【辉太郎杀G大队】7/18 作业by hdsf2003

hdsf2003UID: 2351462

07-18----------------------------------------
TOPIC: ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS: 447
修改后490
TIME: 00:45:00
+ 5分钟
DATE: 2009-7-18 17:19:13

Many people have the experience when they have to summarize something for their work. At that time, what do you do if you don't get the data you want? Maybe some will choose to go on and come to conclusion without too much data support while others go further work to obtain enough information. Generally, without relative data supporting, it is easy to get a wrong result.

It is hard work to propose a theory. Learning from the history, we can find that very theory came out in the sacrifice of a scientist's life work even his precious life. Taking Zhang Heng for example, a Chinese scientist who had profound knowledge about the earthquake, he devoted his whole life to earthquake research. Excitingly, he invented a device which can predict earthquake which helps present researchers a lot.

Without data supporting, the primary theory can easily be proved wrong or superficial and bring negative impacts. Maybe some of us have the common feelings that the previous theories were deeply believed but these cannot be employed to explain our present experimental result. Taking the superconductive mechanism for example, in the earlier years, three scientists published a famous theory called BCS theory named after their names' initial capitals. It indeed well illustrated the mechanism of first generation superconductor. This theory proved to be only applied at low temperature. Shortly afterwards, high temperature superconductor emerged, called second generation superconductor, which is still facing a big challenge to come to recognized explanation, no mention a perfect theory. Therefore, further work needs to be done to establish a better theory involving these two generation superconductors. More importantly, a wrong result may introduce more mistakes to people who are concerned with it or do further work based on this primary theory. We often face the awkward that others' result cannot be repeated with the supposed result. That is because some people ignore some important details which may induce a quite different result though beginning with the same experimental condition.

There are two way to effectively obtain a right theory. One way to right track of theorizing is to search help from other scholars in the same field. Sometimes an individual cannot get enough data by himself even easily goes astray and a colleague or other scholar with the same background can do him a big favor. The other way is to go further research by ourselves. Despite that too much tedium things are waiting for us, it is deserved. Scientists should cherish the hope that one day they will be amply rewarded and there is no excuse for them to deduce an immature theory from the few scanty data available.

To sum up, establishing a new theory needs much hard work and it is truly necessary to consult our colleagues sometimes. To be a responsible researcher, we should not come to a conclusion hastily without enough evidences but should go on quietly until we find the truth.

思路慢，打字也慢，只写了这么多。。。考试肯定更紧张。。。加油！！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
WORDS: 306 修改后395
TIME: 00:30:00
+10分钟
DATE: 2009-7-18 17:19:13

The arguer presents us a seemingly compelling conclusion that Omega University should stop the student evaluation system about professors. To come to this statement, he makes a comparison about students' present grades with previous ones and Alpha University. At the first glance, it is tempting to follow what the arguer talks about. However, several vital flaws can be list after careful analysis.

First of all, the arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the students' grades truly increase but not are inflated. Fifteen years is a long time during which many things can change a lot. There is no exception for students. It is an acceptable fact that students have better education than several years before. They may get better results for the excellent education resources. Otherwise, the evaluation gives more chance for both students and professors to come to the same goal-developing students' abilities, which may help to increase their grades. Hence, here no evidence shows that the increased grade is indeed inflation.

In addition, there is no direct correlation between student grades and getting jobs. For different situations between two universities, such as different cities, it is possible that the demand of talents in the city where Omega University locates is less than the city where Alpher University locates. Perhaps the students in Omega are much more than Alpher, which also gives the arguer an impression that Omega University is less successful in helping students to find jobs. Therefore, further work needs to be done to find out all possibilities which impact the employment rate.

Furthermore, even if the student grades are inflated, it may take no effect to help students to find jobs after terminating the evaluation system. No information about how Omega University will do after cancelling its evaluation policy is mentioned. It is reasonable for us to be suspicious that this change takes no effect. The university should find out a feasible way to secure better jobs before they terminate evaluation system.

Based on the scrutiny above, we can find that the arguer gives an unwarranted conclusion. To bolster his assumption, he has to do further work as follow: (1) doing more research to make sure that the grades are indeed inflated, (2) analyzing other potential factors which affect hunting jobs, (3) making a study whether it is effective to secure better jobs after cancelling student evaluation of professors.

