【辉太郎杀G大队】7/15作业by sindytt (Argument20)

sindyttUID: 2661721

TOPIC: ARGUMENT20 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

"The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."
WORDS: 517


In this editorial, the author recommends that the town council of Balmer should restrict moped rental from 50 to 30 per day in the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies to reduce accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians. To support his recommendation, the author cites the fact that Torseau adopted the similar strategy and achieve a reduction in moped accidents by 50 percent. At first glance, the author's argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but thorough examination reveals that the argument is problematic because of several critical flaws as discussed below.

To begin with, the author assumes that all other conditions in Balmer that might affect the rate of moped-pedestrian accidents will remain unchanged after the restrictions are enacted. However, that might not be the case. People might choose to purchase mopeds instead of renting them, which will make a obstacle of great decline in the number of mopeds in traffic as expected. Also, less mopeds might mean more pedestrians, which will also contribute to the number of traffic accidents. For that matter, more moped-rental outlets might be opened to meet the unfulfilled needs. Without considering and ruling out other possible changes that might raise the rate of accidents, the author cannot convince me that the proposed restriction will achieve the desired goal.


In addition, the author fails to prove that Torseau will benefit from such policy adopted last year. There might be some factors favorable to the decline in moped accidents, which has nothing to do with the policy. What if the weather was fine last year? As we all know, the rate of traffic accidents rises sharply in foggy and rainy day. What if the number of tourists visiting Torseau decreased greatly last year because of economic recession, which might has a great impact in the reduction in accidents. Or perhaps some rental companies buy some new mopeds safer to drive. No information given in the argument about these matters, which all can contribute to the 50 percent reduction, it is unreasonable to conclude that it is the restriction that leads to the decrease of moped accidents and will continue to have the same impact
this year.

Finally, even assuming that the policy has and will have impacts on the reduction of moped accidents, the author unfairly asserts that Balmer can get a similar decline by following the strategy taken by Torseau. Perhaps the demand for mopeds in Torseau is always much greater than in Balmer. Specifically, if the demand in Balmer is fewer than all available mopeds rented per day from the outlets, then the proposed restriction is likely to have less impact on the accident rate in Balmer than in Torseau.

In conclusion, the author's recommendation to restrict mopeds rental in Balmer is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must have a thorough investigation about other changes that might emerge after the adoption of the restriction and other possibilities that might contribute to the accidents reduction In Torseau last year. To strengthen it, the author should also prove that Balmer can benefit by taking the similar strategy of Torseau.





TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 498


Admittedly, rituals and ceremonies play an indispensable role in defining a culture, in that rituals and ceremonies can, to some extent, indicate traditions, customs, histories, behavior as well as value system the group of people hold. In addition, ceremonies and rituals can preserve cultural identity and prevent cultural assimilation, especially in modern society. However they are not the only way for societies or groups of people to attain a sense of identity.

It is the fact that rituals and ceremonies partly constitute a culture. They can reflect history, customs and the core value system of a society. Dragon Boat Festival, for instance, is a day to commemorate a great politician and poet-Qu Yuan, who write a good many beautiful but sorrowful poems after being banished by his King. We throw rice dumplings into rivers to feed fishes for the purpose to prevent fishes to eat his body. When we eat dumplings at meals, the senior will tell his patriotic story and great talents to us. These are passed down from generation to generation, which is a peculiar heritage in Chinese history. We learn to be a patriot from the story, protecting our nation and country even at the expense of ourselves. This ritual more or less contributes to the value system in Chinese society. So, I agree with the author that rituals and ceremonies are essential elements in culture.

Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture, and, in the meantime, people can get a strong sense of who they are from these rituals and ceremonies peculiar to only themselves. Consider Native American tribes clinging to their traditional ceremonies and rituals, which typically tell a story about tribal heritage. The reason for keeping these rituals and ceremonies lies in the struggle against assimilation, even extinction in the modern society. An outward display of traditional custom and distinct heritage is needed to put the world on notice that each tribe is a distinct people, with its own heritage, values and ideas. Otherwise, the tribe risks total assimilation and loss of identity.

