Argument117 【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第1次作业

wu_jie07UID: 2146237

提纲：

1． 并没有迹象表明那些受到调查的人的工作是需要家庭办公用品的。
   不能说没有可能公司会发放办公用品，这样人们不会到商店去买这些办公用品，也就不会使Valu-Mart带来商机。（急于概括）
2．调查并没有说明 调查人数及时间和工作地点，所以也不能保证调查的有效性就算这能说明一部分人群的事实也不能让所有的Valu-Mart商店都采取同样的措施。（部分整体）
3．其他因素如商业竞争和产品价格质量，地理位置这些因素多没考虑到。



TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is amemo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents toa recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home withthem from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has notseen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we shouldtake advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart storesthe stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, papershredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office suppliessuch as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supplydepartments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 388          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2007-7-17 19:56:26

From this memo from the business manager ofValu-Mart stores, however, we find no sign of such procedures of randomsampling, and have good reason to doubt if the sample is representative enoughto reflect the general attitudes of all workers as a whole.

The author provides no evidence that theincrease time of the home-working will directly improve the sales ofoffice-supply. Firstly, it does not tell us what jobs these people are doingwho are engaged in the survey, and whether they need office-supply to work athome. It might be true that people does not need office supplies when they goworking at home. Secondly, the survey does not tell us that whether the companywould give them these kind of stuff for their home-working instead of asking topurchase by themselves. Since then they do not have to buy them in the stores, thesales of the office supplies in the stores will not directly be increased, withthe fact that most company usually purchase the office supplies by wholesalefrom factories.

On the other hand, the survey quoted in theargument is no sign of procedures of random sampling. While It is true that insome place where people are engaged in the survey over 70 percent of respondentsreported that they are required to take more work home, it is not true foreveryone in all the place have more home-working time in the past. The regionaldiversity should be considered in the random sampling procedures, if it wantsto be persuasive. The editorial fails to take into account possible differencesbetween different places. Moreover, this survey does not tell us the totalamount of the people involved. It can not be representative for all the workersnearby.

In addition, the arguer makes oversimplifiedanalogy between increase of home-working time and office supplies demand in thestores. As we know, many factors should be taken into the consideration, Suchas business competition, distance of stores and residence, price and quality ofthe production.

If all the factors above are considered, wewill find out that the survey is more valuable and persuasive. Therefore fromwhat we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that increasingstock of office supplies will help our department  become most profitable component of ourstores.

ARGUMENT200 提纲

Statistics collected from dentists indicate thatthree times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidencesuggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental workdone than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients shouldtarget the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of theiranesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous orsuffering patients.

1.调查没有说明男士人数与女士人数所在比例，也许因为男病人远多于女病人的缘故
2.调查不能表明昏厥次数代表男士比女士更害怕牙医手术，也许女士也很紧张，但是她们没有昏厥，可能有其他方面的表现
3.调查不能简单的得出加大针对男士的广告力度能带来更好的效果，这应该同时与服务质量，医疗水平及条件，地理位置等方面有关



[ 本帖最后由 wu_jie07 于 2007-7-18 11:39 编辑 ]

