Issue130

dxh1201982UID：2254956

130 How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.  
socialize: to adapt to social needs or uses  


The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens.

Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is. In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.

In reality, we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to. In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation. Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient.

But as I noted earlier, no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting humanity today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children. The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions. Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults. It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said,    It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.

To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build.

iq28UID：2152875

实在看不下去了
请了个高手来
先谢谢他了~~

最後の使徒UID：2257608

The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens (what has this got to do with the topic?).

Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is.(why define this? how can this help your demonstration? 说明理由再动笔， 不然这段在文章中就起不到其应有的作用。用简短的一句The definition of socialization is basic to my assertion on....就可以实现) In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.(到最后也没说这段出现有什么作用,这样从结构上和论证上都不可取. 加一句: Thus, we can see how necessary and comprehensive it is for children to be socialized.)

In reality,(上下文没有逻辑信息引导词连接,可以直接模仿题目插入: Unfortunately, just as the topic asserts, ) we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to.(这两句之间有什么逻辑l联系？用while, but之类的连接比用in fact, in reality要明确的多) In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation.（这两句话之后又是缺乏联系：政府管制教育和分数有什么关系么？政府制定政策，政策不合理，所以造成这种问题，之间需要顺理成章） Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient.（整段给人以危言耸听的感觉，原因在于: 1s事实论据不足 2缺乏深入分析。为什么政府要这么干？因为资源有限，因为历史问题，因为很难找出多重评判标准，因为制度不合理，等等，不说明这些光说政府怎么不对学生怎么遭殃给人感觉政府成心要害学生似的）

But as I noted earlier（when did u note it?）, no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting humanity （本文里有提到humanity么？） today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children.(who said it was the children's duty? 题目说的是WE have not yet learned。 ) The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions.（what's the relation between this and children's socialization?） Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults.(看上去你这段是想对题目第一句进行讨论，但这样与之前的论证内容就没有契合点了：不光孩子，大人也决定社会的命运——那么如何呢？孩子就可以不社会化了？) It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said,    It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.

To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build. （看到最后似乎是想说家长花的力量不够，但是也不能花太多，只是全文里都看不出这意思来。）

总评：文章最大的问题是中心不明确，甚至有些跑题。在破题时，确定自己的立场很重要：同一还是反对？大部分人是有保留同意或者反对，这没问题，但自己的观点要连贯：孩子没被社会化，不好，所以我们需要改进教育，关注孩子，关注人性，但由于我们还需要发展需要建设四化所以花太多精力也不好。这时存在的问题就是这些观点怎么连接，怎么过渡。比如你body第一部分在说制度不合理分数决定一切，到了后面却说我们不能花太多精力——制度不合理跟花精力有什么逻辑关系么？并列？对比？递进？因果？由于中心不连贯，造成全文的逻辑关系散乱，各个论点之间缺乏联系，使得有的分论点显得跑题，有的段落讨论的问题不清楚。
建议多练习题纲写作，参考下范文和版上资料的破题思路，看自己展开的观点是否能够切题，这样能让issue的写作轻松很多。

加油~

dxh1201982UID：2254956

Issue120 revised


The topic given above alleges that citizens are currently dissatisfied with their society and worried about their children’s ability to create a better society. It further argues that the socialization of children will determine the destiny of society. While I agree that parents today have failed to prepare their children to be more useful in future society, no one can deny the fact that parents themselves also have a duty to contribute toward a society which promotes the well-being of all its citizens; it is not solely the children's duty to ameliorate the future.

Before discussing this topic further, I would like to define what socialization is; and this definition of socialization is indispensable to my assertion. In brief, it is the development in an individual to adapt to social needs or uses in order to contribute to a harmonious society. Thus I believe such abilities must embrace both fundamental knowledge and excellent interpersonal skills. These abilities undoubtedly determine the future of society. Children should acquire as much knowledge as possible in order to meet the society’s needs for skilled and well-informed workers. Due to the rapid development of technology and science, new ideas and disciplines appear almost every day, and these need to be researched and adapted to society’s needs. It is only common sense to understand that university graduates must have basic knowledge of several subjects, as well as the essential skills of reasoning and cognition, which will be effective tools throughout their lives and will make the future more prosperous and beneficial for all. In addition, the human race is blessed by God, who endowed us with the capacity to communicate with our peers on earth. Accompanying a student’s intellectual development there must also be interpersonal skills of getting along with peers, teachers, and even apparent enemies. The mastery of interpersonal skills is absolutely essential; without these skills, today’s children cannot be expected to unite together to construct a more hopeful future.Thus, we can see how necessary and comprehensive it is for children to be socialized.

Unfortunately, in reality, just as the topic asserts, we must admit that today’s children are not as well-socialized as we might expect. They have widely different interests and needs which effective education should attend to. In fact, educational activity is regulated by government, which gives scant attention to individual differences and motivation. This mode of education determines that procrustean education is offered and it turns out to be unreasonable. Students, parents, and teachers all take for granted that the unique criterion for assessing successful student performance is their scores. Students are driven to get ever-higher scores, and are consistently told that they have no real friends, only competitors. When such a student ends his schooling, even his reasoning is flawed, and he has poor skills for communicating with others in society. As a result, the hopes of parents and schools have been defeated; the graduates are bound for social failure, and future society is blighted and deficient

But as I noted earlier, no matter how severe and brutal the situations confronting human beings today, the solutions are not exclusively the duty and responsibility of today’s children. The future is handled inside their parents' hands, undoubtedly.  The elites now controlling the society must also consider their own social skills and their duty to do their utmost to ameliorate social conditions. Their own development through parental and school nurture has contributed to the current problems of society; the improvement of society does not rest solely on their children, but also upon present-day adults. It may be true that brutal contemporary realities distress most people, but their fate is in their own hands. As Beethoven once said,    It si essential that the weary people today exert themselves, working harder and better to establish an improved paradigm for their children. Only thus can the future of society be made more positive.

To sum up, it is the great responsibility of today’s children to master adequate knowledge and interpersonal skills to create a wonderful future. But today’s parents must not neglect their own responsibilities to build a solid and lasting base for the future skyscrapers they look to their children to build.

我的topic主要是想说未来也掌握在父母手中。lastangle斑竹的点评很一针见血;就如body第一说孩子光考虑分数,我引了教育体制的问题,给自己说的好象就是教育成心要害人一样,
题目好象是写偏了,应该着重讨论孩子的社会化问题;即使父母要负责,也是要强调孩子社会化.
多谢两位.其实我考完了，呵呵.今天应该过了iq说的期限了.不过感觉不好，很可能要第二次;为了以后能再麻烦GTER上的朋友,自己的文章一定要改了,不过不是很用心,抱歉了.
iq多休息。
神爱世人.