TOEFL集结号暑期作文第6次作业by MVT

MVTUID: 2588209

TOPIC: Do you agree with the following statement: nowadays people spend too much time on personal enjoyment -things they like to do—rather than the things they should do 周三 22：00之前交
SYLLABUS:
1. 不同意,因为追求个人爱好与承担责任并不矛盾；
2. 承认追求个人爱好有高度的自由；
3. 追求爱好的同时也在承担在自己应有的责任；
4. 追求爱好能够更好的承担责任；
5. 结论：不同意主题。

The above statement poses a hot topic on contradiction of people's personal enjoyments and responsibilities. And the speaker tends to think people now are dedicating more on personal likeness than on what they should do. I strongly disagree with this opinion because I think that to pursue one's individual enjoyment does not contradict to assume the responsibility.

Admittedly, people nowadays increasingly enjoy freedom to pursue personal enjoyment than before. As the development of democracy, the ideas and behaviors of individual are respected and encouraged to some extent. For instance, students can choose any major which they favor mostly; graduates can participate in whatever professions they interest; citizens possess absolute freedom on free press and behaviors they like; present Obama may make film during his spare time only because he like it. Briefly, people have much time and freedom to do their favorite things.

However, spending much time on personal enjoyment does not indicate that people ignore their accountability which should be taken. Let's take a college student in art for example. Generally, students in art major should spend much time on reading and appreciating art history, biography of artists and art works. Yet, the student favors more on economics. He probably continue to earn his degree on art with great interest in economic as well. Or he may pursue a second degree on economics. No matter what his decision is, he takes his responsibility to become a worthy student of his major.

In addition, to pursue one's personal enjoyment help to assume the responsibility. People should not be blamed for their time spent on things they like. Obviously, people lived in an time teemed with tense competition and they are often under a huge pressure. After a whole day job or a period of work, you probably make yourself drunk, or go for shopping crazily, or bury yourself in a series of insane music, or whatsoever you prefer. Of course you are most likely to become relaxed and inspired through these favorite experience. Eventually, the great physical and mental recreation is conducive to a better performance in your profession the next day.

To sum up, it is unreasonable to separate apart what people like to do and what they should do. The pursuit on personal enjoyment and assumption on accountability are interwoven. They do not contradict to each other. The effort and time on personal enjoyment does not equal to the ignorance on people's responsibility because of the objective requirement from each identity. Moreover, personal hobbies are good catalyst for improvement on the original professions.

这个主题实在太难了，要不就是我想多了。真不知道ETS到底依托一个什么社会现象，从而要达到一个什么目的。艾，实在没辙了，我完全用中文习惯完成此文，实在是烂，写的过程中吐了5次（每段一次），权当应付这次作业了。愁死了，求修改的人多多点拨，感激不尽！

枕头和书UID: 2578813

The above statement poses a hot topic on the（个人意见） contradiction of people's personal enjoyments and responsibilities. And the speaker tends to think people now are dedicating more on personal likeness（是enjoyment的同义词吗） than on what they should do. I strongly disagree with this opinion because I think that to pursue one's individual enjoyment does not contradict to assume the responsibility.

/ ~, \+ P0 ?
Admittedly, people nowadays increasingly enjoy freedom to pursue personal enjoyment than before. As the development of democracy, the ideas and behaviors of individual are respected and encouraged to some extent. For instance, students can choose any major which they favor mostly; graduates can participate in whatever professions they interest; citizens possess absolute freedom on free press and behaviors they like; present Obama may make film during his spare time only because he like it. Briefly, （值得我借鉴）people have much time and freedom to do their favorite things.: }1 R; h* q" R5 P  i8 ^4 k
2 {! u$ w# f$ V% ~9 P! o5 z
However, spending much time on personal enjoyment does not indicate that people ignore their accountability which should be taken. Let's take a college student in art for example. Generally, students in art major should spend much time on reading and appreciating art history, biography of artists and art works. Yet, the student favors more on economics. He probably continue to earn his degree on art with great interest in economic as well. Or he may pursue a second degree on economics. No matter what his decision is, he takes his responsibility to become a worthy student of his major.* [1 W8 w0 x2 D2 f* ]

