08的作文修改小铺子

贫民窟主UID: 2612844

俄，有些词是挺怪的，我觉得如果你在没有上下文情况下学的单词最好还是不要用在作文里。当然也可能是我词汇量不够说胡话了:L
我觉得学生时代和工作是差不多的，主要是你说的都是同一个问题：阅读本专业文献时候遇 ...
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-10 05:43

和不同专业的人打交道，这个想法不错，我试着写写吧~谢谢斑竹~~~

yumantaUID: 2663157

谢谢lz帮我改一下，不知道写的怎么样，25就要考了。:mad:

yumantaUID: 2663157

Do you agree or disagree The best way to travel is in a group led by a guide？

For the time being, tourism trend spreads quickly and widely all around the world since people’s living standard has been promoted boomly. But when people are preparing to travel, they have to face to a choice: travel in a group led by a guide or just travel by themselves. I think this choice depends on everyboby him/herself. As to myself, I would like better to travel without a group.
Before some people plan to go to travel, he or she does not prepare very well or say they do not want to prepare well at all. These people just hope to enjoy the travel itself but dislike to clear preparement up. For example, they would not like to seek comfortable hotels one by one on the Internet or design the travel routes or schemes by themselves. So they choose to sign up in a travel group led by a guide so that they can throw these masses onto travel agencies or guides. There are some other people who have to join in a travel group because of their abilities or capacities. For example, when some people travel aboard but they cannot speak the foreign language in that country, it will be helpful for them to take part in a travel group, which can eliminate many difficulties they may encounter. What is more, when they are travelling, it is joyable that the guide will introduce the native customs and scenic spots to them in their own language.
In the above cases, those people choose to travel by a group,which depend on their needs. But in the other hand, when some people enjoy packing up for travelling or they do not have language problems, they may choose to travel by themselves as I do. Every time, after I decide to travel, I spend a lot of time on preparing or planning my travel routes and on seeking for hotels on the Internet. I think it is a good opportunity to practice my independent ability. I do everything by myself. Besides, I attach much importance on freedom in the travelling. On the travelling, when I addict into a marvellous scenic spot or some unknown place, I will stay there for several days until I have to go. However, when joining a travel group, I cannot enjoy this kind of “priority”. Also travelling by myself will help me escape from being coaxed to buy something that I do not really need. It cannot be denied that this is a disadvantage for travelling in a group led by guide.
The choice to travel in a group led by a guide or not depend on the people themselves. If they find there is a real need for them to join in a group, then they can sign up. But if there is no need, just like me, they can try to be a free traveller.

walalaUID: 2603375

LZ辛苦了啊~一篇新作文~感觉最近写得还挺流畅的
Should teachers be paid according to their students’ grades?(37)
Teaching is considered one of the most respectable careers in most people’s heart, but in fact rather than receiving deserved respect from the community, teachers in China are surviving under overstressed situations in the examination-oriented educational system. Some people even make a suggestion that teachers should be paid according to their students’ grades. As far as I’m concerned, I disagree with this statement and my reasons are as follows.
First and foremost, this payment standard is unfair to teachers. It’s a commonsense that different students will have different levels of ability to learn knowledge, so it’s simple that every class will have students who do well or bad in exams. To those who don’t work hard in their courses or absorb knowledge slowly, no matter how hard the teachers try, they still can’t get satisfied grades in the examinations. Since most of the teachers have to teach classes with more than 30 or 40 students, they can’t pay much attention on every individual. And if teachers are paid based on the average performance, low-grade students will drag the class, resulting in low payment for the teachers. If this situation goes on, teachers will begin to feel overstressed and depressed, and may even give up the job they once enjoyed.
While at the same time, students’ education will be effected negatively if teacher are paid based on the students’ performance. If teachers want to get high wages, they may begin to teach only what students need in order to help them get higher score, hence, students will miss out a lot education that can’t be measured in a test. Moreover, since teachers are always worried about their students’ test grades, they will ingnore students’ mental development and no longer takes time to communicate with students to find their problems in lives. Students who usually get low scores will also feel nervous and sad because they may feel that they have the responsibility for the lowing payments of their teachers. To make things worse, teachers will unconsiously treat students based on their grades, so bad students in their eyes will be ignored sometimes in the class.
  There’s no denying that teaching is a honorable task, for teacher shoulder the responsibility to transfer useful information to millions of students, but learning is a two- way process, which means students need to study by themselves after having classes in school. If one day, we use the students’ performance to determine teachers’ payment, we will finally lose the pure essense of education and many wonderful teachers.

