triter ten

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

为什么啊？都这么好写
wk4a 发表于 2009-8-11 11:28

一天看那么多提纲~我不觉很好写啊~我possibility不太会找

wk4aUID: 2616910

一天看那么多提纲~我不觉很好写啊~我possibility不太会找
emily_feifei 发表于 2009-8-11 11:40

我觉得多看范文很有用

lele77521UID: 2672123

我写了，我上午就只看了20个a, issue我前面的高频还没写完，所以就没有写你们布置的。我贴上了，你们大概看看有什么大问题帮我支招

lele77521UID: 2672123

TOPIC: ARGUMENT33 - The following report appeared in an archaeology journal.

"The discovery of distinctively shaped ceramic pots at various prehistoric sites scattered over a wide area has led archaeologists to ask how the pots were spread. Some believe the pot makers migrated to the various sites and carried the pots along with them; others believe the pots were spread by trade and their makers remained in one place. Now, analysis of the bones of prehistoric human skeletons can settle the debate: high levels of a certain metallic element contained in various foods are strongly associated with people who migrated to a new place after childhood. Many of the bones found near the pots at a few sites showed high levels of the metallic element. Therefore, it must be that the pots were spread by migration, not trade."
WORDS: 232          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-8-11 11:20:02

The author concludes that the ceramic pots were spread by migration, rather than trade. To support this argument, the author points out that prehistoric human whose skeletons contained metallic element, the report also tells us that kind of metallic element are strongly associated with people who migrated to a new place after childhood; the author also cites the facts that many bones near the pots shows high levels of the metallic element. This report is well-presented but not well-reasoned. It contains some critical flaws and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, the author assumes that people who migrated to a new place after childhood contained high levels of metallic element, but provides no evidence that the other people such as the local residents also contained this kind of metallic elements. Perhaps people in that time had similar diets; most of them contained that kind of element. Under that circumstance, there is no apparent differences among people migrated and the others. Without considering this vital premise, it is impossible to conclude any persuasive conclusion.

Even assuming those people whose skeletons contained that special element were migrations. The only relationship between the pots and those people was that they were found in the same place. It is entire possible that the time when the pots were found may later than those migrations or earlier. Let alone the possibility that owners of those pots were those migrations. Failing to consider the different arrived time between those two things, the author can not convince me as it stands.

Finally, even if the assumption mentioned above were accepted, those migrations were also the owners of the pots. The author overlooks the possibility that the pots may not brought by the owners from their hometown. Perhaps the local residents lived on producing this kind of pots at that time. It may also perhaps that those owners were a group of business men who settled down there and sold those pots for commercial purpose. Lacking consider those possible factors the author’s conclusion is unpersuasive as it stands.

To sum up, this argument commits some logical flaws. To strengthen it the author must provide detail information to find the relationship between the pots and their possible hosts. It would be also to show the difference among those skeletons in order to recognize those migrations. Meantime, the author must provide the evidence to show only those migrations’ skeletons contain that special metallic element.

lele77521UID: 2672123

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 298          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-8-10 20:46:51
Doubt corporation

The speaker asserts that it will be truly effective when education can meet the individual needs and interest of every student. Without doubt, this is a perfect mode of education for the reason that each of us knows the importance of interest. However, I hold the opinion that it is not worthy to invest money, energy, and labor to design such a mode of education, which demands huge opportunity cost. (兴趣重要但是没有必要那样设计 )

For thousands of years, no one forgets that interest is always the best teacher. Many surprisingly breakthroughs are created by those great scientists and celebrities. Take Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft Corporation, as a typical example, he gave up his college life when he was a sophomore. He left his university, Harvard, one of the first-rate universities in world for the purpose of creating his own company. At last, Windows and MS--DOS are popular among people all over the world, he really changed the world by his interest. Another instance is Beethoven, who lost his hearing and still persisted on composing music, his masterpieces can hear wherever we go. I can hardly imagine the life without hearing his fantastic music. Beethoven’s mother or teacher might never demand he should work hard under that circumstance. The only driving force was still his interest. Actually, most college students have their own majors. Through observing their behaviors in class, one can easily find those students who love this major. They always ask teacher all kinds of questions as long as they do not know deeply, they are keen to explore this field and have the courage to overcome any hardships in front of them. It is human nature that they will never give up what they love. （兴趣带来的成就）

