【Try Best】第一小组 ARGUMENT56 by小红莓

小红莓UID: 2641349

TOPIC: ARGUMENT56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.
WORDS: 473
TIME: 00:40:40
DATE: 2009-7-6 12:00:55

In this argument, the author concludes that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these statues. To support this conclusion, the author points out those miniature statues were abstracted and different in style. The author also claims that the kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with realistic prediction and the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. What's more, the author points out that collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. I find the argument unconvincing for several reasons.

First and foremost, the argument relies on the assumption that the molds of human heads and hands discovered by archeologists were used to sculpt. Actually, the author fails to prove that there are some relationship between the molds and sculptures. Without evidence to substantiate these assumptions one cannot reasonably conclude that the sculptures are made based on the molds. Perhaps the molds of human heads and hands were used as teaching material in medicine or some other subjects.

Secondly, there are many reasons could explain that miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style. Perhaps the statues were made by different artists who were totally different in style, or perhaps the statues had different use at that time. To convince me the cause of the fact that the miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style were the differences of molds, the author should role out more evidences.

Thirdly, the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tool have been found on Kali also have many explains. Perhaps the sculpting tools were not that durable or lasting and as a consequence destroyed during the process of using. Perhaps the people on the islands move to other place and so as their tools.

Fourthly, as the archeologists just discovered the molds of heads and hands, it's hard to have a conclusion that all the life-size statues of human figures were made in this way. Otherwise, there must be the molds of other figures were found there. So it's too hasty to have a consequence that the molds were used to sculpt.

Finally, even if the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies, it's ridiculous to expect that life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. The author fails to list any evidence that life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures.

In sum, to persuade me that the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these statues, and life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value, the author should supply clear evidence that sculptures are made based on the molds and life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures.

终于在最后一刻完成了作业```:L

tidejoyUID: 2527165

不好意思，打扰你了~

sharanlamUID: 2631081

个人觉得，中间的论述段过于单薄，不够丰满

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

In this argument, the author concludes that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these statues. To support this conclusion, the author points out those miniature statues were abstracted and different in style. The author also claims that the kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with realistic prediction and the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. What's more, the author points out that the collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. I find the argument unconvincing for several reasons.
(The speaker thinks the life-size sculptures were made by the molds of actual bodies and the miniatures were made by sculpt tools. That’s why the speaker claims that the life-size sculptures’ value is expected to decrease while the miniatures’ value is expected to increase.)

First and foremost, the argument relies on the assumption that the molds of human heads and hands discovered by archeologists were used to sculpt. Actually, the author fails to prove that there are some relationship between the molds and sculptures. Perhaps the molds of human heads and hands were used as teaching material in medicine or some other subjects. Without evidence to substantiate these assumptions one cannot reasonably conclude that the sculptures are made based on the molds.

Secondly, there are many reasons could explain that miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style. Perhaps the statues were made by different artists who were totally different in style, or perhaps the statues had different use at that time. To convince me the cause of the fact that the miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style were the differences of molds, the author should role out more evidences.

Thirdly, the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tool have been found on Kali also have many explains. Perhaps the sculpting tools were not that durable or lasting and as a consequence destroyed during the process of using. Perhaps the people on the islands move to other place and so as their tools.

Fourthly, as the archeologists just discovered the molds of heads and hands, it's hard to have a conclusion that all the life-size statues of human figures were made in this way. Otherwise, there must be the molds of other figures were found there. So it's too hasty to have a consequence that the molds were used to sculpt. 跟第一段有些重复

Finally, even if the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies, it's ridiculous to expect that life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. The author fails to list any evidence that life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures. 这一段论证的不详细，这些塑像的价值不是通过制作工艺来判断的

In sum, to persuade me that the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these statues, and life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value, the author should supply clear evidence that sculptures are made based on the molds and life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures.

ahngUID: 2605383

In this argument, the author concludes that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these (别用these，这statues是第一次出现) statues. To support this conclusion, the author points out those miniature statues were abstracted and different in style. The author also claims that the kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with realistic prediction and the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. What's more, the author points out that collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. I find the argument unconvincing for several reasons.（恩)

First and foremost, the argument relies on the assumption that the molds of human heads and hands discovered by archeologists were used to sculpt. Actually, the author fails to prove that there are some relationship between the molds and sculptures.(可以把本段中心句去掉换成这句话，这2句话本质上是一样的，这里显得有些累赘) Without evidence to substantiate these assumptions one cannot reasonably conclude that the sculptures are made based on the molds.(这句话其实也显得累赘，前面3句都是表达的同一个意思。。。) Perhaps the molds of human heads and hands were used as teaching material in medicine or some other subjects.(我觉得中心句简介明了一句话就行，重点要放在论证上，这里前3句都是在说中心，第四句才用列举他因的方法进行论证，略显单薄，可以再想点例子，然后找一个例子稍微详细地说下)

Secondly, there are many reasons could explain that miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style. Perhaps the statues were made by different artists who were totally different in style, or perhaps the statues had different use at that time.(前半句说是不同艺术家作的，而题目里说的意思是小的基本都抽象，大的基本都逼真，针对性不强；后半句例子举的满好的，可以不说用途，改成说他们在不同地方放的雕像，有些艺术性强的地方放抽象的，有些用于纪念馆之类的就逼真) To convince me the cause of the fact that the miniature statues were abstracted and entirely different in style were the differences of molds, the author should role(rule) out more evidences.(这句话不要也可以的，或者可以作为段首句)

Thirdly, the fact that few ancient Kalinese sculpting tool have been found on Kali also have many explains. Perhaps the sculpting tools were not that durable or lasting and as a consequence destroyed during the process of using. Perhaps the people on the islands move to other place and so as their tools.

Fourthly, as the archeologists just discovered the molds of heads and hands, it's hard to have a conclusion that all the life-size statues of human figures were made in this way. Otherwise, there must be the molds of other figures were found there. So it's too hasty to have a consequence that the molds were used to sculpt.(这段是说不是所有的雕塑都是用人体模具做的，正文第一断是说人体模具不一定是用来作雕塑的，可以合起来说)
(然后，第三断是说找不到工具可能又其他原因，也可以和这断合起来说，作者的推理是：找到人体模具－找不到其他工具－他们用人体模具作雕像，前面2点并起来就好了，这样文章可以变成经典的3段式。。。。)

Finally, even if the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies, it's ridiculous to expect that life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value. The author fails to list any evidence that life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures.(这段很关键的我觉得。需要具体展开讲。为什么用了人体模具就要降价？人体模具至少还用到了人上的东西，难道真人造的价值没有普通模具造的价值高？有的人就喜欢逼真的，难道他会出高价买抽象的东西？还有，即便人体模具做得不值钱，那为什么小雕塑要升值呢？等等)

In sum, to persuade me that the ancient Kalinese artists actually used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques to create these statues, and life-size sculptures to decrease value and the miniatures to increase in value, the author should supply clear evidence that sculptures are made based on the molds and life-size sculptures are not that popular as the miniatures.(恩)

刚看过这篇。。。。
您的问题主要是：抽象的重复的话太多。可以感受到您在写文章的时候想不出要说的话。列出的点很多，但是不够紧凑。并不是点越多越好的，因为点多了，各个攻击点之间的逻辑联系就不清晰了。
我的建议是：抓住重点来分析，中心句尽量一句话搞定，重点是进行论证，可以把例子扩展扩展，或者讲讲自己的想法之类的。
另外，您的语言基础应该还满好的，尽量避免单词的重复就更好的。