0910AW SPECTACULAR 之【SU & SY SO】第二十二期——Sentence Clarity

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

Sentence Clarity

This resource was written by Purdue OWL.
Last full revision by Chris Berry.
Last edited by Allen Brizee on January 27th 2009 at 11:14AM
Summary: If you're having sentence clarity problems in your papers, this handout might be just what you need.

Improving Sentence Clarity

There are many strategies for improving the clarity of your sentences and your papers.

Go from old to new information

Introduce your readers to the "big picture" first by giving them information they already know. Then they can link what's familiar to the new information you give them. As that new information becomes familiar, it too becomes old information that can link to newer information.

The following example sentence is clear and understandable because it uses old information to lead to new information:
Every semester after final exams are over, I'm faced with the problem of what to do with books of lecture notes (new information). They (old) might be useful some day, but they just keep piling up on my bookcase (new). Someday, it (old) will collapse under the weight of information I might never need.

Here is a sentence that is not as clear. It moves from new information to old information:
Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. The rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new) is the topic of a recent movie (old) I saw.

Did you find the second sentence hard to read or understand? If so, it could be because the old information comes late in the sentence after the new information. A clearer version that moves from old information to new information might look like this:
Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. One recent movie (old) I saw was about the rapid disappearance of the Indian culture. (new)

Transitional words

There are many words in English that cue our readers to relationships between sentences, joining sentences together. See the handout on Transitional Devices (Connecting Words). There you'll find lists of words such as however, therefore, in addition, also, but, moreover, etc.

I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad time of the year, too. The leaves turn bright shades of red and the weather is mild, but I can't help thinking ahead to the winter and the ice storms that will surely blow through here. In addition, that will be the season of chapped faces, too many layers of clothes to put on, and days when I'll have to shovel heaps of snow from my car's windshield.

Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses

Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if the interruption will cause confusion:
clear (subordinate clause at the end):
Industrial spying is increasing rapidly because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information.
clear (subordinate clause at the beginning):
Because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, industrial spying is increasing rapidly.
not as clear (subordinate clause embedded in the middle):
Industrial spying,because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, is increasing rapidly.

Use active voice

Sentences in active voice are usually easier to understand than those in passive voice because active-voice constructions indicate clearly the performer of the action expressed in the verb. In addition, changing from passive voice to active often results in a more concise sentence. So use active voice unless you have good reason to use the passive. For example, the passive is useful when you don't want to call attention to the doer; when the doer is obvious, unimportant, or unknown; or when passive voice is the conventional style among your readers.
clear (active):
The committee decided to postpone the vote.
not as clear (passive):
A decision was reached to postpone the vote.

Use parallel constructions

When you have a series of words, phrases, or clauses, put them in parallel form (similar grammatical construction) so that the reader can identify the linking relationship more easily and clearly.
clear (parallel):
In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) to know what precautions to take, and (3) to decide when to seek shelter.
not as clear (not parallel):
In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs. (2) There are precautions to take, and (3) deciding when to take shelter is important.
In the second sentence, notice how the string of "things to be aware of in Florida" does not create a parallel structure. Also, notice how much more difficult it is for a reader to follow the meaning of the second sentence compared to the first one.

Avoid noun strings

Try not to string nouns together one after the other because a series of nouns is difficult to understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a verb.
unclear (string of nouns):
This report explains our investment growth stimulation projects.
clearer:
This report explains our projects to stimulate growth in investments.

Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs

Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as "nominalizations."
unclear (use of nominalization):
The implementation of the plan was successful.
clearer:
The plan was implemented successfully.

Avoid multiple negatives

Use affirmative forms rather than several negatives because multiple negatives are difficult to understand.
unclear (multiple negatives, passive):
Less attention is paid to commercials that lack human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.
clearer:
People pay more attention to commercials with human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.

Choose action verbs over forms of be

When possible, avoid using forms of be as the main verbs in your sentences and clauses. This problem tends to accompany nominalization (see above). Instead of using a be verb, focus on the actions you wish to express, and choose the appropriate verbs. In the following example, two ideas are expressed: 1) that there is a difference between television and newspaper news reporting, and 2) the nature of that difference. The revised version expresses these two main ideas in the two main verbs.
Unclear (overuse of be verbs):
One difference between television news reporting and the coverage provided by newspapers is the time factor between the actual happening of an event and the time it takes to be reported. The problem is that instantaneous coverage is physically impossible for newspapers.
Clearer:
Television news reporting differs from that of newspapers in that television, unlike newspapers, can provide instantaneous coverage of events as they happen.

