Argument25 [黄金十二宫]第一次作业

yewakyUID: 2193878

Argument25
"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

words:487

gc的建立不能导致致旅游业增长的结果
NEW business 不一定能增长税率
两年，不能持续使之增长
即使可以，两地有条件的差异

In the memo, the mayor concludes that to build the golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View, is the best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues based on the fact that during the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. However, careful scrutiny of evidence reveals that it provides little convincing support for the mayor’s recommendation.

First, probably it is not the construction of the golf course and the resort hotel that results in the increasing of tourism in Ocean View, but maybe other factors there such as the superb view, the pleasant climate, the renowned place of interests and the knight service that appeal to tourists to visit and costume. Since other possibilities cannot be excluded, the arguer fails to attribute the rising of tourism completely to the building of the golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View.

Secondly, even if the constructing of the facilities can bring a rising in tourism, that does not account for new businesses’ opening, and therefore, a tax revenues increasing by 30 percent in Ocean View. There is a good chance that the expand in a certain product need requires the new businesses to be opened, or that therre  is a high-tech community in Ocean View like  Seattle,in which  a series garage start-ups spawn at any time. In addition, lacking more details about how they run, it is impossible to access the conclusion that it is the new businesses that have increased the Ocean View's tax revenues by 30 percent.

Thirdly, even though the construction of municipal golf course and resort hotel have caused that tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent, the arguer assumes too soon that the construction will continue to make benefit that place’s enduring development in the economy. It is more likely that the development of business will result in the town’s losing its appeal as a place to visit or to live in the coming 2 years or more.

Finally, the editorial fails to take into account possible differences between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell perhaps in either natural or social environments. It may well be that Hopewell lacks the environments above to attract more travelers, so considering that, it will make no use that to build golf course and the resort hotel to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues.

In sum, unless he can demonstrate thoroughly that the construction of golf course and resort hotel will risen the tuorism that will enlarge new businesses, and then boosts the economy and get more tax revenuesi gain in Ocean View, and that the conprehensive conditons between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell are comparable,the author’s concern about these commandation is unfounded.

[ 本帖最后由 yewaky 于 2006-5-31 10:05 编辑 ]

cwztyo__UID: 2159050

In the memo, the mayor concludes that to（去掉） build(building) the golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View, is the best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues based on the fact that during the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. However, careful scrutiny of evidence reveals that it provides little convincing support for the mayor’s recommendation.

First, probably it is not the construction of the golf course and the resort hotel that results in the increasing(INCREASE) of tourism in Ocean View, but maybe other factors there such as the superb view, the pleasant climate, the renowned place of interests and the knight service that appeal to tourists to visit and costume. Since other possibilities cannot be excluded, the arguer fails to attribute the rising of tourism completely to the building of the golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View.

Secondly, even if the constructing of the facilities can bring a rising in tourism, that does not account for new businesses’ opening, and therefore, a tax revenues increasing (用of的形式会不会好一点)by 30 percent in Ocean View. There is a good chance that the expand in a certain product need requires the new businesses to be opened, or that therre  is a high-tech community in Ocean View like  Seattle,in which  a series garage start-ups spawn at any time. In addition, lacking more details about how they run, it is impossible to access(名词)the conclusion that it is the new businesses that have increased the Ocean View's tax revenues by 30 percent.（你写的的论据不是很好,不是主要的逻辑错误）

Thirdly, even though the construction of municipal golf course and resort hotel have caused that tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent, the arguer assumes too soon that the construction will continue to make benefit that place’s enduring development in the economy. It is more likely that the development of business will result in the town’s losing its appeal as a place to visit or to live in the coming 2 years or more.

Finally, the editorial fails to take into account possible differences between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell perhaps in either natural or social environments. It may well be that Hopewell lacks the environments above to attract more travelers, so considering that, it will make no use that (去掉)to build golf course and the resort hotel to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues.

