CRACK 9T 小组第五次作业——cleo0812

cleo0812UID：2302789

第五次作业:
writing(Celebrities):
If you could travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, what person would you like to meet? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are numerous famous person in history such as artist, inventors and politicians who formulated far-reaching effection to history even affecting today’s living. If I can travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, I should choose to meet Mao Tse-tung, one distinguished chairman of China, excellent militarist, litterauter, philosopher and thinker.

The most admiring characterization of chairman Mao is his excellent military talent. Either in the defeating the Japanese or in an ensuing civil war the Communists defeated the Kuomintang. his military strategem, to be the guidance of the Red Army, had conquered much difficults. Many many times, it is his strategem that resists assault from enemies. And his military theory still tutor modern military affairs which attests his ability.

Another crucial point I admire most is his political ability. He established the People’s Republic of China, in October 1949, overthrowed the disordered and poverty condition of former China, united the various districtions and nations span the vast domain into a democratic country. He standed for the basic poor group-peasants and trying to constitute a equity and democratic society.


This great man is also a litterauter what makes me believe that he is an superexcellent person I want to meet. His erudition and the spirit of keeping study proved his wisdom ”Good good study, day day up”.  The poetries demostrate the ambition and self-condition a leader hold. The articles such as Quotatins from Chairman Mao Tse-tung and Collective Works of Mao Tse-tung still popular today which contains prime idea perduring long.

However, he is not a perfect person. He made a mistake, cultural revolution, which cumbered the progress of China. If I can travel back to meet him, I will try my best to persuade him not make the decision.

To sum up, chairman Mao is the person who I want to meet if I can travel back. Balancing chairman Mao’s great achievements and mistakes, his predominant achievements override the latter, the characters of great chairman, militarist, litterauter, philosopher and thinker will be shining long. He is a giant although left, leave far-reaching impaction to China even the whole world.

1.      Which book do you think is most useful to you, why?
The most useful book to me is the Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom. Morrie is an old dying man, and Mitch is sitting by his bed, listening to him as he teaches some of life's greatest lessons about death.
In this book, Morrie said."Lets begin with this idea," "Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it... if we did, we would do things much differently."
Yes, if we did, we would do things much differently. I impressed and moved deeply after reading this book. The book bestowing me courage to confront my coward.
2. Do you think TV has positive or negative effects to modern society? choose one and explain why.

In my opinion, I believe TV has negative effects to modern society.
Firstly, there are more and more people sitting in the front of TV, watching meaningless programs such as soap opera, wasting time in talk show with nonsensial thought.
Secondly, some children attracted by the vivid image of TV and indulge in cartoon but learn nothing from it.
Thirdly,when we watching TV, our thought is controlled by media, these and other opinions infulence us, lead our ideology.
So I believe TV has negative effects to modern society.s

yeren7722UID：2297829

writing(Celebrities):
writing(Celebrities):
If you could travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, what person would you like to meet? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are numerous famous person(people) in history such as artist(s) , inventors and politicians who formulated(这个表达不确定是否地道) far-reaching effection(effects) to history even affecting today’s living(这里结构有问题,如果是与动词并列则用effected,如果与history并列则去掉effecting). If I can travel back in time to meet a famous person from history, I should choose to meet Mao Tse-tung, one distinguished chairman of China, excellent militarist, litterauter, philosopher and thinker.

The most admiring characterization of chairman Mao is his excellent military talent. Either in the defeating the Japanese or in an ensuing civil war the Communists defeated the Kuomintang(either or也是并列关系,感觉这里不是很对称). (His)his military strategem(strategies), to be the guidance of the Red Army, had conquered much(many) difficults(difficulties). Many many (多次重复,建议换一下 a multitude of ,a large amount/number of ,etc)times, it is his strategem(strategies) that resists(resisted) assault from enemies. And his military theory still tutor(tutors) modern military affairs(,)which attests his ability(这里要用逗号分开,因为你这时的前行词是整个句子).

