issue130 恳请猛拍

wangyz518UID: 2210290

TOPIC：ISSUE130-"How children are socialized todays the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 445           TIME: 不限时  DATE: 2007-1-21
OUTLINE：1. 肯定孩子的社会化对社会发展的重要作用；
          2. 但是决定社会的命运的因素很多，不完全依赖于孩子的社会化。也应注重其他方面。
          3. 承认目前教育的不足，指出如何通过教育使孩子更好的适应社会，并更好地建设社会。

It is true that how children are socialized is crucial to the development of our society and nowadays there are some defects in the system of education to cultivate the eligible heritors who can create the beautiful future of our society. However the speaker claim that the children’s socialization decides the destiny of society, and we have no effective means to bring up children. In my opinion, the speaker’s claim is extreme on some aspects.

First of all, the effect of socialization is remarkable and crucial. It is universally acknowledged that human is social, and every individual is belong to one culture. Anyone, who is only depend on the abilities gained form the natural growing process such as walking, speaking and so on, is impossible to survive in one society without anything learned from the common sense and the experience of this society. Let us see an example about the wolf child. Although he has come back to the human society when he grow up, he is difficult to naturally live because of the lack of the social experience. Obviously, children’s socialization is necessary to the survive and development of both individual and human society.   

However, beside the socialization of children, there is some other factors lead to the development of our society nowadays. What determine the destiny of one country and one nation? I would rather think it is the integrative diathesis of people such as healthy body and mentality, abundant knowledge and technique, the spirit to innovate and practice, the morality, the adaptability to society and so on. In anther words, socialization is one necessary factor which determined the destiny of society, but not all.

Finally, the whole society has pay close attention to the education of children’s integrative diathesis, the key to build a better society while there are still some shortages. Today, an increasing number of people have realized this issue. Take how to train the socialization for an example, children can properly do some part-time job .In this way, they can learn how to affiliate with others and how to adapt to the new circumstance. Anyway, not only do the instructors and education institution impart the knowledge to children, and cultivate the abilities which can help them adapt to and construct a better society, but also the parents and the society should offer an imitable example and a well atmosphere to children.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw this conclusion that the education must pay attention to the integrative diathesis concluding the socialization of children, and everyone, as one part of our society, should make efforts to create and provide better society for future.

[ 本帖最后由 wangyz518 于 2007-2-15 16:11 编辑 ]

juliawalterUID: 2273446

It is true that how children are socialized is crucial to the development of our society and nowadays there are some defects in the system of (our) education to cultivate the eligible heritors (?) who can create (bring) the（a） beautiful future of our society. However the speaker claim(s) that the children’s socialization decides the destiny of society, and we have no effective means to bring up children. In my opinion, the speaker’s claim is extreme on some aspects.
个人觉得第一句稍微长了一点，是不是拆成两个句子更好？

First of all, the effect of socialization is remarkable and crucial. It is universally acknowledged that human is social, and every individual is belong to one culture. Anyone, who is （is 去掉） only depend(s) on the abilities gained form the natural growing process such as walking, speaking and so on, is impossible to survive in one (a) society without anything learned ( learning anything) from the common sense and the experience of this (the) society. Let us see an example about the wolf child. Although he has come back to the human society when he grow up, he is difficult to naturally live because of the (去掉) lacking of the social experience. Obviously, children’s socialization is necessary to the survive and development of both (the) individual and human society.   

However, beside the socialization of children, there is some other factors (which) lead to the development of our society nowadays. What determines the destiny of one country and one nation? I would rather think(consider) it is the integrative diathesis of people such as healthy body and mentality, abundant knowledge and technique, the spirit to innovate and practice, the morality, the adaptability to society and so on. In anther(other) words, socialization is one necessary factor which determined(determines) the destiny of society, but not all(the only one).

Finally, the whole society has pay close attention to the education of children’s integrative diathesis, (which is) the key to build a better society while there are still some shortages. Today, an increasing number of people have realized this issue (problem). Take how to train the socialization for an example, children can properly do some part-time job .In this way, they can learn how to affiliate (communicate) with others and how to adapt to the new circumstance. Anyway, not only do the instructors and education institution impart the knowledge to children, and cultivate the abilities which can help them adapt to and construct a better society, but also the parents and the society should offer an imitable example and a well (good) atmosphere to children.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw this conclusion that the education must pay attention to the integrative diathesis concluding (contributing to) the socialization of children, and everyone, as one part of our society, should make efforts to create and provide (a) better society for future.
我觉得你的结构比较完整，例子少了一点，很大部分都是在说理。如果能多加一些例子，会让文章更生动、自然。不过这好像也是我的毛病呢

winterlotusUID: 2258591

It is true that how children are socialized is crucial to the development of our society and nowadays there are some defects in the system of education to cultivate the eligible heritors who can create the beautiful future of our society. However the speaker claim that the children’s socialization decides the destiny of society, and we have no effective means to bring up children(感觉有点突兀，是不是应该有点修饰成分）. In my opinion, the speaker’s claim is extreme on some aspects.

First of all, the effect of socialization is remarkable and crucial. It is universally acknowledged that human is social, and every individual is belong to one culture. Anyone, who is（去掉） only depends on the abilities gained form the natural growing process such as walking, speaking and so on, is impossible to survive in one society without anything learned from the common sense and the experience of this society. Let us see an example about the wolf child. Although he has come back to the human society when he grow up, he is difficult to naturally live because of the lack of the social experience. Obviously, children’s socialization is necessary to the survive and development of both individual and human society.   
(这段分析社会性的重要性貌似只是对个人的重要性，而非对社会的重要性，与是否决定社会命运不是很相关）

However, besides the socialization of children, there is some other factors which lead to the development of our society nowadays. What determine the destiny of one country and(去掉更好，重复了） one nation? I would rather think it is the integrative diathesis of people such as healthy body and mentality(感觉用physical and psychological health 更恰当一点）, abundant knowledge and technique, the spirit to innovate and practice, the morality, the adaptability to society（这条跟社会化的意思很接近，最好不要写） and so on. In anther words, socialization is one necessary factor which determined the destiny of society, but not all.

Finally, the whole society has pay close attention to the education of children’s integrative diathesis, the key to build a better society while there are still some shortages. Today, an increasing number of people have realized this issue. Take how to train the socialization for an example, children can properly do some part-time job .In this way, they can learn how to affiliate with others and how to adapt to the new circumstance. Anyway, not only do the instructors and education institution impart the knowledge to children, and cultivate the abilities which can help them adapt to and construct a better society, but also the parents and the society should offer an imitable example and a well atmosphere to children.

In sum, from what has been discussed above,（有点重复了，留一个即可） we may finally draw this conclusion that the education must pay attention to the integrative diathesis concluding the socialization of children, and everyone, as one part of our society, should make efforts to create and provide better society for future.

主要的问题人楼上所说，文章太单薄了，例子再具体深入点就好了。

wangyz518UID: 2210290

非常感谢:)