In addition, to pursue one's personal enjoyment help to （helpful 那个短语好些）assume the responsibility. People should not be blamed for their time spent on things they like. Obviously, people lived in an time teemed with tense competition and they are often under a huge pressure. After a whole day job or a period of work, you probably make yourself drunk, or go for shopping crazily, or bury yourself in a series of insane music, or whatsoever you prefer. Of course you are most likely to become relaxed and inspired through these favorite experience.
Eventually, the great physical and mental recreation is conducive to a better performance in your profession the next day.# ?/ ?# ]) p* `
3 o. z) N3 D9 ?7 i) d# t7 [: I

To sum up, it is unreasonable to separate apart（一起用行吗） what people like to do and what they should do. The pursuit on personal enjoyment and assumption on accountability are interwoven. They do not contradict to each other. The effort and time on personal enjoyment does not equal to the ignorance on people's responsibility because of the objective requirement from each identity. Moreover, personal hobbies are good catalyst for improvement on the original professions.
有些中式句型。不过楼主实力还是能凸现出来。

文赋UID: 2611067

personal enjoyment -things they like to do—rather than the things they shoulddo 周三 22：00之前交
1. 不同意,因为追求个人爱好与承担责任并不矛盾；
2. 承认追求个人爱好有高度的自由；
3. 追求爱好的同时也在承担在自己应有的责任；
4. 追求爱好能够更好的承担责任；
5. 结论：不同意主题。

The above statement poses a hot topic oncontradiction of people's personal (貌似重复了，people’s 和personal用一个就可以了) enjoyments and responsibilities. And the speaker tends to thinkpeople now are dedicating more on personal likeness than-->rather than（貌似老美的文章喜欢用rather than表示要前面的，不要后面的。他们喜欢什么，我们就喜欢什么呗。） onwhat they should do. I strongly disagree with this opinion because I think thatto pursue one'sindividual
(重复) enjoyment does not contradict toassume the responsibility.

Admittedly, people nowadays increasinglyenjoy freedom to pursue personal enjoyment than before. As the development ofdemocracy, theindividual freedom of ideas and behaviors is respected and encouraged to someextent （调整了一下行文顺序）. Forinstance, students can choose any major which they favor mostly; graduates canparticipate in whatever professions they interest; citizens possess absolutefreedom on free press and behaviors they like; present Obama may make filmduring his spare time only because he like it. Briefly, people have much timeand freedom to do their favorite things.

However, spending much time on personalenjoyment does not indicate that people ignore their accountability whichshould be taken. Let us（缩写不能出现） take acollege student in art for example. Generally, students in art major shouldspend much time on reading and appreciating art history, biography of artistsand art works. Yet, the student favors more on economics. He probably continueto earn his degree on art with great interest in economic as well. Or he maypursue a seconddegree （疯了，这个词在中国人写的英语中确实用来表示第二学位，但是在英语中是“二次”和“二级”的意思，而外语中的第二学位是minor,对应major，我的意见是：如果考试时，不知道地道表达，那就算了，不写了；如果是平时，可以上网搜索一下。）on economics. No matter what his decision is, he takes hisresponsibility to become a worthy student of his major. 这个例子我怎么感觉，是上一次作文的呢？偏题有点远。

In addition, to pursue one's personalenjoyment help to assume the responsibility. People should not be blamed fortheir time spent on things they like. Obviously, people lived in a timeteemed with tense competition and they are often under a huge pressure. After a whole dayjob or a period of work, you probably make yourself drunk, or go for shoppingcrazily, or bury yourself in a series of insane music, or whatsoever youprefer. Of course you are most likely to become relaxed and inspired throughthese favorite experience（根据前辈们的经验，这个略微不和谐的例子，还是少用为妙，虽然是老外评卷子，他们也希望学生都是积极向上，单纯一踏的，当然即使我们不是，也要表现的是。毕竟作文是主观评分，他说高那就是高，他说不高，你高也不高。）. Eventually, the great physical and mental recreation is conduciveto a better performance in your profession the next day. 我又想了想，如果是从娱乐和工作不contradict切入，倒是可以在分成两个部分：1.休息是为了更好的工作；2.休息时也能学到东西，进一步促进工作。当论点落到不矛盾时，就给他再硬扯回去，说enjoyment time is NOT excessive.

To sum up, it is unreasonable to separateapart what people like to do and what they should do. The pursuit on personalenjoyment and assumption on accountability are interwoven. They do notcontradict to each other. The effort and time on personal enjoyment does notequal to the ignorance on people's responsibility because of the objectiverequirement from each identity. Moreover, personal hobbies are good catalystfor improvement on the original professions.