In sum, unless he can demonstrate thoroughly that the construction of golf course and resort hotel will risen the tuorism that will enlarge new businesses, and then boosts the economy and get more tax revenuesi gain in Ocean View, and that the conprehensive conditons between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell are comparable,the author’s concern about these commandation is unfounded.

yewakyUID: 2193878

多谢竹子，我也觉得第二点写的有点牵强。另外，好像有access动词形式

cwztyo__UID: 2159050

呵呵 不好意思 我自己才疏学浅  请多多指教

asong2004UID: 2178054

In the memo, the mayor concludes that to build the golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View, is the best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues based on the fact that during the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. (fact 后面的同位语，看起来不爽啊~）However, careful scrutiny of evidence reveals that it provides little convincing support for the mayor’s recommendation.
First, probably it is not the construction of the golf course and the resort hotel that results in the increasing of tourism in Ocean View, but maybe （but的用法。。。maybe可以不用吧，前面有修饰部分probably）other factors there such as the superb view, the pleasant climate, the renowned place of interests and the knight service that appeal to（attract） tourists to visit and costume. Since other possibilities cannot be excluded, the arguer fails to attribute the rising of tourism completely to the building of the golf course and resort hotel in Ocean View.（除了例举其他景点等，建议再具体些吧,如以一个新开发的风景区为例）

Secondly, even if the constructing of the facilities（这个facility一般是用在特殊的场所吧，不知道能不能用在像GOLF之类的东东上） can bring a rising in tourism, that does not account for new businesses’ opening, and therefore, a tax revenues increasing by 30 percent in Ocean View.（这种说法比较勉强了，毕竟不是重要的问题——虽然偶的A逻辑也很烂：）） There is a good chance that the expand（分词吧） in a certain product need requires the new businesses to be opened, or that therre  is a high-tech community in Ocean View like  Seattle,in which  a series garage start-ups spawn at any time. In addition, lacking more details about how they（指代？） run, it is impossible to access the conclusion that it is the new businesses that have increased the Ocean View's tax revenues by 30 percent.（最后一句是想说new businesses——〉rising of revenues吗？和前面不搭呀）

Thirdly, （汗，这几个TS句法结构类似啊）even though the construction of municipal golf course and resort hotel have caused that tourism in Ocean View has（不用现在分词吧） increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent, the arguer assumes too soon （too soon的用法偶不知道，不过觉得impetuous合适）that the construction will continue to （使用continue doing的格式更合适吧）make benefit that（后面的语法。。。） place’s enduring development in the economy. It is more likely that the development of business will result in the town’s losing its appeal as a place to visit or to（可以省略） live in the（the可以不用吧，偶得冠词用得也不好，共同学习哈） coming 2 years or more.
Finally, the editorial fails to take into account（take account of） possible differences between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell perhaps（多余） in either natural or social environments. It may well be that Hopewell lacks the environments above to attract more travelers（和H自己比还是和O比？）, so considering （用法好像，不懂，感觉该用过去时）that, it will make no use that（that省了吧） to build golf course and the resort hotel to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues.
In sum, unless he can demonstrate thoroughly that the construction of golf course and resort hotel will risen the tuorism that will enlarge new businesses, and then boosts the economy and get more tax revenuesi gain in Ocean View, and that the conprehensive conditons between the town of Ocean View and Hopewell are comparable,the author’s concern about these commandation is unfounded（总结段的第一步golf推旅游，旅游推经济发展，看起来晕啊）

yewakyUID: 2193878

"The best way to teach---whether as an educator, employer, or parent---is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones."
积极的行为：
应该表扬
但应注意度，不应一味赞扬
消极的行为：
不好的生活习惯，不应忽略
有错误的端倪，及时批评
实际具有创新的预兆，应鼓励
Is it the best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parent——to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones? I agree insofar as the felicitous praise to the positive actions leads an essential impetus to human development of their personalities, however, for the positive ones, the educator, employer, or parent, should not just neglect, but put forward  criticism on those who have made positive conduct, or even punish them，depending on the degree to which those has done something negative for the sake of forcing them to modify their bad behavior and be closer to perfection. This is especially when adolescents are growing up.

The praise of positive actions is beneficial to a juvenile who, with their pristine eyes, are still too young to discern the world profoundly, and not quite sure about what is good and what is bad to behave. The appreciation of their active deportment will stimulate the adolescents’ enthusiasm to further efforts of their morality or academic achievement with enough self-confidence. Hence, it is the praise that plays a fundamental role in shaping the right attitude towards how to behave and study well.