China is a antitheism, which means most people lack certain rituals and ceremonies to the religious extent. They don't go church every week like Nazarenes; they don't wear unique clothes like Musclemen. The effect of this is that as a whole Chinese has little identity of their own. They don't belief the existence of God, so they have confusion about where they are from, which causes the loss of identity.

Nevertheless, ritual and ceremony is not the only mean of preserving cultural identity. For example, Arabians demonstrate their distinctiveness through dress and lifestyle. They distinguish themselves with unique clothes and their language. And African Americans distinguish themselves today by their manner of speech and gesture and their music.

To sum up, rituals and ceremonies do a lot in defining a culture and help people to attain a strong sense of identity. However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to preserve cultural identity by ruling out other alternatives.

AliciaSunUID: 2660743

TOPIC: ARGUMENT20 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.
"The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."
WORDS: 517

In this editorial, the author recommends that the town council of Balmer should restrict moped rental from 50 to 30 per day in the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies to reduce accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians. To support his recommendation, the author cites the fact that Torseau adopted the similar strategy and achieve(achieved) a reduction in moped accidents by 50 percent. At (at the?) first glance, the author's argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but thorough examination(我觉得这个地方有一个语法问题，要不你就说through examination, I found it,,,要不就说，but further examination reveals. 这样合起来说看起来很别扭的。) reveals that the argument is problematic because of several critical flaws as discussed below.
To begin with, the author assumes that all other conditions in Balmer that might affect the rate of moped-pedestrian accidents will remain unchanged after the restrictions are enacted. However, that might not be the case（这句写得很好啊）. People might choose to purchase mopeds instead of renting them, which will make a obstacle of great decline in the number of mopeds in traffic as expected. Also, less mopeds might mean more pedestrians, which will also contribute to the number of traffic accidents. For that matter, more moped-rental outlets might be opened to meet the unfulfilled needs. Without considering and ruling out other possible changes that might raise the rate of accidents, the author cannot convince me that the proposed restriction will achieve the desired goal.
In addition, the author fails to prove that Torseau will benefit from such policy adopted last year. There might be some factors favorable to the decline in moped accidents, which has nothing to do with the policy. What if the weather was fine last year? As we all know, the rate of traffic accidents rises sharply in foggy and rainy day. What if the number of tourists visiting Torseau decreased greatly last year because of economic recession, which might has a great impact in the reduction in accidents（分析非常到位，很多地方是我想不到的，景仰一下）. Or perhaps some rental companies buy some new mopeds safer to drive. No information given in the argument about these matters, which all can contribute to the 50 percent reduction, it is unreasonable to conclude that it is the restriction that leads to the decrease of moped accidents and will continue to have the same impact
this year.
Finally, even assuming that the policy has and will have impacts on the reduction of moped accidents, the author unfairly asserts that Balmer can get a similar decline by following the strategy taken by Torseau. Perhaps the demand for mopeds in Torseau is always much greater than in Balmer. Specifically, if the demand in Balmer is fewer than all available mopeds rented per day from the outlets, then the proposed restriction is likely to have less impact on the accident rate in Balmer than in Torseau.
In conclusion, the author's recommendation to restrict mopeds rental in Balmer is not well supported as it stands. To bolster it, the author must have a thorough investigation about other changes that might emerge after the adoption of the restriction and other possibilities that might contribute to the accidents reduction In Torseau last year. To strengthen it, the author should also prove that Balmer can benefit by taking the similar strategy of Torseau.


