which enables them to expose themselves into the mansion of （be exposed to）symphonies, sonatas, and chamber music. After lectures related to dramas, young adults are able to taste the happiness and thrill of acting some characters, which digs out the potential interests of performance. Consequently, attending such classes would edify children’s soul, illuminating their pastimes. 你只说到了艺术课堂上的活动，那么这如何和课后联系起来呢？最好写写孩子上课之后很感兴趣，回家还会想接着听音乐啊啥的，渐渐的就培养成hobby了

Albeit, there should be a limit of time for children spending on such lessons. As is known to all, learning accedmic knowledge, laying a solid foundation to their future careers, should rank（s） first on the list of taskes that students should perform. Distributing more time on arts could distract students time from preparing for the entrance examination for（into） universities. Accordingly, it should be acknowledged that fundemental lessons ought to be concentrated by students, with accompany of relaxation from artististic disciplines.

In a nutshell, it is essential for children to learn subjects such as art, music, and drama. However, they should still keep in mind that their job is to conquer the knowledge of accedmic lessons so that they have to draw a line between the twl sorts of lessons.这个划清界限，太过份了点。。。而且art history也算是academic的，所以建议写到学习中心应该在academic上即可。
gcggzl 发表于 2009-7-23 00:33

jiang08UID: 2391146

08MM。。小铺开到多久。。我小心的问一下。。。
capric 发表于 2009-7-24 06:22

开到我累瘫掉吧。。。。。
小声说，可以为你专门营业:$

jiang08UID: 2391146

LZ真是救了我，感激不尽！
Agree or disagree
Telephones and e-mail make the communication between people less personal

1．        在长期的科技发展中，始终有很多类似于科技使人们的生活更有效率了或者适得其反，其中的典型就是关于交流方式的改变。
2．        不论是电话或者邮件，他们都是可以即时交流的，也就是说根本不存在更加less personal的可能，因为是否需要面对面的交流完全取决个人，而它们只是一个选择。
3．        纵然是这些电子设备使人更加懒惰了，但是科技的发展已经几乎解决了这个问题，我们已经可以实现完全视频和音频的交流了。
4．        科技在某些时候带来麻烦，但是大多时候，科技是顺应人类的需求的，科技为我们提供另外一种生活的方式，并非剥夺我们选择的权利。


In the long term of technology development, there is always some voice about （that，因为后面跟的是一个句子）the new technology does not actually make our life more efficiency but on the opposite side make our life worse. And one of the most typical questions is whether the fresh way, telephone and e-mail, of communicating （前后连续两个communicate，念起来也不顺口，这个“of communicating ”可以去掉）is making our communication less personal. From my angle along（alone？多余了）, I cannot agree （缺with） it at all. So there go my reasons.

First of all, I have to correct the topic (话题是用来讨论的，本身不存在对与错，不要去纠正它) they are holding that new communication tools make our communication less privacy（private）. Because we have never been forced to use them. They provide us （缺with）convenience and people take （make）their choice to bestow them. Most of the time, we make easy decisions on the phone or e-mail, but we do not rely on them to help us meet less. For example, many company masters use the e-mail and phones to talk about when and where to have a conference, even revise the contract with phone. These new technologies give us much convenience and never deprive any right of choosing（to choose） from （deprive...of）us.

What is more（What's more）, due to the booming technology evolvement, we have solved the problem that we cannot see the target on the phone or on the internet which could be a kind of inconvenience which has never been denied 这句太绕了，什么目标看不见？并且套用两个定语从句有些不妥. So what is the problem with these new things? We are able to see our family when there is long distance between us. We can even hold a summit on the internet if we want. Definitely, we are going to make it even more naturally like touching and smelling. Less personal would never be a problem. 长距离的point 很好

All in all, it is difficult for us to doubt that new technology does bring troubles to us before. But negative effect could not be overestimated 这句有点拗口，. Because what the technology is working on is fulfill （aims at fulfilling）whatever (the多余) humans want. They just make us（相比us，应该是our lives更妥贴） better than ever before. 这里最好点到关键词personal
lilingzi 发表于 2009-7-23 01:25

论证条例清晰，这题写反方不太容易写好的。但是语法的小错误比较多，自己要多检查下

文赋UID: 2611067

Should the government focus more onpreserving nature environment and less on economic development? (08.1.12)

1. Environmental problem threaten our life.
2. Environmental problem is impairing theeconomic development.

For recent decades, environmental problemis more severe and now it is a global threat. Pollution in river, soil andocean hasundermined our physical or even mental health, as well as so-called

prosperity. It is the very time, that we and our government shouldpay more attention
to those pressing environmentalproblem. Politicians must think of sustainable development rather than economicexpansion.

Firstly, our planet, the earth, is subtlychanging to a non-habitable planet. Since the industrial revolution, manyhazardous and lethal compounds have been created and disposed into atmosphere,river and soil. As a result, tremendous creatures were extinct, and theendangered species list is growing exponentially. Sooner or later, the lastbone of the dominoes, human race, will fall down in a chain reaction. It isobvious that only those environmental problems, such as global warming, ozonehole and potable water scarcity, be solved, or we could not find any clear andsafe place on earth.
If we and ourgovernment are still careless about the environmental protection, and hungerfor the illusion of prosperous economy, the day of judgment will coming soon.