狮子尾巴UID: 2644072

;P代表C市人民表示慰问
08你辛苦了

jiang08UID: 2391146

1， Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them. $ T' |1 l1 F Computer games are growing more and more prevalent and the related industry correspondingly becomes bigger（搭配不当，more prosperous）. Playing computer games is usually a normal activity (为啥要说是正常的活动。。？) and also helpful to develop one’s reflection ability and practical capacity （？）. But everything has a coin of two sides.（But every coin has two sides.） If you become addicted to playing computer games, then the problems such as wasting time and doing harm to the health of children will come up (注意人称的平衡，句首用you，后面用children，不妥). Hence, from my point of view, the trouble stated above cannot be blamed on computer games themselves; on the contrary, we should introspect ourselves from the self-control ability to the education （？）. So it is natural to render my opinion of the issue that playing computer games cannot be depicted as wasting time and children may be allowed to play them as long as we can achieve self-control. Computer games are designed for people to have pastime and obtain enjoyment. Therefore, playing computer games can help people better sparetime life（spare这里指节省时间？还是空余的时间？life前面是不是缺了什么东西？）. For example, we students are the most customers （most用法有误，most regular）of the computer game industry and we find many computer games are very interesting and also can enhance various abilities such as imagination and organization. During the spare time, we will use such games for killing time （use这样用很中式，建议：we kill our spare time by playing games, as well as communicating XXXXX） and we will also communicate with roommates about the plots of the games or the designs of the games. Such activities can not only help us increase the affection of dormitory (不是对寝室的爱- -，是兄弟之情 friendship, brotherhood都可以) but also provoke the interest of studying （to study）the program of the computer games. Although we can provide many examples of students becoming languid and dropped behind in the learning of the major, it is unfair to totally ascribe such home（？） things to computer games. That whether wasting time or not depends on the individual who plays computer games suggests it’s not the attribute of computer games； instead we should be aware that the bane may be rooted in ourselves. So, if we want to solve the problem currently existing, we should elevate ourselves from various aspects. As to the issue of children’s allowance to play computer games, my answer is the same as the one before. I absolutely agree with （缺the idea）that children should be allowed to play computer games because many computer games designed for the children mean (and meant) to help develop the diverse ability of the children. Computer games for children are always scientifically conceived (?) and if parents can effectively control the time of playing (缺逗号) the consequence of children’s playing computer games will be positive and make all satisfied, including the children, parents and the whole human beings（小孩怎么就扯到全人类了呢。。）. So we hope our parents can accompany the children to play some computer games especial for children properly and help them healthfully grow up （grow up healthily）.这段反复说了好多次游戏对小孩有益，那么具体有什么好处呢？比如说拼写单词的游戏，或者增强合作精神/game spirit，练习反应速度等等 In conclusion, playing computer games itself cannot be up there on the harm scale. As long as we can properly manage ourselves, such games will serve us helpfully.;

thatll 发表于 2009-7-9 19:27

LZ 写这个作文思路和我一般见过的不太一样，是把题目2个问句拆开来分别回答的，未尝不可行。但是因为比较特别，最好在第一段写上一句I'll tackle these two issues as follows之类的，不然看到第三段之前会让人误解你没有考虑children的情况。

jiang08UID: 2391146

Do you agree or disagree The best way to travel is in a group led by a guide？

For the time being, tourism trend (trend多余) spreads （用进行时更好，描述这个状态） quickly and widely all around the world since people’s living standard has been promoted boomly （significantly）. But when people are preparing to travel, they have to face to a choice: travel in a group led by a guide or just travel by themselves. I think this choice depends on everyboby him/herself (each individual). As to (for)  myself, I would like better (prefer) to travel without a group.

Before some people plan to go to travel （这个before用的不妥，已经是计划去旅游，还在计划之前？）, he or she (前后人称不平衡) does not prepare very well or say they do not want to prepare well at all. These people just hope to enjoy the travel itself but dislike to clear preparement up （prepare即可）. For example, they would not like to seek comfortable hotels one by one on the Internet or design the travel routes or schemes by themselves. So they choose to sign up in a travel group led by a guide so that they （they指代的内容从游客转换成guide？） can throw these masses onto travel agencies or guides. There are some other people who have to join （in多余） a travel group because of their abilities or capacities （指disabilities?）. For example, when some people travel aboard but they cannot speak the foreign language in that country, it will be helpful for them to take part in a travel group, which can eliminate many difficulties they may encounter. What is more （What's more不分开写）, when they are travelling, it is joyable that the guide will introduce the native customs and scenic spots to them in their own language. 这一段是让步的观点，最好在开头加上表示让步语气的总起句，如：Admittedly, travelling with a group has its own advantages. 另外，作为让步论证，这一段写的太长太详细了点，和正方观点的篇幅已经一样了（单就论证本身而言是很好的）

