Issue3 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

Issue3 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
739 words
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It is more important to allocate money forimmediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research thatmight help future generations.
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Is money appropriated to the immediate affairs a more worth investment than that spent on the researches concerning onthe welfare of our offspring? My answer to this question contradicts the claim of the author. Instead, I maintain that both are worth of being attached equal importance to when considering the funding ratio as destroying the delicate balance of the two sorts of affairs would be contraproductive to prosper our society.

On the one hand, funding projects for the currently existing and short-term social problems requires remarkable attention, admittedly. To begin with, the existing social affairs such as proverty, hunger and epidemic diseases, have proven to be the main impedance to further development of our society, the investments to which is likely to obtain a noticeable social progress in return. Furthermore, it is necessary tosolve the currently existing, long-standing problems without delay before the conditions turn for the worse. Take the uneven distribution of wealth worldwide for instance. The UN raises large-scale investigation on the situation of wealth distribution each year and warns the whole world that the specific problemcould lead to discordance between the advanced countries and less developed areas, resulting to conflicts or wars. Suppose sufficient attention has beencast to searching for the solution, such as donating money in support of thedevelopment of the developing countries by the developed nations, it isentirely possible to achieve a harmonious coexisting and peaceful cooperation among countries for social uplift. Finally, it save tremendously labor and resources to approach the immediate social problems on time.  Treating the acute ailments of our society promptly could efficiently prevent them to worsening into chronic and moreserious diseases which require greater efforts and expenses to cure.

On the other hand, the investment on theresearch for the pending affairs appears to contain equal significance. As forthis aspect, some might point out that it is a waste of money to fund thelong-term research because the possible outcome is unclear and unpredictablefor comparatively  long period of timeand the risk of losing money is unavoidable when some of the researches fall onthe stony ground. However, the statement proves to be inappropriate on severalaspects.

For one thing, the research into the predicted problems could prevent some terrible catastrophes and economic losses, saving large sum of money instead of wasting. It is a more economic way of investment to eliminate the possible outcome of the current deeds in cradlerather than saving the research grant for future remedy of the problems plusthousands of times of supplement grant. For instance, the studies on the cycleof volcanic activities seem to be a heavy burden of government budget withlessing promising outcome. Nevertheless, once the experts manage to predict theeruption of active volcanoes, the nearby residents could be evacuated in timeand effective measure could be implemented by the government to minimize thelosses to the greatest extent. In a word, the long-term research could prove tobe a worth investment sometime.

For another, early settlement of the problems requires less effort and results in less serious sequelae. Trivial asit may seem at the very beginning, some problems could develop into disastersas time goes on, leading to major panic, resulting in heavy material losses and causing great casualties. Thus, the solution is increasingly difficult at theadvanced stage of the evolution of the problems. The progress of AIDS could be picked out as an example. When the scientists first separated the HIV fromtissues in the labs during 1950s, some experts had foresight and warned that AIDS would cause disastrous prevalence provided that prompt and effective measures were not taken. Lack of government's financial support for the advance research of the disease, AIDS was let alone haunting the whole world and hasbecome a serious problem contains no easy solution currently. Suppose the experts managed to apply sufficient funding for research, the magnitude of theepidemic could be investigated thoroughly. With the effective prevention measurement implemented, AIDS might have been successfully suppressed by now.Therefore, financial support for the long-term researches should be worthwhileand preparation in advance is less likely to become obsolete.

In sum, the boom of society requires the balance on the financial ratio between established and short-term problems andthe long-range research into incoming affairs on the behalf of our offspring.From my standpoint, the two affairs seem to be equally important.

不知为何粘贴上来后有些单词之间的空格消失了，我已经修正。
欢迎留链互拍～～

[ 本帖最后由 shuwenying 于 2007-11-6 16:07 编辑 ]

glwy123UID: 2421214

:handshake

glwy123UID: 2421214

谢谢，还有吗？继续关注 你啊

seafish0426UID: 2407075

Is money appropriated to the immediate affairs a more worth investment than that spent on the researches concerning on the welfare of our offspring? My answer to this question contradicts the claim of the author. Instead, I maintain that both are worth of being attached equal importance to when considering the funding ratio as destroying the delicate balance of the two sorts of affairs would be contra productive to prosper our society.

