TOEFL集结号暑期作文第7次作业 hustzwj

hustzwjUID: 203387

It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.

With the tremendous increasing in the number of population, the earth we are living now are becoming more and more crowed, and consequently many lands including the deserted places and even the forests are applied for further exploration like farming, industrial factories, etc. However, comparing with the immediate profit brought by the newly implored lands, we may find that the endangered animals also need space for living, and especially their extinction would bring great loss to the ecology as well as human beings. Therefore, it is necessary to protect them and save the lands for the endangered animals.

Admitted, people do really need lands for house living and economic development. For one thing, the numbers of mankind have been expanding exponentially ever since the Industrial revolution. It is inevitable that more lands are required to home people. At the same time, the more companies and factories are invested, the more places should be explored to build infrastructure, office buildings and working shops, etc.  However, the endangered animals are jeopardized by extinction due to lost of home place and more severe environment. In contrast, it is more important to save lands for these animals in the long term run.

In addition, these animals play an important role in the balance of ecosystem so that they do really need protection. Ever since the industrial revolution in Mid of 18th century, the extinction of species from birds to mammals is exacerbated extremely. Conservation of animals which are significant parts of the biological chain can keep the energy flow, material cycling and ecological process in the system. In contrast, let us take the island of Mauritius for example. over hunting of the birds led to the tremendously decline of reproduction. As a result, about 80 percent trees died and the coastline is deteriorated. Therefore, protecting the endangered animals not only gives the animals a sustainable environment but also do benefit to mankind as well.

Furthermore, many of the endangered animals are the unique species on the earth, and the lost of these precious resources can hampered the researches on the evolution of human histories. The biologists and anthropologists keep on studying on the evolution of people and animals, such as the Darwin's theory of evolution. Besides, the death of the dinosaurs in the ancient times causes us to be nearly innocent of what happened in that era. Moreover, these species are the only genetic combinations, never to be created again. If they are lost, the genetic resources of earth are diminished. Accordingly, we would have no idea of connections between the various species and human beings. Thus, it is high time to protect these endangered animals.

In conclusion, considering that these unique animals can contribute to maintain the balance of ecology system and offer great sources for studying, it is necessary to save lands to protect the endangered animals. Although people need more lands for economic development, the endangered animals do also need lands for living and can bring profit to mankind as well in long term runs.

nkglUID: 2618535

lz一定战过G吧~~~实在和在下已经完全不在一个级别上了。。仔细研读了几遍 发现除了一两个笔误之外 我只有学习的份~~~我摘录不少，学习了不少用法
实在抱歉未能帮你改出什么来 实在是实力差距太大 乱改只会引来大家嘲笑 望见谅 我已经深深内疚自责了。。

ps：很厚脸皮的说 lz要有空帮忙看下我的吧。。。我实在是不济啊~~~

yy99875UID: 2506472

However, comparing with the immediate profit brought by the newly implored lands, we may find that the endangered animals also need space for living, 这句话对吗？疑问。。。

文赋UID: 2611067

It is more important to use land for humanneed than to save land for endangered animals

With the tremendous increasing in the number （多余了）of population, the earth we are living now(看起来是想用一个分句修饰earth，但根本插不进去which和that，因为we are living now是一个独立的句子) are becoming more and more crowed, and consequently many landsincluding the deserted places and even the forests are applied for furtherexploration like farming, industrial factories, etc. However, by comparing with the immediate profitbrought by the newly implored lands, we may find that the endangered animalsalso need space for living, and especially-->otherwise their extinctionwould bring great loss to the ecology as well as to human beings
“人类”不用复数了，有一个人类地球都受不了，再来几个都崩溃了. Therefore, it is necessary to protect them and save the lands（land是不可数名词） for the endangered animals.

