triter nine

wk4aUID: 2616910

184"It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."

7、"The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

14. The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
有证据表明消费者对于自己种植蔬菜越来越感兴趣。上个月举行的一项国家调查显示很多消费者对于超市上供应的新鲜蔬菜的质量不满意。在本地，园艺杂志《大花园》在"Village
News"报亭连续三个月售磬。因此，我们Green Thumb Gardening Center可以通过大量增加今春为园艺爱好者准备的蔬菜种子的种类而增加盈利。

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 454          TIME: 00:26:29(相当熟悉题目的情况下死命敲还要这么久！)          DATE: 2009-8-8 23:13:05

Based on a national survey and some markets statistics, assuming that residents in Green Thumb becomes more and more interested in growing their own vegetables, the author accordingly suggests enlarge the kinds of vegetable seeds in stock in order to gain more profits. Being seemingly persuasive, the suggestion suffers fallacies under further consideration.

First and foremost, citing that the Great Gardens Magazine has sold out at the Village News three months in a row, the author asserts that people get interested in growing vegetables by themselves. However, he fails to provide any information to prove that people who buy the magazine were to grow vegetables. It is very possible that the citizens in the village become fascinated with flowers; as a result, they buy the gardening magazines to plant flowers in their gardens to beautify their houses.

In addition, the arguer does not convince readers that the national survey is credible. Without offering any details about the survey, we have reason to doubt whether the subjects in this survey were representative. What if most of the consumers were from farm or live near farm? Thus instead of going to the supermarkets to buy fresh vegetables, they could buy the vegetables from farms, which could probably be fresher than those sold in the markets. Even if the results of the national survey are trustful, the author is still too willy-nilly to draw that local people are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in the supermarkets. There is likelihood that vegetables served in local supermarkets are in high quality and low prices; consequently, there is no need for local residents to think of obtaining vegetables from other channels, not to mention growing by them. Without casting off all these possibilities, the conclusion that local consumers are to be willing to grow their own vegetables is untenable as it stands.

To make one final point, even we concede that local residents would be more and more likely to grow vegetables in their houses; the arguer simply suggests that the Gardening Center enlarge its vegetable seeds' sorts to raise their profits. As we know, once the variety of the seeds is expanded, the risks are higher than before. Management is to be stricter; the chance of the rot of the seeds is to climb up. All these above could trigger an upwards cost. If so, whether the profits would go up is uncertain.

Taking into account what has been discussed above in order to bolster his statement, the author should make a detailed research to check out whether local people have a stronger willingness to grow their own vegetables. What's more, earning profits is complex process; one should assess various aspects before making a marketing decision.

wk4aUID: 2616910

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 353          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-8-9 9:41:44

The arguer’s suggestion of expanding the variety of vegetable seeds in order to increase profits is based on the conclusion that consumers are becoming more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out a national survey which indicated a discontent with vegetables in supermarkets to prove potential seeds customers to grow their own vegetables. Also, the arguer states that the magazine Great Gardens is quickly sold out for three months, showing the popularity of gardening among people. Well presented this argument seems to be, but if thoroughly examined, some serious fallacies can be found.

The suggestion to expand more kinds of vegetable seeds is based on a premise that local people would grow their own vegetables. However, this premise is not substantiated. The arguer offers a national survey to show that many consumers are dissatisfied with the quality of vegetables in markets. Since this survey is national wide, its result is only an average data, which can not exactly represent a local situation. Perhaps people who answered this survey were consciously lowering the evaluation and simply trying to encourage suppliers to improve the quality of vegetables. If the local residents are truly not happy with the quality of supermarket vegetables, this may be a result of comparison the charge and the quality. Even if the prices of most vegetables are too high, local people would surly demand relative quality including fresh, nutrition and variety. Besides, no credible evidences are provided to show that they would abandon supermarket to grow their own vegetables, after all, it is a easy work and not every have enough time for that.

