[分享] 每日一评！4.22！迄今为止的6分文章！

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

[B]Issue13
"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."[/SIZE][/B]


The speaker asserts that governments of countries where lesser-known languages are spoken should intervene to prevent these languages from becoming extinct. I agree insofar as a country's indigenous and distinct languages should not be abandoned and forgotten altogether. At some point, however, I think cultural identity should yield to the more practical considerations of day-to-day life in a global society.
精华：The speaker asserts that…
I agree insofar as… At some point, however, I think…
这第一段非常清晰地点明主旨，逻辑性也很强，是难得的好开头。接下来的就是阐释为什么作者持这观点了。


On the one hand, the indigenous language of any geographical region is part-and-parcel（重要组成部分）of the cultural heritage of the region's natives. In my observation we humans have a basic psychological need for individual identity, which we define by way of our membership in distinct cultural groups. A culture defines itself in various ways--by its unique traditions, rituals, mores, attitudes and beliefs, but especially language. Therefore, when a people's language becomes extinct the result is a diminished sense of pride, dignity, and self- worth.
不要说我灭绝人性的话，我认为这一段绝对应该背下来！太经典了。


One need look no further than continental Europe to observe how people cling tenaciously to their distinct languages, despite the fact that there is no practical need for them anymore. And on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, the French Canadians stubbornly insist on French as their official language, for the sole purpose of preserving their distinct cultural heritage. Even where no distinct language exists, people will invent one to gain a sense of cultural identity, as the emergence of the distinct Ebonic cant among today's African Americans aptly illustrates. In short, people resist language assimilation because of a basic human need to be part of a distinct cultural group.
精华：One need look no further than… to …
      此外，我们还要学习作者的遣词和造句，看他是如何组织复杂句的。


Another important reason to prevent the extinction of a language is to preserve the distinct ideas that only that particular language can convey. Certain Native American and Oriental languages, for instance, contain words symbolizing spiritual and other abstract concepts that only these cultures embrace. Thus, in some cases to lose a language would be to abandon cherished beliefs and ideas that can be conveyed only through language.


On the other hand, in today's high-tech world of satellite communications, global mobility, and especially the Internet, language barriers serve primarily to impede cross-cultural communication, which in turn impedes international commerce and trade.（这一句应该背掉！） Moreover, language barriers naturally breed misunderstanding, a certain distrust and, as a result, discord and even war among nations. Moreover, in my view the extinction of all but a few major languages is inexorable--as supported by the fact that the Internet has adopted English as its official language. Thus by intervening to preserve a dying language a government might be deploying its resources to fight a losing battle, rather than to combat more pressing social problems--such as hunger, homelessness, disease and ignorance--that plague nearly every society today.
作者的语言运用能力在这一段里得到了淋漓尽致的体现了！各位犹应观摩他的排比，使到节奏感加强了很多，而这也是ets最为欣赏的。

In sum, preserving indigenous languages is, admittedly, a worthy goal; maintaining its own distinct language affords a people a sense of pride, dignity and self-worth. Moreover, by preserving languages we honor a people's heritage, enhance our understanding of history, and preserve certain ideas that only some languages properly convey. Nevertheless, the economic and political drawbacks of language barriers outweigh the benefits of preserving a dying language. In the final analysis, government should devote its time and resources elsewhere, and leave it to the people themselves to take whatever steps are needed to preserve their own distinct languages.

不太夸张的话，这一篇范文是绝对的范文了。6分！！！
作者顾及了正反两面来论述dying languages should not be preserved 这一观点。无论从逻辑的严密性还是语言的精炼度，甚至论据的陈列，均堪称上乘之作！这一篇有比4.18号贴出的那一篇略胜一筹！

BTW, 曾经有g友提出这280篇均出自一人之手，这一点吾难以苟同！根据这几日来的分析，想必大家也能观出端倪一二了。[/SIZE]

alexandrazlUID: 127988

绝对好文章,羡慕他的用词啊?我们chinese什么时候能有这种境界,但是,问下tomatoeggs ,我觉得他的重点应该放在ts的后一句,既语言保护应该让位于现代生活,那他关于这一点的论述只有倒数第二段,而关于应该保护的原因却有三段至多,结构有点问题啊?这种可以给6分吗?
PS 在我认真读过这篇后,觉得和第三篇出自一个人之手,语言有很多相似的地方.但其他的好象不是.呵呵.我的一点小看法:)

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

最初由 alexandrazl 发表
[B]绝对好文章,羡慕他的用词啊?我们chinese什么时候能有这种境界,但是,问下tomatoeggs ,我觉得他的重点应该放在ts的后一句,既语言保护应该让位于现代生活,那他关于这一点的论述只有倒数第二段,而关于应该保护的原因却有... [/B]

那是你的观点了。这就是为什么ets对作文的要求在于“自圆其说”就行了，没有特定的模式的。

是的，我也有所感觉，有些是出自一人之手，那又代表什么呢？我们要学的是别人怎么写呀？又不是研究这个人哪！呵呵

alexandrazlUID: 127988

谢谢tomatoeggs回答我的问题.我想这就是我们需要注意的地方了,因为我们中有些人(我就是)还拘泥于文章的结构等问题,而忽略了精华是在内容,以前我们的很多作文最大的毛病就是内容空洞.

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

最初由 alexandrazl 发表
[B]谢谢tomatoeggs回答我的问题.我想这就是我们需要注意的地方了,因为我们中有些人(我就是)还拘泥于文章的结构等问题,而忽略了精华是在内容,以前我们的很多作文最大的毛病就是内容空洞. [/B]

建议还是多多关注国内外大事，让自己的私人作文素材库不断在being acculmulated 的同时updated，不然写来写去都是abortion, federal tax-cut，看多了也会烦的。

SMMUID: 106624

From this essay I learned more on GRE AW.
1. We must have something to say.
2. We must know how to put them clearly and efficiently.

angeikimUID: 4857

这个作者是从文化和语言方面来写的。我们是不是也可以找找其他方面呢？
我们还可以从GLOBALIZATION来讲。地球村渐渐的形成使我们开始使用COMMON LAGUAGE，来增进交流沟通避免误会产生。但是这样同时也会让强势文化侵略弱势文化，其中一个明显的特点就是在语言方面的入侵，抑制弱势语言的发展甚至造成消失。所以政府和相关组织应该 prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

我们还可以从具体的政府的职能来说。
大家可以展开一下的。

SMS，对，GRE作文写的好就主要靠这两个方面来做。并且努力提高自己对语言的掌握能力。
平时一定要注意积累。多看多读也就写的好了。