Although the praise for positive action spurs them to get a great improvement of personalities as well as of interests of getting knowledge, teachers or parents should take the extent to which the educator or parent praise the juvenile into account. So how to praise the adolescence fairly is as essential as why to praise them, for the juvenile will probably not make more progress with excessive arrogance, granted they have received overladen commend, and the unbalance distribution of praise will made those who get less might feel depression and less confidence that is critical to their being success.

On the other hand, as for ignoring negative actions, I agree that minor peccadilloes can, and in many cases should, be overlooked. Mistakes and other negative actions are often part of the natural learning process. Young children are naturally curious, and parents should not scold their children for every broken plate or precocious act. Otherwise, children do not develop a healthy sense of wonder and curiosity, and will not learn what they must in order to make their own way in the world. Teachers should avoid rebuking or punishing students for faulty reasoning, incorrect responses to questions, and so forth. Otherwise, students might stop trying to learn altogether. And employees who know they are being monitored closely for any sign of errant behavior are likely to be less productive, more resentful of their supervisors, and less loyal to their employers.

At the same time, some measure of constructive criticism and critique, and sometimes even punishment, is appropriate. Parents must not turn a blind eye to their child's behavior if it jeopardizes the child's physical safety or the safety of others. Teachers should not ignore behavior that unduly disrupts the learning process; and of course teachers should correct and critique students' class work, homework and tests as needed to help the students learn from their mistakes and avoid repeating them. Finally, employers must not permit employee behavior that amounts to harassment or that otherwise undermines the overall productivity at the workplace. Acquiescence in these sorts of behaviors only serves to sanction them.

To sum up, the speaker's dual recommendation is too extreme. Both praise and criticism serve useful purposes in promoting a child's development, a student's education, and an employee's loyalty and productivity. Yet both must be appropriately and evenhandedly administered; otherwise, they might serve instead to defeat these purposes.

[ 本帖最后由 yewaky 于 2006-5-31 10:06 编辑 ]

thisisjaneUID: 2185183

Issue 228
"The best way to teach---whether as an educator, employer, or parent---is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones."
积极的行为：
应该表扬
但应注意度，不应一味赞扬
消极的行为：
不好的生活习惯，不应忽略
有错误的端倪，及时批评
实际具有创新的预兆，应鼓励
Is it the best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parent——to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones? I agree insofar as the felicitous praise to the positive actions leads an essential impetus to human development of their personalities, however, for the positive ones, the educator, employer, or parent, should not just neglect, but put forward criticism on those who have made positive conduct, or even punish them, depending on the degree to which those has done something negative for the sake of forcing them to modify their bad behavior and be closer to perfection. This is especially when adolescents are growing up.开头方式采用提出问题＋表明立场

The praise of positive actions is beneficial to a juvenilejuveniles who, with their pristine eyes, are still too young to discern the world profoundly, and not quite sure about what is good and what is bad to behave. The appreciation of their active deportment will stimulate the adolescents’ enthusiasm to further efforts of their morality or academic achievement with enough self-confidence. Hence, it is the praise that plays a fundamental role in shaping the right attitude towards how to behave and study well.

Although the praise for positive action spurs them to get a great improvement of personalities as well as of…as well as of…好像不太对吧，用and interests of getting knowledge, teachers or parents should take the extent to which the educator or parent praise the juvenile into account. So how to praise the adolescence fairly is as essential as why to praise them, for the juvenile will probably not make more progress with excessive arrogance, granted they have received overladenover landen commend这里应该用名词吧，这个是个及物动词, and the unbalance distribution of praise will mademake those who get less might feel depression and less confidence that is critical to their being success.

On the other hand, as for ignoring negative actions, I agree that minor peccadilloes can, and in many cases should, be overlooked. Mistakes and other negative actions are often part of the natural learning process. Young children are naturally curious, and parents should not scold their children for every broken plate or precocious act. Otherwise, children do not develop a healthy sense of wonder and curiosity, and will not learn what they mustneed比较好吧 in order to make their own way in the world. Teachers should avoid rebuking or punishing students for faulty reasoning, incorrect responses to questions, and so forth. Otherwise, students might stop trying to learn altogether. And employees who know they are being monitored closely for any sign of errant behavior are likely to be less productive, more resentful of their supervisors, and less loyal to their employers.

