【求助求助】牛人帮忙看看这个思路有没有跑题

rikki_yaoUID: 2635478

How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society.Unfortunately,we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

题目翻译：孩子的社会化决定社会的命运。不幸的是我们还没有学会怎么培育出可以把社会建设得更好的孩子。
关键词：孩子  社会化  社会  培育
核心：培育的目标是使得社会更好（这个概念好玄，怎么定义？） 社会更好就以培育的内容来实现。
1）培育的目标列一下：家里价值观传授知识技能>>更好的建设社会
2）培育的内容列一下，然后开一下有没有达到各个目标
3）内容分家庭的教育和学校的教育和社会教育三方面
家庭总体不错，但是有的家庭教育的不好，比如一些什么什么的人员父母离婚啊，酗酒，赌博啊。
学校做得挺不错了。但是可能价值那块放得过轻了，太重视知识而不重视价值观那块了。
社会么大众媒体的传播还是有问题的，比如说色情啊，暴力啦。
4）结论，配音员孩子有目标且总体可以，但有待改进


可是我不知道前面那句话有什么用的，请牛人帮忙解答下！！

ps:这是我之前写的issue130，怎么看怎么觉得奇怪！！求助求助！！！
ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

I admit that today's children are
the would-be constructors of the society,so how the children are socialized will, to some extent, affects the destiny of the society; however,there are other factors which would contribute to decide the fate of the society.



The society, is composed with different groups of people, all of who have being gone through the process of socializing.Parents and their kids,teachers and students,peers, bosses and their inferior,,the young and the elders,in fact,we live socializing no matter what age,gender,religion,etc.you are.However,how children are socialized is a segment of the socializing process,while the destiny of our society is mainly a result of the whole process.Not only the children are creative and constructive to the society,the elder,too share a portion of wisdoms,though not necessarily more than the young's.The saying of never too old to learn.Sometimes,the elder kind of decide society's fate,too.For example,people live in China all know about the Culture Revolution.Indeed,it is a huge mistake made by our beloved Chairmen Mao in his later years,who believeing in those agitating gossips by some mean politicians with whom he socialize with.These politicians who took advantage of Chairman Mao,and finally led to the Chaos of 10 years cultural revolution.In short, psychologically speaking,the elders is a stubborn group,sometimes even opinionated,therefore the the society also needs to pay certain attention and offer facilities for our elder group which also needs orientation and finally make a more harmonious society.



It is not completely true that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society for the simple reason that the definition of a better society differ from person to person.Some may say we are live in a society than it can ever be.In the notion of sentence lies an implicit idea that is our society is better than yesterday,that is to say,our society is in progress.Others may argue that we live in a disastrous world than it ever was.This is another notion where implies our society is much worse.In material scale--we have much more commodities and better conditions of transportation and so forth, our society does get better.As to the contentment of the overall human being, then no one can tell whether our society is getting better or not until a investigation on overall human being is conducted.Moreover, in different times we have different criteria to define "better".Some decades ago,we don't use computers much, let along the Internet, so
we assume that it would be better live with computers and Internet which can maximize our convenience to absorb knowledge as well as to communicate.Some decades passed, some people began to stand out to claim the drawbacks of Internet and Computer,rampant Internet fraud,the hacks by virus,etc.I wonder if the author himself can answer the question--what is a better society.



In fact,the society actually does a lot of
work in helping building a better society.Now we have educational systems which can give every child legal education at a young age.Can you imagine how malicious it would be if you cannot receive education?My parents
who were born in the 60s and 70s in the 20th century,because of poverty,they didn't get much education at that time.Now when I asked my dad what he really want in his lifetime,they simply answered that I wish I could be as lucky as you to have the chance to get so much education.In addition,they society also provides facilities for those talent-challenged,physically challenged,and so forth,it has done so much for us to give us the best it can offer. (Merits such as honesty, persistence, probity, kindness and so on are the core lessons inculcated by parents and school systems)



In sum,from my above mentioned analysis, I agree with the speaker that how children are socialized partly determines the destiny of the society, and we also have learned how to raise children in an appropriate way for the society,but whether it can help bringing out a better society or not is a mystery.

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

前跑后偏

不过不用灰心 这个题目一百个人写也难得有一个能写对的

rikki_yaoUID: 2635478

那该怎么写啊？

rikki_yaoUID: 2635478

2# 草木也知愁

那可不可以写第一部分我大体同意第二部分我不同意
然后how children socialize的确决定这个社会的命运，但是还有其它的决定因素。
然后第一段写socialized 孩子跟不socialized得孩子比较，有什么什么好处的。
然后第二段写其实我们社会知道怎么raise up孩子.举例等~

这样有没有问题的？

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

恩 学乖了~

不过
第一点容易偏
第二点容易偏
第三点没有审清题目

rikki_yaoUID: 2635478

5# 草木也知愁


怎么才算不偏？
怎么才算偏？
into里标准吗？

还有偏题了会有什么后果？

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

awintro里有各项分数的评分标准

偏了之后如果程度比较大 就是跑题 然后就零分嘞

针对你那两点 就看你论述的时候能不能让重心保持在前面那个了

rikki_yaoUID: 2635478

7# 草木也知愁

我看intro了~~他说可以有不同的视角看问题的啊！
我是扣了issue一个点然后论说。总体同意或不同意什么的。然后逐项说明原因~应该不会太跑吧
我没法子了~
参照北美范文好了~~他跑我也跑吧~

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

北美的那个很恶心 而且本身就有错 别看


市面上主流130的作文和提纲都是错的

Garfield0818UID: 2661872

那什么在是对的呢？ 可不可以这样写呢？
先简单说一下什么是socialization
然后说重要性，培养孩子性格与人相处的能力合作精神什么的，这些对孩子成长至关重要因此也对社会未来有很大作用
之后说其实我们不会培养孩子，讲一下现在教育制度包括学校和家庭的教育失误之处
随后说说应该怎么改进。。。可以吗，偏？还是就跑了啊？