Issue144 【0710G-HIT坚持交作业小组作文大帖】第二次作业 ambitionxx

ambitionxxUID：2314730

希望大家猛拍，不要手下留情，对于昨天给我提出很多建议的朋友表示感谢！

TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
WORDS: 564        TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-7-31 上午 10:38:39

提纲：1：提出观点， 艺术家和评论家有各自的优点，需要寻找平衡。
       2：评论家的好处，能够帮助我们理解艺术更加容易而且能帮助我们去其糟粕取其精华。举凡高的例子和现代社会大量的出版物。
       3：近一步分析评论家和艺术家通力合作，能够取得更多的成果。事物需要多方面的看问题
       4：艺术家的作用是无可替代的，由于他们独特的阅历与智慧。据Einstein and Beethoven.
       5: 总结，艺术家和评论家不可或缺，社会正式由于他们的两者而更加繁荣和活力。

Whether the artists or the critics give society anything of lasting value? It is hard to say, because they are all useful and             indispensable to our society. In my view, we should call for balance between the artists and critics in order to make our          society fraught with more permanent value.

Admittedly, the critics can help us understand the works of art more easily and save our invaluable time. As we all know, who wants to interpret and have the insight about the works of art must know art and the experience of the artists as much as        possible. Unfortunately, we don't have much time and energy to master it. However, we can understand the arts more deeply by the way of critics, who are familiar with the idiosyncratic area of the art that a layperson doesn’t know. For example,     Van Gogh’s arts are too obscurity to understand, nevertheless, the critics can tell us how to appreciate them and then we    can understand them more easily. In addition, today society are full of many publications, such as paintings, movies, books     and so forth, hard to identify which are elite at a short time. At this time, the critic can tell us whether the arts are worth seeing. So we can save more time to do what I want to do. Consequently, the critic is necessary to our society.

Moreover, the critics can give the benefic feedbacks to the artists who need different opinion in order to make their arts more perfect. Nobody can deny that there isn’t the same thinking in this world, so a people perspective may give another people a different and new angle of view. Many things should be seen from many facets in order to understand the things more          accurately. Of course, the critic can give more information to the artists because of the deep understanding the arts'                background and spirit. Then, the artists utilize the feedbacks to rethink the arts and make the arts better. Therefore, artist can make more progresses by cooperation with the critics.

The artists play a vital role in creation and the dramatic progress of art, which can’t be replaced by the critics. From           Beethoven to Einstein, there are little art created by the critics but by the artists. An artist called an artist can create something that the world doesn't exist. So our human history has a variety of new things which become to our human's fortune. Becaue   the artists have their special experience, extraordinary sight and unmatchable talent about the nature, many arts can only be    done by the artists. However, these can’t be done by the critics, who can only tell the arts which parts are worth in his        opinion. Without Beethoven, there won’t be the immortal symphonies in our music history; without the Einstein, there won't be the  Theory of Relativity in the physics history. So the value most belongs to the artists. If there is no artist in our sociey,   we'll lose many things besides beauty.

In sum, I believe the artist and the critic are all necessary to our society. Without the artist, there will be no art in our history; without the critic, we will lose many progresses and waste much beauty and time. So the critic and the artist work together to make the works of art better, then give our society more something of lasting value.

[ 本帖最后由 ambitionxx 于 2007-7-31 17:11 编辑 ]

xsr6064UID：2312664

Whether the artists or the critics give society anything of lasting value? It is hard to say, because they are all useful and  indispensable to our society. In my view, we should call for (a) balance between the artists and critics in order to make our  society fraught with more permanent value.

