argument 35 [TSUBASA] by wildrose800331

wildrose800331UID：2602131

TOPIC: ARGUMENT35 - The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.

"Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia."
WORDS: 362 (449)
TIME: :30 + 10
DATE: 2009-7-6 20:48:52

The author, in the argument, predicts a steady declining trend of the numbers of headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. The arguer, deduces the prediction based on three prerequsites: First, salicylates belong to a medicine to treat headaches; Second, one study reveals that rising commercial use of salicylates is correlated with the falling number of headaches of the participants; Third, salicylates can be used as flavor additives for foods according to findings of food-processing companies. However, both the relied foundations and corresponding deductions are fraught with flaws and thus unconvincing.

To begin with, it is uncertain what medical quality salicylates have. This medicine is just mentioned in the same chemical family as aspirin, while aspirin is a anti-biotic medicine to kill virus of many diseases. Without precise definition of salicylates as a headache-killer, it is naturally meaningless to do some studies around the function against headache. Furthermore, headaches can be classified into chronicle or acute, which needs different treatment and medical prescriptions. Unless unveil the obscurity of salicylates function, it is groundless to go further.

In addition, the study itself is not overall thus problematic. For one thing, it did not give the information of the quantity and information of participants. If only two patients were studied, and each had chronicle or acute headache, the trend exhibited in the study can reflect little. For another thing, correlation of soaring use of salicylates and decreasing number of headaches does not mean that the former necessarily causes the latter. Even if the former seems to lead to the latter, it is equally possible that the subjects have taken other medicines to cure their headaches. Meanwhile, other ingredients in the food they have taken have not been ruled out as impossible to cause the declination of headache number.

Finally, new use as flavor additives can not guarantee the steady decline in the number of headaches, since it is up to the consumers' tastes and choices of what to eat. They may not like the flavor of salicylates thus they do not buy and consume, or they may happen to suffer acute headaches because of a spasm of climatic change or pressure of financial crises. Without eliminating these possibilities, the author can not convince me of this necessity.

In all, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and fallacious. If accurate details of salicylates are given as to the treatment of which kind of headache, if adequate information in the study is offered to identify the causal relationship between use of salicylates and steady declination of headaches, if salicylates as flavor additives can really appeal to residents of Mentia, these can at large bolster and corroborate the presumption in this argument.

sha-shineUID：2610662

The author, in【换成of更好点吧】 the argument, predicts a steady declining trend of the numbers of headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. The arguer【这里对作者的称呼我认为不用变的，如果全文都用author这里还用就可以】, deduces the prediction based on three prerequsites【prerequisites】: First, salicylates belong to a medicine to treat headaches; Second, one study reveals that rising commercial use of salicylates is correlated with the falling number of headaches of the participants; Third, salicylates can be used as flavor additives for foods according to findings of food-processing companies. However, both the relied foundations and corresponding deductions are fraught with flaws and thus unconvincing.

To begin with, it is uncertain what medical quality salicylates have【”what medical component of salicylates is” 不能说药品的品质是…】【建议：what 容易出错 that比较保一些】. This【salicylates 是复数啊】 medicine is just mentioned in the same chemical family as aspirin, while aspirin is a anti-biotic【这里运用到学科知识，不适合在作文中出现】 medicine to kill virus of【in】 many diseases. Without precise definition of salicylates as【is】 a headache-killer, it is naturally meaningless to do some【这里不太确定，
感觉应该是any吧。因为meaningless有否定意义】 studies around the function against headache. Furthermore, headaches can be classified into chronicle or acute, which【这里不应该用which吧，我的语法不太好，但是感觉你文章里的指示代词用的不太准确应该加强下,叫不准的时候最好用THAT】 needs 【need----headaches】 different treatment【这里应该和下面的PRESCRIPTIONS一致
如果是复数都应是复数如果是单数都应是单数】 and medical prescriptions. Unless unveil the obscurity【这个词用的不准确也许这是一个模版吧但是这个词最好根据作文换一下】 of salicylates function, it is groundless to go further.

