Crack 9T小组第二十次作业

mercy123UID：2356484

The arguments concerned which aspect the government should spend as much money as possible on exploring outer space or on basic needs on earth are thoroughly superficial. They are both crucial for people to cost much money to carry on, although one is directly related to people’s life but another seems remote.
On one hand, the most important thing governments should spend money on is our basic needs on Earth. First, a lot of funds should be put into the project of ensuring people’s basic living condition like social welfare. I think you have ever been informed on radio or television that many people who are living in poverty without enough food and clothing in the developing countries or the third world countries; you have ever known many children being taken away the opportunity of education; you have ever seen many old men and beggars wandering on the street in fervent summer and freezing winter. It is obviously true that human beings should primarily obtain sufficient materials to survive. Second, natural resources are seriously destroyed since human beings stood up from the ground. Water shortage is very severely in many areas; forests have been cut down years after years; and some species of animals have been extinct in the global; even the breathed air and rest drunk water have still been polluted. Much money should be spend in researching and developing replacement of natural resources for the consuming of people, and in the project to protect air and water against the contamination. All of these are heavy costs for government, but have profoundly influence on people’s life and even their offspring’s survivor.
It is undoubted that exploring outer space is another essential thing people should do nowadays or in the future. In fact, in the past years, the exploring of outer space have brought large profits and political power to some countries. Take the United States and former Soviet in the Cold War for example. The immediate establishment of the international hegemony of these two unions is partially attributed to the exploring of outer space. Besides, people have obtained the benefits from the employment of the weather planet, solar energy, and so on. In addition, the information and experience of exploring the outer place are valuable treasures for the offspring, just as the Newton’s mechanical principles and Einstein’s relative theory for us. Above all, exploring outer space is also commanded for human beings.
In conclusion, governments should appropriately distribute money citizens created on the two aspects: people’s basic needs and exploring outer space, which are both indispensably.

[ 本帖最后由 mercy123 于 2007-8-23 19:49 编辑 ]

leadenskyUID：2251888

The arguments concerned (with) which aspect the government should spend as much money as possible, on exploring outer space or on basic needs on earth, are thoroughly superficial(possible后，earth后加个逗号，否则有语病). They are both crucial for people to cost(spend, cost的主语应该是物) much money to carry on(carry on在这里是什么意思？读起来怪怪的), although one is directly related to people’s life but another seems remote(although和but不能一起，并且这里没有转折关系).
第一段要表明一下你的观点

On one hand, the most important thing governments should spend money on is our basic needs on Earth. First, a lot of funds should be put into the project of ensuring people’s basic living condition like social welfare. I think you have ever been informed on radio or television that many people who are living in poverty without enough food and clothing in the developing countries or the third world countries; you have ever known many children being taken away the opportunity of education; you have ever seen many old men and beggars wandering on the street in fervent summer and freezing winter. It is obviously true that human beings should primarily obtain sufficient materials to survive. Second, natural resources are seriously destroyed since human beings stood up from(on) the ground. Water shortage is very severely(severe) in many areas; forests have been cut down years after years; and some species of animals have been extinct in the global; even the breathed air and rest drunk water have still been polluted.(Therefore,) Much money should be spend in researching and developing replacement of natural resources for the consuming of people, and in the project to protect air and water against the contamination. All of these are heavy costs for government, but have profoundly influence on people’s life and even their offspring’s survivor.
(On the other hand, )It is undoubted that exploring outer space is another essential thing people should do nowadays or in the future. In fact, in the past years, the exploring of outer space have brought large profits and political power to some countries. Take the United States and former Soviet in the Cold War for example. The immediate establishment of the international hegemony of these two unions is partially attributed to the exploring of outer space. Besides, people have obtained the benefits from the employment of the weather planet(report ?), solar energy, and so on. In addition, the information and experience of exploring the outer place are valuable treasures for the offspring, just as the Newton’s mechanical principles and Einstein’s relative theory for us. Above all, exploring outer space is also commanded for human beings.
In conclusion, governments should appropriately distribute money citizens created(最好去掉这2个词) on the two aspects: people’s basic needs and exploring outer space, which are both indispensably.

总体结构还不错
第一段要明确表明你的观点, 中间两段不错，最后一段应该再说明一下两种的关系，因为中间两段没什么联系，最后应该来点综合的论证把两者结合在一起。
还有一些用词方面的小问题，注意提高一下语感。