• 1.
  地道的用词，是文章写到后期最头痛的时，毕竟不是母语，积累的同义词和同义短语太少了；解决办法就是多看纽约时报和科学美国人（文科看：经济学人吧）；但是，这个过程会很慢，而且看似不高效，但是坚持下来（每天看一篇，两段的），对提高英文实力大有益处。
• 2.
  关于思路方面，我个人其实就五个方面：经济（性），社会，学校（学术，学生），环境（本人的专业），健康；但是最近听到一种新的说：叫PESCB（PES？？？CB某银行？？）就是，政治，教育，社会，文化和商业；我觉得很有道理，故拿出来分享一下；
• 3.
  总体还是不错的文章，可能是因为题目太难，行文和举例略微生涩，如果是考试时就没办法了，还好我们还在准备中。

DriftKingUID: 2664045

The above statement poses a hot topic on contradiction of people's personal(有重复的嫌疑) enjoyments and responsibilities. And the speaker tends to think people now are dedicating more on personal likeness than on （个人觉得on可以省略）what they should do. I strongly disagree with this opinion because I think that to pursue one's individual（有重复的嫌疑） enjoyment does not contradict to assume the responsibility.非常工整，非常明白的表明看法

Admittedly, people nowadays increasingly enjoy freedom to pursue personal enjoyment than before. As the development of democracy, the ideas and behaviors of individual are respected and encouraged to some extent. For instance, students can choose any major which they favor mostly; graduates can participate in whatever professions they interest; citizens possess absolute freedom on free press and behaviors they like; present Obama may make film during his spare time only because he like it. Briefly, people have much time and freedom to do their favorite things。说明一个趋势and现象？

However, spending much time on personal enjoyment does not indicate that people ignore their accountability which should be taken. Let's take a college student in art for example. Generally, students in art major should spend much time on reading and appreciating art history, biography of artists and art works. Yet, the（感觉this比较好） student favors more on economics. He probably continue to earn his degree on art with great interest in economic as well. Or he may pursue a second degree on economics. No matter what his decision is, he takes his responsibility to become a worthy student of his major.不太清楚这个类似于第二专业的兴趣爱好是否算是enjoyment的范畴？有可能是想双学位，有可能是想从事些交叉学科的研究，不过感觉一般人不会有事没事就想搞研究吧。姑且算是说明娱乐也能学习

In addition, to pursue one's personal enjoyment help to assume the responsibility. People should not be blamed for their time spent on things they like. Obviously, people lived in an time teemed with tense competition and they are often under a huge pressure. After a whole day job or a period of work, you probably make yourself drunk, or go for shopping crazily, or bury yourself in a series of insane music, or whatsoever you prefer. Of course you are most likely to become relaxed and inspired through these favorite experience. Eventually, the great physical and mental recreation is conducive to a better performance in your profession the next day.个人娱乐是必须的。这段前半段第3人称，后半段第2人称，不知好不好

To sum up, it is unreasonable to separate apart what people like to do and what they should do（不过感觉此处最好不用分离，而用矛盾,虽说需要词汇变化，但是感觉准确才是最重要）. The pursuit on personal enjoyment and assumption on accountability are interwoven. They do not contradict to each other. The effort and time on personal enjoyment does not equal to the ignorance on people's responsibility because of the objective requirement from each identity. Moreover, personal hobbies are good catalyst for improvement on the original professions.

我是来学习的，此文观点很明确也很灵活----娱乐和责任并非矛盾----就无所谓是否花了太多时间在一个上面而忽略了另一个了，让我想起来以前写过的那个政府的投资案问题，二者本就是相辅相成的。不过这个题目来说感觉还是有毛病，打个不太恰当的例子就好像问，政府在经济建设上投资太多而不是环境建设？如果上会的作文这么出题估计就不太好写了

结论：作者观点明确，结构紧凑，遣词造句的能力感觉没有发挥出来（当然比我强多了），简直大牛一个，鉴定完毕！
大牛有时间了也去看看我的吧？

MVTUID: 2588209

结论：作者观点明确，结构紧凑，遣词造句的能力感觉没有发挥出来（当然比我强多了），简直大牛一个，鉴定完毕！
/ m" F5 n2 Z9 ]$ K& {大牛有时间了也去看看我的吧？
DriftKing 发表于 2009-7-30 23:40

你小子越说越离谱，嘿嘿，但是听到表扬还是很高兴的。在我的概念里，牛人是不用学习的，我也妄想做条牛，但是天资不够，只能一份汗水一份收获了，加油艮仔！！
感谢你中肯的批改意见，明天我会看你的作文。