TOEFL集结号暑期作文第2次作业by MVT

MVTUID: 2588209

TOPIC: Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?
SYLLABUS:
1. 应该关注环境；
2. 有些环境有价值；
3. 有些环境不可回复；
4. 应该在经济发展和环境保护中找到平衡。

Nowadays, people become more concerning about the protection of environment as we are enjoying the high technology and prosperous lives brought by the development of economy. Some people reasoned that the increasingly aggravating environment results from the partially pursuit for economic boom and ignorance of environment protection. As the above topic issued that our government should pay more attention on the natural environment preservation than on the economic development. As from my standpoint, I agree that our natural environment needs more focus from human kind.

To begin with, many beautiful natural sales are of great values. For instance, the Rain Forest in Africa possesses several values on scientific research, keeping the balance of biological circle and providing enormous amount of oxygen for animals. As we are know that there lived numerous special unique species which is greatly useful for biologists. Also, the forestry keeps an equilibrium for biological system. If destroyed quite a lot species surely become extinct. Lastly, a big amount of oxygen is produced through the grass and trees and is necessary for animal living.

More important, some nature environments are irrevocable such as the Rain Forest referred above and the Mediterranean Sea. They are formed through maybe millions of years. It is unreasonable for us to pursue highly qualified woods or prosperous fishery at the expense of deforestation or over-fishing. Therefore, our government should conduct rush to protect the valuable nature from destroying just for several years of economic development.

In sum, I think the government should strike a balance between the economic development and environmental preservation. We could take a suitable action to harness our natural resources. If for urgent social benefits, a dam should be constructed to generate electricity. Yet, in long run, government should protect our nature from destroying which would finally destroy human ourselves.
(300 words)

枕头和书UID: 2578813

批改说明：: （抄袭你的批改方法）
1红色: 不太合适的地方
2. 蓝色: 值得学习的地方
3. 淡紫: (my comment).

Nowadays, people become more concerning about the protection of environment as we are enjoying the high technology and prosperous lives brought by the development of economy. Some people reasoned that the increasingly aggravating environment results from the partially pursuit for economic boom and ignorance of environment protection. As the above topic issued that our government should pay more attention on the natural environment preservation than on the economic development. As from my standpoint, I agree that our natural environment needs more focus from human kind.

To begin with, many beautiful natural sales（什么意思？？不清楚） are of great values. For instance, the Rain Forest in Africa possesses several values（不可数，感觉可数更像是数值这一意思） on scientific research, keeping the balance of biological circle and providing enormous amount of oxygen for animals. As we are（all） know that there lived numerous special unique（special、unique语意重复，中间加个and更地道） species which is greatly useful for biologists. Also, the forestry keeps an（the） equilibrium for biological system. If （what is destroyed？歧义destroy后面缺一个逗号）destroyed quite a lot species surely become extinct. Lastly, a big amount of oxygen is produced through（though不妥，by好些。个人意见） the grass and trees and is necessary for animal living.

More important, some nature environments are irrevocable（是想找不可再生这个意思吗？） such as the Rain Forest referred above and the Mediterranean Sea. They are formed through maybe（about） millions of years. It is unreasonable for us to pursue highly qualified woods or prosperous fishery at the expense of（好短语！！） deforestation or over-fishing. Therefore, our government should conduct rush to protect the valuable nature（有歧义，个人意见） from destroying just for several years of economic development.

In sum, I think the government should strike a balance between（好词） the economic development and environmental preservation. We could take a suitable action to harness our natural resources. If for urgent social benefits, a dam should be constructed to generate electricity. Yet, in long run, government should protect our nature from destroying which would finally destroy human ourselves.

总体来说非常好，但是个别的单词运用有个别问题。
几个闪光点词也挺好
但是，最后一段的倒数第二句感觉有点不搭。

zliuKaiserUID: 2522209

Nowadays, people become more concerning about the protection of environment as we are enjoying the high technology and prosperous lives brought by the development of economy. Some people reasoned that the increasingly aggravating (aggravating adj.激怒的deterioration恶化,我认为使用deterioration好一些, the increasing deterioration of environment) environment results from the partially pursuit for economic boom and ignorance of environment protection. As the above topic issued that our government should pay more attention on the natural environment preservation than on the economic development. As from my standpoint, I agree that our natural environment needs more focus from human kind.

To begin with, many beautiful natural sales (sales名词,销售额, 改为resources 不知道是否恰当?) are of great values. For instance, the Rain Forest in Africa possesses several values on scientific research, keeping the balance of biological circle (biosphere) and providing enormous amount of oxygen for animals. As we are (all) know that there lived (are) numerous special (是不是应该删除?unique有独特的意思) unique species which is greatly useful for biologists. Also, the forestry keeps equilibrium (equilibrium是不可数名词) for biological system. If destroyed, quite a lot species surely become extinct. (这句时态表达是你的本意吗? 我的建议是If we destroy large area of forest, great number of species will become extinct) Lastly, a big amount of oxygen is produced through the grass and trees and is necessary for animal living(这句应该放在上一句之前).

More important, some nature environments are irrevocable such as the Rain Forest referred above and the Mediterranean Sea. They are formed through maybe millions of years (我不知道through用的对不对, 我的想法是Their formation costs hundreds of thousands of years). It is unreasonable for us to pursue highly qualified woods or prosperous fishery at the expense of deforestation or over-fishing. Therefore, our government should conduct rush to protect the valuable nature from destroying (just) (instead of pursuing) several years of economic development.

In sum (summary), I think the government should strike (look for我不知道strike在这里什么意思) a balance between the economic development and environmental preservation. We could take a suitable action to harness our natural resources. If for urgent social benefits, a dam should be constructed to generate electricity. Yet, in the long run, government should protect our nature from destroying which would finally destroy human ourselves.

