Issue11 天道酬勤小组---by felix2008 批尚往来，有批必回

felix2008UID: 2254632

Issue11”All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

提纲：position：反对
     1.global university可以加强学术和文化交流，可以为一些社会问题提供解决思路
     2.对于一些持久的社会问题，一些专业的机构都无法解决，更不要说学生了，举联合国无法阻止战争的例子
     3.忽略了一些国家本身还存在严重的问题，让他们花钱建设global u，效果不一定比投资本国建设好，教育落后的例子

Word: 526  Time: 1小时12分  时间：07-07-09上午

The speaker claims that all the countries in the worlds ought to stick together to set up a global university aimed at the purpose that the graduates of the university would engage in solving the world's serious problems. This assertion seems compelling at the first glance, however, in my opinion, although such a university might facilitate the communication among countries, when comes to the solution to the serious social problems, its function is very limited.

First of all, admittedly, a university founded by all countries must be a mixture of many factors, which will inevitably enhance the communication among different academy and cultures. The levels of academic researches in different counties vary greatly. Take the application of solar energy for example, France, with the most solar energy electricity factories in the world, is the pioneer in this realm. The joining of French teachers in the global university undoubtedly accelerates the application of solar energy in the world, which have great significance in are. As the same, students from different counties bring their own intelligent cultures to the university. The crash of different cultures surely produces brilliant products impelling the advancement of the civilization of the human beings. From culture to academy, the global university can provide a impetus to both of them and solving some social problems.

Second, although such a university can give some ideas in solving some social problems, on solving the world's most persistent social problems, just the graduates from this university won't make any progress. Take wars for example, on an empirical observation, most wars in history are broken for lands, resource, religions. The development of human society is accompanies by war. No counties and no ethnic could ever escape from the clouds of wars. The foundation of the United Nations is just for prevent from breaking of wars whereas wars seems have never stopped since the born of the UN. Undoubtedly, the faculties in the UN are more professional and experienced in dealing with the crisis between counties. The UN is not able to solve this problem, not mention the students. Furthermore, will the political leaders be willing to listen to these young people? In short, there are many problems still confusing the professional agencies. So, for students, their ability is very poor.

Thirdly, for some countries, limited resource should used on the development of democrat education rather than helping to support the so-called global university. The development of education is very poor in many areas such as Africa and some Asian countries. Great number of kids lose the opportunities to go to school for the high tuitions and moreover, many more students in school receive bad education for the reason that schools have no money to buy necessary teaching equipments. On the other hand, many of the most persistent social problems are more serious in these countries. So, better democrat education is a more effective way to solve these social problems.

In sum, global university actually can help some social problems, when comes to the most persistent social problems, it seems can hardly give any help, or even to the worse, it may a kind of waste of money.

[ 本帖最后由 felix2008 于 2007-7-9 21:17 编辑 ]

felix2008UID: 2254632

自己给自己改一下^@^

The speaker claims that all the countries in the world ought to stick together to set up a global university aimed at the purpose that the graduates of the university would engage in solving the world's serious problems.[aim和purpose重复，改成aimed at making students of the university engage in solving the ....] This assertion seems compelling at the first glance, however, in my opinion, although such a university might facilitate the communication among countries and to some extent can do some favor to solving some social problems, when comes to the solution to the serious[serious和题目中的the most persistent还是有差距，所以改回the most persistent] social problems, its function is very limited.

First of all, admittedly, a university founded by all countries must be a mixture[改用compound] of many factors[改用components], which will inevitably enhance the communication among different academy and cultures[cultures and academic fields]. The levels of academic researches in different counties vary greatly. Take the application of solar energy for example, France[是Germany], with the most solar energy electricity factories in the world, is the pioneer in this realm. [整个改为Germany, the pioneer in application of solar energy, accounting for 55 percent of global solar eletricity production]The joining of French teachers in the[去掉the] global university undoubtedly accelerates the application of solar energy in the world, which have great significance in are[in the fields of energy and environment protection]. As the same, students from different counties bring their own intelligent cultures to the university. The crash of different cultures surely produces brilliant products impelling the advancement of the civilization of the human beings. From culture to academy, the global university can provide a impetus to both of them and solving some social problems. 虽然说可以促进交流，但某些科研交流确实可以解决一些问题，所以最后还是归到能解决一些问题上面。这样的话这段的顺序就要调整一下，先写文化的交流，在写科研交流可以帮助解决一些问题。

第二段重写如下：
First of all, admittedly, a university founded by all countries must be a compound of many components, which will inevitably enhance the communication among different cultures and academic fields. In the meanwhile, the exchange of cultures and research results will probably help solve some social problems. Students from different countries bring their own cultures to the university. The crash of different cultures surely produces brilliant products impelling the advancement of the human civilization. Moreover, students from different countries' living and studying together compatibly will more or less loose the critical situation of ethnic problem. Take the application of solar energy for another example. Germany, the pioneer in application of solar energy, accounts for 55 percent of global solar electricity production. The joining of German teachers in global university undoubtedly accelerates the application of solar energy in the world, which has great significance in solving the problems of energy crisis and environment pollution. In short, wide communication facilitates solving problems. From this point, global university can give some ideas to the solution of some social problem.