From those instances above mentioned we can clearly find the magic of interest. But, is it necessary to require the educational community design an ideal mold that can meet individuals needs? Of course not! At least for the moment, following ideas can support my viewpoint. In the first place, although money spend on education is money well invested which means we gain elites who can create greater wealth, it is not meaning that we always have unlimited money to invest on educational system for thousands of immediate problems are waiting for us to solve, such as financial crisis, natural disasters and minority problems and so on. So it is unwise to invest money on this ideal planning which cost too much under present circumstance. In the second place, if most of students can find what they are interested in, the goal of education is already attained. Even if some students lose themselves and do not find what their favorite field, they may at first find faults from themselves but not the problem of the educational community. In short, given limited resources, we have no necessity to design the utopia education mode, just keep a balance among those vital aims.（没有必要投资，学生从自身找问题）

To sum up, each of us should pay attention to the find what we love, and put our effort on it without considering whether we get success or failure, this process its self can demonstrate the success of our education.

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

乐乐几号考？

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

How to deal with it is still in question.  这句话word绿线~怎么改？

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

先看20道A再来改作文~

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

19# wk4a

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia. *A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology. WORDS: 291 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-8-11 8:46:04 The arguer's conclusion that lavender-scented pillows cure insomnia is based on a confused study. This study is with so many flaws that the result can be little helpful to the conclusion. From test conditions to the whole process, none of them are correctly arranged. (得了，这一上来把人批得一无是处，连个at first glance这样的都没有，你太狠了，哈哈哈。) First of all, the criterion of the sleeping quality, which is the most important judgment standard of the test, is too subjective to be substantiated. Different patients share various definitions of "tired" and "soundly". Some people may describe any discomfort when waken up as tired if they define “tired” as not vigorous. There are also some patients who just take their low sleeping quality for granted as they have suffered chronic insomnia. Since they are used to it, then they might describe it as less tired and more soundly. For people who are too concerned with their sleeping quality, they tend to describe the feeling "very tired" when waken up because much expectation is placed on the lavender-scented pillows. If the result turns out to be disappointing, these patients are much more frustrated than patients who are less worried about sleeping quality. Anyway, the test fails to apply a more scientific criterion to describe the sleeping quality of patients; all the results are not valid.  (强有力啊！) In addition, the sleeping environment has significantly weakened the credibility of the test. It is a common sense that most people tend to feel uneasy and are much less likely to sleep at an unfamiliar place, especially when under observance. This natural response could have caused these patients sleep less soundly at the first two weeks. Then after this period of time, most of them might be used to their sleeping room, or they are too tired to care about whether there are people watching and analyzing their sleep; either of which could be the real reason that they sleep soundly. In this case, the lavender scented pillows have little connection with the sleeping quality. Another absurd aspect of the test is the usage of sleeping medication. Because the first week, during which time patients take sleeping drugs, they sleep better than the next week when no medication is used, the function of lavender-scented pillows remains actually unknown. And during the third week, the arguer does not show whether sleeping medication is put into the test, the real effect of pillows are more unclear. The fluctuation could be caused by the sleeping medication. Thus the test is useless to point out any effective information about lavender-scented pillows. In sum, the arguer has too readily trust a test which is full of mistakes. To really substantiate the function of lavender-scented pillows, more time are needed for patients to get used to the sleeping room. Also, the criterion of sleeping quality should be qualified rather than based on subjective feeling. Other variables like sleeping medications should also be eliminated. 我这篇写得很烂，所以看你的就是学习了~~~没啥毛病~

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

28# wk4a

TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 328          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2009-8-11 10:48:08

It is beyond reproach that arrogant human beings always tend to be idealistic, after all, we by birth desire for better. However, as Shakespeare remarked, "nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable", idealism is living in most people's minds but few are put into practice. What people really need and capable of is to be practical.

Idealism, as guidance for many people to desire for perfection, to raise the spiritual pursuit, has its own merit. Admittedly, being idealistic sometimes indicates the possibility of realization of fantastic dreams. Many great painters in history like Monet, Gauguin and Dali all have significant idealistic value in their heart. Never will they alternate their creation（adj.） ideas to meet public tastes. Margaret, the author of Gone with the Wind, spent 9 years to finish this famous book. She had written the other book as well, but finally burned it because of her idealistic standard. It is the idealist value that maintain the high-quality when these artists performance.(good point!) However, idealism only take effect when applied by these with talents.(太绝对吧) When it comes to ordinary public, idealistic point of view have more detriment effects rather beneficial ones.
（你数数你这段有几层，先说idealism是guidance，再说维持good-quality又说只能对那些天才。一段讲三点，字数也不多，能讲透么？）