我的感觉是缺少一些例子.
总的来说还是很好的, 有一些地方,我也不是很清楚,可以再联系,讨论. 1# MVT

MVTUID: 2588209

2# 枕头和书
呵呵，欢迎使用我的（其实是家园里传统的）批改注释方法，这样比较明了！嘿嘿
淡紫: (my comment and revision)
Nowadays, people become more concerning about the protection of environment as we are enjoying the high technology and prosperous lives brought by the development of economy. Some people reasoned that the increasingly aggravating environment results from the partially pursuit for economic boom and ignorance of environment protection. As the above topic issued that our government should pay more attention on the natural environment preservation than on the economic development. As from my standpoint, I agree that our natural environment needs more focus from human kind.

To begin with, many beautiful natural sales（什么意思？？不清楚）(scape, sorry) are of great values. For instance, the Rain Forest in Africa possesses several values（不可数，感觉可数更像是数值这一意思）(tks) on scientific research, keeping the balance of biological circle and providing enormous amount of oxygen for animals. As we are（all） know that there lived numerous special unique（special、unique语意重复，中间加个and更地道）(Yehh) species which is greatly useful for biologists. Also, the forestry keeps an（the） equilibrium for biological system. If the equilibrium is（what is destroyed？歧义destroy后面缺一个逗号）destroyed quite a lot species surely become extinct. Lastly, a big amount of oxygen is produced through（though不妥，by好些。个人意见）(Accept it!) the grass and trees and is necessary for animal living.



More important, some nature environments are irrevocable（是想找不可再生这个意思吗？）(到现在还是没找到，晕，你也不提供一个) such as the Rain Forest referred above and the Mediterranean Sea. They are formed through maybe（about） millions of years. It is unreasonable for us to pursue highly qualified woods or prosperous fishery at the expense of（好短语！！） deforestation or over-fishing. Therefore, our government should conduct rush to protect the valuable nature（有歧义，个人意见） from destroying just for several years of economic development.

T" v6 x$ i
In sum, I think the government should strike a balance between（好词） the economic development and environmental preservation. We could take a suitable action to harness our natural resources. If for urgent social benefits, a dam should be constructed to generate electricity. Yet, in long run, government should protect our nature from destroying which would finally destroy human ourselves.3 [6 C& C$ C, B, u% O# b  |
" }  D! S% @0 ]0 ]1 q6 I
总体来说非常好，但是个别的单词运用有个别问题。1 k5 J- y5 w# S! \( d3 }: J7 ^: L
几个闪光点词也挺好, m' a8 s0 T. U1 l' W& j$ R
但是，最后一段的倒数第二句感觉有点不搭。
(昨天也是仓促行文，写完自己都不敢看，有点应付任务的心理，谢谢修改，tks a lot!)

MVTUID: 2588209

3# zliuKaiser

Nowadays, people become more concerning about the protection of environment as we are enjoying the high technology and prosperous lives brought by the development of economy. Some people reasoned that the increasingly aggravating (aggravating adj.激怒的deterioration恶化,我认为使用deterioration好一些, the increasing deterioration of environment(yehh!)) environment results from the partially pursuit for economic boom and ignorance of environment protection. As the above topic issued that our government should pay more attention on the natural environment preservation than on the economic development. As from my standpoint, I agree that our natural environment needs more focus from human kind.

To begin with, many beautiful natural sales (sales名词,销售额, 改为resources 不知道是否恰当?) are of great values. For instance, the Rain Forest in Africa possesses several values on scientific research, keeping the balance of biological circle (biosphere) and providing enormous amount of oxygen for animals. As we are (all) know that there lived (are) numerous special (是不是应该删除?unique有独特的意思) unique species which is greatly useful for biologists. Also, the forestry keeps equilibrium (equilibrium是不可数名词) (sorry)for biological system. If destroyed, quite a lot species surely become extinct. (这句时态表达是你的本意吗? 我的建议是If we destroy large area of forest, great number of species will become extinct)(当时没考虑太多，确实这句有点问题，你们建议的都挺好！) Lastly, a big amount of oxygen is produced through the grass and trees and is necessary for animal living(这句应该放在上一句之前).(这句我还是想放这里，但是应该需要其它的话来顺承，否则突兀)

More important, some nature environments are irrevocable such as the Rain Forest referred above and the Mediterranean Sea. They are formed through maybe millions of years (我不知道through用的对不对, 我的想法是Their formation costs hundreds of thousands of years). It is unreasonable for us to pursue highly qualified woods or prosperous fishery at the expense of deforestation or over-fishing. Therefore, our government should conduct rush to protect the valuable nature from destroying (just) (instead of pursuing) several years of economic development.* O4

8 g% Q5 S" o) o0 b5 b/ }
In sum (summary)(这个词使用应该没有什么问题), I think the government should strike (look for我不知道strike在这里什么意思)(strike a balance between就是在……之间找到一个平衡) a balance between the economic development and environmental preservation. We could take a suitable action to harness our natural resources. If for urgent social benefits, a dam should be constructed to generate electricity. Yet, in the long run, government should protect our nature from destroying which would finally destroy human ourselves.

我的感觉是缺少一些例子.# _9 N% I% G0 _) T
总的来说还是很好的, 有一些地方,我也不是很清楚,可以再联系,讨论. 1# MVT
(你的建议很对，这篇文章写得急，而且半年多没动笔了，例子也忘光了，思维也跟不上，艾，手很生，我会努力适应的！tk u very much!)

zliuKaiserUID: 2522209

5# MVT
Thank you very much, I learn a lot.