Second, although such a university can give some ideas in solving some social problems, on solving the world's most persistent social problems, just the [去掉the]students and graduates from this university won't[叙述太绝对了，改成will hardly] make any progress. Take wars for example, on an empirical observation, most wars in history are broken for the discordance of lands, resource, religions. The development of human society is accompanies by war. No counties and no ethnic[改用nations] could ever escape from the clouds of wars. The foundation of the United Nations is just for prevent from breaking of wars whereas wars seems have never stopped since the born of the UN. [改为Even though with the foundation of the United Unions, whose responsibility is to prevent breaking of wars, wars have not ever stopped for just one second.]Undoubtedly, the faculties in the UN are more professional and experienced in dealing with the crisis between counties. The UN is not able to solve this problem, not mention the students. Furthermore, will the political leaders be willing to listen to these young people? In short, there are many problems still confusing the professional agencies. So, for students, their ability is very poor.

Thirdly, for some countries, limited resource should be used on the development of democrat[国内的：domestic] education rather than helping to support the so-called global university. The development of education is very poor in many areas such as Africa and some Asian countries. Great number of kids lose opportunities to go to school for[改为because of] the high tuitions and moreover, many more students in school receive bad education for the reason that schools have no money to buy necessary teaching equipments. On the other hand, many of the most persistent social problems are more serious in these countries. So, better democrat education is a more effective way to solve these social problems. 这段的可有具体分为两个分论点，1.一些国家教育十分落后，与其拿钱去建global u，不如先把本国的教育搞上去，这样势必更有利于解决一些social problems。2. 很多persistent socail problems集中体现在几个国家，如果说大学能够解决问题，那不如花钱建些本国大学，或者有问题的几个国家两个建个大学，没有必要all countries都建。

In sum, global university actually can help some social problems, when comes to the most persistent social problems, it seems can hardly give any help, or even to the worse, it may a kind of waste of money.

alarenmingUID: 2329302

Issue11”All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

提纲：position：反对
     1.global university可以加强学术和文化交流，可以为一些社会问题提供解决思路
     2.对于一些持久的社会问题，一些专业的机构都无法解决，更不要说学生了，举联合国无法阻止战争的例子
     3.忽略了一些国家本身还存在严重的问题，让他们花钱建设global u，效果不一定比投资本国建设好，教育落后的例子

Word: 526  Time: 1小时12分  时间：07-07-09上午

The speaker claims that all the countries in the worlds[world] ought to stick together to set up a global university aimed at the purpose that the graduates of the university would engage in solving the world's serious problems. This assertion seems compelling at the first glance, however, in my opinion, although such a university might facilitate the communication among countries, when comes to the solution to the serious social problems, its function is very limited.[Ok, 开头很明确]

First of all, admittedly, a university founded by all countries must be a mixture of many factors, which will inevitably enhance the communication among different academy and cultures.[TS很鲜明] The levels of academic researches in different counties vary greatly. Take the application of solar energy for example, France, with the most solar energy electricity factories in the world, is the pioneer in this realm. The joining of French teachers in the global university undoubtedly accelerates the application of solar energy in the world, which have great significance in are.[例子稍欠考虑，应该指出在这方面有研究的法国老师的参与会带来这个solar energy的更好运用] As the same, students from different counties bring their own intelligent cultures to the university. The crash of different cultures surely produces brilliant products impelling the advancement of the civilization of the human beings.[文化的碰撞不一定就是智慧，谁知道不是争端呢] From culture to academy, the global university can provide a[an] impetus to both of them and solving[不知道这个solve在哪个后面，直接用各solve就Ok] some social problems.

Second, although such a university can give some ideas in solving some social problems, on solving the world's most persistent social problems[idea后面一般+about/on], just the graduates from this university won't make any progress. Take wars for example, on an empirical observation[这里我有点不确定到底是in one’s observation or on], most wars in history are broken for lands, resource, religions. The development of human society is accompanies by war[the development of human society accompanies wars]. No counties and no ethnic[两个词都错了，No country and race]could ever escape from the clouds of wars. The foundation of the United Nations is just for prevent[preventing] from breaking of wars whereas wars seem have never stopped since the born of the UN. Undoubtedly, the faculties in the UN are more professional and experienced in dealing with the crisis between counties[counties 是县]. The UN is not able to solve this problem, not mention the students. Furthermore, will the political leaders be willing to listen to these young people? In short, there are many problems still confusing the professional agencies. So, for students, their ability is very poor.

Thirdly, for some countries, limited resource should [be] used on the development of democrat education rather than helping to support the so-called global university. The development of education is very poor in many areas such as Africa and some Asian countries. Great number of kids lose the opportunities to go to school for the high tuitions and moreover, many more students in school receive bad education for the reason that schools have no money to buy necessary teaching equipments. On the other hand, many of the most persistent social problems are more serious in these countries. So, better democrat education is a more effective way to solve these social problems. [这段观点我很赞同，呵呵]

In sum, global university actually can help some social problems, when comes to the most persistent social problems, it seems can hardly give any help, or even to the worse, it may a kind of waste of money
[1你的语言还可以啦；那个每段的开头句写的不错，
2不过有些语法问题，词性的误用，另外加快写作速度]
思路的东西，我自己也很欠缺，不知道怎么去挖掘不周到的东西，呵呵

felix2008UID: 2254632

谢谢！！好多问题我自己改了一遍可还是没有发现。。。

The crash of different cultures surely produces brilliant products impelling the advancement of the civilization of the human beings.[文化的碰撞不一定就是智慧，谁知道不是争端呢]

这里我是想当然了，看来以后写的时候要想清楚、说明白。

The development of human society is accompanies by war[the development of human society accompanies wars].

用被动语态主要是想强调一下是被动的被战争所跟随，其实是很想摆脱。不过by还是用错了，查下金山词霸，后面是人时用by，物时用with。

我现在是想三段这样写：一段从all反驳，一段从the most persistent反驳，还有一段让步，说可以解决一些一般的social problems。这样行不行？