Avoid unclear pronoun references

Be sure that the pronouns you use refer clearly to a noun in the current or previous sentence. If the pronoun refers to a noun that has been implied but not stated, you can clarify the reference by explicitly using that noun.
This, that, these, those, he, she, it, they, and we are useful pronouns for referring back to something previously mentioned. Be sure, however, that what you are referring to is clear.
Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.
Clearer:
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This trend has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.
Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):
Larissa worked in a national forest last summer, which may be her career choice.
Clearer:
Larissa worked in a national forest last summer; forest management may be her career choice.


Sentence Fragments

This resource was written by Purdue OWL.
Last full revision by .
Last edited by Allen Brizee on December 17th 2007 at 9:09AM
Summary: Provides an overview and examples of sentence fragments
.
Sentence Fragments

Fragments are incomplete sentences. Usually, fragments are pieces of sentences that have become disconnected from the main clause. One of the easiest ways to correct them is to remove the period between the fragment and the main clause. Other kinds of punctuation may be needed for the newly combined sentence.
Below are some examples with the fragments shown in red. Punctuation and/or words added to make corrections are highlighted in blue. Notice that the fragment is frequently a dependent clause or long phrase that follows the main clause.

·Fragment:Purdue offers many majors in engineering. Such as electrical, chemical, and industrial engineering.
Possible Revision: Purdue offers many majors in engineering, such as electrical, chemical, and industrial engineering.
·Fragment: Coach Dietz exemplified this behavior by walking off the field in the middle of a game. Leaving her team at a time when we needed her.
Possible Revision: Coach Dietz exemplified this behavior by walking off the field in the middle of a game, leaving her team at a time when we needed her.
·Fragment: I need to find a new roommate. Because the one I have now isn't working out too well.
Possible Revision: I need to find a new roommate because the one I have now isn't working out too well.
·Fragment: The current city policy on housing is incomplete as it stands. Which is why we believe the proposed amendments should be passed.
Possible Revision: Because the current city policy on housing is incomplete as it stands, we believe the proposed ammendments should be passed.
You may have noticed that newspaper and magazine journalists often use a dependent clause as a separate sentence when it follows clearly from the preceding main clause, as in the last example above. This is a conventional journalistic practice, often used for emphasis. For academic writing and other more formal writing situations, however, you should avoid such journalistic fragment sentences.
Some fragments are not clearly pieces of sentences that have been left unattached to the main clause; they are written as main clauses but lack a subject or main verb.

No main verb

·Fragment: A story with deep thoughts and emotions.
Possible Revisions:
oDirect object: She told a story with deep thoughts and emotions.
oAppositive: Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper," a story with deep thoughts and emotions, has impressed critics for decades.
·Fragment: Toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.
Possible Revisions:
oComplete verb: Toys of all kinds were thrown everywhere.
oDirect object: They found toys of all kinds thrown everywhere.
·Fragment: A record of accomplishment beginning when you were first hired.
Possible Revisions:
oDirect object: I've noticed a record of accomplishment beginning when you were first hired
oMain verb: A record of accomplishment began when you were first hired.

No Subject

·Fragment: With the ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.
Possible Revisions:
oRemove preposition: The ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.
·Fragment: By paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.
Possible Revisions:
oRemove preposition: Paying too much attention to polls can make a political leader unwilling to propose innovative policies.
·Fragment: For doing freelance work for a competitor got Phil fired.
Possible Revisions:
oRemove preposition: Doing freelance work for a competitor got Phil fired.
oRearrange: Phil got fired for doing freelance work for a competitor.
These last three examples of fragments with no subjects are also known as mixed constructions, that is, sentences constructed out of mixed parts. They start one way (often with a long prepositional phrase) but end with a regular predicate. Usually the object of the preposition (often a gerund, as in the last two examples) is intended as the subject of the sentence, so removing the preposition at the beginning is usually the easiest way to edit such errors.

lghscuUID: 2552043

第二十二期——Sentence Clarity
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-982697-1-1.html
KG阅读笔记

Sentence Clarity
--clarity:
: the quality or state of being clear : LUCIDITY

Improving Sentence Clarity

There are many strategies for improving the clarity of your sentences and your papers.
(-----------------------------------
1 Go from old to new information
2 Transitional words
3 Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses
4 Use active voice
5 Use parallel constructions
6 Avoid noun strings
7 Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
8 Avoid multiple negatives
9 Choose action verbs over forms of be
10 Avoid unclear pronoun references
-----------------------------------)

1 Go from old to new information
(这相当于transitional devices之一，不管怎样，“以旧出新”)
Introduce your readers to the "big picture" first by giving them information they already know. Then they can link what's familiar to the new information you give them. As that new information becomes familiar, it too becomes old information that can link to newer information.