Not only does the survey fail to prove people would grow their own vegetables, but also the sale of the gardening magazine do not successfully prove this point. Great Gardens, as a gardening magazine, may include much information like flower planting, soil collection and fruit cultivation. That is to say that the magazine does not necessarily contain any information about growing vegetables. Even it does, the sold out phenomenon may be a result that there only few copies available. Without providing the exact amount of sold magazines, its popularity can not be effectively substantiated. Also, that people buy magazines may only indicate their interest in gardening, not the determination to put what they learn into practice. That can be a good way for people to release their intense working pressures.

To make a profit, there are still many aspects to be considered, not just potential customers. The arguer does not provide any information about how many people would actually grow their own vegetables. It is not possible for people to buy all kinds of vegetable seeds according to their diet; they might buy one or two kinds to grow for fun. As a result, the demand is too low to make a profit. The arguer does not do any survey about whether there are competitor companies, neither. If there is any, the profit can be even less. Thus, the profit remains unclear. Anyway, before making sure the profit is a possibility, an expanding plan makes a sense.

In sum, the arguer fails to substantiate the premise that people would grow their own vegetables. In addition, two evidences for the premise are not supportive. To make this argument more credible, the arguer should provide information to sure that there are actually many people would choose to grow their own food. Otherwise the expansion plan is not a promising one.

wk4aUID: 2616910

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 360          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2009-8-8 20:39:50

1、科技在发展，人们的生活，工作方式也不一样了。记录历史的手段也随之多样化了。不过，
2、记录的东西有限，很多场景是没来的及拍下来的。也过于狭窄，只有当时的影像记录
3、但是doc有说明，概括化，简便。
4、都只是手段，不是对立的。结合起来。

As the rapid development of nowadays society, people's way of living and working has changed profoundly. Means to record history also become various with it. From carving to writing, from oral stories to paper words, we have enjoyed huge progress. For now, the application of video camera has brought a new evolution, which would inevitably improve the way people keep contemporary life for our descendants.

Compared with written documentations, the video cameras provide more direct and more credible images and sounds. Historians are often unfriendly considered "story teller" for they sometimes reconstructing different histories with the help of only limited sources. Without doubt, most historians are doing their best to reveal what has happened before. But only expanding questionable words written on books and stones, slips and mistakes can be hardly eliminated. However, video cameras, which can accurately and impartially keep almost every major events as reporters want, people then do not have to worried about history being tampered. Also, highly spread internet serves as an effective news channel through which people all over the world can be aware of latest news and store them into hard discs. All this convenience is unimaginable for people hundred years ago. Video camera, as a trustworthy and convenient tool, enables people to keep every crucial minute to last forever.

What is more significant is that video cameras enable everyone to become a history catcher, due to the portability of the high-tech equipment, instead of the strict writing skill and clear memory for a paper-based document. Most cell phones today are also inserted millions of pixels camera, able to perform picture and video modes. When sudden scenes like a little comet striking through the earth’s atmospheric layer, people who are just outdoors may quickly take out their cell phones or camera to record the marvelous minute. Astrophysicist can also analyze video images taken from various angles by many people instead of patiently judging people's oral descriptions on what they saw about the comet. If we live at an age of one thousand years ago, people’s confusing explanations could even lead to another fairy tale rather than scientific phenomenon. With the help of video cameras, we can embrace the most fresh history and farewell with the one filled with fantasy and illusions.

Actually, holding a video camera and handing a pen are never contraries. Both as forms for recording have their own merits and drawbacks. What is needed to be carefully considered is how to combine them effectively. Video cameras, which accurately and conveniently record the first-hand data, can be colored and enriched by historian remarks and explanations as a form of subtitle to help contain abstract social values and moral standards. Without videos, people can only read silent and colorless words and imagine the pictures and sounds. Without written materials, people would be also confused by unexplained videos and absorb lopsided views. But when the both are effectively combined, real history is alive in front of its viewers.

In sum, during the progress of our society, we may develop beneficial inventions and theories to help achieve traditional goals with more efficiency and convenience, at the same possessing old but familiar and safe means. By receiving all the merits from each of them, we can make our process more rapidly.