Admitted, people do really need landsfor house living and economic development. For one thing, the numbers of humankind have been expandingexponentially ever since the Industrial revolution. It is inevitable that morelands are required to home（做动词是回家，做形容词是家庭的，怎么搭配都别扭） people. At the same time, the more companies and factories areinvested, the more places should be explored to build infrastructure, officebuildings and working shops, etc.
However, the endangered animals are jeopardized by-->facing（可以用高级词汇，但是要用对，用的不太恰当时，不如用简单生动的词汇） extinction due to lost of homeplace-->natural habitat and more severe environment-->environmentalproblems. In contrast, it is more important to savelands for these animals in the long term run.这句话放在这太生硬了。

In addition, these animals play animportant role in the balance of ecosystem so that they do really needprotection. Ever since the industrial revolution in mid of 18th century, theextinction of species from birds to mammals is exacerbated extremely.Conservation of animals which（指代的是Conservation吧，后面怎么用复数了，但是我感觉似乎是想用which指代animals，这种危险的分句修饰，最好少用。几乎没见过老外也这么写。） are-->issignificant parts of the biological chain can keep the energy flow, materialcycling and ecological process in the system. In contrast, let us take the island of Mauritius for example. over hunting ofthe birds led to the tremendously decline of reproduction. As a result, about80 percent trees died and the coastline is deteriorated. Therefore, protectingthe endangered animals not only gives the animals a sustainable environment butalso do benefit to mankind as well.

Furthermore, many of the endangered animalsare the unique species on the earth, and the lost of these precious resourcescan hampered the researches on the evolution of human histories. The biologistsand anthropologists keep on studying on the evolution of people and animals,such as the Darwin'stheory of evolution. Besides, the death of the dinosaurs in the ancient timescauses us to be nearly innocent of what happened in that era. Moreover, thesespecies are the only genetic combinations, never to be created again. If theyare lost, the genetic resources of earth are diminished. Accordingly, we wouldhave no idea of connections between the various species and human beings. Thus,it is high time to protect these endangered animals.这一段如果能点一下研究人类进化的目的，就非常有说服力了。但是不说也无妨，托福作文没这么高要求。

In conclusion, considering that theseunique animals can contribute to maintain the balance of ecology system andoffer great sources for studying, it is necessary to save lands to protect the endangeredanimals. Although people need more lands for economic development, the endangeredanimals do also need lands（一堆lands文章中，阅卷人想给5分都不敢下手） for living andcan bring profit to mankind as well in long term runs.

hustzwjUID: 203387

2# nkgl
你可真逗呢，，，呵呵，，，嘴巴真甜呢，，我等下子就去看看去，嘻嘻。。
快考试了，现在才开始給你们改作业，真是的，呵呵，我就去，看下，

hustzwjUID: 203387

3# yy99875
你的意思是我说的前后两个对比的对象有问题，，对吧，
我也说不上来，也许得改改，但是我现在一时想不出来改成什么样子的。。。我原来表的只是字面意思，就说对于人类从开发土地所得到的眼前利益，显然没有保护动物的来的重要，大概我改成，，，
comparing with the immediate profit brought by the newly implored lands, we may find that it will be more important and bring both people and other creatures benefit in the long term run to save these lands for the endangered animals.这样应该更符合正常思维了吧，你是不是这个想的？？谢谢你的指点噢，:loveliness:

hustzwjUID: 203387

4# 文赋
阿里嘎多！！！！！:loveliness:

hustzwjUID: 203387

It is more important to use land for humanneed than to save land for endangered animals
这一段如果能点一下研究人类进化的目的，就非常有说服力了。但是不说也无妨，托福作文没这么高要求。

文赋 发表于 2009-8-3 10:45

说实话，我真不知道研究进化论的目的是什么，我也想写啊，就是不晓得是什么，才疏了，嘻嘻

kuaruUID: 2657291

看过楼主的文，我深深的惭愧起来。。。觉得自己写的太初级了
呵呵，下面是我的一些小建议，个人感觉，可能不太准确
1.这个题目应该是disagree or agree的那一类吧，如果是的话，觉得应该明确表明自己disagree的观点，
2.几个词组的小错误
in the long term run改为in the long run或in the long term
on the earth——on earth
3.Ever since the industrial revolution in Mid of 18th century, the extinction of species from birds to mammals is exacerbated extremely. 是不是应该现在完成时？？
4.third paragraph。去掉in contrast，keep energy flowing，overhunting lead
about 80 percent trees died and the coastline is deteriorated前后时态不一致
5.最后一段lands太多，其实还可以用shelter