The following example sentence is clear and understandable because it uses old information to lead to new information:
Every semester after final exams are over, I'm faced with the problem of what to do with books of lecture notes (new information). They (old) might be useful some day, but they just keep piling up on my bookcase (new). Someday, it (old) will collapse under the weight of information I might never need.

Here is a sentence that is not as clear. It moves from new information to old information:
Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. The rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new) is the topic of a recent movie (old) I saw.

Did you find the second sentence hard to read or understand? If so, it could be because the old information comes late in the sentence after the new information. A clearer version that moves from old information to new information might look like this:
Lately, most movies I've seen have been merely second-rate entertainment, but occasionally there are some with worthwhile themes. One recent movie (old) I saw was about the rapid disappearance of the Indian culture. (new)

--second-rate:
: of second or inferior quality or value : MEDIOCRE <a second-rate restaurant>

2 Transitional words

There are many words in English that cue our readers to relationships between sentences, joining sentences together. See the handout on Transitional Devices (Connecting Words). There you'll find lists of words such as however, therefore, in addition, also, but, moreover, etc.

I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad time of the year, too. The leaves turn bright shades of red and the weather is mild, but I can't help thinking ahead to the winter and the ice storms that will surely blow through here. In addition, that will be the season of chapped faces, too many layers of clothes to put on, and days when I'll have to shovel heaps of snow from my car's windshield.

--windshield:
: a transparent screen (as of glass) in front of the occupants of a vehicle

3 Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses
从句位置要得当，以“不生产混乱”为前提之一
Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if the interruption will cause confusion:
clear (subordinate clause at the end):
Industrial spying is increasing rapidly because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information.
clear (subordinate clause at the beginning):
Because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, industrial spying is increasing rapidly.
not as clear (subordinate clause embedded in the middle):
Industrial spying, because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, is increasing rapidly.

4 Use active voice

Sentences in active voice are usually easier to understand than those in passive voice because active-voice constructions indicate clearly the performer of the action expressed in the verb. In addition, changing from passive voice to active often results in a more concise sentence. So use active voice unless you have good reason to use the passive. For example, the passive is useful when you don't want to call attention to the doer; when the doer is obvious, unimportant, or unknown; or when passive voice is the conventional style among your readers.（这个很重要！被动与主动语态的选择，不是按照作者的个人习惯）
clear (active):
The committee decided to postpone the vote.
not as clear (passive):
A decision was reached to postpone the vote.

5 Use parallel constructions

When you have a series of words, phrases, or clauses, put them in parallel form (similar grammatical construction) so that the reader can identify the linking relationship more easily and clearly.
clear (parallel):
In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) to know what precautions to take, and (3) to decide when to seek shelter.
not as clear (not parallel):
In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs. (2) There are precautions to take, and (3) deciding when to take shelter is important.
In the second sentence, notice how the string of "things to be aware of in Florida" does not create a parallel structure. Also, notice how much more difficult it is for a reader to follow the meaning of the second sentence compared to the first one.

6 Avoid noun strings

Try not to string nouns together one after the other because a series of nouns is difficult to understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a verb.（不是很清楚在说什么）
unclear (string of nouns):
This report explains our investment growth stimulation projects.
clearer:
This report explains our projects to stimulate growth in investments.

7 Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
（能用动词就不要用名词）
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as "nominalizations."
unclear (use of nominalization):
The implementation of the plan was successful.
clearer:
The plan was implemented successfully.

8 Avoid multiple negatives
（肯定性用词更受青睐）
Use affirmative forms rather than several negatives because multiple negatives are difficult to understand.
unclear (multiple negatives, passive):
Less attention is paid to commercials that lack human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.
clearer:
People pay more attention to commercials with human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.

