CRACK 9T小组第4次作业-----destine

destineUID：2141316

What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to explain your answer.

To be as good parents is not an easy work. It requires the parents to restrict themselves first and through their life experience, give their children wise suggestions and let them have their own way to handle difficulties.

First of all, good parents should always keep in mind their responsibility to do as their children’s models. They are the first teachers of their children, investigation points out that little children always copy their parents’ activities.  When the parents do something in front of their kids, they should think first if it is good for the child. For example, smoking is bad for health, the possibility for a boy to smoke is higher when his father is a heavy smoker.

In the second place, to do as good parents, they should have the insistence to change their children’s bad habits, even for a period at the cost of the children’s hating. It is easy for the parents to praise their kids when they get a high score or do well in some sports or get prize for some activities, what is hard for them is to criticize the children for their shortcomings. To indulge the children is not a wise way to be a good parent.

In the third place, an important factor in the way to be a good parent is to give the children suitable advice at the right time. Many examples can support it: when their children are at school, good parents should encourage them to be as good students, learn well in their studies; when the children are at the important turning point of their life, good parents should give reasonable suggestion in the base of their experience.

Above all, it is lucky for the children to have a good parent, but the life is lead by themselves, so it is the children not the parents who can really in charge of their life. Good parents can only help them to put difficulties much easier.

冬子UID：2290398

CRACK 9T小组第4次作业-----destine

What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to explain your answer.

To be as good parents（to be as用得不好，这个结构一般是to be ..... as ....，可以改成 to be considered as good parents） is not an easy work. It requires the parents to restrict themselves first and through their life experience(不大理解这里的意思，是“通过他们的生活经验”么？ 如果是的话，可以放在句末，另外，life是名词，不能修饰experience）,    give their children wise suggestions and let them have their own way to handle difficulties. （by their abundant experiences 添加到这里)

First of all, good parents should always keep in mind their responsibility to do as their children’s models. They are the first teachers of their children（of their children's 或 for their children), (an) investigation points out that little children always copy their parents’ activities（提到调查的时候，可以加入一些数据，一来数字更有说服力，二来可以是内容更丰富）.  When the parents do something in front of their kids, they should think first if it is good for the child. For example, smoking is bad for health, the possibility for a boy to smoke is higher when his father is a heavy smoker.（你的例子和investigatioin这句更贴近，最后两句颠倒一下顺序更通顺）

In the second place, to do as good parents（不要to do）, they should have the insistence to change their children’s bad habits, even for a period at the cost of the children’s hating. It is easy for the parents to praise their kids when they get a high score or do well in some sports or get prize for some activities, what is hard for them is to criticize the children for their shortcomings. To indulge the children is not a wise way to be a good parent.
（这段论述过于简单了，其实你提出的这个观点很好，完全可以再展开。第一句之后可以插入例子，比如以自己为例子，小时候你喜欢不停看电视，父母好心纠正你，但是却招来你的反感，甚至恨他们，但是长大以后你很感激他们，因为你没有像其他被纵容的孩子一样戴上眼镜。其实就是把你的论点给具体化了。嘿嘿，很俗套的例子，当是抛砖引玉了。）
In the third place, an important factor in the way to be a good parent is to give the children suitable advice at the right time. Many examples can support it: when their children are at school, good parents should encourage them to be as good students, learn well in their studies; when the children are at the important turning point of their life, good parents should give reasonable suggestion in the base of their experience.

（和上段一样，太空泛了。important turning point，究竟是什么？高考？婚姻？找工作？可以展开的东西很多）

Above all, it is lucky for the children to have a good parent, but the life is lead by themselves, so it is the children not the parents who can really in charge of their life. Good parents can only help them to put difficulties much easier.（结尾段不好，完全跑题了。题目要求讨论的是，好父母应该具有什么品质，而不是像你总结的这样，把重点落在了孩子上。最稳妥的结尾方法，是再次提出你对题目的观点。或者干脆不写总结。但是千万注意不要像这样跑题。）

总的来说，文章的结构和条理清楚，论据选择上也不错，三条分论点都能紧扣主题。
看得出你已经在注意使用多变的句式，但是有些句子感觉是为了达到这种效果，刻意改变了习惯用法，虽然语法上没有错误，读起来却有些别扭。
另外，你的文章里出现了很多 's  ，语法上来讲是没有错啦，但是在我看过的优秀文章和范文里都很少出现这种用法，建议你还是多用从句来代替
呵呵，很多地方都是凭语感来修改的，仅供参考，有不当的地方，还请lz见谅

[ 本帖最后由 冬子 于 2007-7-23 08:10 编辑 ]

destineUID：2141316

谢谢冬子:)