2009作文小组 goback211第二次作业

goback211UID: 2419259

有点迟了，不好意思，晚上九点多才回来，写的比较匆忙，请见谅

感觉还是思路混乱，没有很有说服力的论点支撑

8.13 Some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with family，你的觀點?

In the modern times, with the development of the advanced technologies, the pace of live becomes more and more fast than it has ever been. The fast lives improve the the life standard of lives, but at the same times, it seems that people should spend more time on working. Some people claim that people should spend more time on working rather than at home together with family, while others think since the aim of working is to increase the standard of familiy lives, we should take more time at home. As for me, it is impossible to determine which one is more essential. And it depends on the individuals.
For some people who like the peaceful lives with family, the aim of working is just to provide the foundation of
familly lives. We can talk, laugh and live toghther with family members. If we have daughters or sons, we can teach them whatever we like and play with them. Sometimes, the family members can play cards, tennis and other games together. Any or all of these above would help us relax and relieve the pressure of work and study, and then improve our efficencies. There is a saying in China, the man would succeed if he can do well in the family lives. Family lives can teach us how to forgive others' mistakes and how to be tolerant and respect others. More importantly, the family lives can make us more confident when we were facing with difficulties.

However, there are also some people who think that work is more important. First of all, work is the foundation of lives, especially of family lives. It provides economic basic of family members. For example, without work, the house, including the furnitures in it and cars would all be an image. Any of family who have not a job would be unhappy even though they have more time together. For example, the poor family in the countryside always admire the citizens with promising jobs. In addition, jobs make our lives more meaningful. It brings us a lot of difficulties, and gives us pressure to try our best. People who have not a job would become lazy at last and be more negative spritually.

No one can determine which is more important for all of us. Everyone has his own individual situation. The proper way is to try to keep balance between the job and family. If you like the feeling together with family, you should spend more time at home and make a harmonious atmosphere in the family. But if you prefer to the feeling of venture, the job would give you a better choice.

gy0510150556UID: 2546647

1# goback211
In the modern times, with the development of the advanced technologies, the pace of live becomes more and more fast than it has ever been. The fast lives （busy life 当生活讲是不可数）improve the the life standard of lives, but（没有站着，本来是fast life嘛） at the same times, it seems that people should spend more time on working. Some people claim that people should spend more time on working rather than at home together with family, while others think since the aim of working is to increase the standard of familiy lives, （没有明显的因果）we should take more time at home. As for me, it is impossible to determine which one is more essential. And it depends on the individuals." F7 F. j7

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For some people who like the peaceful lives with family, the aim of working is just to provide the （加 material）foundation of familly lives. We can talk, laugh and live （加happily）toghther with family members. If we have daughters or sons, we can teach them whatever we like and play with them. Sometimes, the family members can play cards, tennis and other games together. Any or all of these above would help us relax and relieve the pressure of work and study, and then improve our efficencies. There is a saying in China, the man would succeed if he can do well in the family lives. Family lives can teach us how to forgive others' mistakes and how to be tolerant and respect others. More importantly, the family lives can make us more confident when we were facing with difficulties.开头要明确指出这类人更珍惜家庭生活，比起工作，然后说明家庭生活能带来什么比工作更重要的，如他们追求的终极目标是幸福，所以...你的细节很好，但要有总领句，一幕了然你在表达什么，赫赫，至于提高效率，得到宽容，最好加一句这是工作带来不了的。

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However, there are also some people who think that work is more important. First of all, work is the foundation of lives（work enables us to earn our living）, especially of family lives. It provides economic basic of family members(provide sb with sth). For example, without work, the house, including the furnitures in it and cars would all be an image(image？). Any of family who have not a job would be unhappy even though they have more time together. For example, the poor family in the countryside always admire the citizens with promising jobs. In addition, jobs make our lives more meaningful. It brings us a lot of difficulties, and gives us pressure to try our best. People who have not a job would become lazy at last and be more negative spritually.这一段写的不错，赫赫，但展开点有点散，可以把例子两个for example并成一个，讲一个家庭没了固定收入，会怎样，物质上的精神上的受打击。

No one can determine which is more important for all of us. Everyone has his own individual situation. The proper way is to try to keep balance between the job and family. If you like the feeling together with family, you should spend more time at home and make a harmonious atmosphere in the family. But if you prefer to the feeling of venture, the job would give you a better choice.赫赫，写的不错，但好像不太推荐用分类法，容易论证不深，不如一个观点两点论证，有什么问题发站内消息啊

zhangjingyi29UID: 2449770

1# goback211
In the modern times, with the development of the advanced technologies, the pace of live becomes more and more fast than it has ever been. The fast lives(growing economic) improve the life standard of lives, but at the same times, it seems that people should spend more time on working. Some people claim that people should spend more time on working rather than at home together with family, while others think since the aim of working is to increase the standard of family lives, we should take more time at home. As for me, it is impossible to determine which one is more essential. And it depends on the individuals(注意以下用词，就是比如说fast,,,live…不要重复，最好换些词rapidly).: P# z5 B1 i4 n" f9 s
For some people who like the peaceful lives with family, the aim of working is just to provide the foundation of 6 {7 V: a  l8 I2 Q. ?4 hfamily lives. We can talk, laugh and live together with family members. If we have daughters or sons, we can teach them whatever we like and play with them. Sometimes, the family members can play cards, tennis and other games together. Any or all of these above would help us relax and relieve the pressure of work and study, and then improve our efficiencies.(well done!the example is very vivid) There is a saying in China, the man would succeed if he can do well in the family lives. Family lives can teach us how to forgive others' mistakes and how to be tolerant and respect others. More importantly, the family lives can make us more confident when we were facing with difficulties.
However, there are also some people who think that work is more important.(suggestion*U’d better use your opinion to explain the idea. Firstly you can express others’ views and then you should write your own opinion clearly~~) First of all, work is the foundation of lives, especially of family lives. It provides economic basic of family members. For example, without work, the house, including the furniture*这个词没有复数，就像people 一样~我也是刚知道的 in it and cars would all be an image. Any of family who has not a job would be unhappy even though they have more time together. For example, the poor family in the countryside always admires the citizens with promising jobs. In addition, jobs make our lives more meaningful. It brings us a lot of difficulties, and gives us pressure to try our best. People who have not a job would become lazy at last and be more negative spiritually.
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No one can determine which is more important for all of us. Everyone has his own individual situation. The proper way is to try to keep balance between the job and family. If you like the feeling together with family, you should spend more time at home and make a harmonious atmosphere in the family. But if you prefer to the feeling of venture, the job would give you a better choice.
I think it is really well-developed and well-organized, the sample you use in the passage is really vivid; but I have some suggestion for you: be sure of your verbal have a variety form~ and when you want to express your own opinion just explain it directly rather than giving others’ view instead~
结合小狗同学的说法，我觉得咱俩都得把观点改改，因为ets要求我们deeply develop our opinion…最好一边倒，但是如果能把平衡观点写到炉火纯青也可以~~
So well done!