AliciaSunUID: 2660743

Hdsf,,,我又来了，，，汗。。。表恨我。。


07-18----------------------------------------
TOPIC: ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS: 447
修改后490
TIME: 00:45:00
+ 5分钟
DATE: 2009-7-18 17:19:13

Many people have the experience when they have to summarize something for their work. At that time, what do you do if you don't(didn’t?) get the data you want? Maybe some will choose to go on and come to conclusion without too much data support while others go(turn to?) further work to obtain enough information. Generally, without relative data supporting, it is easy to get a wrong result.
（这一段逻辑很好，可是给人的感觉是，the summary of the work 就是theory? 似乎不是很合理呢。。。现实的生活中我们每个人都可以得到summary，但是theory的理论高度明显要高，或者你可以由这个简单的话进一步说，Scientist are facing the same issue as well. Generally, without relative data supporting, it’s easy to get a wrong result which obeys the theories.不够完美啊，你再想想看怎么写合适。不然的话，第一段通篇没有出来一个theory，很容易被理解成为走题的说。。。）



It is hard work to propose（这个词很好） a theory. Learning from the history, we can find that very（这个什么意思？）theory came out in the sacrifice of a scientist's life work even his precious life（我看不懂啊我看不懂，是不是可以改成came out from the dedicated life-long research of scientists? Sacrifice这个词，，我不知道是不是太大了。。）. Taking Zhang Heng for example, a Chinese scientist who had profound knowledge about the earthquake, he devoted his whole life to earthquake research. Excitingly, he invented a device which can predict earthquake which helps present researchers a lot.（ok,这个例子功亏一篑，a device is not a theory. 要不要改成，Excitingly, he theorized the earthquake prediction principles and even invented a device to make it into reality? 感觉我写得也不够好，但是就是说，你要把重点放在theory上，理论是高于具体的仪器的我认为。 ）
这段的意义是什么？我感觉你表达的主题是，theory获得的过程很艰苦。这是个正论。可是，这个过程艰苦怎么样，不艰苦又怎么样？跟数据的关系呢？跟主题偏了拉。没关系，每个人都会偏，这里稍微改改就ok. 建议哦；主题句写：The theory proposed with sufficient data can contribute a lot to the advancement of the life of mankind. People cannot obtain persuading results without tough work to get the valuable data to facilitate theories. A lot of scientists have dedicated their whole life in the research of a theory,
which resulting the sufficient data …..然后写这个例子。然后写这个结果，说他为人类地震史作了多大贡献等等。按照我的理解你这篇都是支持题目对么？

（如果按照我理解得你的思路呢，上面这一段说，尽管过程艰苦，但是得到大量的数据，就会产生很有价值的理论，从而支持人类进步等等，然后这一段就反论，说，However, 或者moreover, without怎么样，虽然连接词都很傻啦，但是e-rator按照连接词个数评分的哦！宁可多加不少加，逮着机会就加，呵呵）Without data supporting, the primary theory can easily be proved wrong or superficial and bring negative impacts. Maybe some of us have the common feelings that the previous theories were deeply believed but these cannot be employed to explain our present experimental result（results? 后面加个any more语气会更强烈一点哦）. Taking the superconductive mechanism（好例子，果然是学物理的。。。） for example, in the earlier years, three scientists published a famous theory called BCS theory named after(or by) their names' initial capitals(named by the combination of their names’ initial capitals?). It indeed well illustrated the mechanism of first generation(the first) superconductor. This theory proved to be only applied at low temperature. Shortly afterwards, high temperature superconductor emerged, called(这个用法对么。。。我不确定) second generation superconductor, which is still facing a big challenge to come to recognized explanation, no mention a perfect theory. Therefore, further work needs to be done to establish a better theory involving these two generation superconductors. More importantly, a wrong result may introduce more mistakes to people who are concerned with it or do further work based on this primary theory. We often face the awkward( 这是个形容词，awkward situations) that others' result cannot be repeated with the supposed result. That is because some people ignore some important details which may induce a quite different result though beginning with the same experimental condition.
例子很好，推理很好，可是，跟主题的关系是什么？我觉得吧，宁可把考官当成笨蛋，你不能让他去猜你的意思，你要明明白白写出来，数据不光要有，还要多，还要全面。否则就会出乱子。比如第一代超导，由于历史局限，由于实验条件，等等，数据不够多，不够全，只看重了低温，你看，得出来的结果不能用了吧？这样就很顺了，说明数据是理论化的必要条件。如果是这样的话，主题句就写成，Without sufficient data supporting,因为你是有数据的，只是数据不够多。