\In the above cases, those people choose to travel by a group,which depend on their needs （不知道你是不是想表达这个意思：Some people choose to travel in a group based on their needs ）. But in（on） the other hand, when some people enjoy packing up for travelling or they do not have language problems, they may choose to travel by themselves as I do. Every time, after I decide to travel, I spend a lot of time on preparing or planning my travel routes and on seeking for hotels on the Internet. I think it is a good opportunity to practice my independent ability. I do everything by myself.（这句放在after I decided to travel之后比较好） Besides, I attach much importance on freedom in the travelling. On the travelling (改用trip/journey), when I addict into （I'm attracted to）a marvellous scenic spot or some unknown place, I will stay there for several days until I have to go. However, when joining a travel group, I cannot enjoy this kind of “priority”. Also travelling by myself will help me escape from being coaxed to buy something that I do not really need. It cannot be denied that this is a disadvantage for travelling in a group led by guide.%

The choice to travel in a group led by a guide or not depend on the people themselves (is different for everyone). If they find there is a real need for them to join in a group, then they can sign up. But if there is no need, just like me, they can try to be a free traveller.
yumanta 发表于 2009-7-10 20:05

每一段论证内部都相当不错，写得很具体。但是如前文所说，正反方的比重没有把握好。你的立场是喜欢自助游，那么应该把让步段写得短些，或者不写，把自助游的好处分成2-3段。帮你整理一下你所说的好处：锻炼独立能力；有充足的自由时间；不会被强行哄骗买纪念品。有空的话可以照你自己的思路再写一遍。

iscongcongUID: 2592112

题目：computer games 好还是不好
谢谢08了~

With the advancement of new technologies, computer games are growing more and more prevalent and the associated industry correspondingly becomes more prosperous. Everything has its merits and demerits. In my opinion, it brings both positive and negative influences on people’s lives.
First, there is no denying that playing computer rendering a good way to relax and relieve pressure from daily life. Every time immersing myself in the amazing plot of the games, traveling with the heroes in the fantastic virtual world, I am totally free from the concern of everyday life. In addition, compute games help to bear team spirit. When we play computer games as a team, we are able to identify our worth in a team and are able to develop our ability to work with a team to be able to reach their common goal.
However, computer games may bring more disadvantages.
First, engrossing in computer games may waste a lot of time and energy which should be put into some more meaningful things. Considering that the games are so fascinating, some people may spend too much time in front of the screen or even be addicted, resulting in lack of communication and less time for work, study and exercise. Especially for the children who have weak ability of self-control, the game attracts too much of their attention, and they show little care of their primary mission--study; some of them may even drop in classes. Besides, the violence, sex and crime contents have extremely bad influence on the sound development of children.
Second, watching computer screen excessively would do harm to us. For one thing, the large amount of radiation will drain the eyes and bring harm to the skin. According to the scientists, those who face computers all day long have 30% more chance to get cancer, and they are more likely to catch some physical diseases. For another, playing computers takes up too much time which should be spent to do some outdoor sports benefiting for their health. Instead of running or walking in the outside, they prefer to sitting in front of the computer. They feel weary and tired because of lack of exercise.
Simply out, even though computer games are benefiting in some aspects, however, the demerits may outweigh the advantages.