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

TOPIC: ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS: 458 (526)
TIME: 00:50:00
DATE: 2009-8-9 9:39:57

It is an era when objectivity is treasured; it is an era when fairness is pursued. Evidence or data becomes indispensable in people's daily life, but too much emphasizing on data, sometimes, could also produce undesirable effects.

Admittedly, most scientific researches cannot survive without data. It is well known that a proper scientific research follows several steps: researchers first ask some questions based on certain phenomenon they have observed, and then raise some hypotheses. To testify their hypotheses, they need to do some experiments or some surveys in order to find some supporting evidence before they finally theorize the phenomenon; whereas, scientific researchers do not end in this theory. Many times, the scientist himself or latter ones would find some contradicting evidence which would serve to overthrow the established theory. In the process of establishing and overthrowing, science is therefore moving forwards with imperishable motivation. Observing these scientific researches, we discover that data or evidence inevitably is the crux during the whole process. Without data, scientific researches could only stay on hypotheses stage.

Nevertheless, there are some exceptions even in the scientific fields. As we know, many axioms based on people's experience have no data to bolster themselves. From our very childhood, we were told that between two points, the line segment is the shortest way. Nobody showed us how to prove it through strict testimony with accurate data. People just acknowledge the axioms. However, these acceptations cannot be regarded as without critical thinking. Actually, it is brilliant for people to summarize their experience and make these axioms which are the foundations of many scientific researches.

Additionally, only concentrating on data could bring curses to some activities in our ordinary lives. Take doctors' diagnoses for instance. Once a dying person is sent into the hospital, it is ridiculous for doctors to send this patient to various testing-rooms to get detailed examinations like X-ray and wait for the examined data. If so, the patient would probably pass away during his/her way to the examine-rooms. What should doctors do is to immediately make the decision about why the patient is suffering and what first-aid measures are to be taken based on their long-term experience. Were appropriate treatments taken, the patient is very likely to survive. Take a glance at another example. It is well known that marketing is changing all the time. Managers in corporations should form an acute insight into the markets. Besides that, brevity, unique perspective and quick response are also what they should be equipped. There are not always enough data for a company to collect in particular the competitors hide the crucial data. But the company should still make its strategies. We have witnessed many times that a chief executive officer made an ungrounded but successful decision which made the company survive and even saved the company in perils. Google, for instance, is known for its unique and original strategies which make it prosperous for so long.

Taking into account what has been discussed above it is right to emphasize convincing data or evidence under many circumstances, but sometimes over exaggerating the significance of data could lead to be bogged in marsh or tragedies.

wk4aUID: 2616910

TOPIC: ISSUE184 - "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."
WORDS: 279          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2009-8-8 16:44:53

1.很多的前沿论文都只有大量的实验数据和实验和实验方法，但是很少有结论，因为谨慎。这种态度值得学习，但是并不是通用的，很多时候我们不需要或者没有数据来归纳，但是仍然有办法做结论。
2诚然，没有数据或者数据很少的时候的理论化是盲目和致命的。
3有些领域不需要数据。
4所有的data是为了支撑理论的，理论能自己站稳就行了。谨慎固然好，效率价更高。
5.数据不是必须得，只要理论能被证明足够可靠就行。

Scan piles of scientific papers, numerous experiments means and data can be found, but few conclusions are drawn, let alone generalized theories. It is admirable and worth following that people dealing knowledge with much discretion. However, that is not always necessary, in consideration of efficiency and practicability.

Mostly, it is dangerous to unscrupulously reach any theory in a circumstance when data is absent. Lack of substantiated evidence can lead to unexpected disasters. That is why in pharmaceutical industry and medical world, for example, a new medicine and its usage have to be tested for a lone time. Since once a kind of pill passes through test, it will be put on shelves available by hundreds of patients; clinical trials can never be more than enough. Purdu Drug Company, for example, was prosecuted by 20 patients who have taken its medicine which can cause addiction. Finally, the company got a more than six hundred of millions dollars swingeing fines. Not only medical aspects, aviation industry, civil engineering, environment protection and so forth all require data to justify a hypothesis. Data, as the confirmation and evidence before any theory is made, can eliminate potential danger of applying the new theory.

