TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第1次作业 by thatll

thatllUID: 2538832

1， Toptic: Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

Computer games are growing more and more prevalent and the related industry correspondingly becomes bigger. Playing computer games is usually a normal activity and also helpful to develop one’s reflection ability and practical capacity. But everything has a coin of two sides. If you become addicted to playing computer games, then the problems such as wasting time and doing harm to the health of children will come up. Hence, from my point of view, the trouble stated above cannot be blamed on computer games themselves; on the contrary, we should introspect ourselves from the self-control ability to the education. So it is natural to render my opinion of the issue that playing computer games cannot be depicted as wasting time and children may be allowed to play them as long as we can achieve self-control.

Computer games are designed for people to have pastime and obtain enjoyment. Therefore, playing computer games should be help people better sparetime life. For example, we students are the most customers of the computer game industry and we find many computer games are very interesting and also can enhance various abilities such as imagination and organization. During the spare time, we will use such games for killing time and we will also communicate with roommates about the plots of the games or the designs of the games. Such activities can not only help us increase the affection of dormitory but also provoke the interest of studying the program of the computer games. Although we can provide many examples of students becoming languid and dropped behind in the learning of the major, it is unfair to totally ascribe such home things to computer games. That whether wasting time or not depends on the individual who plays computer games suggests it’s not the attribute of computer games while we should be aware that the bane may be rooted in ourselves. So, if we want to solve the problem currently existing, we should elevate ourselves from various aspects.

As to the issue of children’s allowance to play computer games, my answer is the same as the one before. I absolutely agree with that children should be allowed to play computer games because many computer games designed for the children mean to help develop the diverse ability of the children. Computer games for children are always scientifically conceived and if parents can effectively control the time of playing the consequence of children’s playing computer games will be positive and make all satisfied, including the children, parents and the whole human beings. So we hope our parents can accompany the children to play some computer games especial for children properly and help them healthfully grow up.

In conclusion, playing computer games itself cannot be up there on the harm scale. As long as we can properly manage ourselves, such games will serve us helpfully.

提纲：不同意。
1，玩游戏是killing time而不是wasting time，还有很多好处。
2，对于孩子是否可以玩游戏，一样是可以，并且儿童游戏有益于各方面能力的开发。

文赋UID: 2611067

Toptic: Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

Computer games are growing more and more prevalent and the related industry correspondingly becomes bigger. Playing computer games is usually a normal activity and also helpful to develop one’s reflection ability and practical capacity. But everything has a coin of two sides. If you become addicted to playing computer games, then the problems such as wasting time and doing harm to-->impairing/undermining the health of children will come up--> appear. Hence, from my point of view, the trouble stated above cannot be blamed on computer games themselves; on the contrary, we should introspect ourselves from the self-control ability to the education--> our self-control ability and educational problems. So（正式文本，so 不能打头） it is natural to render my opinion of the issue--> I believe that playing computer games cannot be depicted as wasting time and children may be allowed to play them as long as we can achieve self-control（children可以想玩多久玩多久，只要我们能自控？）--> computer games when them have rest.

Computer games are designed for people to have pastime and obtain enjoyment. Therefore, playing computer games should be help people better(韦伯里better没有动词意，牛津中动词意为surpass) sparetime life--> have some elated sparetime. For example, we students are the most customers of the computer game industry and we find many computer games are very interesting and also can enhance various abilities such as imagination and organization. During the sparetime, we will use such games for killing time(kill time和waste time不够成绝对的对立关系,试想你在玩游戏的时候被老板或者父母发现了，你说你在kill time，他们什么感觉？如果你说你只是在休息一下呢？） and we will also communicate-->share the experience with roommates  about the plots of the games or the designs of the games. Such activities can not only help us increase the affection of dormitory but also provoke the interest of studying the program of the computer games. Although we can provide many examples of students becoming languid and dropped behind in the learning of the major, it is unfair to totally ascribe such home things to computer games. That whether wasting time or not depends on the individual who plays computer games suggests it’s not the attribute of computer games while we should be aware that the bane may be rooted in ourselves. So, if we want to solve the problem currently existing, we should elevate ourselves from various aspects.（可以提出具体解决方法，比如限制游戏时间，加强室外活动，效果比抽象论述好）