It is like the Emperor's new coat that people always praise idealistic notions（什么关系？）. Much day dreams have becoming excuses for people to goldbrick practical and concrete work. It is not unfamiliar that students make thorough work and study plan, in expectation to reach marvelous accomplishment. More and more idealistic goals are accumulated, but flood of detailed work, on the contrary, makes people to retreat. Unlike over idealism, practical goals make sure that people reach the destination step by step. With a practical point of view, people are more likely to start from small work which is more easily. In return, the encouragement of small triumph can driven people forward with more and more ambition.（good！） A practical attitude is a broad way towards success while idealistic is more like fantastic clouds in the sky, appealing but far from reach.

It is not to say that totally abandon idealistic value. Eugene once said," ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."（不容易，这都找到了。） From small associations to giant countries, a same goal is shared. This goal, in a broad definition, is development. Sharing this broad idealistic dream, we are working industriously with a practical attitude. To be more specific, we only need to understand is the real reason that has been driving us working hard. With such a clear direction, we need to stand on concrete earth, namely practical attitudes, to fulfill this dream. Otherwise, even basic survival needs could be a problem.

Idealism is dangerous when fully occupied people's minds. Practical work would be tiring and seemingly trifle compared with great ambition to many people. The best attitude, in this case, is to keep nose in the grind stone for we all are quite clear that this is the best way to our idealistic dreams.

段落间逻辑还是很清晰的，除了第一段不透彻外。
PS：帮忙看我的作文。·

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

35# lele77521

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 298          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-8-10 20:46:51
Doubt corporation

你的主体段总是只有2段。太少啊！

The speaker asserts that it will be truly effective when education can meet the individual needs and interest of every student. Without doubt, this is a perfect mode of education for the reason that each of us knows the importance of interest. However, I hold the opinion that it is not worthy to invest money, energy, and labor to design such a mode of education, which demands huge opportunity cost. (兴趣重要但是没有必要那样设计 )

For thousands of years, no one forgets that interest is always the best teacher（I33我看了好几个人的了，都有这句话。）. Many surprisingly breakthroughs are created by those great scientists and celebrities. Take Bill Gates（这例子太滥了。）, the chairman of Microsoft Corporation, as a typical example, he gave up his college life when he was a sophomore. He left his university, Harvard, one of the first-rate universities in world for the purpose of creating his own company. At last, Windows and MS--DOS are popular among people all over the world, he really changed the world by his interest. Another instance is Beethoven, who lost his hearing and still persisted on composing music, his masterpieces can hear wherever we go. I can hardly imagine the life without hearing his fantastic music. Beethoven’s mother or teacher might never demand he should work hard under that circumstance. The only driving force was still his interest. Actually, most college students have their own majors. Through observing their behaviors in class, one can easily find those students who love this major. They always ask teacher all kinds of questions as long as they do not know deeply, they are keen to explore this field and have the courage to overcome any hardships in front of them. It is human nature that they will never give up what they love. （兴趣带来的成就）

From those instances above mentioned we can clearly find the magic of interest. But, is it necessary to require the educational community design an ideal mold that can meet individuals needs? Of course not! At least for the moment, following ideas can support my viewpoint. In the first place, although money spend on education is money well invested which means we gain elites who can create greater wealth, it is not meaning that we always have unlimited money to invest on educational system for thousands of immediate problems are waiting for us to solve, such as financial crisis, natural disasters and minority problems and so on. So it is unwise to invest money on this ideal planning which cost too much under present circumstance. In the second place, if most of students can find what they are interested in, the goal of education is already attained. Even if some students lose themselves and do not find what their favorite field, they may at first find faults from themselves but not the problem of the educational community. In short, given limited resources, we have no necessity to design the utopia education mode, just keep a balance among those vital aims.（没有必要投资，学生从自身找问题）（这段论证不好。你一上来就说钱的问题，人家摸不着头脑，我写这篇也写到钱，所以我能理解。你应该先说这样因材施教投资是很巨大的，也需要很多老师，再说这样是很浪费的。第二点提到了学生自己要知道兴趣和在，这很好，但应该扩展开讲，可以说说一些基础教育不需要特别设计，有了基础后学生才知道兴趣。）

To sum up, each of us should pay attention to the find what we love, and put our effort on it without considering whether we get success or failure, this process its self can demonstrate the success of our education.