There are some circumstances, however, require little data for substantiation. Though it favorable to have some evidence to support such theories, but not necessary. Like the famous theory of relativity, though people can neither prove its soundness or absurdity at first, physicists and mathematicians have developed many totally new theories and applications based on it. Admittedly, it is important to prove the great theory by concrete data; after all, science is based on a cautious attitude. But millions of dollars from tax payers spent on its testimonial is less worthy than spending on practical applications which are proved to be safe and valuable. Even if people were willing and discreet to justify the new theory at that time, subjective conditions do not allow so. Many electrical events can only be waited rather than created for the testimonial. In cases above, theories are not necessarily connected with data.

Actually, since all the theories serve to conduct people's working and living, the practical purpose come first. In the aspect of efficiency, as long as the safety of the application of a theory is substantiated, tests for the theory itself can be ignored if time and sources are limited. Throughout history, many theories which were regarded as absolute truth are now obvious fallacies. But their merits, though limited, have served as guidance to help people made progresses one after one. It is the same thing for contemporary society. People can take advantage of relatively grounded theories just like laying courses of bricks. These bricks may be fragile, but without primitive houses as a beginning, we can never achieve skyscrapers afterwards. How can cavemen build great mansions as soon as they step out cave?

Human beings have always been temper daring with discreet. We assume a theory, and then prove it. When the later process is missing or insufficient, damage may raise. But all above are based on their necessities, after all, we theorize for application.

lele77521UID: 2672123

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 244          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-8-9 9:53:53

In this memo, the owner concluded that the Green Thumb Gardening Center would be profitable by largely increasing the variety of vegetable seeds. To support this argument the author cites these following factors: (1) people are interested in growing their own vegetables. (2) A national survey showed that consumers are dissatisfied with the present fresh vegetables in supermarket. (3) The gardening magazine Great Gardens was the best seller book in the town during last three month. It seems reasonable at first glance, actually, this argument contains many flaws, which render it unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, by relying on the national survey to support its conclusion the argument depends on the assumption that the level of satisfaction with local supermarket vegetables reflects national levels. However, the author provides no evidence to support this assumption. Perhaps people in other cities are satisfied with supermarkets vegetables. Without ruling out this possibility, the owner cannot rely on the national survey to conclude that the local residents would be interested in buying vegetable seeds.

In the second place, even assuming that town’s residents really were dissatisfied with the supermarket vegetables, the owner fails to illustrate that those people would grow vegetables instead. Common sense tells us that few people have time to grow vegetables in a rapid life pace society. Maybe they can advise the local supermarkets to enhance their quality of the vegetables. Any wise dealer will neglect their consumer’s advices. Failing to consider the possible way to solve the problem, the owner cannot ensure that the seed will be bought by local people widely.

In the third place, the author assumes that best seller book-- the gardening magazine indicates that the vegetable seeds would be popular among residents. In fact, there is little relationship between the sales of the magazine and vegetable seeds. Perhaps the content of the magazine has nothing to do with the vegetable seeds, without considering this possibility; the owner could not cite the sales of magazine to illustrate the market of the vegetable seeds Green Thumb Gardening Center.




In conclusion, the owner's argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen it the owner must provide more convincing evidence that consumers in this town are really becoming less satisfied with supermarket vegetables, and that as a result they are planning to grow vegetables themselves. I also need more information about the advantages of the vegetable seeds.

lele77521UID: 2672123

我觉得我都跟不上你们的速度了，怎么办呀，我总是写的特别慢。

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

我觉得我都跟不上你们的速度了，怎么办呀，我总是写的特别慢。
lele77521 发表于 2009-8-9 12:51

其实不是写的慢，是想的慢~思路这东西确实是比较random的东西~

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 514 (541)         TIME: 00:45:00 (+15min)         DATE: 2009-8-9 15:05:16

It seems to be human nature that once making an innovation, they tend to negate the traditional one which has played a crucial role in their daily lives. They obstinately take that the new would replace the old for granted. Similar fate now goes with the written materials which people believe that such records would gradually lose their position in the documentation as the advent of video camera.

