【辉太郎杀G大队】7/9作业by Chqzouxi

chqzouxiUID: 2661626

A165
The following appeared in a business magazine.

"As a result of numerous consumer complaints of dizziness and nausea, Promofoods requested that eight million cans of tuna be returned for testing last year. Promofoods concluded that the cans did not, after all, contain chemicals that posed a health risk. This conclusion is based on the fact that the chemists from Promofoods tested samples of the recalled cans and found that, of the eight chemicals most commonly blamed for causing symptoms of dizziness and nausea, five were not found in any of the tested cans. The chemists did find that the three remaining suspected chemicals are naturally found in all other kinds of canned foods."

    The claim by Promofoods that their recalled tuna cans are not posing a health hazard is totally not trustworthy.
    First, in any case of disagreement, a third party opinion is a must to look into the conflict from a neutrol and objective position. It's absurd that the free-of-responsibility report was based on the tests by the company's own chemists. If we can't rush into the conclusion that there could be tricky hide-the-truth game behind the test, it's at least not appropriate for the company to be the judge themselves in the first place.
    Secondly, the fact that three dizziness and nausea causing chemicals were also found in the other canned food can't testify that they are not the cause of dizziness and nausea in the Promofoods tuna can. There could have been reports on dizziness and nausea symptoms after eating canned foods other than Promofoods, which might serve as an evidence to the conclution that those three chemicals are not safe additives or ingradients in any canned food. Even when there's no such cases as those three have caused any similar symptoms in other brand canned food, the Promofoods still can't exclude the three to be the cause of this crisis, as the quantity of those chemicals could vary largely from one brand of canned to another, and we have every reason to believe there might be a overdose of these three chemicals in Promofoods.
    Plus, for serious public health hazard like this, testing for potential poisonous chemicals should not confined in the already known chemical list. As new chemicals are produced everyday around the world, no one is sure whether this incident was the result of some unknown chemicals newly introduced into daily commodities. As the American water bureau finds new untested chemicals in the drinking water system constantly, it's reasonable to make an effort to see if there are new chemicals other than the eight famous ones that might have brought those ill feelings in people.
    To sum up, we still don't know exactly what caused this problem but we do know now that Promofoods is a company lacking resiponsibility as it tried to fool the consumers with such a poor-based report.(363 words)

I203
"The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its heroines."

    To exmine the character of the heroes and heroines in a society is a good to understand the character of the society, but important elements might be ignored.
    Heroes and heroines do represent the value and taste of a large group. As people are turning to heroes and heroines for courage and hope, or simply pleasure feelings, the idols must have one outstanding character or more to have catered the mainstream taste of their fan group. Thus, by examing what have set the idol apart, what the audience are looking for will come to the surface. What do you think about the American society when Madonna is regarded as one of the best symbol of American dream? Energetic, fearless, target-driven, starting as a poor girl who has nothing to lose, and ending up as a super successful star as she's always moving forward. It's reasonable to believe among the cheering crowd at Madonna's concert, there are numerous Americans baring the same background as her, and dying to be Madonna II.
    But sometimes heroes and heroines are just tools to manipulate the people. Governments make someone famous intentionally, telling the whole nation that this is what you should look up to, but the role model might fail to arouse any recognition among the mass. A very interesting comparison: Before China's opening up, Chinese people were taught to worship Lei Feng and Lai Ning, both of whom sacrificed themselves to save the lives or property of the group, because at that time, what the government needed is to create an atmosphere of hard working for the group and not for one own property or comfortable life; While look at all the enterpreneurs and scientists on the media today, people are taught to be rish and wise, thus make China stronger as a whole. Created idols might have shaped the minds of the people to some extent, but one thing should be clear to the observer: they are representing a small group of people in a society.
    It's wise to bare in mind that when you look at the bright side of a society, don't forget there's dark areas. Certain groups of people are silent. They live far away from the shining stars but do represent important character of a society. There are rich class people who want to hide their story and treasure from the public eyes, academic people who want to keep distance with the so-called mainstream culture in order to promote their independent judgement, and religious ones who want to live peaceful spiritual lives. Their characters are seldom represented in any heroes or heroines but they are vital part of any society and contribute to the diversity of the social characters.
    In all, it is only when one really understands the background the the heroes and heroines of a socity and the reason why they are famous could one understand what groups they represent, and it's only when one sees the more aspects rather than the super star group could one understand the profound character of a society. (508 words)