Another crucial point I admire most is his political ability. He established the People’s Republic of China, in October 1949, overthrowed the disordered and poverty(poor/indigent) condition(s) of former China, united the various districtions(这个单词好像错了districts?) and nations (,)span(spanned) the vast domain into a democratic country(同样的问题,应该是动词的并列结构吧?注意时态). He standed for the basic poor group-peasants and trying(并列结构tried) to constitute a equity(equal) and democratic society.


(Besides,)This great man is also a litterauter(,) what(这里应该用非限性定语从句,前面整个句子是先行词) makes me believe that he is an(a) superexcellent person I want to meet. His erudition and the spirit of keeping study proved his wisdom ”Good good study, day day up(这个是地道的英语吗?!请确认)”.  The poetries demostrate the ambition and self-condition a leader hold(holds). The articles such as Quotatins(不知道是什么,请指点哈.) from Chairman Mao Tse-tung and Collective Works of Mao Tse-tung (are) still popular today(,) which(这里的先行词?注意后面的谓语要保持一致) contains prime idea(s) perduring long.

However, he is not a perfect person. He made a mistake, (the)cultural revolution, which cumbered the progress of China. If I can travel back to meet him, I will try my best to persuade him not(to) make the decision.

To sum up, chairman Mao is the person who I want to meet if I can travel back(重复,建议换个表达). Balancing chairman Mao’s great achievements and mistakes, his predominant achievements override the latter, the characters of great chairman, militarist, litterauter, philosopher and thinker will be shining long. He is a giant although left, leave far-reaching impaction(impact) to China(,) even the whole world.

comments:
1.整个文章思路还是很清晰,分段结构也比较合理.
2.有待改进的是:语法错误很多,表达不地道,时态有的时候没注意好.动词和名词的单复数要多注意,适当注意语形转换
3.整体上来说流畅程度还不够.注意多使用and, then ,so ,hence ,for example之类的词或短语可以使文章更fluid


1.      Which book do you think is most useful to you, why?
The most useful book to me is the Tuesdays with Morrie written by Mitch Albom. Morrie is an old dying man, and Mitch is sitting by his bed, listening to him as he teaches some of life's greatest lessons about death.
In this book, Morrie said."Lets begin with this idea," "Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it... if we did, we would do things much differently."
Yes, if we did, we would do things much differently(In my opinion这一句话应该再多解释一下,要不别人不是很明白,比如我:( ). I (am) impressed and moved deeply after reading this book. The book bestowing me     courage to confront my coward(这句话没有谓语哦).

2. Do you think TV has positive or negative effects to modern society? choose one and explain why.

In my opinion, I believe TV has negative effects to modern society.
Firstly, there are more and more people sitting in the front of (in front of,注意这个区别,in the front of 是在什么内部的前面,比如说in the front of the classroom,而 in front of 则不同,in front of the classroom 表示不在教室里,类似的短语有 in charge of /in the charge of 等) TV, watching meaningless programs such as soap opera(s), wasting time in talk(ing) show(s) with nonsensial(nonsensical) thought(s).
Secondly, some children (are) attracted by the vivid image(s) of TV and indulge in cartoon(s) but learn nothing from it.
Thirdly,when we watching TV, our thought is(are) controlled by media, these and other opinions infulence us, lead our ideology.
So I believe TV has negative effects to modern society.
(MM你是在朗读的吗?建议不要这样哦,应该只写出要点然后说,我的口语也很差,多练练就好了)

comments:
1从文本来说存在的问题和作文一样.
2从录音来说,表音还是比较清晰,但是不fluid,感觉是一个单词一个单词在说的,语速有点慢,因此内容相对不够丰富.
3.语气和语调比较平淡,这个对大家来说都是一个问题,多练习!

一点建议,感觉MM基本功还不够扎实,这一点多注意.有时间的话先复习下基本的语法;还有就是有些觉得可能会不地道的地方就不用.换一种比较有把握的表达方法.
这些个人意见,大家多交流,你我共勉,共同进步.fighting



[ 本帖最后由 yeren7722 于 2007-7-25 11:36 编辑 ]