On the one hand, funding projects for the currently existing and short-term social problems requires remarkable attention, admittedly. To begin with, the existing social affairs such as poverty, hunger and epidemic diseases, have proven to be the main impedance to further development of our society, the investments to which is(are) likely to obtain a noticeable social progress in return. Furthermore, it is necessary to solve the currently existing, long-standing problems without delay before the conditions turn for (to)the worse. Take the uneven distribution of wealth worldwide for instance. The UN raises large-scale investigation on the situation of wealth distribution each year and warns the whole world that the specific problem could lead to discordance between the advanced countries and less developed areas, resulting to conflicts or wars. Suppose sufficient attention has been cast to searching (research) for the solution, such as donating money in support of the development of the developing countries by the developed nations, it is entirely possible to achieve a harmoniously coexisting and peaceful cooperation among countries for social uplift. Finally, it savestremendously(不用副词，tremendous即可) labor and resources to approach the immediate social problems on time(这里用in time是不是更合适).  Treating the acute ailments of our society promptly could efficiently prevent them to worsening into chronic and more serious diseases which require greater efforts and expenses to cure.

On the other hand, the investment on the research for the pending affairs appears to contain equal significance. As for this aspect, some might point out that it is a waste of money to fund the long-term research because the possible outcome is unclear and unpredictable for comparatively  long period of time and the risk of losing money is unavoidable when some of the researches fall on the stony ground. However, the statement proves(这里是不是应该用被动is proved) to be inappropriate on several aspects.

For one thing, the research into the predicted problems could prevent some terrible catastrophes and economic losses, saving large sum of money instead of wasting. It is a more economic way of investment to eliminate the possible outcome of the current deeds in cradle rather than saving(前面是to eliminate,这里是否应该用to save,不知道我对这一句的理解是不是正确) the research grant for future remedy of the problems plus thousands of times of supplement grant. For instance, the studies on the cycle of volcanic activities seem to be a heavy burden of government budget with lessing(less) promising outcome. Nevertheless, once the experts manage to predict the eruption of active volcanoes, the nearby residents could be evacuated in time and effective measure could be implemented by the government to minimize the losses to the greatest extent. In a word, the long-term research could (be) proved(和前面一样) to be a worth investment sometimes.

For another, early settlement of the problems requires less effort and results in less serious sequelaes. Trivial asit(不太理解这个词) may seem at the very beginning, some problems could develop into disasters as time goes on, leading to major panic, resulting in heavy material losses and causing great casualties. Thus, the solution is increasingly difficult at the advanced stage of the evolution of the problems. The progress of AIDS could be picked out as an example. When the scientists first separated the HIV from tissues in the labs during 1950s, some experts had foresight and warned that AIDS would cause disastrous prevalence provided that prompt and effective measures were not taken. Lack of government's financial support for the advance research of the disease, AIDS was let alone haunting the whole world and has become a serious problem contains no easy solution currently. Suppose the experts managed to apply sufficient funding for research, the magnitude of the epidemic could be investigated thoroughly. With the effective prevention measurement implemented, AIDS might have been successfully suppressed by now. Therefore, financial support for the long-term researches should be worthwhile and preparation in advance is less likely to become obsolete.

In sum, the boom of society requires the balance on the financial ratio between established and short-term problems and the long-range research into incoming affairs on the behalf of our offspring. From my standpoint, the two affairs seem to be equally important.

觉得你写的很好，结构清晰，语言也很流畅。限于个人水平，改的不多，只有一些语法和拼写的小问题，请包涵。


[ 本帖最后由 seafish0426 于 2007-11-6 16:33 编辑 ]

buryhuangUID: 2392485

的确流畅啊, 词汇量挺大,用法非常多样,学习啊,但用法小处需注意
同上,基于水平问题, 只有小comment,based on previous comments.

For the Logics:
Opening: disagree the claim. Good.
Point1: fixing existing problem is neccessary. Example: uneven distribution of wealth,which is not that persuasive.  Looks like this need a very long time to resolve.
Point2: Funding for the future is neccessary. Examples: Vocalno(positive example) & HIV(negative example). Quite persuasive. Excellent.
Conclusion: decent.



Is moneyappropriated(appropriate?, If someone appropriates something which does not belong to them, they take it, usually without the right to do so. (FORMAL). Do u mean this?) to (appropriate for, if adj used) the immediate affairs ,(comma) a more worth(worthy) investment than that(what's)spent on the researches concerning on(no on) the welfare of our offspring? Myanswer to this question contradicts(good, used accurately) the claim of the author. Instead, Imaintain that both are worth(worthy) of being attached equal importance to when(remove or add comma,wordy)considering the funding ratio as destroying the delicate(good) balance of thetwo sorts of affairs would be contra productive(good, contra is a adv) to prosper our society.[but kinda weired....may the last sentence be "a contra productive factor to our society's prospects"?]

