Argument117 (gogogo小组)提前交了~

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

Argument117: The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。
中文提纲：1.开头，概括题目
2. 没有足够信息说明回应者的代表性
3.办公用品的销售业绩不好可能是其他原因
4.回家办公不见的需要什么打印机复印机之类
5.总结，提出建议

   In this memo, the manager suggests that all Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and supplies to take advantage of the work-at-home trend which is indicated in a recent survey. In the survey, 70% of the respondents reported that they are demanded to take more work home than in the past. Besides, the stores’ office-supply departments have a stagnant sales in the past. It is due to the reason above that the manager arrives at that suggestion. However, a closer inspection will reveal that the analysis made by the manager is fraught with fallacies and that the suggestion he raises is ill-founded.

   Firstly, the manager fails to provide the detailed information about the respondents in the survey. The necessary information concludes the number of respondents and their ages, their career, their positions in the companies and so on. Maybe the respondents are at the similar ages or they are from the same company or only several respondents are researched. In this matter, the result of the recent survey with these unrepresentative respondents is unconvinced at all. So we could not make any conclusion before we have the above significant information.

   Provided it is true that most employees are required to take more work home, this does not mean there will be an increase in the home office machines and office supplies. It is entirely possible that the work they are required to take home is all very simple that could be finished without any equipment such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. If so, increasing the stock of home office machines could only generate a lot of stock that could not be sold rather than any profit.

   Finally, the arguer does not mention any reasons for the stagnant sales in the stores’ office-supply department. Maybe the unimpressed sales of the office-supply department are due to some other causes. For example, maybe the office supplies in these stores are in poor qualities or some more convenient and more advanced office supplies appear in other stores which all the Valu-Mart stores are lack of. If it is so, increasing the stock of office-supple can not promote the sales, even worse the stores may at last be bankrupt due to the too much stock that could not be sold for a long time.

   In a sum, the manager’s recommendation is unreasonable at all according to the evidences he has raised. To make it more persuasive, more concrete information about the respondents in the survey will be needed. Moreover, the arguer should ensure that the people with more work home indeed need the home office machines. And finally the evidence to support that the stagnant sales of the office-supply department is due to the lack of such machines must be provided also.

466字

加一UID: 2168628

In this memo, the manager suggests that all Valu-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and supplies to take advantage of the work-at-home trend which is indicated in a recent survey. In the survey, 70% of the respondents reported that they are demanded to take more work home than in the past. Besides, the stores’ office-supply departments have a stagnant sales in the past. It is due to the reason above that the manager arrives at that suggestion. However, a closer inspection will reveal that the analysis made by the manager is fraught with fallacies and that the suggestion he raises is ill-founded.

   Firstly, the manager fails to provide the detailed information about the respondents in the survey. (TS)The necessary information should concludes the number of respondents and their ages, their career, their positions in the companies and so on. Maybe the respondents are at the similar ages or they are from the same company or only several respondents are researched. In this matter, the result of the recent survey with these unrepresentative respondents is unconvinced at all. So we could not make any conclusion before we have the above significant information.

   Provided it is true that most 有些绝对a majority ofemployees are required to take more work home, this does not mean there will be an increase in the home office machines and office supplies. It is entirely possible that the work they are required to (前面有e required to了，换成have to吧)take home is all very simple that could be finished without any equipment such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. If so, increasing the stock of home office machines could only generate a lot of stock that could not be sold overstockrather than any profit.

   Finally, the arguer does not mention any reasons for the stagnant sales in the stores’ office-supply department. Maybe the unimpressed sales of the office-supply department are due to some other causes. For example, maybe the office supplies in these stores are in poor qualities or some more convenient and more advanced office supplies appear in other stores which all the Valu-Mart stores are lack of. If it is so, increasing the stock of office-supple can not promote the sales, even worse the stores may at last be bankrupt due to the too much stock that could not be sold for a long time.
这段说的不是特别理想，建议段落第一句话能够更明确一点。段落开头说的是作者没有提到销售停滞的原因，但整个段落是攻击增加库存可能出现的危害。

   In a sum, the manager’s recommendation is unreasonable at all according to the evidences he has raised. To make it more persuasive, more concrete information about the respondents in the survey will be needed. Moreover, the arguer should ensure that the people with more work home indeed need the home office machines. And finally the evidence to support that the stagnant sales of the office-supply department is due to the lack of such machines must be provided also.

提纲似乎和文章说的不大一样啊，比如第四个。建议统一一下，呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 加一 于 2006-1-5 23:03 编辑 ]

shashafeng33UID: 174358

neverstopcow是MM,别再叫老兄了,听上去怪怪的:)

加一UID: 2168628

呵呵，犯了作文中的错误~
改正一下！