issue51 divine第一篇

DivineUID: 2650173

用时两个半小时…第一次的痛苦，望指正，一定回拍

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

    The author states that to achieve truly effective education,educators must design their courses specifically to meet specific needs of every student,which seems to be a truth. However,shaping education to each individual's interests contradicts with some other factors in the effort of providing effective education for each student.

    I do agree with the author that students are better educated when taking courses designed for each of them instead of a uniform curriculum, which overlooked the diversity of the students' backgrounds,patterns of thoughts,learning habits,and most importantly, their interests. Interest is the best teacher, especially when we look at the fields medaler Terrence Tao, who loves mathematics and studied calculus at seven, became college professor in his early twenties, and finally got the prize, meanwhile he didn't learn most of the regular courses in high school.Hence in a world thirsty of talents, letting all students study the same courses is no longer the best solution. We need some adjustments for individuals.

    However,the author overlooked some unsubstitute ingredients in effective education. First, some basic courses like language,history and law,should not be omitted from any student's curriculum.Otherwise,we take the risk of making the type of student who is professional on his favorite subject,but who has no idea of his own country,the society he is living in,and the moral disciplines it holds.He may become alienated by others.Even more,his knowledge could be used for illegal acts,which disobeys the intentions of education.For example,hi-tech crime,which has been developing rapidly since the computer is widely used,has done great harm to societies.The criminals in this kind of crime are all well-educated, even experts in their area,but their knowledge is used against mankind. This fact warns us that basic courses is essential in education that wiping it out from an individualized curriculum could cause serious social problems.

    Second, by separating a group of students into individuals and give them different educations, we lost the benefits of the existence of competitors which make students find their advantanges and disadvantages during the comparisons with others and motivates them.Even in the case of some world-famous companies,we can see the benefits of rivaling. Coca-cola and Pepsi, have been in a fight for the market for many decades,in which they both learned from the other, both get developed from small companies to large enterprises and both obtained a large group of consumers.This illustrates that competition is essential in every process of development,education involved,of course.

    Finally,over individualizing diminished the power of teamwork, whichplayed an essential role in study.Everyone who has a group learning experience would agree that by discussing and sharing ideas with others one can learn faster and deeper.But if students study various courses on their own,they would becomestubborn and stuck in their own world,making the teamwork impossible.As an illustrasion,in many colleges we can see seminars and work groups held by students and professors,often concerning a difficult theory or an effort-demanding experiment.In the situations above it is too hard for one man to do all the things,but through efficient teamwork everyone can learn a lot by doing less job, which shows that teamwork should not be abandoned from education.

   In short, although individualizing can sometime increase the efficiency of study, education, as a method to pass knowledge and values from generations to generations, may not reach its goal if practiced to individually. What we need is a balance between uniform educations and individual ones.

   

Michael_HanUID: 2656795

多谢指教 等我写完这个的提纲 我就回改~

Michael_HanUID: 2656795

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
    The author states that to achieve truly effective education,educators must design their courses specifically to meet specific needs of every student,which seems to be a truth. However,shaping education to each individual's interests contradicts with some other factors in the effort of providing effective education for each student.
    I do agree with the author that students are better educated when taking courses designed for each of them instead of a uniform curriculum, which overlooked the diversity of the students' backgrounds,patterns of thoughts,learning habits,and most importantly, their interests. Interest is the best teacher, especially when we look at the fields medaler Terrence Tao, who loves mathematics and studied calculus at seven, became college professor in his early twenties, and finally got the prize, meanwhile he didn't learn most of the regular courses in high school.Hence in a world thirsty of talents, letting all students study the same courses is no longer the best solution. We need some adjustments for individuals.
    However,the author overlooked some unsubstitute ingredients in effective education. First, some basic courses like language,history and law,should not be omitted from any student's curriculum.Otherwise,we take the risk of making the type of student who is professional on his favorite subject,but who has no idea of his own country,the society he is living in,and the moral disciplines it holds.He may become alienated by others.Even more,his knowledge could be used for illegal acts,which disobeys the intentions of education.For example,hi-tech crime,which has been developing rapidly since the computer is widely used,has done great harm to societies.The criminals in this kind of crime are all well-educated, even experts in their area,but their knowledge is used against mankind. This fact warns us that basic courses is essential in education that wiping it out from an individualized curriculum could cause serious social problems.
    Second, by separating a group of students into individuals and give them different educations, we lost the benefits of the existence of competitors which make students find their advantanges and disadvantages during the comparisons with others and motivates them.Even in the case of some world-famous companies,we can see the benefits of rivaling. Coca-cola and Pepsi, have been in a fight for the market for many decades,in which they both learned from the other, both get developed from small companies to large enterprises and both obtained a large group of consumers.This illustrates that competition is essential in every process of development,education involved,of course.
    Finally,over individualizing diminished the power of teamwork, whichplayed an essential role in study.Everyone who has a group learning experience would agree that by discussing and sharing ideas with others one can learn faster and deeper.But if students study various courses on their own,they would becomestubborn and stuck in their own world,making the teamwork impossible.As an illustrasion,in many colleges we can see seminars and work groups held by students and professors,often concerning a difficult theory or an effort-demanding experiment.In the situations above it is too hard for one man to do all the things,but through efficient teamwork everyone can learn a lot by doing less job, which shows that teamwork should not be abandoned from education.
   In short, although individualizing can sometime increase the efficiency of study, education, as a method to pass knowledge and values from generations to generations, may not reach its goal if practiced to individually. What we need is a balance between uniform educations and individual ones.
557个字在字数上面已经达到了标准 尤其是第一篇 难能可贵