On the one hand, funding projects for the currently existing andshort-term social problems requires remarkable attention, admittedly(do u really mean it? "You use admittedly when you are saying something which weakens the importance or force of your statement." ? e.g. It's only a theory, admittedly, but the pieces fit together...).To begin with, the existing social affairs such as poverty, hunger andepidemic diseases, have proven to be the main impedance(are u trying to use metaphor, since this is a scientific term?) to furtherdevelopment of our society, the investments to which is(are)likely to obtain a noticeable social progress in return. Furthermore,it is necessary to solve the currently existing, long-standing problemswithout delay before the conditions turn for (to)theworse(turn worse). Take the uneven distribution of wealth worldwide for instance.The UN raises large-scale investigation on the situation of wealthdistribution each year and warns the whole world that the(this, referent) specificproblem could lead to discordance between the advanced countries andless developed areas, resulting to(remove) conflicts or wars. Supposesufficient attention has been cast to searching (research) forthe solution, such as donating money in support of the development ofthe developing countries by the developed nations(looks like a fragement, but dont' know how to revise...), it is entirelypossible to achieve a harmoniously coexisting and peaceful cooperation among countries for social uplift. Finally, it savestremendously(不用副词，tremendous即可) labor and resources to approach the immediate social problems on time(这里用in time是不是更合适). Treatingthe acute ailments of our society promptly could efficiently preventthem to(from) worsening into chronic and more serious diseases which requiregreater efforts and expenses to cure. [Great! A metaphor, and the usage of ailment-disease, chronic-acute, are vivid and accurate]

On the other hand, the investment on the research for the pendingaffairs appears to contain equal significance. As for this aspect, somemight point out that it is a waste of money to fund the long-termresearch because the possible outcome is unclear and unpredictable forcomparatively(good, don't use relatively) long period of time and the risk of losing money isunavoidable when some of the researches fall on the stony ground.However, the statement proves(这里是不是应该用被动is proved) to be inappropriate on several aspects.

For one thing, the research into the predicted problems could preventsome terrible catastrophes and economic losses, saving large sum ofmoney instead of wasting. It is a more economic way of investment toeliminate the possible outcome of the current deeds in cradle(good, is it a phrase?) ratherthan saving(前面是to eliminate,这里是否应该用to save,不知道我对这一句的理解是不是正确)(I would agree "saving")the research grant for future remedy of the problems plus thousands oftimes of supplement grant. For instance, the studies on the cycle ofvolcanic activities seem to be a heavy burden of government budget withlessing(less)promising outcome. Nevertheless, once the experts manage to predict theeruption of active volcanoes, the nearby residents could be evacuatedin time and effective measure could be implemented by the government tominimize the losses to the greatest extent(good). In a word, the long-termresearch could (be) proved(和前面一样) to be a worth(worthy) investment sometimes.

For another, early settlement of the problems requires less effort and results in less serious sequelaes. Trivial asit(不太理解这个词)may seem at the very beginning, some problems could develop intodisasters as time goes on, leading to major panic, resulting in heavymaterial losses and causing great casualties.(good, parallell structure) Thus, the solution isincreasingly difficult at the advanced stage of the evolution of theproblems. The progress of AIDS could be picked out as an example. Whenthe scientists first separated the HIV from tissues in the labs during1950s, some experts had foresight(foreseen?) and warned that AIDS would causedisastrous prevalence provided that prompt and effective measures werenot taken. Lack of government's financial support for the advanceresearch of the disease, AIDS was let alone haunting the whole worldand has become a serious problem contains no easy solution currently.Suppose the experts managed to apply sufficient funding for research,the magnitude of the epidemic could be investigated thoroughly. Withthe effective prevention measurement implemented, AIDS might have beensuccessfully suppressed by now. Therefore, financial support for thelong-term researches should be worthwhile and preparation in advance isless likely to become obsolete(not that accurate, but acceptable).

In sum, the boom of society requires the balance on the financial ratiobetween established and short-term problems and the long-range researchinto incoming affairs on the behalf of our offspring. From mystandpoint(good, variability), the two affairs seem to be equally important.

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

真是很抱歉，很多词是因为粘贴上来的时候空格自动消失了，我也不知道为什么……我正一个个改过来！
谢谢buryhuang的认真批改！我正在仔细修改习作～