ETS 6分范文赏析【自由女神小组作业】第一次作业

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Issue的范文
Sample Issue Topic

"In our time, specialists of all kinds are highly over-rated. We need more generalists — people who can provide broad perspectives."

Please note: All of these sample essays are reproduced as written, although reformatted for this document. Misspellings, typos, grammatical errors, etc. have been retained from the originals.

Benchmark 6

In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity and psychological displacement, both positive and negative effects among persons in Western society call for a balance in which there are both specialists and generalists. （开头表明立场，让人非常清楚下面要论述什么方面）
Specialists are necessary（TS） in order to allow society as a whole to properly and usefully assimilate the masses of new information and knowledge （表目的的后置修饰语）that have come out of research and have been widely disseminated through mass global media. （长句的运用）As the head of Pharmacology at my university once said (and I paraphrase): "I can only research what I do because there are so many who have come before me to whom I can turn for basic knowledge. It is only because of each of the narrowly focused individuals at each step that a full and true understanding of the complexities of life can be had. Each person can only hold enough knowledge to add one small rung to the ladder, but together we can climb to the moon." （引用权威，举例子的一种方法，感觉引用过长）This illustrates the point that our societies level of knowledge and technology is at a stage in which there simply must be specialists in order for our society to take advantage of the information available to us.
Simply put, without specialists,（反证法，进一步论证specialists are necessary） our society would find itself bogged down in the Sargasso sea of information overload. While it was fine for early physicists to learn and understand the few laws and ideas that existed during their times, now, no one individual can possibly digest and assimilate all of the knowledge in any given area.
On the other hand,（话锋一转）Over specialization means narrow foci in which people can lose the larger picture. No one can hope to understand the human body by only inspecting one's own toe-nails. What we learn from a narrow focus may be internally logically coherent but may be irrelevant or fallacious within the framework of a broader perspective. Further, if we inspect only our toe-nails, we may conclude that the whole body is hard and white. Useful conclusions and thus perhaps useful inventions must come by sharing among specialists. Simply throwing out various discoveries means we have a pile of useless discoveries, it is only when one can make with them a mosaic that we can see that they may form a picture. （阐述Over specialization的弊端，与2、3段形成对比）
Not only may over-specialization be dangerous in terms of the truth, purity and cohesion of knowledge, but it can also serve to drown moral or universal issues. Generalists and only generalists can see a broad enough picture to realize and introduce to the world the problems of the environment. With specialization, each person focuses on their research and their goals. Thus, industrialization, expansion, and new technologies are driven ahead. Meanwhile no individual can see the holistic view of our global existence in which true advancement may mean stifling individual specialists for the greater good of all. （此段又从正面论述generalists）
Finally, over-specialization in a people's daily lives and jobs has meant personal and psychological compartmentalization. People are forced into pigeon holes early in life (at least by university) and must consciously attempt to consume external forms of stimuli and information in order not to be lost in their small and isolated universe. Not only does this make for narrowly focused and generally poorly-educated individuals, but it guarantees a sense of loss of community, often followed by a feeling of psychological displacement and personal dissatisfaction. （又一次阐述over-specialization的不利影响，感觉与第4段有些类似）
Without generalists, society becomes inward-looking and eventually inefficient. Without a society that recognizes the importance of broad-mindedness and for sharing generalities, individuals become isolated. Thus, while our form of society necessitates specialists, generalists are equally important. Specialists drive us forward in a series of thrusts while generalists make sure we are still on the jousting field and know what the stakes are.（逆反结尾，结尾段非常独特，而且很有逻辑）
（这篇6分Issue在论述方面条理非常清晰，逻辑性很强。语言方面也有很多地方值得借鉴：长句的使用，举例的多样性，像第二段的权威语录，第三段的our toe-nails，词汇恰当的使用。感觉在考场的有限时间里能达到这种水平确实是Outstanding）
A的范文
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.
The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Silver Screen Movie Production Company.
"According to a recent report from our marketing department, fewer people attended movies produced by Silver Screen during the past year than in any other year.  And yet the percentage of generally favorable comments by movie reviewers about specific Silver Screen movies actually increased during this period.  Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers; so the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available.  Silver Screen should therefore spend more of its budget next year on reaching the public through advertising and less on producing new movies."
SAMPLE-1 (score 6)
The argument presented above is relatively sound(先扬后抑), however (转折，提出自己的看法), the author fails to recognize all the elements necessary to evaluate his situation.  The idea that more money be invested in advertising may be a helpful one, but perhaps not because people are unaware of the current reviews.  To clarify, it may be necessary to advertise more in order to increase sales, however that could be due to many circumstances such as a decrease in the public's overall attendance, an increase in the cost of movies, or a lack of trust in the opinions of the reviewers. (非常实用的长句，举出多个实例来进行反驳，这样不仅让人觉得论述充分，而且无形中增加了文章的长度)
The advertising director first needs to determine the relative proportion of movie goers that choose to see Silver Screen films. (主题句) That will help him to understand his market share.  If the population in general is attending less, then he may still be out-profiting his competitors, despite his individual sales decrease.  In fact, his relative sales could be increasing.  Determining where he stands in his market will help him to create and implement an action plan.
Another important thing to consder is the relative cost of attending movies to the current standard of living. (主题句) If the standard of living is decreasing, it may contribute to an overall decrease in attendance.  In that case, advertising could be very helpful, in that a clever campaign could emphasize the low cost of movies as compared to many other leisure activities.  This could offset financial anxieties of potential customers.
Finally, it is important to remember that people rarely trust movie reviewers. (主题句) For that reason, it is important that the films appeal to the populus, and not critics alone.  The best advertisement in many cases is word of mouth.  No matter what critics say, people tend to take the opinions of friends more seriously.  This supports continual funding to produce quality movies that will appeal to the average person.
(主体部分论述非常有逻辑，在每段首句都能看出下面要说什么，些许遗憾就是有几处拼写错误)
There is no reason that silver screen should not spend more on advertisement, however, there is reason to continue to invest in diverse, quality films.  Furthermore, the company must consider carefully what it chooses to emphasize in its advertisement. (总结段，再次反驳原文，并提出自己建议。这样也使文章既完整又有深度)
（作者大量运用连词使文章在论述过程中非常有条理，有时候看到某一个连词，就很容易想到后面要说什么。唯一想提的一点建议是however使用的稍微多了一些，可以考虑换其他表转折的词或词组。同样从句的运用也是值得学习的。这篇文章是6分，我想如果平时多注意文章连贯性的表达，再加上较为合理观点，取得一个较为满意的Argument分数是相当有把握的。）
PS：这篇是不是不在现有的题库里？当时找到一篇官方范文就开始赏析，没有太在意，不过写A文章的大体思路就是挑错、改错。这篇文章在这些方面做得也很好。



[ 本帖最后由 jojotiger 于 2007-1-6 21:13 编辑 ]