Little wonder that video camera has brought us marvelous benefits: almost wherever we are or whenever it is, we can take out our video cameras and record the scene we like to treasure; crimes like bank robbery have also become less and less thanks to the video camera set in the almost every corner of the banks. Furthermore, with video cameras, there is less and less need for space. What is meant by this is that the pictures and videos in the video camera require little room to store unlike the paper-based materials. Some of us may have experienced that when looking for certain picture, we have to look into a whole stack albums with countless pictures. Finally, we find our targets sweating all over; while with video camera, we just turn it on, press certain buttons, and easily find what we need. However, too much relying on it, to some extent, can weaken our own ability of memorize things. Many of our children have formed a poorer and poorer handwriting due to an increasing use of computer; certainly we do not want they have a weaker and weaker memory if they use video camera to record everything. Meanwhile, video camera is not panacea and has flaws. Were the memory card broken, or damaged, all of the materials would disappear immediately.

On the contrary, the written records have merits that video camera could not compare. Very often, the written materials could depict the mind of people. Take keeping a diary for instance. One could describe what events he or she experience today, and at the same time, delineating vividly how he or she felt with the events in one's diary. Perhaps some would argue that one could still use the video camera, taking photos of the events and use the sound-recording function to record one's feeling. However, how many of us can honestly say that when being recorded, whether passive or not, we can truly express all our feelings? Clearly, most of us could not manage it.

Nevertheless it seems a little folly to discuss which one is more significant to our lives. For both of them have merits and flaws, perhaps people should form a tolerant attitude to the new invention and the traditional one as both could make contributions to our lives and society. Without either one, the world's wheels could hardly run as smoothly as it should do. In this sense, we should take advantages of video cameras and written materials for the sake of the long-term development of our society.

Taking into account what has been discussed above video camera does give human beings a lot, but it can never completely replace the written records. There is no point to argue which one is more dominant. Contrarily, to best exploit both of them can make our lives more colorful.

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

突然发现我说的中国话很多不通顺的~

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

3# wk4a

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 353  （你后来补了那么多啊！让我补似乎也补不了这么多字。）        TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-8-9 9:41:44

The arguer’s suggestion of expanding the variety of vegetable seeds in order to increase profits is based on the conclusion that consumers are becoming more interested in growing their own vegetables. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out a national survey which indicated a discontent with vegetables in supermarkets to prove potential seeds customers to grow their own vegetables. Also, the arguer states that the magazine Great Gardens is quickly sold out for three months, showing the popularity of gardening among people. Well presented this argument seems to be, but if thoroughly examined, some serious fallacies can be found. （其实从开头可以看出你的条理）

The suggestion to expand more kinds of vegetable seeds is based on a premise that local people would grow their own vegetables. However, this premise is not substantiated. The arguer offers a national survey to show that many consumers are dissatisfied with the quality of vegetables in markets.（对全国的调查是不是也应该扁下，比如样本是否有代表性，然后即使有代表性再说全国不能推到地方） Since this survey is national wide, its result is only an average data（会不会Chinglish了点）, which can not exactly represent a local situation. Perhaps people who answered this survey were consciously lowering the evaluation and simply trying to encourage suppliers to improve the quality of vegetables. If the local residents are truly not happy with the quality of supermarket vegetables, this may be a result of comparison the charge and the quality. Even if the prices of most vegetables are too high, local people would surly demand relative quality including fresh, nutrition and variety. Besides, no credible evidences are provided to show that they would abandon supermarket to grow their own vegetables, after all, it is a easy work and not every have enough time for that.