（细节的语言问题就不改了，主要说思路了。）

lele77521UID: 2672123

What is the essential motivation that leads human beings to move forward? What is the unyielding value upon which human beings rely? That is our idea, our hope, and our dream. We can scarcely imagine what the world would be like without any idealistic point of view.

Admittedly, without practices, nobody would get to success. Just lying there and dreaming a day-dream would leave us nothing but failure. Thus many would vote for a practical action. They study hard, and work hard in order to achieve their goals. However, we wonder what these people try for if they barely had any idealistic point of view. In one's very childhood one could dream to be a great scientist, a long-headed chief executive officer, a respectable president, a brilliant artist. There goes a saying, "Not everyone can be an artist, but artists can come from anyone." But if there is not any dream or idealist point of view, it is impossible for one to get to his or her ambitious goal. Indeed, idealistic view is never dispensable. With it, the road unfolds before us will probably be lightened and have a clear direction. Any practice we take is just a method, without the guidance of our idea, our behavior or action would go out of control. This works for both individuals and nations. Hundreds of years ago in America, a woman had not right to work or vote; a black person was regarded as in the inferior class. But there were some people who hold the beliefs that these opinions were unfair and the future society were not to be like that. They had the idealistic point of view that all people were equal; all were free; all deserved a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. Their opinions were reckoned as a fantasy. But they tried and fought hard. Today, look at the new America; though still there were discriminations, many changes have taken place. Just as Barack Obama said on his Election Speech, Ann Nixon Cooper, the 106-year old black women, had the right to touch the screen and reach for his ballot.我把你的全文认真学习了一遍，这一段在举例美国之前的评论逻辑思路不是很清楚，好像是因为限时想哪说哪了。你可以把其中的有些评论放在例子后面，这样例子之前有评论例子之后也有评论就显得清楚一些。
Nevertheless, when one is bogged down in his or her idealistic opinions and could not make for a living, pragmatic behavior could guarantee survival. Nowadays, many university students are still holding that when graduates, they must go to a large company and earn enormous salary. The fact is many graduates at present can hardly find a job. Therefore, instead of hunting for a gorgeous and decent job for years but achieve nothing, these university students should face the facts and settle down one job in the first place in order to survive and support themselves.

Anyway, Idealistic view could not and should not be replaceable. Turn to those university graduates again. If they surrender to the reality and forget their ambitions, they would probably be a mediocre one forever. But if during their "so-so" work, they remember their dream and still try hard to it by reading more books and enlarging their social relationship network; some day in the future, it is possible for them to reach their original goals.

Taking into account what has been discussed above the idealistic point of view is the light that lightens the road on which people go forward. Sometimes, people have to surrender under the cruel reality and choose some pragmatic behavior, but the idealistic view can never be replaced.

wk4aUID: 2616910

这篇A我不会写了~找不到别的错误，也不会写那些possibility

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 378          TIME: 00:23:22          DATE: 2009-8-10 17:23:52

Based on a study that patients who suffered insomnia feel better after they use the lavender-scented pillows, the arguer assumes that lavender flowers can effective cure insomnia. Being seemingly persuasive, the statement suffers fallacies under further consideration.
我今天看了一天的A，尤其仔细想了开头，所以看到你这个开头就很不舒服。
不要说study的具体表现了什么，因为后面要攻击的，所以现在不要默认了，留个余地。说下为了表明什么目的是比较好的。
我试图弄个很自然的模板的出来，让人看起来很舒服，暂时没改出来。建议你也想想，对于千篇一律的A，开头真的很重要。

First and foremost, the author mentions the details of the experiment and accordingly supposes that the patients sleep better in the third week. However, in the experiment, the patients just slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks? Perhaps they just get used to the experiment rooms. And what if they feel more tired and exhausted in the third week? Without ruling out the possibilities, we cannot see any clue that suggests their insomnia has not been cured.
我感觉这一段蛮混乱的，逻辑线的哪一块？