Admittedly, the critics can help us understand the works of art more easily and save our invaluable time. As we all know, who wants to interpret and have the insight about the works of art must know art and the experience of the artists as much as  possible.(这个定从似乎不太合适，是不是前面差个主语those?) Unfortunately, we don't have (so ?)much(或者直接enough) time and energy to master it(这里应该是指art and experience吧，不知该用them还是it，而且感觉这个代词离指代的东西有点远‘个人愚见，纯属语感问题’). However, we can understand the arts more deeply by the way of(with help of ?) critics, who are familiar with the idiosyncratic(呵呵，这个词好生僻，红宝里的？) area of the art that a layperson doesn’t know. For example,     Van Gogh’s arts(哈哈，我也用的梵高，好像大家艺术类的例子都差不多） are too obscurity(改成adj) to understand, nevertheless, the critics can tell us how to appreciate them and then we can understand(understand 的逻辑关系应该在appreciate之前吧，先understand后appreciate,个人观点) them more easily. In addition, today(modern?不知today能不能做定语) society are full of many publications, such as paintings, movies, books     and so forth, (缺结构)hard to identify which are elite at(in?) a short time. At this time, the critic can tell us whether (which?) the arts are worth seeing. So we can save more time to do what I want to do. Consequently, the critic is necessary to our society.

Moreover, the critics can give the benefic feedbacks to the artists who need different opinions in order to make their arts more perfect. Nobody can deny that there isn't(is not) the same thinking(thought?) in this world, so a people's perspective may give another people(one?) a different and new angle of view. Many things should be seen from many facets in order to understand the things more accurately. Of course, the critic can give more information to the artists because of the deep understanding (of) the arts'  background and spirit. Then, the artists utilize the feedbacks to rethink the arts and make the arts better. Therefore, artist can make more progresses by cooperation(cooperating ?) with the critics.(这段最后一句‘Of course开始’，与之前的论述的关系不太清楚，或者说逻辑有些混乱)

The artists play a vital role in creation and the dramatic progress of art, which can’t (can not/can't 或者isn't等是不规范的写法，书面表达中要避免出现，分开来写就行。) be replaced by the critics. From  Beethoven to Einstein(不知道Einstein能不能出现在artist的例子里？）, there are little art created by the critics but by the artists. An artist called an artist（是不是想说‘被称为艺术家的人’，如果是的话artist 改成 person会不会好点？） can create something that the world doesn't exist(do not exist in the world). So our human history has a variety of new things which become to our(we?) human's fortune. Becaue  the artists have their special experience, extraordinary sight and unmatchable talent about the nature(什么意思？), many arts can only be    done by the artists(不是many而是all,但是这样的解释似乎多余？) . However, these can’t be done by the critics, who can only tell the arts which parts are worth in his opinion(only tell people that which part of art is worth in his opinion，个人愚见). Without Beethoven, there won’t be the immortal symphonies in our music history; without the Einstein, there won't be the  Theory of Relativity in the physics history(??????!!!!!惊). So the value most belongs to the artists. If there is no artist in our sociey,   we'll(we will) lose many things besides beauty(什么意思？是 we will lose many beautiful things / things of beauty 的意思吗？).

In sum, I believe the artist and the critic are all necessary to our society. Without the artist, there will be no art in our history; without the critic, we will lose many progresses and waste much beauty and time. So the critic and the artist work together to make the works of art better, then give our society more something(things?) of lasting value.

嗯，问题似乎比上一篇多了很多，也许是应为艺术类都比较恶心的缘故吧，下次遇到类似难题的时候，楼主是不是考虑一下把时间适当的放宽一点，冲忙间出手可能会达不到提高表达和锻炼思路的目的，也会浪费掉一次很好的练手机会，个人愚见，仅供参考：）
好了，总结一下：
1  总体结构比较清晰，可以在此基础上进行修改。
2  语法错误较多，有些用词不是太恰当。
3  段内的逻辑有些混乱，个别例子不恰当。
4  不要用can't , isn't , won't ,aren't 等等等等不规范的书写（这个容易解决，分开来写就好了。）

好了，废话结束，不当之处，请见谅。

一起努力，共同进步！！！！！加油！！！！！

[ 本帖最后由 xsr6064 于 2007-8-1 02:04 编辑 ]

ambitionxxUID：2314730

感谢xsr6064为了这么细致的改作业！修改中.....