sindyttUID: 2661721

A165
The claim by Promofoods that their recalled tuna cans are not posing a health hazard is totally not trustworthy.（可以考虑开头适当长一点，一句话显得单薄了。）
    First, in any case of disagreement, a third party opinion is a must to look into the conflict from a neutrol(neutral) and objective position. It's absurd that the free-of-responsibility (没明白为什么这个形容词在这里的意思)report was based on the tests by the company's own chemists. If we can't rush into the conclusion that there could be tricky hide-the-truth game behind the test, it's at least not appropriate for the company to be the judge themselves（去掉themselves，感觉不通） in the first place. （对于这个test的攻击点除了谁进行的，还可以对于test的权威性，样本采集数量等进行）
    Secondly, the fact that three dizziness and nausea causing chemicals were also found in the other canned food can't testify that they are not the cause of dizziness and nausea in the Promofoods tuna can. There could have been (确实有，不用加could)reports on dizziness and nausea symptoms after eating canned foods other than Promofoods, which might serve as an evidence to the conclution(conclusion) that those three chemicals are not safe additives or ingradients(ingredients) in any canned food. Even when there's no such cases as those three have caused any similar symptoms in other brand canned food, the Promofoods still can't exclude the three to be the cause of this crisis(这里用crisis有点怪), （把这句长句从此分开）as（用for example，举个可能的例子。用“因为”有点绝对化倾向） the quantity of those chemicals could vary largely from one brand of canned to another, and we have every reason to believe there might be a overdose of these three chemicals in Promofoods.
    Plus, for serious public health hazard like this, testing for potential poisonous chemicals should not (be) confined in the already known chemical list. As new chemicals are produced everyday around the world, no one is sure whether this incident was the result of some unknown chemicals newly introduced into daily commodities. As the American water bureau finds new untested chemicals in the drinking water system constantly,(这个例子很新，孤陋寡闻了，记住了！) it's reasonable to make an effort to see if there are new chemicals other than the eight famous ones that might have brought those ill feelings in people.
    To sum up, we still don't know exactly what caused this problem but we do know now that Promofoods is a company lacking resiponsibility(responsibility) as it tried to fool the consumers with such a poor-based report.(这个结尾不太好，用fool这个绝对化了，promfoods不一定欺瞒了消费者，结尾应该重申作者一下观点或者提出点建议。)

I203


    To exmine(examine) the character of the heroes and heroines in a society is a good to understand the character of the society, but important elements might be ignored.（开门见山）
    Heroes and heroines do represent the value and taste of a large group. As people are turning to heroes and heroines for courage and hope, or simply pleasure feelings, the idols must have one outstanding character or more to have catered the mainstream taste of their fan group. Thus, by examing （examining）what have set the idol apart, what the audience are looking for will come to the surface. What do you think about the American society when Madonna is regarded as one of the best symbol of American dream? Energetic, fearless, target-driven, starting as a poor girl who has nothing to lose, and ending up as a super successful star as she's always moving forward. It's reasonable to believe (that) among the cheering crowd at Madonna's concert, there are numerous Americans baring (bare? 啥意思？having?) the same background as her, and dying to be Madonna II.
    But sometimes heroes and heroines are just tools to manipulate the people. Governments make someone famous intentionally, telling the whole nation that this is what you should look up to, but the role model might fail to arouse any recognition among the mass. A very interesting comparison: Before China's opening up, Chinese people were taught to worship Lei Feng and Lai Ning, both of whom sacrificed themselves to save the lives or property of the group, because at that time, what the government needed is to create an atmosphere of hard working for the group and not for one own property or comfortable life; While look (looking) at all the enterpreneurs (entrepreneurs) and scientists on the media today, people are taught to be rish (rich?) and wise, thus make China stronger as a whole. (发现作者很爱写长句，不过觉得有点没必要。)Created idols might have shaped the minds of the people to some extent, but one thing should be clear to the observer: they are representing a small group of people in a society. 作者说有的英雄是政府用来教育大众的，只代表了一小部分人群。可是我读完却感觉这些英雄反映了社会的主流思想。作者说create an atmosphere of … of a society， 然后我就有点困惑这段的逻辑。所以我觉得这段选取的角度不太好。
    It's wise to bare (赤裸？？bear?) in mind that when you look at the bright side of a society, don't forget there's dark areas. (第一反应是有光明又黑暗。 不为人知的话，用dark会有歧义)Certain groups of people are silent. They live far away from the shining stars but do represent important character of a society. There are rich class people who want to hide their story and treasure from the public eyes, academic people who want to keep distance with the so-called mainstream culture in order to promote their independent judgement, and religious ones who want to live peaceful spiritual lives. Their characters are seldom represented in any heroes or heroines but they are vital part of any society and contribute to the diversity of the social characters.
    In all, it is only when one really understands the background the the heroes and heroines of a socity(society) and the reason why they are famous could one understand what groups they represent, and it's only when one sees the more aspects rather than the super star group could one understand the profound character of a society. (508 words)(把英雄限定在super star有点不妥吧)


A：略显简短了点，开头和结尾要改。可以多参考一些范文，中间段的论述比较清楚。
I：除了批改中的一些值得商榷的地方，还可以提出一些自己觉得认识社会的方法，这样文章会更有深度。