jojogaotianUID: 2189450

抱歉啊～
因为断网了 只能抽空上来看看
issue已经改好了
argument我会尽快改的
然后我会贴上来的冏

shalonbasUID: 2184474

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
WORDS: 388          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2007-7-17 19:56:26
From this memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores, however, we find no sign of such procedures of random sampling, and have good reason to doubt if the sample is representative enough to reflect the general attitudes of all workers as a whole. [开头能否改一下？如果这样开头那表明你本文仅打算攻击一个问题，就是调查本身不具有代表性。]
The author provides no evidence that the increase time of the home-working will directly improve the sales of office-supply. Firstly, it does not tell us what jobs these people are doing who are engaged in the survey, and whether they need office-supply to work at home. It might be true that people does not need office supplies when they go working at home. Secondly, the survey does not tell us that whether the company would give them these kind of stuff for their home-working instead of asking to purchase by themselves. Since then [用If不就好了么？] they do not have to buy them in the stores, the sales of the office supplies in the stores will not directly be increased, with the fact that most company usually purchase the office supplies by wholesale from factories.
On the other hand, the survey quoted in the argument is no sign of procedures of random sampling [这句话写的有些别扭]. While It is true that in some place where people are engaged in the survey over 70 percent of respondents reported that they are required to take more work home, it is not true for everyone in all the place have more home-working time in the past. The regional diversity should be considered in the random sampling procedures, if it wants to be persuasive. The editorial [嗯?哪里来的Editorial?] fails to take into account possible differences between different places. Moreover, this survey does not tell us the total amount of the people involved. It can not be representative for all the workers nearby. [感觉这最后一句话是TS,建议放在本段开头，然后列原因]
In addition, the arguer makes oversimplified analogy between increase of home-working time and office supplies demand in the stores. As we know, many factors should be taken into the consideration, Such as business competition, distance of stores and residence, price and quality of the production. [这段话的第一句和正文第一段说的同一个意思吧]
If all the factors above are considered, we will find out that the survey is more valuable and persuasive. Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that increasing stock of office supplies will help our department become most profitable component of our stores.
[嗯，本文把错误都找出来了，不过我觉得在组织结构攻击的时候有些欠考虑，让人感觉文章有些散，而且有的语句有重复之嫌。建议以后在写的时候多花些时间考虑文章结构再动笔。另外，发现你对On the other hand有特殊的癖好啊~~~我在ISSUE中说过了，最好不要乱用哦~~嘿嘿~~]

ARGUMENT200 提纲
Statistics collected from dentists indicate thatthree times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidencesuggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental workdone than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients shouldtarget the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of theiranesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous orsuffering patients.
1.调查没有说明男士人数与女士人数所在比例，也许因为男病人远多于女病人的缘故
2.调查不能表明昏厥次数代表男士比女士更害怕牙医手术，也许女士也很紧张，但是她们没有昏厥，可能有其他方面的表现
3.调查不能简单的得出加大针对男士的广告力度能带来更好的效果，这应该同时与服务质量，医疗水平及条件，地理位置等方面有关
[嗯哪，这个思路组织得很清晰，赞]

[ 本帖最后由 shalonbas 于 2007-7-18 16:38 编辑 ]

jojogaotianUID: 2189450

From this memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores, however, we find no sign of such procedures of random sampling, and have good reason to doubt if the sample is representative enough to reflect the general attitudes of all workers as a whole.（这段没有用模板起头，而且开头就用两个from。。建议用模板开头）
The author provides no evidence that the increase time of the home-working will directly improve the sales of office-supply. Firstly, it does not tell us what jobs these people are doing who are engaged in the survey, and whether they need office-supply to work at home. It might be true that people does not need office supplies when they go working at home. Secondly, the survey does not tell us that whether the company would give them this kind of stuff for their home-working instead of asking to purchase by themselves. Since then they do not have to buy them in the stores, the sales of the office supplies in the stores will not directly be increased, with the fact that most company usually purchase the office supplies by whole sale from factories.

On the other hand, the survey quoted in the argument is no sign of procedures of random sampling. While It is true that in some place where people are engaged in the survey over 70 percent of respondents reported that they are required to take more work home, it is not true for everyone in all the place have more home-working time in the past. The regional diversity should be considered in the random sampling procedures, if it wants to be persuasive. The editorial fails to take into account possible differences between different places. Moreover, this survey does not tell us the to tantamount of the people involved. It can not be representative for all the workers nearby.除了缺少随机性以外，survey缺少代表性和base amount太少也是重要的攻击点。

In addition, the arguer makes over simplified analogy between increase of home-working time and office supplies demand in the stores. (这个第二段不是说过了。。。是利润，不是时间和需求的关系)As we know, many factors should be taken into the consideration, such as business competition, distance of stores and residence, price and quality o fthe production.

还有就攻击点是利润一定会升高，一定会成为最赚钱的部门
If all the factors above are considered, we will find out that the survey（是整个argument不pervasive不要单挑survey的毛病）is more valuable and persuasive. Therefore from what we have discussed, we may safely come to the conclusion that increasing stock of office supplies will help our department  become most profitable component of our stores.最好针对具体的攻击点列出speaker应该提出什么信息。。。

Lz的这篇argument感觉没有模板化，也许是个人文风不同吧~

有些攻击点找的不是很准；而且最好不要只攻击survey，还有许多其他的攻击点啊~