As to the issue of children’s allowance to play computer games, my answer is the same as the one before. I absolutely agree with that children should be allowed to play computer games because many computer games designed for the children mean to help develop the diverse ability of the children. Computer games for children are always scientifically conceived and if parents can effectively control the time of playing the consequence of children’s playing computer games will be positive and make all satisfied, including the children, parents and the whole human beings. So we hope our parents can accompany the children to play some computer games especial for children properly and help them healthfully grow up.（可以虚构一个调查或研究作为例子）

In conclusion, playing computer games itself cannot be up there on the harm scale. As long as we can properly manage ourselves, such games will serve us helpfully.

最后一段太短了，至少在改写下论点才好吧。考官的阅读习惯也是和正常人一样，第一段和最后段主要看，中间段只看论点和证据。
thatll 发表于 2009-7-9 16:30

语法没有什么问题，这是基础好的表现。适当考虑正确的用词，积累一些习惯，比如想法（抽象）和玩具（具体，比如PSP，呵呵）是share的，communicate 虽然也有share意（更偏向exchange)，但是不强。

然后就是，既然托福作文是洋八股，就要适当考虑各段文字的比例要协调，要不然最后一段草草结尾，考官应该不会有好印象。

多提了些意见，因为就我的水平也检查不出来太多语言问题了。呵呵

thatllUID: 2538832

2# 文赋
恩，说得很在理，谢谢了哈，共同进步！

出来吧葡萄UID: 2658129

用word修改的

thatllUID: 2538832

修改后：
Computer games are growing increasingly prevalent and the related industry correspondingly becomes more prosperous. Playing computer games is usually a normal activity that should not be accused of spoiling children, and also helpful to develop one’s various abilities. But every coin has two sides. If one becomes addicted to playing computer games, then the problems such as wasting time and impairing the health will naturally come up. Hence, from my point of view, the trouble stated above cannot be blamed on computer games themselves; on the contrary, we should introspect ourselves. So it is natural to render my opinion of the issue that playing computer games cannot be depicted as wasting time and children may be allowed to play them as long as we can achieve self-control.

Computer game is designed for people as a pastime and therefore can elevate the quality of people’s sparetime life. For example, we students are the most regular customers of the computer game industry and we find many computer games are very interesting and also can enhance various abilities such as imagination and organization. We kill our spare time by playing computer games, as well as sharing with roommates about the plots or the designs of the games. Such activities can not only help us increase the brotherhood but also provoke the interest to study the related knowledge. Although we can provide many examples of students becoming languid and dropped behind in the learning of the major, it is unfair to totally ascribe such negative outcomes to computer games. That whether wasting time or not depends on the individual who plays computer games suggests it’s not the attribute of computer games while we should be aware that the bane may be rooted in ourselves. So, if we want to solve the problem currently existing, we should elevate ourselves from various aspects, such as self-control ability.

As to the issue of children’s allowance to play computer games, my answer is the same as the one above. I absolutely agree with the idea that children should be allowed to play computer games because many computer games designed for the children mean to help develop the diverse abilities of the children. Computer games for children are always scientifically devised and if parents can effectively control the time of playing, the consequence of children’s playing computer games will be positive and make all satisfied, including the children, parents and the manufacturers of the computer games. As we all know, many online computer games can help children to cultivate the spirit of teamwork. There are also plenty of games that can stimulate the children to learn words. More universal, playing computer games can practice children’s reaction capacity. So we hope our parents can accompany the children to play some computer games especial for children properly and help them grow up healthily.


In conclusion, playing computer games itself cannot be up there on the harm scale. As long as we can properly manage ourselves, such games will serve us helpfully.

谢谢两位的认真修改！

lxylxy0921UID: 2321560

我凭良心讲，你这个原本已经写的很好了，表达也丰富，修改后，精益求精，我觉得一般人考场上写不出来的，你这个应该算能拿满分的了。

thatllUID: 2538832

6# lxylxy0921
哈哈，是吗，谢谢