jiang08UID: 2391146

LZ辛苦了啊~一篇新作文~感觉最近写得还挺流畅的1 y  d9 k" J0 E6 D. o) {- h Should teachers be paid according to their students’ grades?(37) 4 l% S( C# k! w8 @ Teaching is considered one of the most respectable careers in most people’s heart, but in fact rather than receiving deserved respect from the community, teachers in China are surviving under overstressed situations in the examination-oriented educational system. Some people even make a suggestion that teachers should be paid according to their students’ grades. As far as I’m concerned, I disagree with this statement and my reasons are as follows. First and foremost, this payment standard is unfair to teachers. It’s a commonsense (common sense) that different students will have different levels of ability to learn knowledge, so it’s simple that every class will have students who do well or (and) bad in exams. To those who don’t work hard in their courses or absorb knowledge slowly (这里or容易引起歧义，以为是否定句的一部分，可以把两部分位置颠倒一下), no matter how hard the teachers try, they (把前半句（不好好学习的孩子）代替这里的they，用句型：those who XXXX) still can’t get satisfied (satisfying) grades in the examinations. Since most of the teachers have to teach classes with (of，with的意思是老师和40个人一起教) more than 30 or 40 students, they can’t pay (+too) much attention on every (each) individual. And if teachers are paid based on the average performance, low-grade students will drag the class (建议：hold back the overall assessment), resulting in low payment for the teachers. If this situation goes on, teachers will begin to feel overstressed and depressed, and may even give up the job they once enjoyed. While at the same time, students’ education will be effected negatively if teacher are paid based on the students’ performance. If teachers want to get high wages, they may begin to teach only what students need in order to help them get higher score, hence, students will miss out a lot education that can’t be measured in a test. Moreover, since teachers are always worried about their students’ test grades, they will ingnore students’ mental development and no longer takes time to communicate with students to find their problems in lives. Students who usually get low scores will also feel nervous and sad because they may feel that they have the responsibility for the lowing payments of their teachers. To make things worse, teachers will unconsiously treat students based on their grades, so bad students in their eyes will be ignored sometimes in the class. 这段论证很好，很详细但是不啰嗦 There’s no denying that teaching is a honorable task, for teacher shoulder the responsibility to transfer (bring) useful information to millions of students, but learning is a two- way process, which means students need to study by themselves after having (taking, have多表示有课的状态) classes in school. If one day, we use the students’ performance to determine teachers’ payment (我们习惯在中文里这样用use，但是其实这句型很不地道，建议：If one day teachers' payment is determined by students' performance), we will finally lose the pure essense of education and many wonderful teachers.

walala 发表于 2009-7-10 20:11

论证从老师和学生的两个角度来写，不容易写散，这样的情况下写两段也没有问题。
这次给你语言改的细了点，除了用词，还有些句型上的问题，所以红得又多了，别灰心哈。偶对你很有信心^^

jiang08UID: 2391146

题目：computer games 好还是不好, F. h2 k+ o+ m2 Y$ z/ S  _
谢谢08了~

首先，原题里有没有提到小孩是否应该被允许玩游戏？

With the advancement of new technologies, computer games are growing more and more prevalent and the associated industry correspondingly becomes more prosperous. Everything has its merits and demerits. In my opinion, it brings both positive and negative influences on people’s lives. 个人认为这类题目还是尽量避免中立观点，可以两边都说，但是结论是A胜过B，仅供参考啦

First (这个不用first比较好，因为这段是让步), there is no denying that playing computer rendering （is 就行了）a good way to relax and relieve pressure from daily life. Every time immersing myself in the amazing plot of the games, traveling with the heroes in the fantastic virtual world, I am totally free from the concern of everyday life. In addition, compute games help to bear （build）team spirit. When we play computer games as a team, we are able to identify our worth in a team and are able to develop our ability to work with（in，你是队伍的一部分） a team to be able to reach their（之前人称是we，这里要用our） common goal.

However, computer games may bring more disadvantages. 从这句看，你还是支持反方？如果是的话，考虑把这句在第一段末尾写出来。

First, engrossing in computer games may waste a lot of time and energy which should be put into （some多余） more meaningful things. Considering that the games are so fascinating, some people may spend too much time in front of the screen or even be （用become更好，表示spend too much的结果） addicted, resulting in lack of communication and less time for work, study and exercise. Especially for the children who have weak （ability of 多余） self-control, the game attracts too much of their attention, and they show little care of their primary mission--study; some of them may even drop in classes （skip classes，drop是指退课，drop in是指忽然拜访）. Besides, the violence, sex and crime contents have extremely bad influence on the sound development of children.这是两个理由了（浪费时间，儿童不宜），不适合放在一段里面。

Second, watching （watch也得看有内容的，会动的东西不是？改成：staring at） computer screen excessively would do harm to us. For one thing, the large amount of radiation will drain the eyes and bring harm to the skin. According to the scientists, those who face computers all day long have 30% more chance to get cancer, and they are more likely to catch some physical diseases. For another, playing computers takes up too much time which should be spent to do some outdoor sports benefiting for their health. Instead of running or walking in the outside, they prefer to sitting in front of the computer. They feel weary and tired because of lack of exercise. 这一段写的是电脑游戏对身体的物理损害，论证得不错的，但是注意上一段你再说浪费时间的时候提到了exercise，和这段是一个意思，建议把那个词拿到，身心健康分两段论证。