9 Choose action verbs over forms of be
（尽量少用be动词，多用实义动词）
When possible, avoid using forms of be as the main verbs in your sentences and clauses. This problem tends to accompany nominalization (see above). Instead of using a be verb, focus on the actions you wish to express, and choose the appropriate verbs. In the following example, two ideas are expressed: 1) that there is a difference between television and newspaper news reporting, and 2) the nature of that difference. The revised version expresses these two main ideas in the two main verbs.
Unclear (overuse of be verbs):
One difference between television news reporting and the coverage provided by newspapers is the time factor between the actual happening of an event and the time it takes to be reported. The problem is that instantaneous coverage is physically impossible for newspapers.
Clearer:
Television news reporting differs from that of newspapers in that television, unlike newspapers, can provide instantaneous coverage of events as they happen.（精彩！！！！！）

10 Avoid unclear pronoun references

Be sure that the pronouns you use refer clearly to a noun in the current or previous sentence. If the pronoun refers to a noun that has been implied but not stated, you can clarify the reference by explicitly using that noun.
This, that, these, those, he, she, it, they, and we are useful pronouns for referring back to something previously mentioned. Be sure, however, that what you are referring to is clear.
Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.
Clearer:
With the spread of globalized capitalism, American universities increasingly follow a corporate fiscal model, tightening budgets and hiring temporary contract employees as teachers. This trend(明确指出指代对象) has prompted faculty and adjunct instructors at many schools to join unions as a way of protecting job security and benefits.
Unclear (unclear pronoun reference):
Larissa worked in a national forest last summer, which may be her career choice.
Clearer:
Larissa worked in a national forest last summer; forest management（好像这种用法比较受人喜欢） may be her career choice.

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

小灵的学习笔记
Go from old to new information（先捡读者熟悉的说）
Introduce your readers to the "big picture" first by giving them information they already know. Then they can link what's familiar to the new information you give them. As that new information becomes familiar, it too becomes old information that can link to newer information.

Transitional words（过渡词）
There are many words in English that cue our readers to relationships between sentences, joining sentences together. See the handout on Transitional Devices (Connecting Words). There you'll find lists of words such as however, therefore, in addition, also, but, moreover, etc.

Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses（避免用从句扰乱主句）
Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if the interruption will cause confusion

Use active voice

Use parallel constructions

Avoid noun strings（不要一大堆名词黏在一起）
Try not to string nouns together one after the other because a series of nouns is difficult to understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a verb.

Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as "nominalizations."

Avoid multiple negatives（不要多重否定）
Use affirmative forms rather than several negatives because multiple negatives are difficult to understand.

Choose action verbs over forms of be（动词多样化）
When possible, avoid using forms of be as the main verbs in your sentences and clauses. This problem tends to accompany nominalization (see above). Instead of using a be verb, focus on the actions you wish to express, and choose the appropriate verbs.

rushtosummerUID: 2735551

Rushtosummer的学习笔记（22）Sentence Clarity
Improving Sentence Clarity
Go from old to new information
Introduce your readers to the "big picture" first by giving them information they already know. Then they can link what's familiar to the new information you give them. As that new information becomes familiar, it too becomes old information that can link to newer information.
Transitional words
Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses
Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if the interruption will cause confusion.
Use active voice
Use parallel constructions
When you have a series of words, phrases, or clauses, put them in parallel form (similar grammatical construction) so that the reader can identify the linking relationship more easily and clearly.
Avoid noun strings
Try not to string nouns together one after the other because a series of nouns is difficult to understand. One way to revise a string of nouns is to change one noun to a verb.
Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Use verbs when possible rather than noun forms known as "nominalizations."
Avoid multiple negatives
Choose action verbs over forms of be
When possible, avoid using forms of be as the main verbs in your sentences and clauses. This problem tends to accompany nominalization. Instead of using a be verb, focus on the actions you wish to express, and choose the appropriate verbs.
Avoid unclear pronoun references
Be sure that the pronouns you use refer clearly to a noun in the current or previous sentence. If the pronoun refers to a noun that has been implied but not stated, you can clarify the reference by explicitly using that noun.
Sentence Fragments
Fragments are incomplete sentences. Usually, fragments are pieces of sentences that have become disconnected from the main clause. One of the easiest ways to correct them is to remove the period between the fragment and the main clause. Other kinds of punctuation may be needed for the newly combined sentence.
Fragment:
Purdue offers many majors in engineering. Such as electrical, chemical, and industrial engineering.
Fragment: Coach Dietz exemplified this behavior by walking off the field in the middle of a game. Leaving her team at a time when we needed her.
Fragment: I need to find a new roommate. Because the one I have now isn't working out too well.
No main verb
Fragment: A story with deep thoughts and emotions.
No Subject
Fragment: With the ultimate effect of all advertising is to sell the product.
The fragments with no subjects are also known as mixed constructions, that is, sentences constructed out of mixed parts. They start one way (often with a long prepositional phrase) but end with a regular predicate. Usually the object of the preposition (often a gerund, as in the last two examples) is intended as the subject of the sentence, so removing the preposition at the beginning is usually the easiest way to edit such errors.