第2段讲的例子很好  但是例子之前的论证和之后的论证较少，应该扩充下。
其次文章分为6个段落，除去开头结尾 只有465个字 平均每段话也就116个字，虽然字数不能说明什么，但是从另一个侧面反映了你的段落展开不够， 这篇文章我中间3段写了623个字，可能会有罗嗦 但是比展开不充分要强。 文章的论点不宜过多 2~3个为宜  

整体文章拼写存在一定的错误， 似乎还有就是逗号后面都没有空格 这点一个应该注意。

chenheng0528UID: 2610515

The author states that to achieve truly effective education, educators must design their courses specifically to meet specific needs of every student, which seems to be a truth. However, shaping education to each individual's interests contradicts with some other factors in the effort of providing effective education for each student.
    I do agree with the author that students are better educated when taking courses designed for each of them instead of a uniform curriculum, which overlooked the diversity of the students' backgrounds, patterns of thoughts, learning habits, and most importantly, their interests. （这句不错）Interest is the best teacher, especially when we look at the fields medaler Terrence Tao, who loves(loved) mathematics and studied calculus at seven(year old), became college professor in his early twenties, and finally got the prize, meanwhile he didn't learn most of the regular courses in high school.(这句有点儿长，可以这么并列放着吗？）Hence（用Since好不好？） in a world thirsty of talents, letting all students study the same courses is no longer the best solution. We need some adjustments for individuals.
    However,the author overlooked some unsubstitute ingredients （可以这样用吗？）in effective education. First, some basic courses like language,history and law，should not be omitted from any student's curriculum.Otherwise,we take the risk of making the type of student who is professional on his favorite subject,but who has no idea of his own country,the society he is living in,and the moral disciplines it holds（这句不错）.He may become alienated by others.Even more,his knowledge could be used for illegal acts,which disobeys the intentions of education.For example,hi-tech crime,which has been developing rapidly since the computer is widely used,has done great harm to societies.The criminals in this kind of crime are all well-educated, even (as an)experts in their area,but their knowledge is used against mankind(society是不是好一些，呵呵）. This fact warns us that basic courses is essential in education. that wiping it out from an individualized curriculum could cause serious social problems.(if wiping it out from an individualized curriculum, it may cause serious social problems.)
    Second, by separating a group of students into individuals and give them different educations, we lost the benefits of the existence of competitors which make students find their advantanges and disadvantages during the comparisons with others and motivates them(themselves).Even in the case of some world-famous companies,we can see the benefits of rivaling. Coca-cola and Pepsi, have been in a fight for the market for many decades,in which they both learned from the other, both get developed from small companies to large enterprises and both obtained a large group of consumers.This illustrates that competition is essential in every process of development,education involved,of course.
    Finally,over individualizing diminished the power of teamwork, which  played an essential role in study.Everyone who has a group learning experience would agree that by discussing and sharing ideas with others one can learn faster and deeper.But if students study various courses on their own,they would become stubborn and stuck in their own world,making the teamwork impossible.As an illustrasion,in many colleges we can see seminars and work groups held by students and professors,often concerning a difficult theory or an effort-demanding experiment.In the situations above it is too hard for one man to do all the things,but through efficient teamwork everyone can learn a lot by doing less job, which shows that teamwork should not be abandoned from education.
   In short, although individualizing can sometime increase the efficiency of study, education, as a method to pass knowledge and values from generations to generations, may not reach its goal if practiced to individually. What we need is a balance between uniform educations and individual ones.

结构很清晰，语言也流畅。第二段让步的结尾用不用说是作者认为需要一些调整。正文的三段都展开了，例子也相关。
最后只是感觉有的从句有点儿问题，读不太明白。还有时态方面还需注意。（这些也是我自己的毛病，呵呵）

DivineUID: 2650173

多谢两位的指正，在充分展开方面的确存在不足
chenheng0528关注到了好多细节...thx a lot~

zhao9171UID: 2565571

1.第一段文章中心句并不是很明确
2.第二段中心围绕interest比较好。第一句作为整个文章的T.S较宜
3.second和finally那两段可以并为一段----因为谈的都为specialization不妥
4.然后第四段讲better ways of implementation of current education----the point from the author.
5.第五段总结全文
不好意思,这几天没有上gter.回晚了,GF加油!, my qq:228722749