There are two way(ways) to effectively obtain a right theory. One way to right track of theorizing(奇怪的用法，干脆删了吧。就写One is to search…) is to search(search 改成turn for help to other scholars in the same field. 这个用法我是在作文大讲堂看到的，应该没错 )help from other scholars in the same field. Sometimes an individual cannot get enough data by himself even easily goes astray and（and or yet?） a colleague or other scholar with the same background can do him a big favor. The other way is to go further research by ourselves. Despite that too much tedium things are waiting for us, it is deserved. Scientists should cherish the hope that one day they will be amply rewarded and there is no excuse for them to deduce an immature theory from the few scanty data available.
(我觉得这段写得挺好的，讨论过data的重要性了之后，提出解决的方式。一些句式和语法需要更润色一下。)

To sum up, establishing a new theory needs much hard work and it is truly necessary to consult our colleagues sometimes. To be a responsible researcher, we should not come to a conclusion hastily without enough evidences but should go on quietly（why quietly…..） until we find the truth.

General comments: 主题不是贴得很好，虽然我大概能明白你是想说什么意思，但是还需要在语言上把各种关系综合起来。我觉得写完全支持和完全否定的文章是最难的，会觉得没有足够多的点去论证。你这种方法挺好的，先正再反，然后提出解决问题的方式。但是这篇文章主线不够明确的，建议修改。另外一种方法就是，找不到该说啥的时候，就写多个领域，什么经济，数学，文学，分领域阐述，这样子宽度就大了。你的用词比前几次有所增多，应该是背过单词了吧！加油！。

思路慢，打字也慢，只写了这么多。。。考试肯定更紧张。。。加油！！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."
WORDS: 306 修改后395
TIME: 00:30:00
+10分钟
DATE: 2009-7-18 17:19:13

The arguer presents us a seemingly compelling conclusion that Omega University should stop the student evaluation system about professors. To come to this statement, he makes a comparison about students' present grades with previous ones and Alpha University(这个还是建议分开些吧？因为一方面比较的是grade，另一方面是就业率，这样写在一起很混淆呢). At the first glance, it is tempting to follow what the arguer talks about. However, several vital flaws can be list(listed) after careful analysis.

First of all, the arguer fails to rule out the possibility that the students' grades truly increase but not are inflated. Fifteen years is a long time during which many things can change a lot. There is no exception for students. It is an acceptable fact that students have better education than several years before. They may get better results for the excellent education resources. Otherwise, the evaluation gives more chance for both students and professors to come to the same goal-developing students' abilities, which may help to increase their grades. Hence, here no evidence shows that the increased grade is indeed inflation.(赞！这是我读过你的文章里面写的最好的一段，词语和句式都非常连贯！加油！)

In addition, there is no direct correlation between student grades and getting jobs. For different situations between two universities, such as different cities, it is possible that the demand of talents in the city where Omega University locates is less than the city where Alpher University locates. Perhaps the students in Omega are much more than Alpher, which also gives the arguer an impression that Omega University is less successful in helping students to find jobs. Therefore, further work needs to be done to find out all possibilities which impact the employment rate.

Furthermore, even if the student grades are inflated, it may take no effect to help students to find jobs after terminating the evaluation system. No information about how Omega University will do after cancelling its evaluation policy is mentioned. It is reasonable for us to be suspicious that this change takes no effect. The university should find out a feasible way to secure better jobs before they terminate evaluation system.

Based on the scrutiny above, we can find that the arguer gives an unwarranted conclusion. To bolster his assumption, he has to do further work as follow: (1) doing more research to make sure that the grades are indeed inflated, (2) analyzing other potential factors which affect hunting jobs, (3) making a study whether it is effective to secure better jobs after cancelling student evaluation of professors.
这篇a写的很好啊，不管是从语言，连接词还是句式方面，都比I好很多，建议你写i不要有压力，就当成a这么写。再努力！