In addition, granted that the volunteer's insomnia has vanished in the third week, the research cited by the author is not that convincing as it stands. Not only the numbers of the volunteers is too small, but also the length of the study is too short. We have reason to doubt that these 30 volunteers can represent the general patients who suffer sleeping problems. What are the occupations of the volunteers? Why do they suffer with insomnia? How are their constitutions? The arguer does not provide any of the information. What is more, we have long known that almost all the medicine has limited duration in effects. Even if the pillows have something to do with the cure of insomnia, it is quite possible that after the three-week long experiment, the lavender-scented pillows would lose their effects.
个人觉得攻击被调查者是万能的，所以很多写A写的垃圾的人会倾向于用这个，你练习了这么多了，就攻击主要错误嘛，何必撞车呢？
反正不到万不得已，千万不要攻击那些被调查者等，除非你没其它的逻辑性错误写了。

To make one final point, the author is too willy-nilly to cast off all the other possibilities that could alleviate the insomnia symptom. There is likelihood that the experiment-rooms are relatively quieter than those in which the patients used to sleep. Or perhaps during the 3 weeks, the patients had no need to work or study, thus they have escaped the stress they used to face. All these factors could trigger better sleep.
这一段攻击到点上了，不过这个实验环境的放在开始比较好。

Taking into account what has been discussed above to best assess the suggestion, readers should know whether the volunteers' insomnia have diminished after three weeks. Additionally, the arguer should provide enough evidence to prove that the volunteers can be representative and after the 3 weeks, volunteers would not suffer insomnia again.

总体感觉你是想到什么写什么，没有清楚的逻辑线。虽然打到了这篇argument，但是不痛快。我今天看A一直在找主线，这样攻击起来比较有力。

wk4aUID: 2616910

TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."
WORDS: 560(571)        啧啧
TIME: 00:42:59
DATE: 2009-8-11 9:44:11

What is the essential motivation that leads human beings to move forward? What is the unyielding value upon which human beings rely? That is our idea, our hope, and our dream. We can scarcely imagine what the world would be like without any idealistic point of view.
idealism和成功的关系呢？好像主题句不是很明显。

Admittedly, without practices, nobody would get to success. Just lying there and dreaming a day-dream would leave us nothing but failure. Thus many would vote for a practical action. They study hard, and work hard in order to achieve their goals. However, we wonder what these people try for if they barely had any idealistic point of view. In one's very childhood one could dream to be a great scientist, a long-headed chief executive officer, a respectable president, a brilliant artist. There goes a saying, "Not everyone can be an artist, but artists can come from anyone." But if there is not any dream or idealist point of view, it is impossible for one to get to his or her ambitious goal. Indeed, idealistic view is never dispensable和下文的relacable重复. With it, the road unfolds before us will probably be lightened and have a clear direction. Any practice we take is just a method, without the guidance of our idea, our behavior or action would go out of control. This works for both individuals and nations. Hundreds of years ago in America, a woman had not right to work or vote; a black person was regarded as in the inferior class. But there were some people who hold the beliefs that these opinions were unfair and the future society were not to be like that. They had the idealistic point of view that all people were equal; all were free; all deserved a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. Their opinions were reckoned as a fantasy. But they tried and fought hard. Today, look at the new America; though still there were discriminations, many changes have taken place. Just as Barack Obama said on his Election Speech, Ann Nixon Cooper, the 106-year old black women, had the right to touch the screen and reach for her ballot.
这一段写的蛮好，但是把话说尽了，下文似乎只是上文的补充。分两段分别写理想和现实或许要好些。

Nevertheless, when one is bogged down in his or her idealistic opinions and could not make for a living, pragmatic behavior could guarantee survival. Nowadays, many university students are still holding that when graduates, they must go to a large company and earn enormous salary.我喜欢这种来源生活且贴切的例子，比名人名言好很多倍。 The fact is many graduates at present can hardly find a job. Therefore, instead of hunting for a gorgeous and decent job for years but achieve nothing, these university students should face the facts and settle down one job in the first place in order to survive and support themselves.

Anyway, Idealistic view could not and should not be replaceable. Turn to those university graduates again. If they surrender to the reality and forget their ambitions, they would probably be a mediocre one forever. But if during their "so-so" work, they remember their dream and still try hard to it by reading more books and enlarging their social relationship network; some day in the future, it is possible for them to reach their original goals.

Taking into account what has been discussed above the idealistic point of view is the light that lightens the road on which people go forward. Sometimes, people have to surrender under the cruel reality and choose some pragmatic behavior, but the idealistic view can never be replaced.
其实这一篇比较难写。我也不知道怎么写好。

emily_feifeiUID: 2626151

那篇A啊~后来我又写了一遍~昨晚看了一些精华帖~深有感触~背景方面的东西尽量不攻击他了~
I99好像是这样的~层次没有分太开~