At the same time, some measure of constructive criticism and critique, and sometimes even punishment, is appropriate. Parents must not turn a blind eye to their child's behavior if it jeopardizes the child's physical safety or the safety of others. Teachers should not ignore behavior that unduly disrupts the learning process; and of course teachers should correct and critique students' class work, homework and tests as needed to help the students learn from their mistakes and avoid repeating them. Finally, employers must not permit employee behavior that amounts to harassment or that otherwise undermines the overall productivity at the workplace. Acquiescence in these sorts of behaviors only serves to sanction them.

To sum up, the speaker's dual recommendation is too extreme. Both praise and criticism serve useful purposes in promoting a child's development, a student's education, and an employee's loyalty and productivity. Yet both must be appropriately and even handedly administered; otherwise, they might serve instead to我只知道instead of 没有查到instead to defeat these purposes.
这篇文章的总体思路和北美的那篇范文基本相同，个人觉得在前面两段适当提一下雇主和员工方面会更好。

cwztyo__UID: 2159050

Is it the best way to teach——whether as an educator, employer or parent——to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones? I agree insofar as the felicitous praise to the positive actions leads an essential impetus to human’s development of their personalities, however, for the positive ones, the educator, employer, or parent, should not just neglect, but put forward  criticism(critics) on those who have made positive conduct, or even punish them，depending on the degree to which those has(have) done something negative for the sake of forcing them to modify their bad behavior and be closer to perfection. This is especially(especial) when adolescents are growing up.

The praise of positive actions is beneficial to a juvenile who, with their pristine eyes, are still too young to discern the world profoundly, and not quite sure about what is good and what is bad to behave. The appreciation of their active deportment will stimulate the adolescents’ enthusiasm to further efforts of their morality or academic achievement with enough self-confidence. Hence, it is the praise that plays a fundamental role in shaping the right attitude towards how to behave and study well.

Although the praise for positive action spurs them to get a great improvement of personalities as well as of interests of getting knowledge, teachers or parents should take the extent to which the educator or parent praise the juvenile into account. So how to praise the adolescence fairly is as essential as why to praise them, for the juvenile will probably not make more progress with excessive arrogance, granted they have received overladen commends, and the unbalance distribution of praise will made those who get less might(去掉更好？) feel depression and less confidence that is critical to their being success.（能举例说明怎样得当或不得当的夸奖更好？）

On the other hand, as for ignoring negative actions, I agree that minor peccadilloes can, and（去掉） in many cases should, be overlooked. Mistakes and other negative actions are often part of the natural learning process. Young children are naturally curious, and parents should not scold their children for every broken plate or precocious act. Otherwise, children do not develop a healthy sense of wonder and curiosity, and will not learn what they must in order to make their own way in the world（这句有些看不懂）. Teachers should avoid rebuking or punishing students for faulty reasoning, incorrect responses to questions, and so forth. Otherwise, students might stop trying to learn altogether.（这句怎样支持本段论据看不出来？） And employees who know they are being monitored closely for any sign of errant behavior are likely to be less productive, more resentful of their supervisors, and less loyal to their employers.

At the same time, some measure of constructive criticism and critique, and sometimes even punishment, is appropriate. Parents must not turn a blind eye to their child's behavior if it jeopardizes the child's physical safety or the safety of others. Teachers should not ignore behavior that unduly disrupts the learning process; and of course teachers should correct and critique（criticize） students' class work, homework and tests as needed to help the students learn from their mistakes and avoid repeating them. Finally, employers must not permit employee behavior that amounts to harassment or that otherwise undermines the overall productivity at the workplace. Acquiescence in these sorts of behaviors only serves to sanction them.

To sum up, the speaker's dual recommendation is too extreme. Both praise and criticism serve useful purposes in promoting a child's development, a student's education, and an employee's loyalty and productivity. Yet both must be appropriately and evenhandedly administered; otherwise, they might serve instead to defeat these purposes.(结尾可以更长一第点)

yewakyUID: 2193878

多谢asong的砖头，写作文的思路极其混乱，尤其第二点，的确是拼凑的，还望以后多多扔砖。

yewakyUID: 2193878

前一阵子刚看完issue范文，捎带把文章的提纲总结了下来，没思路就套了，^^

yewakyUID: 2193878

3x，你的论证思路值得借鉴。