A common misconception is that economicaldevelopment should be treated as first priority, and other problems will besolved when we reach the high prosperous economic state. Unfortunately, this isjust a modern myth. Ironically, the environmental problem has impaired ourso-called prosperous global economy. According to research by Americanscientists, the fundamental industy--agriculture, suffering slow productivereduction. This phenomenon is a result of the underground water levelirreversible decline. What is more, to bolster up the manufacture industry, more and more croplands were coveredby biofuel plants. However, it is frustrated to say; only one-gallon biofuel becreated by the cost of half-gallon gasoline or diesel. Worse still, thoseactions heighten the risk of famine. Those inconvenience facts will harm globaleconomy, and finally bring down our social civilization. If those predictionsbecome facts, for our government and us, that is too late to handlecatastrophic environmental and economic consequences.

In conclusion, because both of people’shealth and global economic structure are impaired by environmental problem, itis recommend to us and our government that the first need of all is pollutioncontrol and we cannot equate economy growth with goodness. Unless we stopabusing our vital life-support systems, they will fail. We must maintain them,or pay penalty.The penalty is death.

jiang08UID: 2391146

我结尾每回不知道该如何写好，有时候只能在观点重复表达一遍。这是我在论坛上问大家的一个题目。你先看看哈。

Do you agree or disagree: Twenty years later, people have far more leisure time than they do today?

With advent of modern technology, our society is changing at an unprecedented speed and people’s life becomes more convenient. Some people even live the illusion that all the house work could be programmed in order and executed automatically just by pressing one button. In the future, they think, they may have more leisure time. However, they fail to see the necessary fact that advanced technology brings us so many benefits, but meanwhile people have to experience a lot of troubles, such as heavy stress, traffic problems as well as environment pollution. Therefore, I do not believe that people will have more leisure time in twenty years than now.        

It is accepted fact that the technological inventions free a large number of people from tedious and complicate work. Before, people cook for food by burning wood or coal, do their laundry with their hands and endure a long and arduous journey from one country to the other. But now, the case has been changed completely. An electric boiler or microwave oven make cooking faster and easier; a fully automatic washing machine drive the tedious laundry work away; jet plane greatly shorten the distance among people living in the different parts of the world. All of these facilitate people’s life to the best.

However, we can not neglect the fact that advanced technology exert a badly passive influence on people’ life to some degree. What is the most important disadvantage is that people have to undergo such heavy stress form their families, friends and society. Moreover, people compete with others from the time when they are born. For example, to survive in such fierce competing society, people must work a long hours to meet their own necessities, some even squeeze spare time to concentrate on their academic study and working skills in order to obtain the best jobs. According the latest survey, it shows that working stress is identified as one of the primary causes to mental health problems. Although people start to realize the point, they find it is not so easy to get rid of unhealthy status, resulting from the endless working stress.

In addition, the surroundings in large cities become more serious than ever before, directly resulting in declaration in standard of people’s life. A few years ago, my families and I would like to stroll in the city park adjacent to my house with ease, and relax on the cozy benches. But since factories flowed into my community, the only plot of green field we rely on had been taken place completely. From then on, seldom could we breathe the fresh air and hear the birds sing. What is more serious, the air pollution has harmed our health and affected our feelings. On the other hand, the traffic problem has been worsen especially in the peak period. Drivers and passengers must waste the precious time on traffic jams, which take up their large amount of leisure time and low working efficiency during business days. Although we live in affluent material world, we have less pleasure than before due to such problems. 这里最后一句完全可以不写的

It is no doubt that advanced technology makes our life more convenient and enriches our material life. However, compared to those benefits, there are more serious problems that harassed people and make them have less leisure time controlled.
daney68 发表于 2009-7-23 15:00

前2段的最后一句没什么问题，第3段就多余了。其他没仔细看，见谅
另外，这片好像有62X个字，稍微长了点，练习的时候限时了么？注意下哦

walalaUID: 2603375

再次感谢LZ^^~

MTRL2009UID: 2664551

开到我累瘫掉吧。。。。。
小声说，可以为你专门营业:$
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-24 09:44

啊，你千万别倒下，不然大家都会心疼的。。。
我是怕你开学后又一堆的project出来。。。
好，为了不让你失望，我好好养病，然后写出比小学生更好的作文和口语来
让你鉴定～～完毕

daney68UID: 2582640

前2段的最后一句没什么问题，第3段就多余了。其他没仔细看，见谅
另外，这片好像有62X个字，稍微长了点，练习的时候限时了么？注意下哦
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-24 11:17

谢谢楼主，我写这篇文章的时候没有限时，主要是想把自己的观点表达到位，所以篇幅和时间上都有些过长，谢谢提醒。不过结尾有时候不知道该如何处理比较好，楼主改作文的时候也要注意休息眼睛哈。