ARGUMENT173 =August Rush=小组第4次作业 by Mason.PD

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

173.The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."

过去三年中我们销量最低的几期杂志是在封面上刊登了国际新闻故事的那几期。在同一时期，与我们竞争的几种新闻刊物显著减少了刊登在封面上的国际新闻数量。而且，我们用于维持国外部报导国际新闻的费用正在增加。因此，我们应该减少对于国际新闻的强调并且避免把这类消息刊登在杂志封面上。

提纲等等补 写的累死我。。

crepuscularlywUID: 2645654

Grounding on the study that the poorest-selling magazine issues are those that featured international news stories on their front covers,(去掉) and taking the decreasing number about the international stories of the competing magazines and the increasing cost of keeping foreign bureaus into account, the author concludes that they should decrease effort on international news and restrain them picked(from picking) on the covers. However, there are still some intermediate steps that one can take before jump(jumping) into the conclusion.

To begin with, the author assumes that the readers only choose their favorite magazines by the cover stories（这个，没有说readers ONLY通过cover来选magazine吧？只是说poorest sellers are those featured international news stories on their front covers.这个only绝对了，可以说很大程度上影响销量）. He states that readers does（do） not favor of the international new stories so that the magazines covered by these anecdotes are poor-seller ones. Nevertheless, his assumption is groundless. It is presumptuous to conclude the cover stories are the only criterion by readers to select their magazines（这一段用了一半的字数在陈述作者的这么一个观念：the cover stories are the only criterion by readers to select their magazines，没有实质性的内容啊，重复的倒是很多，完全可以一句话带过）. It is possible that those poor-sellers lack valuable news and knowledge in the contents.even if readers regard the covers as the only standard（这一句话对后面的it may…没有任何帮助，多余了，拿掉会好点，否则我读的时候会产生这样的疑问，到底是cover的原因呢还是bookstore的原因呢，更加混乱了）, It may also be coincident that the bookstores selling these magazines are decreasing at the same time. Or the three years（这个表述不大好）
because of the improvement of Internet and E-books, all the paper magazines selling is decreasing, and the international news cover ones happen to be the worst.

Furthermore, even if the study（where is the study??第一段吗？稍微解释下吧） is credible and assured, the author also commits a false analogy. He thinks they and competing magazines are facing a totally same situation, and competing magazines are doing right thing. First, it is probable that their opponents are short of finance so they have no choice but to give up their devoting on the international news. Second, no evidence has been showed that the competing magazines receive a higher profit after they drop the international cover stories. So there are still several flaws before the arguer reaches his points.

Last but not the least, even assume the assumptions above are believable（过渡—不错！）, the author fails to testify his assumption that they should decrease emphasis on international news. He assumes that the cost maintaining foreign bureaus will burden the company. But, it is obvious to think that the increasing cost are due to the increasing consuming environment
while the others departments' costs are rising rapidly（这个我没想到，其它的cost也会增加）. It is still possible that the foreign bureaus gain much profits compared with its pay. And（可以放句首这样用吗？）, taking the rivals drop the international news（这个sth应该是个n吧，你这儿是v） into consideration, we have fully belief（这个。。。用confidence是不是好些） to look forward the bright future made by the foreign news.

In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author fails to make his conclusion convinced. To bolster his argument, the author should provide the survey about the readers' criterion to choose magazines, the reason their rivals decrease the international numbers and the profits they gain after dropping the international stories covers and the evaluation about decline the cost on foreign bureaus.


看附件吧~发上去的不清楚~

这个语法的小错误我就不多评论了。文章的结构不错，每段的主题选的也没错，论述也围绕着这个主题，就是有些地方表述有点不明白，还有第二段要注意下。每段结尾可以稍微总结下。
上面改的不明白的再讨论。
PS:红色的是有错的，紫色的是较好的。

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

TOPIC: ARGUMENT173 - The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
WORDS: 470
TIME: 00:56:30
DATE: 2009/7/15 16:49:44

Grounding on the study that the poorest-selling magazine issues are those that featured international news stories on their front covers, and taking the decreasing number about the international stories of the competing magazines and the increasing cost of keeping foreign bureaus into account, the author concludes that they should decrease effort on international news and restrain them picked on the covers. However, there are still some intermediate steps that one can take before jump into the conclusion.

To begin with, the author assumes that the readers only choose their favorite magazines by the cover stories. He states that readers does not favor of the international new stories so that the magazines covered by these anecdotes are poor-seller ones. Nevertheless, his assumption is groundless. It is presumptuous to conclude the cover stories are the only criterion by readers to select their magazines. It is possible that those poor-sellers lack valuable news and knowledge in the contents. even if readers regard the covers as the only standard, It may also be coincident that the bookstores selling these magazines are decreasing at the same time. Or the three years because of the improvement of Internet and E-books, all the paper magazines selling is decreasing, and the international news cover ones happen to be the worst.

Furthermore, even if the study is credible and assured, the author also commits a false analogy. He thinks they and competing magazines are facing a totally same situation, and competing magazines are doing right thing. First, it is probable that their opponents are short of finance so they have no choice but to give up their devoting on the international news. Second, no evidence has been showed that the competing magazines receive a higher profit after they drop the international cover stories. So there are still several flaws before the arguer reaches his points.

Last but not the least, even assume the assumptions above are believable, the author fails to testify his assumption that they should decrease emphasis on international news. He assumes that the cost maintaining foreign bureaus will burden the company. But, it is obvious to think that the increasing cost are due to the increasing consuming environment while the others departments' costs are rising rapidly. It is still possible that the foreign bureaus gain much profits compared with its pay. And, taking the rivals drop the international news into consideration, we have fully belief to look forward the bright future made by the foreign news.

In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author fails to make his conclusion convinced. To bolster his argument, the author should provide the survey about the readers' criterion to choose magazines, the reason their rivals decrease the international numbers and the profits they gain after dropping the international stories covers and the evaluation about decline the cost on foreign bureaus.