In addition, the study itself is not overall thus problematic.【？这个改怎么理解】 For one thing, it did not give the information of the quantity and information of participants. If only two patients were studied, and each had chronicle or acute headache, the trend exhibited in the study can reflect little【little 什么呢?】. For another thing, correlation of soaring use of salicylates and decreasing number of headaches does not mean【这里有点太chinenglish了】
【mean用词不准确】that the former necessarily causes the latter. Even if the former seems to lead【to lead----leading这样避免两个TO离这么近】 to the latter, it is equally possible that the subjects have taken other medicines to cure their headaches. Meanwhile, other ingredients in the food they have taken have not been ruled out as impossible to cause the declination of headache number.

Finally, new use as flavor additives can not guarantee the steady decline in the number of headaches, since it is up to the consumers' tastes and choices of what to eat【没读懂捏？】. They may not like the flavor of salicylates thus they do not buy and consume【buy和consume 重复了吧】, or they may happen to suffer acute headaches because of a spasm of climatic change or pressure of financial crises. Without eliminating these possibilities, the author can not convince me of this necessity.

In all, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and fallacious. If accurate details of salicylates are given as to the treatment of which kind of headache, if adequate information in the study is offered to identify the causal relationship between use of salicylates and steady declination of headaches, if salicylates as flavor additives can really appeal to residents of Mentia, these can at large bolster and corroborate the presumption in this argument.
1.
有些词用的不准确应该加强矫正下。
2.
主谓一致是文章中该注意的。
3.
全文思路比较好。也许我有改错的地方有时间一起讨论下哦~~

wildrose800331UID：2602131

The author, in【模版里的】 the argument, predicts a steady declining trend of the numbers of headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia. The arguer【模版里的】, deduces the prediction based on three prerequisites : First, salicylates belong to a medicine to treat headaches; Second, one study reveals that rising commercial use of salicylates is correlated with the falling number of headaches of the participants; Third, salicylates can be used as flavor additives for foods according to findings of food-processing companies. However, both the relied foundations and corresponding deductions are fraught with flaws and thus unconvincing. To begin with, it is uncertain what medical property salicylates have. Sylicylates are just mentioned in the same chemical family as aspirin, while aspirin is a anti-biotic medicine to kill virus in many diseases. Without precise definition of salicylates as a headache-killer, it is naturally meaningless to do any studies around the function against headache. Furthermore, headaches can be classified into chronicle or acute, which need different treatments and medical prescriptions. Unless unveiling the obscurity and blurriness of salicylates function, it is groundless to go further. In addition, the study itself is not overall thus problematic【有问题的】 For one thing, it did not give the information of the quantity and information of participants. If only two patients were studied, and each had chronicle or acute headache, the trend exhibited in the study can reflect little supportive evidence. For another thing, correlation of soaring use of salicylates and decreasing number of headaches does not mean/ indicate/ display/ suggest that the former necessarily causes the latter. Even if the former seems to lead to the latter, it is equally possible that the subjects have taken other medicines to cure their headaches. Meanwhile, other ingredients in the food they have taken have not been ruled out as impossible to cause the declination of headache number. Finally, new use as flavor additives can not guarantee the steady decline in the number of headaches, since it is up to the consumers' tastes and choices of what to eat【是消费者自己决定吃什么】. They may not like the flavor of salicylates thus they do not buy and consume【buy和consume 不重复】, or they may happen to suffer acute headaches because of a spasm of climatic change or pressure of financial crises. Without eliminating these possibilities, the author can not convince me of this necessity. In all, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and fallacious. If accurate details of salicylates are given as to the treatment of which kind of headache, if adequate information in the study is offered to identify the causal relationship between use of salicylates and steady declination of headaches, if salicylates as flavor additives can really appeal to residents of Mentia, these can at large bolster and corroborate the presumption in this argument.

wildrose800331UID：2602131

修改了 谢谢你啊 及时修改

vikingpirateUID：2733574

文中提到 “aspirin is a anti-biotic medicine to kill virus in many diseases ”
阿司匹林是抗病毒药？ 这是你们实验室的最新研究成果？哈哈，你可以拿Noble了。

generUID：119764

文中提到 “aspirin is a anti-biotic medicine to kill virus in many diseases ”
阿司匹林是抗病毒药？ 这是你们实验室的最新研究成果？哈哈，你可以拿Noble了。
vikingpirate 发表于 2010-1-15 12:39

说话不刻薄不会死的。。。