恳请大家帮我看一下这篇作文！！谢谢版友们！！

cuixiruiUID: 2620365

这是我写的第4篇ISSE吧，是教育类的话题，本来感觉这一类对我还说还不是最难的……可是写的特别费劲……不仅如此，我尽管知道这篇文章写的很烂，可是却不知道该怎么下手改进……有点绝望……恳请大家给我一点帮助，改也好，或者给些批评给些建议，或者仅仅是说说印象也好。谢谢大家了！！

TOPIC: ISSUE112 - "Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."


WORDS: 518
TIME: 00:55:00
DATE: 2009-8-21 下午 06:24:15

Should education emphasize more on student's development of capacity for reasoning and logical thinking or the exploring their own emotions? To answer this question, we should think of the aim of education as first step. In my own opinion, however, I believe the two aspects are both important and have significant influence on the development of students.

To begin with, we should think of the real aim of our educational systems. Obviously, education cares for the improvement of each individuals--both in hand and mind--and the prosperity of the whole community as the result of improvement of each person. To make student a mature-minded man or woman needs the education to lead them explore their own emotions, obviously. At the same time, the capacity for reasoning have much thing to do with the skills through which person make a living and take his or her responsibility in the life of society, or directly speak, in their jobs.

Students may benefit a lot from the education instructing them to explore their own emotion. There are three reasons should be considered. First, this kind of education is key for the students who have tend to devote himself in the arts or literature. As we all know, the most creativity and moving works--paints, music, fiction, to name a few--is spring out from the deep emotion--like love, hate, sympathy and so forth--in human's bottom of hearts. To learn how to dig these deep emotions is indispensible for the art careers. Second, it is also important for the general to explore their feeling about the life--which is one of the most important compounds in humanity. In the process of the exploring, they will know better about the needs, foibles, fate and other natures of human beings and himself. Undoubtedly, this will help to improve the mind and humanity of students and cultivate right sense of right and wrong, honor and shame. Third, this kind of education make students control their emotions better in proper time, which helps a more steady mental situation, less mental diseases and a better behavior in some occasion like emergency.

However, we cannot understates the importance of the capacity of reasoning and logical thinking. First, this capacity make a even-minded and analogical person who can judge the case around him in a objective way instead of impulsive one. They will find the real cause of one thing instead of put their angers or confusion on some innocent things. Second, it helps students--the future workers--to master enough skills and capacities to able to undertake their future job in society. For instance, future doctors must know how to judge disease for patients and what kind of measures should be taken to cure them. Engineers should understand the basic laws used in engineer and know how to apply them to solve a practical problem. In sum, the ability of reasoning and logical thinking makes a complete man who can analyze and create.

In conclusion, the two aspects of education is not exclusive each other. On the contrary, they are necessary complement for each other. Thus, we should give enough emphasis on both of them.

再次谢过每一位打开我帖子的好心的板油~~

roughmanUID: 2685617

Should educationemphasize more on student's development of capacity for reasoning andlogical thinking or the exploring their own emotions? To answer thisquestion, we should think of the aim of education as first step.你这里没有清楚的表明教育系统与题目的关系。你应该说明你的态度然后再引用教育系统。 In myown opinion, however, I believe the two aspects are both important andhave significant influence on the development of students.这么写有点啰嗦。就说student's development

To begin with, weshould think of the real aim of our educational systems. Obviously,education cares for the improvement of each individuals--both in handand mind--and the prosperity of the whole community as the result ofimprovement of each person. To make student a mature-minded man orwoman needs the education to lead them explore their own emotions,obviously. At the same time, the capacity for reasoning have much thingto do with the skills through which person make a living and take hisor her responsibility in the life of society, or directly speak, intheir jobs.我刚才所说的你这里再改下。就是表明态度。

Students maybenefit a lot from the education instructing them to explore their ownemotion. There are three reasons should be considered. First, this kindof education is key for the students who have tend to devote himself inthe arts or literature. As we all know, the most creativity and movingworks--paints, music, fiction, to name a few--is spring out from thedeep emotion--like love, hate, sympathy and so forth--in human's bottomof hearts. 这句写的不错。To learn how to dig these deep emotions is indispensable forthe art careers. Second, it is also important for the general toexplore their feeling about the life--which is one of the mostimportant compounds in humanity. In the process of the exploring, theywill know better about the needs, foibles, fate and other natures ofhuman beings and himself. Undoubtedly, this will help to improve themind and humanity of students and cultivate right sense of right andwrong, honor and shame. Third, this kind of education make studentscontrol their emotions better in proper time, which helps a more steadymental situation, less mental diseases and a better behavior in someoccasion like emergency.

However, 用on the other side更恰当，这里应该是并列，不是转折we cannotunderstates the importance of the capacity of reasoning and logicalthinking. First, this capacity make a even-minded and analogical personwho can judge the case around him in a objective way instead ofimpulsive one. They will find the real cause of one thing instead ofput their angers or confusion on some innocent things. Second, it helpsstudents--the future workers--to master enough skills and capacities to beable enough to undertake their future job in society. For instance, futuredoctors must know how to judge disease for patients and what kind ofmeasures should be taken to cure them. Engineers should understand thebasic laws used in engineer and know how to apply them to solve apractical problem.我觉得这里表达的两个例子并没有如何的需要logic说清楚。可以说的更详细些。 In sum, the ability of reasoning and logicalthinking makes a complete man who can analyze and create.

In conclusion, thetwo aspects of education is not exclusive each other. On the contrary,they are necessary complement for each other. Thus, we should giveenough emphasis on both of them.结果再丰富些。
我觉得你说的写的不好我发现集中在对于两点论述中的丰富问题。你完全可以展开的更深入一些，而不是仅仅罗列emotional education的两方面和reasoning education的两方面，没有深入谈下去。
其他还不错，下划线的部分是建议删除的。
仅代表个人意见。
本着互帮互助的原则，帮我写comment下。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=998864&extra=