General comments: A写得很好呢，论证很完满，不会觉得有漏洞，我发现我的A是弱项呢，写不出来你这么多要点。

TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 498

Admittedly, rituals and ceremonies play an indispensable role in defining a culture, in that rituals and ceremonies can, to some extent, indicate traditions, customs, histories, behavior as well as value system the group of people hold. In addition, ceremonies and rituals can preserve cultural identity and prevent cultural assimilation, especially in modern society. However they are not the only way for societies or groups of people to attain a sense of identity.（我这里会有一点较劲的感觉哦，不要介意，我想讨论一下这个题目和你的开头。首先，你说，R&C 是可以阐述文化，ok，没问题。然后进一步说，可以保存文化实体，也对，是对define的加强和升华。然后你说，但是他们不是唯一的方法来获得人们对自己的认知。那就是说，他们可以帮助人们来获得这种认知，对吧。那么这就是说，基本同意题目，那么however是不是太重了？其实也可以，可以引出更多的论点，我自己把自己绕晕了。。。继续往下看。）
It is the fact that rituals and ceremonies partly constitute a culture. They can reflect history, customs and the core value system of a society. Dragon Boat Festival, for instance, is a day to commemorate（这个词很好，我写完了看字典看到它，才意识到自己忘了用了。） a great politician and poet-Qu Yuan, who write（wrote）
a good many( a good many? ) beautiful but sorrowful poems after being banished by his King(这句话很奇怪，after being banished. 这样会让人觉得，在皇帝烧了这些诗之后，他写了这些诗，意思就不对了). We throw rice dumplings into rivers to feed fishes for the purpose to prevent fishes to eat his body（对于中国人这里是很清楚地，但是对于老外来说，没有背景知识对么，一个人，写了很多诗，这些诗被皇帝烧了，所以我们后人往河里扔东西。？我觉得例子要圆满。。。）. When we eat dumplings at meals, the senior will tell his patriotic story and great talents to us. These（these 什么呢？） are passed down from generation to generation（这句话很好啊，最近看优秀作文看到几次，很地道）, which is a peculiar heritage in Chinese history. We learn to be a patriot from the story, protecting our nation and country even at the expense of ourselves. This ritual more or less contributes to the value system in Chinese society. So,（建议作文里面不要用so这种口语化的词） I agree with the author that rituals and ceremonies are essential elements in culture.
Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture, and, in the meantime, people can get a strong sense of who they are from these rituals and ceremonies peculiar to only themselves.（很好的句子，递进） Consider Native American tribes clinging to their traditional ceremonies and rituals, which typically tell a story about tribal heritage（or history?）. The reason for keeping these rituals and ceremonies lies in the struggle against assimilation, even extinction (谁的extinction?)in the modern society. An outward display of traditional custom and distinct heritage is needed to put the world on notice that each tribe is a distinct people( 这里的描述有点问题？each tribe is a people?), with its own heritage, values and ideas. Otherwise, the tribe risks total assimilation and loss of identity.(我觉得这一段的感觉很好，例子非常得贴切，很有说服力的！精彩)
China is a antitheism（China is a nation of anthitheism会不会好一点？中国是一个理论？不是很准确吧。）, which means most people lack certain rituals and ceremonies to the religious extent. They don't go church every week like Nazarenes; they don't wear unique clothes like Musclemen. The effect of this is that as a whole Chinese has little identity of their own. They don't belief the existence of God, so they have confusion about where they are from, which causes the loss of identity.（这个例子有点突兀，只是突然跳出来说中国缺乏这些东西。那跟这个题目的关系呢？如果前面或者后面加一句说，without the rituals and ce, people easily lose the sense of identity，
这样in general的表达依据会不会更紧凑一点？）
Nevertheless, ritual and ceremony is not the only mean of preserving cultural identity. For example, Arabians demonstrate their distinctiveness through dress and lifestyle. They distinguish themselves with unique clothes and their language. And African Americans distinguish themselves today by their manner of speech and gesture and their music.
To sum up, rituals and ceremonies do a lot in defining a culture and help people to attain a strong sense of identity. However, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to preserve cultural identity by ruling out other alternatives.
（好，我看完了之后收回我对首段的评判，文章写得很好，例子都很到位。学习了。除了一些语法上的不严谨，论证的非常有说服力！佩服。）