Simply out (有这个搭配？simply put?), even though computer games are benefiting （beneficial） in some aspects, however, the demerits may outweigh the advantages （merit advantage最后前后平衡，选一个就行了）. 结论表达了你的立场，同时篇幅也符合反方，那么你必须在开头也表明立场，说虽然有利有弊，但你认为弊大于利。
iscongcong 发表于 2009-7-11 16:31

iscongcongUID: 2592112

非常的感谢08~先谢了后头再改

walalaUID: 2603375

谢谢辛勤的LZ啊~假期要好好休息哦^^

curvelabsUID: 2663943

可惜啊今天才看到这个贴。。。LZ感觉是去参加什么活动了么。。因为我是参加TECC 的暑期学院呵呵也是这个时候。～还是自私地贴一篇吧，和范文是一个题目，书本知识or实践知识更重要？

Books still dominate

While the thought “practical knowledge is more important than theoretical knowledge” enjoys quite a lot of supporters, I boldly hold my personal opinion against this idea. To me books are still the more important learning source; it is more refined, more diverse and less expensive than our experience. Further more, they establish our spiritual world.
First off, books symbolize the rise of human culture and represent the marvel of human mind. Books along with the language that is used to create them share the same characteristic; they are both refined from our experience and act as carriers of knowledge. Only when humans used books did the knowledge start to become systematic and consistent, therefore learning from books is obviously more efficient and less time consuming than learning from experience.

Because the gaining of practical knowledge focus mostly on individual experience, its utility is often limited to certain cases. On the other hand, theoretical knowledge enjoys a wider range of application than practical knowledge. For instance, by watching an apple falling we can learn from the experience about how swift the object falls and next time we would be able to catch a falling ball. However, with Newton's laws developed from the same observation process we can determine how long an airplane needs to accelerate before it reaches the velocity required of flying, and even design rockets that can escape our planet's gravitational field. Although practical knowledge is deeply imprinted in our mind, it still needs to be theoretically modeled and therefore we can benefit more.

What is more, developed from real experience as they are, books provide a way to simulate things that we may not be able to experience ourselves. It is easy to recall our first visit to our counselor; we were not sure whether we should take the geology course. Instead of samples of quartz or limestone he lent us an introductory book of geology. After reading we found ourselves not interested in the field and made the decision. Sometimes the cost of gaining knowledge from experience could be so high that we cannot afford. How cheap and useful would a book be when we enter a field unfamiliar to us!

I am not stating that we should all try to achieve academic excellence at the sacrifice of our chance to experience the society and nature. On the contrary, experience is the most unique gift of our life. The reflection upon our own experience helps us better understand what we learn from books and vice versa, but as our lifespan is limited, learning from books is still a dominating way of efficient study. I think it would be a better choice to learn as much as we can from books and spend our valuable life experiencing where our true passion lies.

curvelabsUID: 2663943

额。。。再发一篇吧，期待LZ回归Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Playing games teaches us about life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Games are like movies; they offer high quality entertainment by taking us into an imaginary world, and allow us to escape from the stress and tiredness for a while. However, when some people state that playing games teaches us about life, I cannot hold my voice to let this idea lead many game players astray. Compared to real life, games are way more limited in dimensions and far less practical. What is more, playing games may also kill creativity and get people addicted into it.  

First of all, if we look at the games in a technical way we see that games are constructed with lines of program commands and mathematical equations coded by programmers. Therefore games can only simulate a very little part of life virtually. For example in many web games people communicate only through text messages. Imagine a person born in the game world goes into the real world, he will have serious problems communicating with others because he cannot understand people's facial expressions, body language and so on. From the above we can see it is our experience in real life that makes us comfortable in the game world but not the opposite. Virtual experience has very limited benefit upon our real life, and many so-called knowledge or skills gained by playing games does not apply in the real world.
Bring this point one step further, I can safely state that playing games, if for too long, has many potentially bad influences on our real life. Not only that games provide a narrow aspect of life, but in many cases the game world is contorted and unreal. In most web game systems the characters do not need to eat and can live on performing magic. Involving in this system for a long time, players may get lost in it and forget their role as a member of society and even suffer from an identity crisis, which is what is generally called addiction. In other words, games are more likely to lead us away from reality rather than teach us about it.

Thirdly, though game itself is a product of creativity, but it does not necessarily mean that playing games conduces to creativity. On the contrary, game players are more likely to form a lifestyle that is full of routine. Recently an interview can be found on game medias about “first person shooting disorder”, in which the patient sways his right arm restlessly just like the character in the shooting game. Since the process of playing is conducted on a data transfer machine namely the computer, it is not surprising that players are reduced to transfer machines too after playing too much.

While my analysis about playing games seems rather critical, I myself enjoy playing games quite much. However I understand game is not what makes our life tick. To me the best way to learn about life will certainly be experiencing life myself, in reality.

daney68UID: 2582640

希望楼主早日归来哈。:)