Not only does the survey fail to prove people would grow their own vegetables, but also the sale of the gardening magazine do not successfully prove this point. Great Gardens, as a gardening magazine, may include much information like flower planting, soil collection and fruit cultivation. That is to say that the magazine does not necessarily contain any information about growing vegetables. Even it does, the sold out phenomenon may be a result that there only few copies available. Without providing the exact amount of sold magazines, its popularity can not be effectively substantiated. Also, that people buy magazines may only indicate their interest in gardening, not the determination to put what they learn into practice. That can be a good way for people to release their intense working pressures.（这点逻辑没什么问题）

To make a profit, there are still many aspects to be considered, not just potential customers. The arguer does not provide any information about how many people would actually grow their own vegetables. It is not possible for people to buy all kinds of vegetable seeds according to their diet; they might buy one or two kinds to grow for fun. As a result, the demand is too low to make a profit. （嗯，风险高）The arguer does not do any survey about whether there are competitor companies, neither. If there is any, the profit can be even less. Thus, the profit remains unclear. Anyway, before making sure the profit is a possibility, an expanding plan makes a sense.

In sum, the arguer fails to substantiate the premise that people would grow their own vegetables. In addition, two evidences for the premise are not supportive. To make this argument more credible, the arguer should provide information to sure that there are actually many people would choose to grow their own food. Otherwise the expansion plan is not a promising one.

呃~我现在不太会改A了~感觉说了那些错误就好了~至于那些possibilities倒是自己自圆其说就好~不要弄一些更不可能发生的反例出来

wk4aUID: 2616910

专利制度就是将利益的燃料添加到天才之火上。
我刚才看到了这句话，你可以改下你的那句：put fuel to.
后面加上什么什么的fire吧。
以前就觉得这个fuel很突兀，但是我也不知道怎么改

wk4aUID: 2616910

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 454          TIME: 00:26:29(相当熟悉题目的情况下死命敲还要这么久！)          DATE: 2009-8-8 23:13:05
今天看到一个牛人说issue写了九百多字，还剩下十多分钟遣词造句。

Based on a national survey and some markets statistics, assuming that residents in Green Thumb becomes more and more interested in growing their own vegetables, the author accordingly suggests enlarge the kinds of vegetable seeds in stock in order to gain more profits. Being seemingly persuasive, the suggestion suffers fallacies under further consideration.
我看范文也是复述全文的，所以不敢和你这样写。

First and foremost, citing that the Great Gardens Magazine has sold out at the Village News three months in a row, the author asserts that people get interested in growing vegetables by themselves. However, he fails to provide any information to prove that people who buy the magazine were to grow vegetables. It is very possible that the citizens in the village become fascinated with flowers; as a result, they buy the gardening magazines to plant flowers in their gardens to beautify their houses.
还是范文心得：说一个点的错误一点要竭尽全力。你这一段有点不尽力

In addition, the arguer does not convince readers that the national survey is credible. Without offering any details about the survey, we have reason to doubt whether the subjects in this survey were representative. What if most of the consumers were from farm or live near farm? Thus instead of going to the supermarkets to buy fresh vegetables, they could buy the vegetables from farms, which could probably be fresher than those sold in the markets. Even if the results of the national survey are trustful, the author is still too willy-nilly（这次一定要记住） to draw that local people are dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables in the supermarkets. There is likelihood that vegetables served in local supermarkets are in high quality and low prices; consequently, there is no need for local residents to think of obtaining vegetables from other channels, not to mention growing by them. Without casting off all these possibilities, the conclusion that local consumers are to be willing to grow their own vegetables is untenable as it stands.
你这一段比我的杀伤力强

To make one final point, even we concede that local residents would be more and more likely to grow vegetables in their houses; the arguer simply suggests that the Gardening Center enlarge its vegetable seeds' sorts to raise their profits. As we know, once the variety of the seeds is expanded, the risks are higher than before. Management is to be stricter; the chance of the rot of the seeds is to climb up. All these above could trigger an upwards cost. If so, whether the profits would go up is uncertain.
的确，argument没什么好改的，寓言也不好发挥，错误就这么几个。我还是好好看你的issue吧。

Taking into account what has been discussed above in order to bolster his statement, the author should make a detailed research to check out whether local people have a stronger willingness to grow their own vegetables. What's more, earning profits is complex process; one should assess various aspects before making a marketing decision.

wk4aUID: 2616910

突然发现我说的中国话很多不通顺的~
emily_feifei 发表于 2009-8-9 15:37

这句话还行嘛