0910AW 同主题写作第七期 ARGUMENT101 by iloveusa2009

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

TOPIC: ARGUMENT101 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.
"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."
WORDS: 331          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-7-15 上午 15:41:59

Grounding on a recent study about relation between soybean and cholesterol level, the author asserts that the company which makes breakfast cereals should fortify their Wheat-O cereal with soy protein in order to increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. The author also makes a prediction that this new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and improve the health of their customers in the same time. This argument reveals several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

First of all, the  lower cholesterol level does not indicate a health condition. Common sense tells us that cholesterol is an important element for human life. Pephaps, this significantly lower cholesterol levels might lead to unhealth situation. Without a well-known health standard to compare, the author cannot conclude that lower choleaterol levels is standing for health.

Secondly, even if the lower cholesterol levels reveal a health condition, the soy protein is not equal to soybeans. The study just mentions effect of soybeans. It is obvious that soy protein may contain some other elements more than soybean only. Without ruling out other influence from elements contained in soy protein, the author cannot draw any conclusion that to fortify Wheat-O cereal with soy protein will get the same effect as eating soybeans.

Thirdly, those who are concerned about their health wil not surely buy the soybean products, even though soybeans can really make them health. Pephaps consumers will choose to buy one cereal product according to their tastes at first. Or pehaps, they only follow several certain products. Lacking more information about the shopping habit of consumers, the author cannot draw make any conclusion that who are concerned with health will surely buy the new version of Wheat-O cereal.

Finally, even if the constomers will like the new version of Wheat-O cereal, the increasing sales cannot ensure a improving profits. It is entirely possible that there have been many soy products in the market already. Or pehaps this new version product will need the company to invest more, which will reduce the profit at last. Whithout comparing to the cost and market share, it is impossible to assert that the new version of Wheat-O cereal will surely increase profits.

In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author must provid more evdience about the cholesterol levels involve to health stardard. To better assess the argument, we need to know what will the customers like first.


第一次上机全部完成一篇文章，打字速度还是慢，还是不够紧凑。绿色字体是我写完之后觉得还应该再补充的一段，其他部分均为上机一次成型，请各位踊跃批改，谢谢。

xxhhttUID: 2477361

TOPIC: ARGUMENT101 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.
"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."
WORDS: 331          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-7-15 上午 15:41:59
Grounding on a recent study about relation between soybean and cholesterol level, the author asserts that the company which makes breakfast cereals should fortify their Wheat-O cereal with soy protein in order to increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. （精简值得学习）The author also makes a prediction that this new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and improve the health of their customers in the same time. This argument reveals several logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.
First of all, the  lower cholesterol level does not indicate a health condition. Common sense tells us that cholesterol is an important element for human life. Pephaps, this significantly lower cholesterol levels might lead to unhealth situation. Without a well-known health standard to compare, the author cannot conclude that lower choleaterol levels is standing for health.
Secondly, even if the lower cholesterol levels reveal a health condition, the soy protein is not equal to soybeans. The study just mentions effect of soybeans. It is obvious that soy protein may contain some other elements more than soybean only.（写倒了） Without ruling out other influence from elements contained in soy protein, the author cannot draw any conclusion that to fortify Wheat-O cereal with soy protein will get the same effect as eating soybeans.
Thirdly, those who are concerned about their health wil not surely buy the soybean products, even though soybeans can really make them health. Pephaps consumers will choose to buy one cereal product according to their tastes at first. Or pehaps, they only follow several certain products. Lacking more information about the shopping habit of consumers, the author cannot draw make any conclusion that who are concerned with health will surely buy the new version of Wheat-O cereal.（这点我不赞同，产品必然会吸引部分关心健康的人，能吸引多少是个问题）
Finally, even if the constomers will like the new version of Wheat-O cereal, the increasing sales cannot ensure a improving profits. It is entirely possible that there have been many soy products in the market already. Or pehaps this new version product will need the company to invest more, which will reduce the profit at last. Whithout comparing to the cost and market share, it is impossible to assert that the new version of Wheat-O cereal will surely increase profits.（这段应该写）
In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author must provid more evdience about the cholesterol levels involve to health stardard. To better assess the argument, we need to know what will the customers like first.
第一次上机全部完成一篇文章，打字速度还是慢，还是不够紧凑。绿色字体是我写完之后觉得还应该再补充的一段，其他部分均为上机一次成型，请各位踊跃批改，谢谢
限时写很难哈

iloveusa2009UID: 2650557

Thirdly, those who are concerned about their health wil not surely buy the soybean products, even though soybeans can really make them health. Pephaps consumers will choose to buy one cereal product according to their tastes at first. Or pehaps, they only follow several certain products. Lacking more information about the shopping habit of consumers, the author cannot draw make any conclusion that who are concerned with health will surely buy the new version of Wheat-O cereal.（这点我不赞同，产品必然会吸引部分关心健康的人，能吸引多少是个问题）


这一段我原来的想法是想说“关注健康的人不一定非要追求大豆食品”，或许他们饮食中的胆固醇含量已经足够低了，针对特殊的人群，例如工作需要大量用脑的人群，他们反而需要比一般人更多的胆固醇。

当然，从选择产品的角度分析，如果这款新大豆蛋白产品的口味不好，那么即便他号称可以降低胆固醇，那么也不会吸引多少顾客。


以上两点我在模考的时候时间太紧了，就一笔带过了。